.

Ambrosiaalynn · August 2013

what is MUD?

NYCMercedes · August 2013

asims4210 said:

I didnt insult anyone. I wasnt calling non-frooy weddings not real. I got married. I didnt have a wedding. I really dont care what anyone here thinks or says. My husband wants to see me in a wedding dress with our family and friends there so thats what i am going to do. 3 years is a milestone for us. None of you know what someone has been through in their relationship. Its not a fake ceremony either. I am an adult and I am making an adult decision to have a wedding with my husband. He deserves it and so do i and anyone who thinks otherwise...well you can keep your opinions and rude comments to yourself. Have a nice day.

Two points. The first is that you did have a wedding. It was the day you were married. Second, no body deserves a wedding. We all deserve food, clothing, shelter, equal treatment under the law, water, and a few other things. That's all we deserve. Weddings are not on that list.

Ambrosiaalynn · August 2013

Its on my list. i am having a WEDDING so get over it. nothing anyone says is going to change that. now once again have a nice day

Jessa617 · August 2013

Wait...so, if you are going to have a "wedding" and do whatever you're going to do anyways... what was your question?

NYCMercedes · August 2013

asims4210 said:

Its on my list. i am having a WEDDING so get over it. nothing anyone says is going to change that. now once again have a nice day

You already had it.

Ambrosiaalynn · August 2013

dont have a question anymore!

Simply Fated · August 2013

asims4210 said:
Its on my list. i am having a WEDDING so get over it. nothing anyone says is going to change that. now once again have a nice day

I pictured you stomping your foot on the word, "nothing."

Ambrosiaalynn · August 2013

cool

aurianna · August 2013

Our giving proper etiquette advice on an etiquette board instead of telling you what you want to hear is not rude.

I like weddings. I like seeing people I love join legally as spouses. I feel happy for them and special that they invited me to share the experience with them. However I don't feel that way watching a "redo". The couple joined as man and wife long ago. I was not invited to be present at that union. Being invited to a fake ceremony just to watch a wife play dress up does not make me feel honored. I see it for what it is: a married couple wanting to look backwards and play dress up and be the center of attention.

Your family and friends may act like they are excited for this, but I guarantee that lots of them are secretly judging you and rolling their eyes. I know I would be if a friend or family member did this. I wouldn't say it to their face because I wouldn't want to hurt them. But I would think it. This is why you should listen to what an unbiased stranger has to say. We will tell you what your friends won't.

Ambrosiaalynn · August 2013

i really dont care. if they dont like it they dont have to come. you dont know my friends and family so please dont act like you do.

Ambrosiaalynn · August 2013

didnt say i was asking for gifts. i could really care less about them.

bnrandall · August 2013

I don't feel like my input is necessary since the PPs have covered all the basics and truths, but you can do whatever you like.One of my friends got married while with her military husband in Japan, then had a huge wedding when she came back. I didn't know until after participating in her PPD, but nonetheless, I didn't say anything because she made her decision and did what she wanted.

Apparently there are quite a few people who do this, but if you came here for approval, you won't find it. It's not because anyone is looking to ruin your day, they are just here to be honest and tell you the truth on wedding etiquette. You asked a question, you got answers.

Teddy917 · August 2013

asims4210 said:
Its on my list. i am having a WEDDING so get over it. nothing anyone says is going to change that. now once again have a nice day

It might be something that you "deserve". But I also deserve a million dollars. Does that mean I should stomp my feet until I get it? No.

bnrandall · August 2013

I think you deserve a million dollars Teddy. AND a brand new car. Just sayin..

Teddy917 · August 2013

Thanks @bnrandall.

blueobsidian · August 2013

asims4210 said:

Its on my list. i am having a WEDDING so get over it. nothing anyone says is going to change that. now once again have a nice day

So you are going to divorce your husband and get married again? Awesome. Otherwise, how are you going to have a wedding when you will not be wed in that ceremony?

MayDay513 · August 2013

asims4210 said:

i really dont care. if they dont like it they dont have to come. you dont know my friends and family so please dont act like you do.

