Bridal Party Blowing Up Out of Control

SugarplumandPig · August 2013

I apologize to anyone offended by this post. I never meant to make anyone uncomfortable.

MayDay513 · August 2013

SugarplumandPig said:

Hi everyone. My bridal party is already a little bigger than I was hoping. We are having a wedding with total about 150 people (I hope), including us. Our bridal party started off as 6 on each side plus flower girl and ring bearer. Well, one of the girls backed out, leaving me with an empty space. So I asked my cousin to be a Jr. Bridesmaid (she's 10). Then, our flower girl's family found out they can't make it. So, I needed a flower girl. So I figured I'd ask my cousin to be a flower girl and help our 4 year old ring bearer down the isle. Initially I thought that would be cute. However, I then needed another bridesmaid. The girls that are my friends are very competitive. So we did the unthinkable and I asked both. Now we have 7 on each side plus flower girl/ring bearer. This is all stuff I'm not super happy about, but at the end of the day I'm okay with. It is our wedding really. But my mother just visited my cousins and informed me that my flower girl is now much taller (than pictures from last summer) and very heavy-set. In other words, she doesn't really look like a little girl. Help! How do I fix this? Do I keep things as they are and just let people think whatever. Do I have her as a jr. bridesmaid and ask another little girl to be the flower girl? Do my fiance and I have her and my little boy cousin on either side and have a whopping 8 on each side besides the flower girl/ring bearer? Do I have her help a little girl and the ring bearer down the aisle as an attendant? I love my little cousin, regardless of what she weighs. Heck, I was always the chunky kid until my sophomore year of college. But I want things to look as good as possible and not embarrass her...cause I've been in those shoes.

First thing I would say is stop adding people to the wedding party for the sake of filling spots and making the sides even.

You have already asked this little girl to be the flower girl. Leave it as is. The whole you are too tall and fat to be a flower girl will hurt her a lot more long term. WTF do you mean by that last part? Good as possible?

misssunshine17 · August 2013

Please re-read your post and realize how immature and mean you sound about the flower girl. Leave it be and do not breathe a word of this to anyone in real life, people will think badly of you.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

SugarplumandPig said:

Hi everyone. My bridal party is already a little bigger than I was hoping. We are having a wedding with total about 150 people (I hope), including us. Our bridal party started off as 6 on each side plus flower girl and ring bearer. Well, one of the girls backed out, leaving me with an empty space. So I asked my cousin to be a Jr. Bridesmaid (she's 10). Then, our flower girl's family found out they can't make it. So, I needed a flower girl. So I figured I'd ask my cousin to be a flower girl and help our 4 year old ring bearer down the isle. Initially I thought that would be cute. However, I then needed another bridesmaid. The girls that are my friends are very competitive. So we did the unthinkable and I asked both. Now we have 7 on each side plus flower girl/ring bearer. This is all stuff I'm not super happy about, but at the end of the day I'm okay with. It is our wedding really. But my mother just visited my cousins and informed me that my flower girl is now much taller (than pictures from last summer) and very heavy-set. In other words, she doesn't really look like a little girl. Help! How do I fix this? Do I keep things as they are and just let people think whatever. Do I have her as a jr. bridesmaid and ask another little girl to be the flower girl? Do my fiance and I have her and my little boy cousin on either side and have a whopping 8 on each side besides the flower girl/ring bearer? Do I have her help a little girl and the ring bearer down the aisle as an attendant? I love my little cousin, regardless of what she weighs. Heck, I was always the chunky kid until my sophomore year of college. But I want things to look as good as possible and not embarrass her...cause I've been in those shoes.

Seriously OP you sound like such a horrible person in your post. Please re-read it. First, why are you filling and then re-filling spots? These people aren't paid actors or props, these people are your friends and family so start treating them like it. And second, to talk about how wanting your wedding to look as good as possible means getting rid of your heavy set and too big for her age flower girl is just wrong.

SugarplumandPig · August 2013

SugarplumandPig · August 2013

SugarplumandPig · August 2013

itzMS · August 2013

SugarplumandPig said:

That's not it at all ladies. The ring bearer is four years old. When I was little, I was really self-conscious, and I wouldn't want HER to feel mismatched. And "as good as possible" means the wedding party is enormous already to a point where it looks ridiculous, but I am trying to make the best of it. I am sorry that you are taking it so harshly. I love my cousin, but I was imagining her as a little girl. But really she's more of a pre-teen and she looks older now. I don't want her to feel awkward in her position. Sheesh.

