No Reception or Meal....

Re: No Reception or Meal....

• astimmel member

  

  August 2013

  Do people know that there won't be food or a reception, or is that going to be a surprise? If they don't know, I'd at least encourage them to tell people. I'd be pretty pissed if I traveled all the way to Florida for a wedding and not even get to mingle afterwards.
  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  August 2013

  I vote for gently bringing it up to them that they should alert people that there's not going to be a meal. And suggest that they want to have the wedding over a non-meal time. 

  
  

  You can't tell them what to do, obvs, but if you can save them from the massive side-eyeing they're going to get if they go through with this and don't warn people, you'll be doing a good deed.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• ashleyep member

  

  August 2013

  What does she mean when she says they're not having a reception? She has to host something for her guests, even if it's not a full meal. If no meal is being served, they need to make sure that the reception doesn't take place during a meal time.  

  
  

  

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• Viczaesar member

  

  August 2013

  cap816 said:

  If they're having their wedding at a non-meal time then they're technically not doing anything wrong, especially if they can't afford otherwise.  If that's the case, you saying something would be incredibly rude.  You should only interfere if you're going to offer to pay for the meal you're suggesting they serve.

  This is incorrect.  If they're having it a non-meal time they don't have to serve a meal, but they have to serve something.
  

  
  
  
  

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• klbrengle member

  

  August 2013

  Viczaesar said:

  
  

  cap816 said:

  
  

  If they're having their wedding at a non-meal time then they're technically not doing anything wrong, especially if they can't afford otherwise.  If that's the case, you saying something would be incredibly rude.  You should only interfere if you're going to offer to pay for the meal you're suggesting they serve.

  
  

  This is incorrect.  If they're having it a non-meal time they don't have to serve a meal, but they have to serve something.
  
  
  Yup. You can't do *nothing* as a thank you to your guests. Wtf.

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• Viczaesar member

  

  August 2013

  cap816 said:

  klbrengle said:

  cap816 said:

  If they're having their wedding at a non-meal time then they're technically not doing anything wrong, especially if they can't afford otherwise.  If that's the case, you saying something would be incredibly rude.  You should only interfere if you're going to offer to pay for the meal you're suggesting they serve.

  This is incorrect.  If they're having it a non-meal time they don't have to serve a meal, but they have to serve something.
  

  Yup. You can't do *nothing* as a thank you to your guests. Wtf.

  Cake and punch is completely fine.  (But this wasn't mentioned either way.)  Nothing else is necessary or required.

  Exactly.  You need at least something to drink and something to eat.  Which they're not serving.  So they are doing something wrong.
  

  
  
  
  

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• klbrengle member

  

  August 2013

  Viczaesar said:

  
  

  cap816 said:

  
  

  
  

  klbrengle said:

  
  

  Viczaesar said:

  
  

  cap816 said:

  
  

  If they're having their wedding at a non-meal time then they're technically not doing anything wrong, especially if they can't afford otherwise.  If that's the case, you saying something would be incredibly rude.  You should only interfere if you're going to offer to pay for the meal you're suggesting they serve.

  
  

  This is incorrect.  If they're having it a non-meal time they don't have to serve a meal, but they have to serve something.
  

  Yup. You can't do *nothing* as a thank you to your guests. Wtf.

  
  

  Cake and punch is completely fine.  (But this wasn't mentioned either way.)  Nothing else is necessary or required.
  
  
  Exactly.  You need at least something to drink and something to eat.  Which they're not serving.  So they are doing something wrong.
  
  
  Precisely.

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• Viczaesar member

  

  August 2013

  cap816 said:

  Viczaesar said:

  cap816 said:

  klbrengle said:

  cap816 said:

  If they're having their wedding at a non-meal time then they're technically not doing anything wrong, especially if they can't afford otherwise.  If that's the case, you saying something would be incredibly rude.  You should only interfere if you're going to offer to pay for the meal you're suggesting they serve.

  This is incorrect.  If they're having it a non-meal time they don't have to serve a meal, but they have to serve something.
  

  Yup. You can't do *nothing* as a thank you to your guests. Wtf.

  Cake and punch is completely fine.  (But this wasn't mentioned either way.)  Nothing else is necessary or required.

  Exactly.  You need at least something to drink and something to eat.  Which they're not serving.  So they are doing something wrong.
  

