How to not hurt peoples feeling when they are not invited

Re: How to not hurt peoples feeling when they are not invited

• MayDay513 member

  

  August 2013

  robynvikre said:

  I just recently got engaged. My fiancé and I do not want to have more than 100 (preferably 75) people at our wedding, but we are worried that peoples feelings are going to get hurt if they are not invited. We both have fairly large families but there are some relatives on both sides that we do not wish to invite. What is the best way to deal with not inviting certain people/relatives? Also how do you deal with this with friends?

  "We are having a small intimate wedding" is always a good start. If someone asks, just say there wasn't enough room, budget restrictions, or that you just wanted a smaller wedding. I would refrain from wedding talk with or around friends and family who aren't invited.
  
  Remember only those invited to wedding can be invited to showers and other pre wedding parties.
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  August 2013

  Congrats on your engagement!!!

  
  

  "we will probably have a very small wedding." 

  
  

  It's rude for people to ask if they're invited. If they do, figure out a canned response and go with it. Don't send out "you're not invited" announcements (it's a trend that's been in the news). 

  
  

  @huynhette is right - just make sure none of these people are invited to showers or other wedding-related parties. The reason is because it's kind of like saying "I want you to be involved, but don't want you there on the big day." It's helpful to know this because sometimes people will suggest this as a solution for small weddings. It's good to know why it's rude in advance so you can respond to their suggestions. 

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• cruffino member

  

  August 2013

  have you been left out of a family member's wedding? did it hurt your feelings? i think most people understand. and if they don't, they're being selfish. 

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• itzMS member

  

  August 2013

  The best way is to not talk about the wedding.

  Try to remember that no matter what you do, some people will get hurt feelings. It's a fact. People like to be included, and can sometimes react poorly if they are not included.

  I'm assuming you're paying for your own wedding? If not anyone who is paying (parents, etc) have some say over the guest list.

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• robynvikre member

  

  August 2013

  My mother is going to be paying for our wedding mostly. She has told us which of her friends she would like to invite and my fiancé and I are fine with that for they are people we would want to invite anyways. I am just worried that if I do not invite family members that I am not close with will get their feelings hurt. I was invited to my cousins weddings but they had bigger weddings, so I am not sure how to go about this. I hate to hurt feelings but I just can't afford to have all my cousins invited since they all have 2 to 3 children as well.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  August 2013

  robynvikre said:

  My mother is going to be paying for our wedding mostly. She has told us which of her friends she would like to invite and my fiancé and I are fine with that for they are people we would want to invite anyways. I am just worried that if I do not invite family members that I am not close with will get their feelings hurt. I was invited to my cousins weddings but they had bigger weddings, so I am not sure how to go about this. I hate to hurt feelings but I just can't afford to have all my cousins invited since they all have 2 to 3 children as well.

  You also have the option of not inviting children. That cut our guest list significantly. Run your final guest list by your parents. If they protest, let them know you simply cannot afford to host additional people. They may offer to chip in to host the additional family members. You need to decide if you are ok with this offer or not. Money comes with strings.

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• NYCBruin member

  

  August 2013

  robynvikre said:

  My mother is going to be paying for our wedding mostly. She has told us which of her friends she would like to invite and my fiancé and I are fine with that for they are people we would want to invite anyways. I am just worried that if I do not invite family members that I am not close with will get their feelings hurt. I was invited to my cousins weddings but they had bigger weddings, so I am not sure how to go about this. I hate to hurt feelings but I just can't afford to have all my cousins invited since they all have 2 to 3 children as well.

  How does your mother feel about not inviting these family members?  I would check with her since she's paying.

  
  

  Weddings are not tit for tat, so just because someone invited you to their wedding doesn't mean you must invite them to yours.  Also, you can invite the cousins and not their children.  Significant others must be invited, but children are optional.  

  
  

  If you do choose to keep them off the guest list, then avoid wedding talk around them and if it comes up just keep saying something like "we haven't finalized anything but we are planning on having a smaller wedding."

  Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!

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• misssunshine17 member

  

  August 2013

  I also suggest inviting in circles. Make clear cutoff lines and DO NOT waver from them, because that's how you piss people off. 

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• itzMS member

  

  August 2013

  robynvikre said:

  My mother is going to be paying for our wedding mostly. She has told us which of her friends she would like to invite and my fiancé and I are fine with that for they are people we would want to invite anyways. I am just worried that if I do not invite family members that I am not close with will get their feelings hurt. I was invited to my cousins weddings but they had bigger weddings, so I am not sure how to go about this. I hate to hurt feelings but I just can't afford to have all my cousins invited since they all have 2 to 3 children as well.

  If you are so super worried about offending people, why can't you and FI chip in and expand your guest list?

  Otherwise, you just simply shouldn't worry about it. Invite who you want to invite with the decision making help of your mom who is paying.
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  August 2013

  If you don't have the money to invite everyone you'd like and/or prefer a smaller, more intimate wedding, then someone isn't going to make the cut.
  
  Make sure that they are not invited to pre- or post-wedding events and don't talk about the wedding with them.  That would hurt feelings.  Otherwise, don't worry about it.  You don't owe everyone you know or who is related to you an invitation. 

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