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Moms and Maids

Maids that won't listen

2

Re: Maids that won't listen

  • Maggie0829 said:
    Then why the need for a fundraiser?  If people want to help the bride and groom out financially then why not just send them a fucking check?  Why go to the extent to plan a fundraiser?
    Because it's more fun to make a party or event out of it than to send a check. You showing up and participating makes it more meaningful than mailing someone a check with your signature on it.
    Yup - it is all about money. If someone wants to participate in raising funds for the bride and groom, they can send them money. In the OP's case, she is pushing for her BMs to do throw this party for her when they don't want to - that IS rude. So if someone doesn't want to "help" (by help I assume you mean give their money), they're rude? You do know that the "reception" is to receive guests and thank them for attending the ceremony, right? How is it thanking someone when you asked them for the money to fund the reception? Guess what - it's not.

    It's not helpful to other posters and lurkers when you give advice like this. It makes it seem like doing rude things is ok when it's not.
    Pushing someone to pay money, yes, is rude. But having a fundraiser, when it's the thing to do in that culture, is not necessarily. For that culture, having a fundraiser, raising money for the bride and groom is the thing to do. That does not give someone from another culture with different values and ideals the right to tell them that it's wrong. That is rude in the way of communications with cultures different from your own. 
    candacem81
  • If it's a community fundraiser that happens every wedding, does it not stand that everyone pitches in for everyone's wedding? I helped pitch in for yours and you helped pitch in for mine and we pitch in for someone else's? Is this not community building? Does it not take the weight of the bride and groom from paying their own way? And does the bride and groom not in turn help pay the way for someone else? 

    And people want to stand up and accuse this community of being nothing more than money grabbers? And condemn this tradition as being wrong?

    I'm completely appalled at the rudeness and extreme disregard to the OP's culture and values that people have shown.
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It is not wrong to tell someone there rude idea is wrong. There are practices in certain cultures to mutilate young women so that they do not enjoy sex. It is not rude to tell these practioners that their custom is wrong.
    Blue_BirdSimply FatedgrumbledoreRebeccaB88
  • It is not wrong to tell someone there rude idea is wrong. There are practices in certain cultures to mutilate young women so that they do not enjoy sex. It is not rude to tell these practioners that their custom is wrong.
    This is not a comparable example to the situation.
    MissMolly
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The bottom line here is that the bride wants to delegate who throws this fundraiser.  Her BM's have made it clear they do NOT want to participate.  The bride can find a different fundraiser, or other people in her community to plan this fundraising event.

    Frankly, if EVERYONE expects to raise funds for others, and have funds raised for them, why not just have a fee based, pay-as-you-go wedding?  It would be easier to just charge guests outright for their meal, and other inclusions of the reception.  At least in this way, I can choose to buy my meal, pass on the cost of the favor, and fund my own bar tab.  
    Blue_BirdSimply Fatedsouthernbelle0915HuckSC
  • heidirs731heidirs731 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    She can let them go about the fundraiser, I agree. But that is not the only aspect of how the bridesmaids have been causing issues. Everyone is so jumped up about the fundraiser that the rest of the OP's comments have been completely ignored. She's been labeled as immature and rude for having a fundraiser when it was only one aspect of her first post, and very few people have actually responded to the other behaviors the OP has mentioned.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    She can let them go about the fundraiser, I agree. But that is not the only aspect of how the bridesmaids have been causing issues. Everyone is so jumped up about the fundraiser that the rest of the OP's comments have been completely ignored. She's been labeled as immature and rude for having a fundraiser when it was only one aspect of her first post, and very few people have actually responded to the other behaviors the OP has mentioned.
    What other behavior is there to address? Do you mean the fact that two of them aren't including the third BM? Well they are all adults and if the third BM is feeling left out then she needs to speak up and leave the bride out of it because the bride should not have to deal with such petty bullshit.  And are you also talking about how they do not want to spend any extra money on anything for the brides wedding?  Well they don't have to.  There is no requirement in the BM contract that states that BMs have to spend X amount on their friends wedding.  It was the brides choice to pay for everything except shoes so for her to complain about their lack of money contributions is just ridiculous and greedy.  The BMs are not doing anything wrong because they are not required to do anything but wear the damn dress and show up on the wedding day sober and ready to smile for pictures.  If they do decide to do anything else then it is icing on the cake and the bride should take whatever they do for her with open arms and be grateful.