  The OP doesn't specify one way or the other if they're serving cake and punch, only that they're NOT HAVING A MEAL.  A meal is not required if it's not a meal time.  Period.  Telling someone that they're being rude by not serving a meal when it's not a meal time, is rude. 

  I CAN YELL TOO, IT'S FUN!
  
  From the OP:
  I asked them a few days ago about hotel and reception info because we're looking at places to stay, when she told me they don't have quotes for any hotels yet and that they will not be serving a meal nor having a reception. I'm rather surprised because the bride and groom are awesome people who I just adore but they expect people to drive 18 to 20 hours and serve nothing. She did say they are considering a toast and hors d'oeuvres but stressed there will be no meal.
  
  See all that bolded stuff?  It says, in order: 1) No meal.  2) No reception at all.  3) Serve nothing.  4) Considering a toast and hors d'oeuvres - which means they're thinking about serving something but are not currently planning on doing so.
  
  Should I yell some more, or did I get my point across clearly?
  

  
  
  
  

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• ChellaTims member

  

  August 2013

  It's at sunset on the beach. I have thought of offering to help cover the cost but I know that would be insulting to some people too.

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• ChellaTims member

  

  August 2013

  My thoughts on not being able to afford to host something for your guest is to not have a destination wedding, especially close to 20 hours from home.
  There will be no cake or punch as of right now.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  August 2013

  It sounds like they should term their destination wedding an "elopement" and not invite anyone if there isn't going to even be cake or punch.
  
  Inviting people to any kind of wedding and providing nothing whatsoever afterward is intensely rude.
  
  If they continue to refuse to provide anything, I'd decline the invitation.
  

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• tnfaria member

  

  August 2013

  I'm struggling over a reception that we can afford. My family will be coming from nearly 3 hours away and his will be from about an hour away. I would feel bad not serving a meal with them coming from a distance. In this case, they should serve something, but they should also consider that it is a sacrifice for people to attend their wedding. Maybe they should say that their attendance is gift enough.

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• NYCMercedes member

  

  August 2013

  tnfaria said:

  I'm struggling over a reception that we can afford. My family will be coming from nearly 3 hours away and his will be from about an hour away. I would feel bad not serving a meal with them coming from a distance. In this case, they should serve something, but they should also consider that it is a sacrifice for people to attend their wedding. Maybe they should say that their attendance is gift enough.

  
  Never say that your attendance is gift enough. It implies that you're expecting a gift.

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• misssunshine17 member

  

  August 2013

  I'm not going to lie, I think it is really shitty to not host guests with a full meal and a good party if you're having a DW. I expect more out of DW because the couple is asking a lot of the guests. 

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• ChellaTims member

  

  August 2013

  They also announced the beach wedding plans in Facebook group message and when I asked about further details she told me they're thinking about sending out postcard save the dates and no invitation or formal invite per se'.
  .

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• APDSS22 member

  

  August 2013

  I wouldn't try giving advice.  They sound like the most etiquette-oblivious people on the planet and I don't think even if you were to say something that it would stick.  Then you'd have possibly permanent awkward family situation going on.
  

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• allispain member

  

  August 2013

  Any chance you could casually mention to her "Wow - so I started looking at some of the etiquette and idea boards on TK and saw some really great ideas! You should check it out too!"

  
  

  Not in a catty way or in a way that draws attention to anything she's currently planning, but just as an excited "Yay! We're both getting married" kind of way.

  
  

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• APDSS22 member

  

  August 2013

  Maybe that would be a good idea...but then again the woman could see her post or her name somewhere and put 2+2 together and see what's been written about her...
  

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• TiaTea member

  

  August 2013

  @ChellaTims "They also announced the beach wedding plans in Facebook group message and when I asked about further details she told me they're thinking about sending out postcard save the dates and no invitation or formal invite per se"
  The bolded is the only part that bothers me. From the rest , it sounds as if they are not inviting people, but just informing them of their plans. As in "I am going to a concert on Friday."
  Doesn't make sense to save the date for something that you are not invited to.
  If nobody is invited, no reception is needed. Why would anybody go , if he/she is not invited? Or does your brother think that people who just happen to be on vacation in Florida in December may decide to stop by and "watch the show"?
  I wouldn't judge one way or another before I am clear what exactly do they mean.
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  August 2013

  Do you still have time to gift her some wedding planning/etquette books "Hope this helps you in your planning process."

  Personally I don't think you can say anything, no matter how much they do wrong.

