Thanks for the insight

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

If she's not responding ti simple "hi how are you" texts/emails/phone calls I'd be more concerned about her welfare than her being my bridesmaid. She just moved across the country. Cut her a break (if you know she is okay) and let her settle. Send her a message/voicemail saying "Hey I know things must be crazy for you right now. When you get a second let's Skype/facetime and catch up....I can't wait to hear about your new place!" and just leave anything wedding related out of things for awhile.

If you still want her as a friend that is.

zitiqueen · August 2013

VSaddict22 said:

To all those saying that the only responsibilities a bridesmaid has is to buy their dress, and show up sober are completely wrong! A bridesmaid's job, first and foremost, is to be a friend...that's why she was chosen in the first place! Friends make a point to talk to each other, to check in on one another, or at the very least, respond to a text.

To the others of you criticizing me for talking "wedding" all the time are also wrong. Wedding planning is my job, not my bridesmaid's job...it also happens to be my occupation, so I know a thing or two. Since I've got the planning thing under control, the only thing left to talk to each other about is our lives...so contrary to popular belief, I do care abut her and talk to her about how her life is...in fact, the conversation rarely turns to me. I can send all you non-believers the screenshots of the texts if you'd like, but here's a hint, the most frequent conversation starter from me is: "Hey darling! How is life?" But of course I'm not so naive as to think myself infallible.

Reading through all these responses, I've come to the realization that I'm less concerned with her role as my bridesmaid, and more concerned with her role as my friend. So I renew my question with this in mind...

So the bridesmaid's job is to be a friend, and the bride's job is to be a total me-me-me-IT'S-ALL-ABOUT-ME! raging bridezilla whenever somebody in the bridal party doesn't take the bride's wedding into consideration before making any decisions about her life?

Got it.

thejucheidea · August 2013

VSaddict22 said:

A bridesmaid's job, first and foremost, is to be a friend...that's why she was chosen in the first place! Friends make a point to talk to each other, to check in on one another, or at the very least, respond to a text.

Oh whatever. I haven't gotten a text from my man of honor since 7/26. We rarely talk to one another -- I haven't seen him since December and haven't spoken to him on the phone in years. You know what happens when we get together in person? We pick up where we left off. We don't need constant contact to be best friends

Maggie0829 · August 2013

thejucheidea said:

VSaddict22 said:

A bridesmaid's job, first and foremost, is to be a friend...that's why she was chosen in the first place! Friends make a point to talk to each other, to check in on one another, or at the very least, respond to a text.

Oh whatever. I haven't gotten a text from my man of honor since 7/26. We rarely talk to one another -- I haven't seen him since December and haven't spoken to him on the phone in years. You know what happens when we get together in person? We pick up where we left off. We don't need constant contact to be best friends

This is exactly how I am with my friend who was also a BM in my wedding. We went 4 years without talking (long story but it had something to do with her BF at the time) and then one day I got a text from her asking if I wanted to grab dinner. Guess what? We picked up right where we left off 4 years earlier. We certainly don't talk a lot of even see each other a lot even though we live 10 minutes from each other but we are still friends and we know that we can count on each other if either needs anything. In fact I was a BM in her recent wedding and have only seen her twice since her wedding day in April.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

VSaddict22 said:

To all those saying that the only responsibilities a bridesmaid has is to buy their dress, and show up sober are completely wrong! A bridesmaid's job, first and foremost, is to be a friend...that's why she was chosen in the first place! Friends make a point to talk to each other, to check in on one another, or at the very least, respond to a text.

To the others of you criticizing me for talking "wedding" all the time are also wrong. Wedding planning is my job, not my bridesmaid's job...it also happens to be my occupation, so I know a thing or two. Since I've got the planning thing under control, the only thing left to talk to each other about is our lives...so contrary to popular belief, I do care abut her and talk to her about how her life is...in fact, the conversation rarely turns to me. I can send all you non-believers the screenshots of the texts if you'd like, but here's a hint, the most frequent conversation starter from me is: "Hey darling! How is life?" But of course I'm not so naive as to think myself infallible.

Reading through all these responses, I've come to the realization that I'm less concerned with her role as my bridesmaid, and more concerned with her role as my friend. So I renew my question with this in mind...

Huh?

So you are concerned for her well being and for her as a friend, so much so that you are still asking if you should kick her out of your WP?

No! The answer is still no.

oshellybean · August 2013

To the original poster:

Before you make your decision--take off your "bride hat" and think about whether or not you want this person in your life in the future.
Think about the consequences of your decision...not just what it'll mean for you, but what it'll mean for your friend and your other friends.
Do you think that if you decide to "fire" this bridesmaid that your friends run to the Bridezilla sitting on top of her throne spitting out demands or will they run to comfort their very-hurt-now-former-bridesmaid-friend??
Will you feel good about this decision after your wedding?
This person must have meant something to your life or you would not have asked her to be in your wedding...what was it that made her that special? Are you willing to lose that?
Could you perhaps be the kind of person who gets overwhelmed and then makes rash decisions? I know plenty of people like this and they have learned to "take a breather" before they seal their fate with a bad decision.

I don't envy anyone who is in the bride's position or the bridesmaid--as someone who is engaged to a groomsman who was kicked out of a wedding I can tell you that it was and still is a very deep cut for my fiance and seeing him feel that way really hurts. It made attending the wedding extremely uncomfortable but we felt it necessary to show support for friend's who have been so dear to us for so long. It has caused a rift between our group of friends and basically made every mutual friendship at least a little uncomfortable.

So think long and hard about your decision and how it will affect everyone else around you--sure, it's your special day but you don't want to spend every special moment after your special day being treated differently by your remaining friends...or worse--without the friend who you once loved so much.

To be blunt, I think your reason to "fire" this bridesmaid is pathetic and self-serving. You suck as a friend and if I was this bridesmaid and happened to find out that you were considering "firing" me than I would make your decision much easier for you and tell you to "eat "cake"", I would return my dress and spend it having fun with my new friends!!

Thanks for the insight

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