    grumbledore
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The girls have stated they don't want to spend their money on a fundraiser for the bride.  The OP has been told that the BM's are not obligated to do so.  The bride complained that the only thing the BM's are paying for is shoes.  The bride was not obligated to spend money on the dress, hair, and make-up for the BM's.  Typically, a BM pays for the dress.  If the bride did not want to pay for the other items, she should not have offered.  However, the bride can NOT insist the BM's have specific hair or make up unless she wants to foot the bill.  

    It sounds like the bride went and selected a dress with no input from her BM's.  My guess is that the bride paid for the dress because the bride wanted what SHE wanted, with no regard for the comfort or input of her BM's.  The bride is unhappy about the "little" parties the BM's have offered to host.  The bride merely has to politely decline those events.  These issues have all been addressed by PP's.

    What other behaviors need to be addressed, @heidirs731?
    NYCMercedesgrumbledoresouthernbelle0915KDM323
  • If it's a community fundraiser that happens every wedding, does it not stand that everyone pitches in for everyone's wedding? I helped pitch in for yours and you helped pitch in for mine and we pitch in for someone else's? Is this not community building? Does it not take the weight of the bride and groom from paying their own way? And does the bride and groom not in turn help pay the way for someone else? 

    And people want to stand up and accuse this community of being nothing more than money grabbers? And condemn this tradition as being wrong?

    I'm completely appalled at the rudeness and extreme disregard to the OP's culture and values that people have shown.
    That only holds if every single person in that township follows the same traditions and there is never any change.  But it is not like Manitoba is small village in the middle of the rainforest, without any outside influences.

    And yes, one can pretty much tell a small region that one of it's traditions is no longer acceptable, especially when said "tradition" puts both the financial burden and basic mannerly gratitude on people OTHER THAN the grown adults responsible. 

    Again, I am Italian, but I would never have included the Money Dance at my wedding reception.  WHY?  Because a wedding reception, just like any other party is solely the responsibility of the host to pay for, not the guests' - MORE SO if the whole point of the party is to Thank the Guests for attending another event where they (the guests) have just taken time out of their day, traveled - in some cases from far and wide - and then provided a gift for.  

    It is RUDE to ask the guests to pay for their own thank you. Just because it is a wedding, that does not make the rudeness any less palatable.  And to get upset when someone finally says, NO, I am not going to perpetuate such entitlement is wrong. 

    The same way that it is wrong to still think that a woman should be a virgin on her wedding day or that there will be an exchange of a dowry at the end of the ceremony.  ALL traditions that have gone by the wayside because the were unmannerly. 

    Rude is Rude.  

    And as for the OTHER things that said BridesMaids have not done or done incorrectly, other than the color thing, I would suspect that the BMs are following THEIR traditions (again, just because SOME people in that region - given that Manitoba and Ontario are huge and have huge influxes of different ethnic and cultures - do something doesnt mean that all do it) and thinking that "hey, if OP can find time to throw a fundraiser, she can find time to do an engagement party, 

    At this point OP, the best thing to do is to ask the BMs to step down (for their sakes) and throw your own fundraiser.  But I'll be quite honest, were I invited to someone's wedding fundraiser, I probably would not provide a wedding gift.  You really cannot ask for both. 
    [IMG]http://i633.photobucket.com/albums/uu52/Iluminespics/IMG_4759.jpg[/IMG]
    [Deleted User]grumbledoreAjuliana
  • @southernbelle0915 "Do not use culture to excuse money saving or money grubbing "traditions"."

    Precisely!
    Guess which ones are some of the most rude  USA traditions, according to my European relatives:
    Wedding showers - invented for the simple purpose to collect presents for the B and G.
    Selling Girl scouts cookies - shouldn't parents pay for their children;s activities?
    Gift registries - doesn't get worse that that . You actually tell people what to buy you.
    Children sending letters to Santa - conditioning children to ask for gifts.
    Birthday person not bringing treats on his birthday for friends and coworkers. Instead expecting to be treated by them.

    @heidirs731 ; "Because it's more fun to make a party or event out of it than to send a check."
     Same as showers!
     You can just mail the present, or the cash  for that matter. But you go there and try to have some fun.

    @amazonkit
     I think I've seen those fundraisers or something similar in Europe.
    The bachelorettes and the bachelors go separately. They  sell things , or do silly stuff for money. Like get flowers for $1 ad sell them for $2. An they stop you on the street and ask you  "Will you help my friend SoandSo ? he'll never be free again, blah-blah.." .And the groom stands near by wrapped in chains like a prisoner. .. Or have a sign that you can hug them , or kiss them for a dollar or two. Sometimes they sell little handmade stuff.  They also dress in costumes or just t-shirts with something funny.  On a Friday or Saturday night you can see many groups like that.
    But as far as I know, the money they collect are just enough to go  party later , so basically it' like a "game" to collect money for their bachelor/bachelorette party/drinks later on.

    Is it something like that?
    It might be fun if everybody is into it. But you can't force your friends if they don't like it.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    TiaTea said:
    @southernbelle0915 "Do not use culture to excuse money saving or money grubbing "traditions"."

    Precisely!
    Guess which ones are some of the most rude  USA traditions, according to my European relatives:
    Wedding showers - invented for the simple purpose to collect presents for the B and G.
    Selling Girl scouts cookies - shouldn't parents pay for their children;s activities?
    Gift registries - doesn't get worse that that . You actually tell people what to buy you.
    Children sending letters to Santa - conditioning children to ask for gifts.
    Birthday person not bringing treats on his birthday for friends and coworkers. Instead expecting to be treated by them.


    I am just going to comment on this part...

    Wedding showers - I personally hate showers.  I find them to be dull and boring.  No one is forced to go to them and no one is forced to purchase a present.  But yet I did read this... "In the UK, wedding presents are normally selected from a list provided by the couple, and delivered either at the wedding or by the shop, and sometimes displayed at the wedding." so that kind of negates the whole gift registry argument.  Anywho, showers were derived from when giving dowries was still in practice and either the family was too poor to pay the dowry or the father refused to give the dowry because of the choice in man that his daughter wanted to marry.  Either way the women of the town would congregate and bring gifts and such to compensate for the lack of dowry so that the girl could get married.

    Girl Scout Cookies - well I think the whole idea about selling the cookies was to teach kids responsibility and that you don't get anything without a bit of hard work.  I will say that now a days it is all about who can sell the most and it seems that the parents care more then the kids do when it comes to selling cookies.  But when you say that parents should pay for their kids activities I really compare selling girl scout cookies as a donation to a cause.  The cause in this case is allowing young girls the chance to grow and learn skills, just like giving to a breast cancer organization or volunteering time at the YMCA helps them with their goals and missions.

    Gift registries - well I touched on that above and it seems that the UK does do something similar so your point is really moot.  Also, registries are to offer a guiding hand to your guests if they wish to purchase you a gift.  They are not required to buy off the registry and they are not required to purchase you a gift at all.  But it is for those that want to buy the couple a gift and have no idea what they would like or need.

    Kids writing to Santa - you are really going to question this?  Come on, this is a fun thing for kids to do.  And until recent years kids were not so self-centered and expected hand outs.  A kid wrote to Santa saying that they would like a certain toy but the only way that kid would get that toy was to be a good all year.  Anyways Santa is supposed to be about magic and fun.  I really don't see what that has to do with anything here.  So are you saying that we just shouldn't let our kids believe in Santa because that means that we are teaching them to ask for things but only if they act in a certain manner?  I think that is a good thing.  It teaches kids that you don't just get what you want because you ask for it.  You are teaching them that if they want something that they have to work for it and in this case it means acting appropriate and not being a bad boy or girl.  this teaches values.

