Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

save the dates-not sending everyone

melbelleupmelbelleup member
500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi everyone,
Do I have to send save the dates to everyone invited? I don't think so, but just want to double check. I am sending them to my FI's friends and family as they will all be OOT since the wedding is in my home town and not his (about 2-3 hour drive). I am also sending them to my immediate family and my friends. I am not sending to my extended family, but they will get an invite. All of my family is located in my home town, with the exception of my uncle. I'm doing this purely for budget as I made my own STDs. Thanks so much!
Daisypath Wedding tickers
Report Reply to Post

Re: save the dates-not sending everyone

  • libby2483libby2483 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    What you are doing is perfectly fine!
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I think you are fine

    Report Reply
  • MoonlightSilverMoonlightSilver member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I would never, ever suggest sending STDs to everyone. Only send STDs to your VIPs. 
    Married Bio - Now w/ Pro Pics
    Photobucket
    June 2012 Bride!
    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited August 2013
    No, you don't have to send them to everyone.  But you do have to actually invite everyone who receives one.
    MoonlightSilver said:
    I would never, ever suggest sending STDs to everyone. Only send STDs to your VIPs. 
    This I don't agree with.  People who may need extra time to make travel and time-off arrangements can also find them useful.  They may not be VIPs.
    Report Reply
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Nope.  We sent our only to those we were 100% sure we wanted there - immediate family, best friends, WP, etc.  We ended up cutting a couple of people off of the original guest list, and since they hadn't received a STD, we didn't have to invite them anyway

    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    WinstonsGirl said:
    Nope.  We sent our only to those we were 100% sure we wanted there - immediate family, best friends, WP, etc.  We ended up cutting a couple of people off of the original guest list, and since they hadn't received a STD, we didn't have to invite them anyway
    That's what you chose to do, but etiquette does not prohibit sending STDs to other guests.
    Report Reply
  • AshleyP42AshleyP42 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Interesting.  I was planning on only sending them to out-of-town guests and family, anyone I don't talk to regularly.  I figured that way, they would get plenty of notice, and I don't want some family members to think they aren't invited if they don't get STDs but other family members do.  I figured close friends and immediately family know the date and can easily ask "hey, when it is again?" anytime.  I apologize if that's a bad suggestion...throwing it out there as an option but if that is poor etiquette feel free to call me out on it- I'm still learning  :)
    Report Reply
  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I am only sending them to OOT guests.
    Anniversary
    image
    Report Reply
  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    What you're planning is fine. 
    Report Reply
  • OjitosVerdesOjitosVerdes member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    WinstonsGirl said:
    Nope.  We sent our only to those we were 100% sure we wanted there - immediate family, best friends, WP, etc.  We ended up cutting a couple of people off of the original guest list, and since they hadn't received a STD, we didn't have to invite them anyway
    You are fine. Ditto @WinstonsGirl that often it is best to just send them to your VIPs - I think there is greater danger in over-sending STDs and then being obligated to invite all those people regardless of any changes to your plans/budget/etc. between the STD and the day you send the invites, than there is of people not being able to come because they needed more than 6-8 weeks to make travel arrangements. 
    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    OjitosVerdes said:
    WinstonsGirl said:
    Nope.  We sent our only to those we were 100% sure we wanted there - immediate family, best friends, WP, etc.  We ended up cutting a couple of people off of the original guest list, and since they hadn't received a STD, we didn't have to invite them anyway
    You are fine. Ditto @WinstonsGirl that often it is best to just send them to your VIPs - I think there is greater danger in over-sending STDs and then being obligated to invite all those people regardless of any changes to your plans/budget/etc. between the STD and the day you send the invites, than there is of people not being able to come because they needed more than 6-8 weeks to make travel arrangements. 
    Unfortunately that's not realistic-especially if there are a lot of people who do need more than 6-8 weeks for time off.

    I am attending an out-of-town wedding in December where I am not a VIP, but if I didn't get an STD, I wouldn't be able to go if the first time I heard about it was in October.  That's just not enough time to make the necessary arrangements.  Some people really do need more, like military personnel or people who have to travel for work a lot.
    Report Reply
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    WinstonsGirl said:
    Nope.  We sent our only to those we were 100% sure we wanted there - immediate family, best friends, WP, etc.  We ended up cutting a couple of people off of the original guest list, and since they hadn't received a STD, we didn't have to invite them anyway
    That's what you chose to do, but etiquette does not prohibit sending STDs to other guests.
    I never said you couldn't send them to other guests.  But if you're unsure if you're going to have people on the final guest list I wouldn't send them an STD since you are then obligated to invite them.  We did send STD's to friends as well, hence the "etc".

    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    WinstonsGirl said:
    Jen4948 said:
    WinstonsGirl said:
    Nope.  We sent our only to those we were 100% sure we wanted there - immediate family, best friends, WP, etc.  We ended up cutting a couple of people off of the original guest list, and since they hadn't received a STD, we didn't have to invite them anyway
    That's what you chose to do, but etiquette does not prohibit sending STDs to other guests.
    I never said you couldn't send them to other guests.  But if you're unsure if you're going to have people on the final guest list I wouldn't send them an STD since you are then obligated to invite them.  We did send STD's to friends as well, hence the "etc".
    That makes more sense.  I agree that I wouldn't send them in any situation where it's unclear that someone will make the final cut.  But you never know.  In the situation I outlined above, I might not have made the final cut.  I'm not sure.
    Report Reply
  • OjitosVerdesOjitosVerdes member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    WinstonsGirl said:
    Jen4948 said:
    WinstonsGirl said:
    Nope.  We sent our only to those we were 100% sure we wanted there - immediate family, best friends, WP, etc.  We ended up cutting a couple of people off of the original guest list, and since they hadn't received a STD, we didn't have to invite them anyway
    That's what you chose to do, but etiquette does not prohibit sending STDs to other guests.
    I never said you couldn't send them to other guests.  But if you're unsure if you're going to have people on the final guest list I wouldn't send them an STD since you are then obligated to invite them.  We did send STD's to friends as well, hence the "etc".
    This. Of course there are going to be people that may need more time to make travel arrangements, and of course people are free to send STDs to their entire potential guest list if they are ready to commit to it. But in my case, if they aren't one of my "VIP's" - people I'm 100% sure will get an invite and who I want there hell or high water - and if I'm not 100% sure they are going to make the final guest list, then no STD. That may mean a few people I'd like to invite and I'm able to include when invites go out might not make it because they weren't given enough notice and that sucks, but my STDs went out pretty early due to the nature of my wedding, and I refused to prematurely commit to a guestlist by sending everyone I think I might like to invite an STD. 
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards