No Reception or Meal....

Re: No Reception or Meal....

• APDSS22 member

  

  August 2013

  @getoverwhatever : They told everyone of the plans over Facebook group message. This may not have been an invitation, but a postcard save the date would be. Save the date=invitation.  Thus, they would be inviting people to their wedding.  The only etiquette-approved option that would follow this action is to host their wedding guests at a reception afterwards.  At this reception, they should be good hosts and provide some form of sustenance.  This could be the snacks and cocktails reception the bride was thinking about hosting (if it didn't fall over a mealtime).  If it fell over a mealtime, they would need to provide a meal, this is etiquette. 
  
  HOWEVER, expecting people to travel 18-20 hours for a wedding but not thanking them with more than cheese and crackers means there will probably be a low attendance rate and hurt feelings among those who do go to the wedding because there is a lot of effort that one must put in to travel, arranging for sitters and a hotel for that situation.  It would be better to have a full reception with a meal to thank those guests that travel all that way because that would be more comfortable for the guests, which is the point of etiquette.  I say these people are etiquette oblivious because they expect a large amount of effort from their guests to attend their wedding but they are unwilling to host them properly or see to their comfort.
  

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• ashleyep member

  

  August 2013

  You guys are GREAT...Such multi-taskers. Now your planning other weddings, were do you find the time. They can plan and do whatever kind of wedding they want. This couple and their families are driving down to Fla where they will get married. There is NOTHING formal about what they planned. Probably because they wanted and planned a "casual" small wedding with an announcement  That is not an invitation so NO ONE has been "invited" therefor they do not have to provide Jack shhhhh for guests who don't exist. Reading these post is hilarious . I liked the one post "Cake and punch would have even been fine, BUT the postcard did not even mention it" Right...cause there NOT having it. Here's another goodie, and everybody has become Emily Post  "Oh you have to have a reception for your guests, not serving anything is rude" Want to know what's RUDE, all of you discussing, and judging another brides wants and plans. This is a casual wedding and it was 100% properly planned according to Etiquette standards. The bride planned what SHE wanted, and simply announced it. Meanwhile all you Etiquette Einstein's are posting things like "I would decline, I would not drive 20 hours and not be served a dinner"  OK lets try this again YOU CAN'T DECLINE why you say...You were not sent an INVITATION with an RSVP card to decline. That means you were NOT invited and the bride needs NO head count for "We are getting married in Fla on 00/00/00/ at sunset" I have to ask you something though. You would drive 20 hours FOR a dinner? I will end with the one comment that almost made me fall out of my chair. They sound like the most etiquette-oblivious people on the planet ..OH .I think so too BUT if you want to see who THEY ARE just start scrolling UP it's ALL of YOU and you should be ashamed of yourselves. 

  
  

  
  

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  Announcements are sent after the fact. Not before. So if this was, in fact, a wedding announcement and not a save the date, then yes, it's an etiquette breach. And if it was a save the date, however informal it may be, then those people need to be invited and need to be hosted.

  

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• Simply Fated member

  

  August 2013

  getoverwhatever said:

  You guys are GREAT...Such multi-taskers. Now your planning other weddings, were do you find the time. They can plan and do whatever kind of wedding they want. This couple and their families are driving down to Fla where they will get married. There is NOTHING formal about what they planned. Probably because they wanted and planned a "casual" small wedding with an announcement  That is not an invitation so NO ONE has been "invited" therefor they do not have to provide Jack shhhhh for guests who don't exist. Reading these post is hilarious . I liked the one post "Cake and punch would have even been fine, BUT the postcard did not even mention it" Right...cause there NOT having it. Here's another goodie, and everybody has become Emily Post  "Oh you have to have a reception for your guests, not serving anything is rude" Want to know what's RUDE, all of you discussing, and judging another brides wants and plans. This is a casual wedding and it was 100% properly planned according to Etiquette standards. The bride planned what SHE wanted, and simply announced it. Meanwhile all you Etiquette Einstein's are posting things like "I would decline, I would not drive 20 hours and not be served a dinner"  OK lets try this again YOU CAN'T DECLINE why you say...You were not sent an INVITATION with an RSVP card to decline. That means you were NOT invited and the bride needs NO head count for "We are getting married in Fla on 00/00/00/ at sunset" I have to ask you something though. You would drive 20 hours FOR a dinner? I will end with the one comment that almost made me fall out of my chair. They sound like the most etiquette-oblivious people on the planet ..OH .I think so too BUT if you want to see who THEY ARE just start scrolling UP it's ALL of YOU and you should be ashamed of yourselves. 