    KeptInStitchesTeddy917
  • amazonkit said:


    On the other note of my two girls against one, thank you to those of you who were actually helpful on that and didn't attack me on the fundraiser. The two of them are planning little parties here and there that we don't want, such as engagement parties, parties for just the bridal party, weekend getaways, etc. And though I have said that I greatly appreciate their want to plan all that we don't want any of it. Our work schedules don't allow us much time off, especially together, so having to request the time off to go to each of these is just not acceptable. Despite even saying this, they're going ahead with the plans. My one bridesmaid is insistent on purple. I hate the colour and it doesn't go with our colours. After she finally backed down about wearing a purple dress instead of the ones I picked for them she has now decided she's dying her hair bright purple. Which I don't know if I'm allowed any say in that, but I really really don't want that in my wedding pictures. I don't want to go all bridezilla on them but so far the polite way hasn't worked. 

    I cut out the parts about the fundraiser because everyone has already jumped all over that. And we don't really have a whole picture about how the third maid is or is not being included.

    But I would think going around and planning extra parties that the bride and groom cannot attend because they can't get off work is a problem. Also planning them in the first place when the bride and groom said no is not considered rude? Say they do plan these parties and the bride or groom can't make it, you either have to tell everyone the party's off (which I assume would be rude) or not show (which would also be rude). No one sees this as a problem the bridesmaids are causing?

    The one bridesmaid is insistent on purple, and once the bride explained it didn't go with their colors, the girl dyed her hair bright purple. No has a problem with this either? Do you want a bridesmaid in your wedding photos with bright purple (or green/pink/blue/pick a color) hair? This is not considered rude?
  • Maggie0829  I don't question the reasons behind those traditions :)
    I was merely pointing out, that commenting on a certain country/culture's traditions and calling them "rude" goes both ways. When we call Canadian, Albanian or Swiss tradition rude, we should keep in mind that US traditions might look just as rude to them . And they get hurt when we call them rude,  just like we get hurt if they call us rude, or at least irritated .

    And just like you believe that those traditions , which are  in essence  asking for money/gifts , have some good reasons behind them, other people believe that their traditions also have good reasons behind them.
    So we shouldn't be so quick to call other people RUDE.
    Hence the sarcasm "Do not use culture to excuse money saving or money grubbing "traditions"."
    Precisely!
     I am sure that  we have  good "excuses"  (explanations)  for showers, cookies, gift registries, writing letters to ask for presents :) . You actually pointed them out. If we use them, we have to let other cultures  use theirs.

    By the way,  what does that mean "it seems that the UK does do something similar so your point is really moot." If it's done in UK  is it not rude?
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    @Tia Tea you pointed out that your friends believe that gift registries are rude yet in the UK they do precisely that so I just didn't get why you made a point at stating something when in fact it is done over in the UK.

    As for gaps, I really would like to hear one good reason as to have one.  And it cannot be "well we want pretty pictures at different locations".  That is not a good reason because things can be scheduled differently to still get those pictures without having your guests wait through a gap.

    As for the things you listed those are all optional things that people can opt out of if they would like.  But a gap is a choice made by a couple that does not take into account their guests comfort.  Yes a guest could choose to not go to their wedding or go to either the ceremony or the reception but two rudes do not make a right.  I mean traditions change and fade out all the time but why is this one insistent on sticking around?

  • TiaTea said:
    I was merely pointing out, that commenting on a certain country/culture's traditions and calling them "rude" goes both ways. When we call Canadian, Albanian or Swiss tradition rude, we should keep in mind that US traditions might look just as rude to them . And they get hurt when we call them rude,  just like we get hurt if they call us rude, or at least irritated.
    Thank you.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    amazonkit said:


    On the other note of my two girls against one, thank you to those of you who were actually helpful on that and didn't attack me on the fundraiser. The two of them are planning little parties here and there that we don't want, such as engagement parties, parties for just the bridal party, weekend getaways, etc. And though I have said that I greatly appreciate their want to plan all that we don't want any of it. Our work schedules don't allow us much time off, especially together, so having to request the time off to go to each of these is just not acceptable. Despite even saying this, they're going ahead with the plans. My one bridesmaid is insistent on purple. I hate the colour and it doesn't go with our colours. After she finally backed down about wearing a purple dress instead of the ones I picked for them she has now decided she's dying her hair bright purple. Which I don't know if I'm allowed any say in that, but I really really don't want that in my wedding pictures. I don't want to go all bridezilla on them but so far the polite way hasn't worked. 

    I cut out the parts about the fundraiser because everyone has already jumped all over that. And we don't really have a whole picture about how the third maid is or is not being included.