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• getoverwhatever

  

  August 2013

  You guys are GREAT...Such multi-taskers. Now your planning other weddings, were do you find the time. They can plan and do whatever kind of wedding they want. This couple and their families are driving down to Fla where they will get married. There is NOTHING formal about what they planned. Probably because they wanted and planned a "casual" small wedding with an announcement  That is not an invitation so NO ONE has been "invited" therefor they do not have to provide Jack shhhhh for guests who don't exist. Reading these post is hilarious . I liked the one post "Cake and punch would have even been fine, BUT the postcard did not even mention it" Right...cause there NOT having it. Here's another goodie, and everybody has become Emily Post  "Oh you have to have a reception for your guests, not serving anything is rude" Want to know what's RUDE, all of you discussing, and judging another brides wants and plans. This is a casual wedding and it was 100% properly planned according to Etiquette standards. The bride planned what SHE wanted, and simply announced it. Meanwhile all you Etiquette Einstein's are posting things like "I would decline, I would not drive 20 hours and not be served a dinner"  OK lets try this again YOU CAN'T DECLINE why you say...You were not sent an INVITATION with an RSVP card to decline. That means you were NOT invited and the bride needs NO head count for "We are getting married in Fla on 00/00/00/ at sunset" I have to ask you something though. You would drive 20 hours FOR a dinner? I will end with the one comment that almost made me fall out of my chair. They sound like the most etiquette-oblivious people on the planet ..OH .I think so too BUT if you want to see who THEY ARE just start scrolling UP it's ALL of YOU and you should be ashamed of yourselves. 

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• crunchymamaof2 member

  

  August 2013

  someone took a crazy pill this morning

  After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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• misssunshine17 member

  

  August 2013

  getoverwhatever said:

  
  

  getoverwhatever said:

  You guys are GREAT...Such multi-taskers. Now your planning other weddings, were do you find the time. They can plan and do whatever kind of wedding they want. This couple and their families are driving down to Fla where they will get married. There is NOTHING formal about what they planned. Probably because they wanted and planned a "casual" small wedding with an announcement  That is not an invitation so NO ONE has been "invited" therefor they do not have to provide Jack shhhhh for guests who don't exist. Reading these post is hilarious . I liked the one post "Cake and punch would have even been fine, BUT the postcard did not even mention it" Right...cause there NOT having it. Here's another goodie, and everybody has become Emily Post  "Oh you have to have a reception for your guests, not serving anything is rude" Want to know what's RUDE, all of you discussing, and judging another brides wants and plans. This is a casual wedding and it was 100% properly planned according to Etiquette standards. The bride planned what SHE wanted, and simply announced it. Meanwhile all you Etiquette Einstein's are posting things like "I would decline, I would not drive 20 hours and not be served a dinner"  OK lets try this again YOU CAN'T DECLINE why you say...You were not sent an INVITATION with an RSVP card to decline. That means you were NOT invited and the bride needs NO head count for "We are getting married in Fla on 00/00/00/ at sunset" I have to ask you something though. You would drive 20 hours FOR a dinner? I will end with the one comment that almost made me fall out of my chair. They sound like the most etiquette-oblivious people on the planet ..OH .I think so too BUT if you want to see who THEY ARE just start scrolling UP it's ALL of YOU and you should be ashamed of yourselves. 

  Woah, slow your roll, crazypants. 

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• nsweare member

  

  August 2013

  So who is more pathetic? People who have time to post on a wedding etiquette board, or people who have time to post about people who post on a wedding etiquette board? I know which one I vote for.

  Report15 Reply
• arrippa member

  

  August 2013 edited August 2013

  getoverwhatever said:

  You guys are GREAT...Such multi-taskers. Now your planning other weddings, were do you find the time. They can plan and do whatever kind of wedding they want. This couple and their families are driving down to Fla where they will get married. There is NOTHING formal about what they planned. Probably because they wanted and planned a "casual" small wedding with an announcement  That is not an invitation so NO ONE has been "invited" therefor they do not have to provide Jack shhhhh for guests who don't exist. Reading these post is hilarious . I liked the one post "Cake and punch would have even been fine, BUT the postcard did not even mention it" Right...cause there NOT having it. Here's another goodie, and everybody has become Emily Post  "Oh you have to have a reception for your guests, not serving anything is rude" Want to know what's RUDE, all of you discussing, and judging another brides wants and plans. This is a casual wedding and it was 100% properly planned according to Etiquette standards. The bride planned what SHE wanted, and simply announced it. Meanwhile all you Etiquette Einstein's are posting things like "I would decline, I would not drive 20 hours and not be served a dinner"  OK lets try this again YOU CAN'T DECLINE why you say...You were not sent an INVITATION with an RSVP card to decline. That means you were NOT invited and the bride needs NO head count for "We are getting married in Fla on 00/00/00/ at sunset" I have to ask you something though. You would drive 20 hours FOR a dinner? I will end with the one comment that almost made me fall out of my chair. They sound like the most etiquette-oblivious people on the planet ..OH .I think so too BUT if you want to see who THEY ARE just start scrolling UP it's ALL of YOU and you should be ashamed of yourselves. 