Then why ask us? YOU ASKED. You received an answer you did not like. No one acted like they knew you. Simply based on your post we are telling you that YOU ARE MARRIED.

grumbledore · August 2013

huynhette said:

asims4210 said:

My husband and I decided to have a baby when we were 20 and when our son was 2 months old we went to Vegas for my aunts renewal of vows and decided to go to the Drive Thru Wedding Chapel while we were there. We did not have the financials to have a real wedding but we wanted to be a real family instead of people saying I was his "baby momma". So we got married in our car with our 2 month old son in the back seat as a witness. Now I am 22 and my dad has offered to pay for a real wedding for me (I am his only daughter). My husband and I are so excited to be having a real wedding. It wont be super big, about 70 people. But I don't know whats "proper" since I am already married. I don't think I should have to miss out on our first dance, or anything just because we have a married certificate already. I know it was my choice to get married in Vegas but I don't think I should have to miss out on having a real wedding because of that. I don't want people to think I am a bad person for wanting to share the love I have for my husband and son...

Congrats on your happy loving family. I agree with the previous poster. You are already married, enjoy it. If you insist on having a party, you can. But skip the gown and everything else. We understand the circumstances, but it doesn't change that you are already married.

If I were you and had money to spare, I would go on a fantastic family vacation. Or if you feel your son is old enough, maybe leaving him with the grandparents and go on the honeymoon you have always dreamed of.

Another idea, would be to start a college fund for your son. That would be cool. too.

EDIT because I can't spell

(Thank you for quoting huynhette.)

OP: This is offensive. Your wedding was "real" - your family is "real" too. Would you like to take a screenshot of that whole post and save it for your son to read some day?

You're married already. You had your wedding. Congratulations!

grumbledore · August 2013

Its on my list. i am having a WEDDING so get over it. nothing anyone says is going to change that. now once again have a nice day

Can't get out of the box!

No, you are not having a wedding. You are pretending to have a wedding. Have a great time! Just remember everyone will be talking about it behind your back. Forever.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

Teddy917 · August 2013

Maggie, that is exactly what I thought of too.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

asims4210 said:

Its on my list. i am having a WEDDING so get over it. nothing anyone says is going to change that. now once again have a nice day

asims - please don't take this as rude. I'm just trying to help. A wedding is when you get married. You had a wedding and now you're married. I know yours was not the big-poofy dress, flower girl wedding, but it was really special because that's when you tied the knot with the most important man in your life. To say it wasn't a real wedding is kind of insulting to anyone who got married that way (or at JOP) and didn't need the big affair - so that's why some people take offense to that. Just so you kind of get why people are offended when you said it wasn't a wedding. KWIM?

Etiquette wise, you just need to know that pretending like you're getting married when you already are married is a HUGE faux pas. You can avoid it by skipping the ceremony, bridal showers (you're not a bride), etc. You came to the etiquette board for a reason so you're going to get etiquette advice (not to sound harsh).

HOWEVER, it's not like you don't have any options. You can totally feel like a princess and your dad can throw you a party. No etiquette issues with that at all. Throw a huge party. Buy an awesome dress (there are tons of gorgeous options that won't make you look like you're pretending to be a bride). Get a DJ. Serve a seated meal. Honestly, lots of people would love to have no pressure from the ceremony (and save the money), but get to have the awesome party.

No one is saying you can't celebrate. Party all night long. Just don't pretend to be a bride.

courtski2004 · August 2013

asims4210 said:

didnt say i was asking for gifts. i could really care less about them.

Oh, so you DO care. KEWL! Make sure it's a honeyfund, thats the must have PPD registry.

Jen4948 · August 2013

asims4210 said:

Its on my list. i am having a WEDDING so get over it. nothing anyone says is going to change that. now once again have a nice day

The only person who has any "getting over it" to do is you. Nobody here was rude to you, but you propose to be rude to all your guests. You are NOT having a "wedding." You already had it.

simplykayla · August 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

asims4210 said:

Its on my list. i am having a WEDDING so get over it. nothing anyone says is going to change that. now once again have a nice day

asims - please don't take this as rude. I'm just trying to help. A wedding is when you get married. You had a wedding and now you're married. I know yours was not the big-poofy dress, flower girl wedding, but it was really special because that's when you tied the knot with the most important man in your life. To say it wasn't a real wedding is kind of insulting to anyone who got married that way (or at JOP) and didn't need the big affair - so that's why some people take offense to that. Just so you kind of get why people are offended when you said it wasn't a wedding. KWIM?