This still really doesn't help. She'll only feel awkward if you make her feel awkward or make her wear something that is not appropriate for her age or clothing size.

Buy her a dress that is age and body appropriate. In fact, take her shopping. I'm sure she will still be honored to walk with the ring bearer down the "isle" and stand at the altar.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

Seriously why the fuck are you so concerned about even sides? Just stop adding people and keep your damn wedding party the way it is? To ask your cousin who is a BM to step down to a flower girl is just demeaning and rude. You don't need a flower girl. And even if you did have a flower girl there is a huge difference in size between a 4 year old and a 10 ten year old. She will realize this so the whole being "mismatched" thing is ridiculous. Just stop. Seriously.

orangecrush32 · August 2013

If you haven't said anything about making her the flower girl to her i'd keep her as a bridesmaid. i think ten is a little old for a flower girl. especially if the ring bearer is only 4

MayDay513 · August 2013

SugarplumandPig said:

Also, for the record, I haven't asked her to be a flower girl. I asked her to be a Jr. bridesmaid. She doesn't know about the flower girl thing yet. Nothing has been said to her. I don't know if I should have her stay as a jr. bridesmaid alone, add a jr. groomsman or ask her to be the flower girl still. I am disappointed at how quick the people on here are to assume the worst.

No stop adding. If you feel it exploding stop adding. I'm disappointed you said she's to tall and "very heavy set" and implied she's too BIG to look good a flower girl.

SugarplumandPig said:

I'm not talking about getting rid of her people! I am trying to decide if she should be a jr. bridesmaid or a flower girl! Trust me, the last thing I want to do is make her feel self conscious.

Just leave her as bridesmaid and move on.

MayDay513 · August 2013

And Here we go with another DD! OP - You were quoted, this will remain on the internet for all eternity!

SugarplumandPig · August 2013

I appreciate the advice. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable, especially not my cousin. This was never meant to be offensive, and I apologize that it came across that way. This is more about that she is not as much of a little girl as I was remembering, and I am thinking twice about asking her to do a little girls' job. If I was paired with a toddler at that age, I would have noticed and felt weird. That was my dilemma. It's not about if she's good enough. She's wonderful. I just was hoping for a resolution to have an as-even-as-possible wedding party without putting a pre-teen in any weird kind of position.

MayDay513 · August 2013

SugarplumandPig said:

I appreciate the advice. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable, especially not my cousin. This was never meant to be offensive, and I apologize that it came across that way. This is more about that she is not as much of a little girl as I was remembering, and I am thinking twice about asking her to do a little girls' job. If I was paired with a toddler at that age, I would have noticed and felt weird. That was my dilemma. It's not about if she's good enough. She's wonderful. I just was hoping for a resolution to have an as-even-as-possible wedding party without putting a pre-teen in any weird kind of position.

OP- I am just trying to understand why this is important. Remember it is people that are important, not the numbers. Having people stand up there just because your photos look better isn't honoring or loving to them. Remember these are your friends and family. I'd be more upset to be put in a wedding just for esthetics.

SugarplumandPig · August 2013

I know. It's unfortunate. It wasn't the way I meant it, and I hate it. But I do want to do what I can to keep it from escalating. I'm willing to explain anything I can.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

@SugarplumandPig - Why do you feel the need to keep your wedding party as even as possible? Especially if you feel like the numbers are getting out of hand and that you aren't super happy with how it is at the moment?

SugarplumandPig · August 2013

Most wedding parties I've seen have been even with "couples." I was aiming for a more traditional party is all.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

Most wedding parties I've seen have been even with "couples." I was aiming for a more traditional party is all.

Having an even wedding party is not traditional. For some reason people think this but it just isn't true. And just because other people do it that way does not mean that you have to. Honestly it seems like you started adding in a lot of random people into your wedding party just to have this "traditional" look. That isn't how you should do it. Again these people are not props they are your friends and family. You should have who you love the most up there with you, not people you love the most plus a few extras to make things even.