    But I would think going around and planning extra parties that the bride and groom cannot attend because they can't get off work is a problem. Also planning them in the first place when the bride and groom said no is not considered rude? Say they do plan these parties and the bride or groom can't make it, you either have to tell everyone the party's off (which I assume would be rude) or not show (which would also be rude). No one sees this as a problem the bridesmaids are causing?

    The bride should have firmly and politely made it clear that as much as they appreciate the thought, she and FI would be unable to participate in any of those extra parties.  If the bride made her opinion crystal clear, I cannot fathom why anyone would continue making plans for those parties.  If the BM's do move forward with party plans, then the fallout is on them, and not the B & G.  

    The one bridesmaid is insistent on purple, and once the bride explained it didn't go with their colors, the girl dyed her hair bright purple. No has a problem with this either? Do you want a bridesmaid in your wedding photos with bright purple (or green/pink/blue/pick a color) hair? This is not considered rude?
    I am not sure why a BM would feel free to try to force her color scheme upon a bride.  I agree that is not her place.  However, this group of women seem uncompromising, petty, and immature.  I have to wonder, if the reason the bride is paying for hair is because the bride is insisting on a particular hair style.  I would find that incredibly rude and unnecessary.  IF that were the case, I could easily see why a BM would "rebel" at that loss of identity by putting a personal spin on it, and coloring her hair purple.   Ridiculous?  Absolutely.  But this entire thread screams ridiculous.
  • Good grief, people. If it's common in other cultures, that means it's acceptable in other cultures. I'm so sick of people on theknot insisting that their perception of what is rude is 100% correct despite family/culture traditions. If everyone in Canada does it, then it's obviously not rude in Canada.

    Your bridesmaids sound like they are trying to take over everything. I have no advice on how to handle it. I assume you could either let it go, or put your put your down. I know you don't want to come across as a bridezilla, but you might just have to get them to stop planning things you can't attend.
    People do lots of rude things all the time everywhere.  It doesn't make them less rude.

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    [Deleted User]RebeccaB88
  • Tradition =/= Etiquette

    Tradition =/= Courtesy

    Tradition =/= Green light to do whatever selfish thing you want

    As has been mentioned 80 gazillion times on TK.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    southernbelle0915[Deleted User]snippet17
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I noticed that no one has talked about the BM who dyed her hair purple. Look, it doesn't matter if her hair is purple, green, pink, black with frosted red tips, or nonexistent. You picked her because she is your friend. Being angry over her hair is petty. And her dying her hair is certainly not a reason to kick her out of the WP or say she can't be in photos.
    grumbledore
  • Two things: 1) in the United states, kids are taught to bring a treat for their class at school on their birthdays. 2) let's not bring the Swiss into this. They are wonderful folk.
    image

    Previously Alaynajuliana


    mimiphin
  • I suggest you have pictures of your wedding party printed in black and white since you seem so concerned that your BM is dyeing her hair.  OP, you're starting to get into bridezilla territory. Back off. Your friends are throwing you engagement parties and weekend getaways. Be gracious and thankful. If you don't want the parties, politely decline them. It doesn't mean that they have to throw a fundraiser for you.




    [Deleted User]
  • If one of my best friends decided they were going to dye their hair purple for my wedding just so they could have the color they wanted wear, I would be upset. And I would be seriously considering ending my friendship with this person for acting in such a childish way that I never would have expected. I don't see how this reaction would be petty on my part.

    Now, say I choose a BM who I did know usually acted in a immature matter. Well, that would be my own fault and I'd have to live with it. Say, I picked this person to appease family members. Well, that opens up a whole other can of worms.

    My point is, we're making assumptions that this bride walked into the BM situation knowingly and is now unhappy with it, but we don't actually know if that's the case. Instead, people made judgements, called the OP immature and childish and she left without anyone getting any sort of context on where the issue was coming from or giving any helpful information for solving the problem other than "get over yourself." With the little information we know about the actual situation, I don't see how she deserved to be attacked in that way.
    JediLeia
  • heidirs731   Clearly you're selfish and insane too.

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    NYCMercedesDreamergirl8812[Deleted User]
  • TeddiD34 said:

    I'm also from Manitoba, and we would never consider having a "wedding social".