  Are you the bride in the wedding the OP is talking about?
  

  
  

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• ChellaTims member

  

  August 2013 edited August 2013

  
  @ Simply Fated - I don't think that's the bride because she's not the type to make so many spelling and grammatical errors.
  
  @ getoverwhatever - Yes we are great, my FI and myself, I'm pleased that you noticed that from one post.... I'm such a multitasker that I am planning my own wedding, I'm the MOH in my best friend’s wedding (assisting in the planning too) and I'm also researching, planning and  the media contact for my company's 100 year anniversary celebration. So you state " You guys are GREAT.... Such multi-taskers" well yes that's true but I am also very very good at making things happen and getting things done. I asked this question not to "plan" their wedding or to change anything but to see if it would be considered rude to say something or to find out if it's ok to have a wedding that far away without any type of refreshment for the wedding guests. I'm from Alabama and to do that in my circle of family/friends would be highly inconsiderate and it would change a lot socially. There was an invite sent out via Facebook with the location, date and time. This is an invite even though it may be missing details due to the fact that people are going to book flights, hotels and rental cars so that they can be at the wedding.
  
  
  
  I care a lot about the couple that are getting married; they're wonderful people! I do not want to offend them nor anyone else in the family by just saying "oh no you can't do that, it's rude" so I asked for opinions. If I was breaking etiquette and she realized it before I did, I hope that she would be willing to step-up as a friend and tell me. I'm sorry that you seem offended that I care about my future in-laws and I want to do what's right but that's just who I am. So if that upsets your sensibilities, then please be upset because I will continue to care about my family and my friends.
  
  
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  August 2013

  getoverwhatever said:

  You guys are GREAT...Such multi-taskers. Now your planning other weddings, were do you find the time. They can plan and do whatever kind of wedding they want. This couple and their families are driving down to Fla where they will get married. There is NOTHING formal about what they planned. Probably because they wanted and planned a "casual" small wedding with an announcement  That is not an invitation so NO ONE has been "invited" therefor they do not have to provide Jack shhhhh for guests who don't exist. Reading these post is hilarious . I liked the one post "Cake and punch would have even been fine, BUT the postcard did not even mention it" Right...cause there NOT having it. Here's another goodie, and everybody has become Emily Post  "Oh you have to have a reception for your guests, not serving anything is rude" Want to know what's RUDE, all of you discussing, and judging another brides wants and plans. This is a casual wedding and it was 100% properly planned according to Etiquette standards. The bride planned what SHE wanted, and simply announced it. Meanwhile all you Etiquette Einstein's are posting things like "I would decline, I would not drive 20 hours and not be served a dinner"  OK lets try this again YOU CAN'T DECLINE why you say...You were not sent an INVITATION with an RSVP card to decline. That means you were NOT invited and the bride needs NO head count for "We are getting married in Fla on 00/00/00/ at sunset" I have to ask you something though. You would drive 20 hours FOR a dinner? I will end with the one comment that almost made me fall out of my chair. They sound like the most etiquette-oblivious people on the planet ..OH .I think so too BUT if you want to see who THEY ARE just start scrolling UP it's ALL of YOU and you should be ashamed of yourselves. 

  
  

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