Uneven wedding parties are ok to have. Having it uneven does not make your wedding any less valid or special or whatever.

MayDay513 · August 2013

SugarplumandPig said:

Most wedding parties I've seen have been even with "couples." I was aiming for a more traditional party is all.

Yes, but back to what @Maggie0829 said. You said it's getting out of hand why are you adding more? You realize this is more costs for you in the long run? I don't know I just sounds like you are having a 150 people wedding and will have 10% of the wedding up there? Seriously? 6 on each side is plenty. People don't have to match! Tall people can be paired with short people, fat people and skinny people, no guest cares. If you want they can all walk down the aisle unescorted, so they don't need to be paired up.

We paired my 15 year old sister, with my DH's 29 year old cousin, and my 25 year old friend with his 16 year old brother... why? Because it was more important to us to have our best man and maid of honor be chosen to stand next to us for the people they were and how important they were to us, not by height, weight, age or anything else.

Bubblegum5586 · August 2013

Leave the party as it is, uneven. Leave your little cousin as a [Jr] bridesmaid, since that is what you asked her.

If you are worried about your pictures not looking "even", your professional photographer that you are hiring should be able to balance the group properly. Google Image Search "uneven wedding party" and you will see many beautiful pictures!

Down the road when looking at your pictures you will be thinking what a beautiful day it was with your nearest and dearest... not counting the sides.

ETA: You don't need EVERY role filled either. I will not have a ring bearer because I don't have any little boys in my life that I am really close with. Could I ask a cousin to use their kid for a few hours.... lol I guess. But seriously I'm not going to ask people I barely know to fill spots.

SugarplumandPig · August 2013

I can definitely understand that. And I do love my entire wedding party. It's not like anyone is there because I needed to fill space. It just does seem a little big. What's done is done though. I want everyone to feel included and comfortable at this point.

Simply Fated · August 2013

Leave your bridal party as is. Don't add anyone else. Screw tradition. Having even sides is a stupid, outdated tradition. If you love everyone in your party, then that should be good enough. Make that the new tradition.

Ask her what part she would like to play in your wedding. Just ask her, "do you want to be a bridesmaid, a junior bridesmaid or a flower girl?"

If she chooses to be a bridesmaid or a jr bridesmaid, then don't add a guy to even it out. Just let one guy walk with two girls, one on either side of him. She can also walk by herself or with the ring bearer. There is really no rule here that you need to follow.
And you don't need a flower girl. I recently discovered a bridal shop that rents out children as flower girls. Don't be like those brides who actually want this service. If there are any little girls in your family that you are close to, ask them. If not, don't have one. It's not like you are casting a play here. You don't have to keep casting the parts until you find the perfect fit.

I get that you were insecure at her age, but there is no reason to start to change around the people in your party to make your inner child happy. Just help find this girl a pretty dress that she loves and move on.

jlm9113 · August 2013

Simply Fated said:

Leave your bridal party as is. Don't add anyone else. Screw tradition. Having even sides is a stupid, outdated tradition. If you love everyone in your party, then that should be good enough. Make that the new tradition.

Ask her what part she would like to play in your wedding. Just ask her, "do you want to be a bridesmaid, a junior bridesmaid or a flower girl?"

If she chooses to be a bridesmaid or a jr bridesmaid, then don't add a guy to even it out. Just let one guy walk with two girls, one on either side of him. She can also walk by herself or with the ring bearer. There is really no rule here that you need to follow.
And you don't need a flower girl. I recently discovered a bridal shop that rents out children as flower girls. Don't be like those brides who actually want this service. If there are any little girls in your family that you are close to, ask them. If not, don't have one. It's not like you are casting a play here. You don't have to keep casting the parts until you find the perfect fit.

I get that you were insecure at her age, but there is no reason to start to change around the people in your party to make your inner child happy. Just help find this girl a pretty dress that she loves and move on.

Holy crap. For real? And parents sign their kids up to do this service?

My head just... no.

