Destination or Close to home

AJ4ever08 · August 2013

So in conversation with my fiance about our wedding next year, he says he much rather have a destination wedding than a wedding near where we live as well as where my family lives. He has told me that he rather have small destination wedding because it would be more about us and less about everyone else. He feels that we would have to please/ entertain everyone invited and not have the intimate time and focus just on us on our day like at a smaller destination wedding. I know as well that he does not like large crowds and especially doesn't like being the center of attention in a large crowd. I know at most there would be 40- 50 people (which may be overwhelming to him) and most of which are my family. I feel if we did have a destination wedding that we would still have to invite everyone because I am the first in my family and he is the first/ only in his to have an actually wedding and would not like to miss us getting married as well as disappointed not to be invited.

To have a wedding near where we live, it would mean that his parents, sister, grandma, and our 2 close friends who are traveling 5 hours to apart of the wedding if we had in here in town. Since his mom and grandma are not in the best of health, he is worried that they would not be able to make the 5 hour trip. We could possibly get married at the beach near where they live (still a hr drive) so it would be less travel for them, but a lot further for my family (6 1/2 hrs), but def not where I would choose if we had a destination wedding.

My fiance is not very outspoken about anything with the wedding, but I know he has said a destination wedding many times. I know in the end, he will agree on what makes me happy, but I want him to have a say so in our wedding.

What to do, what to do??? I didn't realize that it was going to be so complicated to just choose a place. Maybe we should flip a coin lol j/k

Any advice or suggestions?

Thanks!

saric83 · August 2013

What do you want to do? Are your parents paying for any part of the wedding? If so, they get to have some say, so you should chat with them about it.

Otherwise, maybe it's time to start bringing up the idea of a destination wedding to your must-have people and see what kind of response you get. You're never going to make everyone happy, and there will be many people who can't or won't attend a DW based on money, schedules, etc. So you have to decide who you truly couldn't imagine not being there will you and see if they are up for a DW or not.

Also, if you're planning on inviting everyone who would be invited to a local wedding, just make sure you choose a location that could accomodate a larger group because people may surprise you and more may attend than you would assume. You would also want to make sure that you have early RSVP dates because figuring out plan for 50 people versus 100 is drastically different for money and time.

Good luck!

AJ4ever08 · August 2013

Thanks! We are paying for the wedding ourselves. I would much rather have a wedding close to home to stay on travel and hotel. I think that is would be a hassle to have a DW especially since I have such a big family that would want to be part of our special day. I think in the end we will have to local, but did know if anyone had any advice, pro & cons of doing a DW vs a local wedding.

Thanks again!

amorg334 · August 2013

It is funny because my Fiance has a huge family and we were are paying it for ourselves we decided on a destination wedding.

We had a good amount of pro's and cons

Cost

Family

honeymoon

what will parents think/do

what if parents can not make it/ grandparents

things like that

saric83 · August 2013

For us, here were the pros & cons of DW:

Pros:

- WAY cheaper than what we would have paid for a local wedding with 40 people versus 250+ at a local one

- More relaxed atmosphere since my hubs doesn't like being the center of attention either, and the most important priority for me was making sure that he was comfortable! Plus, I had no desire to have a crazy day-long event with hours spent getting ready and waiting around. It was fantastic to be able to sleep in, lounge out at the beach and pool in the morning with my best friends, have some fresh guac and chips with sushi, and then just spend 1-2 hours with hair, make-up and clothes, and then right up to the ceremony!

- It was truly our nearest and dearest. I get that some people want everyone and their mother there to celebrate with them, but we really just wanted those who truly know as individuals and as a couple. Given that it was a smaller crew, we could actually spend time with everyone and enjoy their company.

- We got a built-in group vacation, which was awesome!

- I coudn't be in control of everything, which prevented me from becoming a crazy bridezilla! I'm a bit of a planner, and I would have gotten ridiculously caught up in meaningless details like napkins colors and other things that no one actually cares about.

- The ability to have an outdoor wedding was something we both always wanted and what I imagined for my dream wedding. And it wasn't really an option back home since t's too risky in Minneapolis with unpredictable weather

Cons:

- Sometimes the lack of control was frustrating.

- It was a overwhelming to try to figure out where to go, but once we got a great travel agent to help us narrow it down, it was super easy!

- We knew that some of our close friends wouldn't be able to make it (two of mine were due with babies the same week as our wedding), so that was a bit of a bummer.

AJ4ever08 · August 2013

Thanks!! Where did ya'll have your DW, Saric?

saric83 · August 2013

We were at Beach Palace in Cancun and loved it!

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