    They are extremely common in this area, but not extremely good etiquette.

    Can I just quote this again to bring this back to reality. 

    Also, re. the purple hair thing... @heidirs731 - would you really end your friendship with someone to whom you were close enough to have them as a BM just because they dyed their hair? Like really IRL you would go through with this? 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    NYCMercedesKeptInStitches
  • If it's a community fundraiser that happens every wedding, does it not stand that everyone pitches in for everyone's wedding? I helped pitch in for yours and you helped pitch in for mine and we pitch in for someone else's? Is this not community building? Does it not take the weight of the bride and groom from paying their own way? And does the bride and groom not in turn help pay the way for someone else? 


    And people want to stand up and accuse this community of being nothing more than money grabbers? And condemn this tradition as being wrong?

    I'm completely appalled at the rudeness and extreme disregard to the OP's culture and values that people have shown.
    It's not a particilar community. Its not like I help fund Sue's wedding, Sue funds mine, and we both fund Cindy's. TeddiD34 pointed out that even in Manitoba, it's rude. It's n

    If one of my best friends decided they were going to dye their hair purple for my wedding just so they could have the color they wanted wear, I would be upset. And I would be seriously considering ending my friendship with this person for acting in such a childish way that I never would have expected. I don't see how this reaction would be petty on my part.

    Now, say I choose a BM who I did know usually acted in a immature matter. Well, that would be my own fault and I'd have to live with it. Say, I picked this person to appease family members. Well, that opens up a whole other can of worms.

    My point is, we're making assumptions that this bride walked into the BM situation knowingly and is now unhappy with it, but we don't actually know if that's the case. Instead, people made judgements, called the OP immature and childish and she left without anyone getting any sort of context on where the issue was coming from or giving any helpful information for solving the problem other than "get over yourself." With the little information we know about the actual situation, I don't see how she deserved to be attacked in that way.
    It doesn't matter if the dyed hair thing was a complete blindside or not. The friend dying her hair was her choice and shouldn't have to ask the bride's permission just because she is in a wedding which is only one day out of her life. If I were a BM and I wanted to dye my hair, I wouldn't let ONE DAY stop me. To the bride it's the whole world, to others it's just one day; they don't have to make their lives (and hair) revolve around that one day.
    [Deleted User]KeptInStitches
  • heidirs731heidirs731 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    Are you seriously saying that you wouldn't care at all about a BM dying their hair bright purple/orange/green/whatever for your wedding? You wouldn't care at all?

    Yes, it's her hair, and she can do whatever she wants with it. But if it were me, I would at least have the decency to go, "You know, this is my best friend's wedding. Maybe she doesn't want me to have bright orange hair in her photos."

    If one of my best friends went on and on about how she wanted to wear a purple dress for my wedding, and purple just didn't go with our colors, and she decided she was going to dye her hair bright purple for the wedding just so she could get her way, I would consider her a spoiled brat. If she's willing to act like a 2 year old just so she can wear her favorite color, I'm willing to bet this BM has other selfish tendency's as well. This is not someone I would want to have a friendship with since they clearly don't care about the bride or her wishes on a day that is supposed to hold tremendous importance.

    I honestly don't see how this isn't considered to be the rudest thing on the planet, not to mention the equivalent of a 2-year-old tempter tantrum. "Wah! I didn't get the color I wanted! Screw you! I'll dye my hair that color instead!"

    And at the suggestion of just telling the BMs "no, I don't want those parties," has no one ever met someone who did not take no for answer? "Oh, well, of course you don't really mean that! I'll just plan this party for you anyway. I know that's what you really want" (insert sarcastic sweetness). No one has ever met anyone like this? The OP said she already told them no and they are still going along with it. 

    Sounds like these BMs really don't care about what the bride wants and is going on and planning things way they want them to do be. And this is not considered rude either?
    JediLeiajendemeyer
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited August 2013
    Truly, deeply, if my best friend dyed her hair orange or any other color, she would still be my very best friend and be in all the photos.

    But yeah, the friends are dead wrong on the parties. Who plans a party - ostensibly for the bride - that the bride can't even attend?
    NYCMercedes
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