  Wow...ok...

  I can't understand why you are so upset with everyone is this thread unless you are planning on doing the same thing or you are the bride in question. If you are either one, you must host something to thank your guests for coming. It can be punch and cake or just hors d'oeuvres (if not in a meal time). However, this is an etiquette board not an validating board (wedding wire or wedding bee) so we give good etiquette advice here.

  Oh, FYI-paragraphs are your friends. It makes it easier to read.

  Edit-I really need a spellcheck here.
  

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• grumbledore member

  

  August 2013 edited August 2013

  getoverwhatever said:

  You guys are GREAT...Such multi-taskers. Now your planning other weddings, were do you find the time. They can plan and do whatever kind of wedding they want. This couple and their families are driving down to Fla where they will get married. There is NOTHING formal about what they planned. Probably because they wanted and planned a "casual" small wedding with an announcement  That is not an invitation so NO ONE has been "invited" therefor they do not have to provide Jack shhhhh for guests who don't exist. Reading these post is hilarious . I liked the one post "Cake and punch would have even been fine, BUT the postcard did not even mention it" Right...cause there NOT having it. Here's another goodie, and everybody has become Emily Post  "Oh you have to have a reception for your guests, not serving anything is rude" Want to know what's RUDE, all of you discussing, and judging another brides wants and plans. This is a casual wedding and it was 100% properly planned according to Etiquette standards. The bride planned what SHE wanted, and simply announced it. Meanwhile all you Etiquette Einstein's are posting things like "I would decline, I would not drive 20 hours and not be served a dinner"  OK lets try this again YOU CAN'T DECLINE why you say...You were not sent an INVITATION with an RSVP card to decline. That means you were NOT invited and the bride needs NO head count for "We are getting married in Fla on 00/00/00/ at sunset" I have to ask you something though. You would drive 20 hours FOR a dinner? I will end with the one comment that almost made me fall out of my chair. They sound like the most etiquette-oblivious people on the planet ..OH .I think so too BUT if you want to see who THEY ARE just start scrolling UP it's ALL of YOU and you should be ashamed of yourselves. 

  Back off the crazy sweetheart.

  
  

  You cannot invite people to a WEDDING and DO nothing to receive THEM after the ceremony.  A cake and something TO drink at a non-mealtime is fine, and CHEAP.  There is NO excuse to BE a POOR HOST ever EVER ever EVER ever EVER. 

  
  

  A lot of good advice has been given on this thread.

  
  

  

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• BMoreBride6 member

  

  August 2013

  getoverwhatever said:

  You guys are GREAT...Such multi-taskers. Now your planning other weddings, were do you find the time. They can plan and do whatever kind of wedding they want. This couple and their families are driving down to Fla where they will get married. There is NOTHING formal about what they planned. Probably because they wanted and planned a "casual" small wedding with an announcement  That is not an invitation so NO ONE has been "invited" therefor they do not have to provide Jack shhhhh for guests who don't exist. Reading these post is hilarious . I liked the one post "Cake and punch would have even been fine, BUT the postcard did not even mention it" Right...cause there NOT having it. Here's another goodie, and everybody has become Emily Post  "Oh you have to have a reception for your guests, not serving anything is rude" Want to know what's RUDE, all of you discussing, and judging another brides wants and plans. This is a casual wedding and it was 100% properly planned according to Etiquette standards. The bride planned what SHE wanted, and simply announced it. Meanwhile all you Etiquette Einstein's are posting things like "I would decline, I would not drive 20 hours and not be served a dinner"  OK lets try this again YOU CAN'T DECLINE why you say...You were not sent an INVITATION with an RSVP card to decline. That means you were NOT invited and the bride needs NO head count for "We are getting married in Fla on 00/00/00/ at sunset" I have to ask you something though. You would drive 20 hours FOR a dinner? I will end with the one comment that almost made me fall out of my chair. They sound like the most etiquette-oblivious people on the planet ..OH .I think so too BUT if you want to see who THEY ARE just start scrolling UP it's ALL of YOU and you should be ashamed of yourselves. 

  well I guess we know what kind of wedding this lady is planning...