Etiquette wise, you just need to know that pretending like you're getting married when you already are married is a HUGE faux pas. You can avoid it by skipping the ceremony, bridal showers (you're not a bride), etc. You came to the etiquette board for a reason so you're going to get etiquette advice (not to sound harsh).

HOWEVER, it's not like you don't have any options. You can totally feel like a princess and your dad can throw you a party. No etiquette issues with that at all. Throw a huge party. Buy an awesome dress (there are tons of gorgeous options that won't make you look like you're pretending to be a bride). Get a DJ. Serve a seated meal. Honestly, lots of people would love to have no pressure from the ceremony (and save the money), but get to have the awesome party.

No one is saying you can't celebrate. Party all night long. Just don't pretend to be a bride.

Completely agree with this bolded part.

I attended a wedding once where I wasn't supposed to know that the bride and groom had actually already gotten married a couple months before. Almost all of the guests at the wedding had no idea that the couple was already married. And it was tacky. People were upset when they found out that the couple had been married and then had a fake wedding ceremony. Have a party, but don't have a fake wedding.

MayDay513 · August 2013

grumbledore said:

huynhette said:

asims4210 said:

My husband and I decided to have a baby when we were 20 and when our son was 2 months old we went to Vegas for my aunts renewal of vows and decided to go to the Drive Thru Wedding Chapel while we were there. We did not have the financials to have a real wedding but we wanted to be a real family instead of people saying I was his "baby momma". So we got married in our car with our 2 month old son in the back seat as a witness. Now I am 22 and my dad has offered to pay for a real wedding for me (I am his only daughter). My husband and I are so excited to be having a real wedding. It wont be super big, about 70 people. But I don't know whats "proper" since I am already married. I don't think I should have to miss out on our first dance, or anything just because we have a married certificate already. I know it was my choice to get married in Vegas but I don't think I should have to miss out on having a real wedding because of that. I don't want people to think I am a bad person for wanting to share the love I have for my husband and son...

Congrats on your happy loving family. I agree with the previous poster. You are already married, enjoy it. If you insist on having a party, you can. But skip the gown and everything else. We understand the circumstances, but it doesn't change that you are already married.

If I were you and had money to spare, I would go on a fantastic family vacation. Or if you feel your son is old enough, maybe leaving him with the grandparents and go on the honeymoon you have always dreamed of.

Another idea, would be to start a college fund for your son. That would be cool. too.

EDIT because I can't spell

(Thank you for quoting huynhette.)

OP: This is offensive. Your wedding was "real" - your family is "real" too. Would you like to take a screenshot of that whole post and save it for your son to read some day?

You're married already. You had your wedding. Congratulations!

No Problem. I try especially with "hot topics" they almost always get DD.

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

1. If you didn't want to hear the honest answers to your question you shouldn't have posted on an etiquette board.

2. If you could care less what any of us has to say you wouldn't still be posting.

3. If you were going to do whatever the hell you pleased you shouldn't have bothered coming here at all.

Seriously, what is so wrong with skipping the ceremony and having an awesome party to celebrate being married? Wear a fancy dress, have a cake, dance all night, etc etc. What is so terrible about not calling it a wedding, not having a bridal shower, not walking down an aisle? None of that will change the fact that you're already married and really you're family most likely just wants to celebrate with you. They know you're married and they're happy for you. So just celebrate 3 years of marriage. Seriously, I want to know what's so bad about doing it like this? "Because I want to" doesn't count.

keochan · August 2013

nsweare · August 2013

Am I the only one raging about the fact OP didn't think her family was "real" unless they were married??? U-fucking-believable!

KDM323 · August 2013

If we could all have a dollar for every newbie that logs in, posts a horrible idea, gets all defensive when told it is a bad idea...and then calls people names and deletes their post...we would be rich!

.

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