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• courtski2004 member

  

  August 2013

  getoverwhatever said:

  You guys are GREAT...Such multi-taskers. Now your planning other weddings, were do you find the time. They can plan and do whatever kind of wedding they want. This couple and their families are driving down to Fla where they will get married. There is NOTHING formal about what they planned. Probably because they wanted and planned a "casual" small wedding with an announcement  That is not an invitation so NO ONE has been "invited" therefor they do not have to provide Jack shhhhh for guests who don't exist. Reading these post is hilarious . I liked the one post "Cake and punch would have even been fine, BUT the postcard did not even mention it" Right...cause there NOT having it. Here's another goodie, and everybody has become Emily Post  "Oh you have to have a reception for your guests, not serving anything is rude" Want to know what's RUDE, all of you discussing, and judging another brides wants and plans. This is a casual wedding and it was 100% properly planned according to Etiquette standards. The bride planned what SHE wanted, and simply announced it. Meanwhile all you Etiquette Einstein's are posting things like "I would decline, I would not drive 20 hours and not be served a dinner"  OK lets try this again YOU CAN'T DECLINE why you say...You were not sent an INVITATION with an RSVP card to decline. That means you were NOT invited and the bride needs NO head count for "We are getting married in Fla on 00/00/00/ at sunset" I have to ask you something though. You would drive 20 hours FOR a dinner? I will end with the one comment that almost made me fall out of my chair. They sound like the most etiquette-oblivious people on the planet ..OH .I think so too BUT if you want to see who THEY ARE just start scrolling UP it's ALL of YOU and you should be ashamed of yourselves. 

  
  So, just because the bride planned what she wanted, thats okay? Even if it is an etiquette sin? Host your guests properly is the most basic rule.

  There are plenty of people here saying that if it isn't a mealtime she is within etiquette standards. If it is, she is committing a huge faux pas. That is a fact and not a judgment, just so you know.

  Abandoning the caps lock and using spell check would do you some good in the future. That wall of text was tough to read.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  August 2013

  getoverwhatever said:

  You guys are GREAT...Such multi-taskers. Now your planning other weddings, were do you find the time. They can plan and do whatever kind of wedding they want. This couple and their families are driving down to Fla where they will get married. There is NOTHING formal about what they planned. Probably because they wanted and planned a "casual" small wedding with an announcement  That is not an invitation so NO ONE has been "invited" therefor they do not have to provide Jack shhhhh for guests who don't exist. Reading these post is hilarious . I liked the one post "Cake and punch would have even been fine, BUT the postcard did not even mention it" Right...cause there NOT having it. Here's another goodie, and everybody has become Emily Post  "Oh you have to have a reception for your guests, not serving anything is rude" Want to know what's RUDE, all of you discussing, and judging another brides wants and plans. This is a casual wedding and it was 100% properly planned according to Etiquette standards. The bride planned what SHE wanted, and simply announced it. Meanwhile all you Etiquette Einstein's are posting things like "I would decline, I would not drive 20 hours and not be served a dinner"  OK lets try this again YOU CAN'T DECLINE why you say...You were not sent an INVITATION with an RSVP card to decline. That means you were NOT invited and the bride needs NO head count for "We are getting married in Fla on 00/00/00/ at sunset" I have to ask you something though. You would drive 20 hours FOR a dinner? I will end with the one comment that almost made me fall out of my chair. They sound like the most etiquette-oblivious people on the planet ..OH .I think so too BUT if you want to see who THEY ARE just start scrolling UP it's ALL of YOU and you should be ashamed of yourselves. 

  Consider going by your own screen name.
  

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• d2va member

  

  August 2013

  If I knew for a fact that a bride and groom expected me to go to the other side of the country, and there wasnt going to be any actual celebration as far as food, drink or activities, I would decline. 

  
  

  It may sound rude because I should want to see them getting married... but flight, hotel, food, dog sitter is not cheap. So, Id be staying home, you can skype me in!

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