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

Uneven WPs are fine. Don't worry about titles either. I had 2 MOHs, 3 BMs, a Jr. BM and H had a BM, 2 GM, and a RB. The 2 MOHs were escorted by the BM and a GM. Then one BM and GM paired and then the last two BMs walked together. And my Jr BM walked with my RB. They were 9 and 4 at the time, respectively, so my niece was much taller than my nephew. It all worked out fine! Stop stressing about how it will look and remember that it will all fall into place and you will be surrounded by the people you love on your wedding day.

Jen4948 · August 2013

Forget about "tradition" and "even sides."

Wedding party members are supposed to be your nearest and dearest-even if they're fat, have pimples, walk on crutches, have visible tattoos or scars, are bald, or whatever. It should be more important that the people you love, and who love you, are with you rather than how many there are or what they look like on your wedding day. Fretting too much about "tradition," "even sides," or appearances is very off-putting.

Simply Fated · August 2013

jlm9113 said:

Simply Fated said:

Leave your bridal party as is. Don't add anyone else. Screw tradition. Having even sides is a stupid, outdated tradition. If you love everyone in your party, then that should be good enough. Make that the new tradition.

Ask her what part she would like to play in your wedding. Just ask her, "do you want to be a bridesmaid, a junior bridesmaid or a flower girl?"

If she chooses to be a bridesmaid or a jr bridesmaid, then don't add a guy to even it out. Just let one guy walk with two girls, one on either side of him. She can also walk by herself or with the ring bearer. There is really no rule here that you need to follow.
And you don't need a flower girl. I recently discovered a bridal shop that rents out children as flower girls. Don't be like those brides who actually want this service. If there are any little girls in your family that you are close to, ask them. If not, don't have one. It's not like you are casting a play here. You don't have to keep casting the parts until you find the perfect fit.

I get that you were insecure at her age, but there is no reason to start to change around the people in your party to make your inner child happy. Just help find this girl a pretty dress that she loves and move on.

Holy crap. For real? And parents sign their kids up to do this service?

My head just... no.

Yeah, apparently the kids who are rented out are the owner's grandkids and other kids they know.

jlm9113 · August 2013

Simply Fated said:

jlm9113 said:

Simply Fated said:

Leave your bridal party as is. Don't add anyone else. Screw tradition. Having even sides is a stupid, outdated tradition. If you love everyone in your party, then that should be good enough. Make that the new tradition.

Ask her what part she would like to play in your wedding. Just ask her, "do you want to be a bridesmaid, a junior bridesmaid or a flower girl?"

If she chooses to be a bridesmaid or a jr bridesmaid, then don't add a guy to even it out. Just let one guy walk with two girls, one on either side of him. She can also walk by herself or with the ring bearer. There is really no rule here that you need to follow.
And you don't need a flower girl. I recently discovered a bridal shop that rents out children as flower girls. Don't be like those brides who actually want this service. If there are any little girls in your family that you are close to, ask them. If not, don't have one. It's not like you are casting a play here. You don't have to keep casting the parts until you find the perfect fit.

I get that you were insecure at her age, but there is no reason to start to change around the people in your party to make your inner child happy. Just help find this girl a pretty dress that she loves and move on.

Holy crap. For real? And parents sign their kids up to do this service?

My head just... no.

Yeah, apparently the kids who are rented out are the owner's grandkids and other kids they know.

I'm not sure who's creepier: the customers renting the kids or the adults pimping them out.

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

OP, just remember that you wedding party will never be symmetrical because if you look closely, you'll notice that one of the two people in the center is wearing a big white dress.

zitiqueen · August 2013

SugarplumandPig said:

I can definitely understand that. And I do love my entire wedding party. It's not like anyone is there because I needed to fill space. It just does seem a little big. What's done is done though. I want everyone to feel included and comfortable at this point.

Everything in your first post contradicts this sentence.

Our bridal party started off as 6 on each side plus flower girl and ring bearer. Well, one of the girls backed out, leaving me with an empty space. So I asked my cousin to be a Jr. Bridesmaid (she's 10). Then, our flower girl's family found out they can't make it. So, I needed a flower girl. So I figured I'd ask my cousin to be a flower girl and help our 4 year old ring bearer down the isle. Initially I thought that would be cute. However, I then needed another bridesmaid.

grumbledore · August 2013

TK should make this thread a sticky. Even sides are bullshit. People as wedding props is bullshit. Fat-shaming a fucking ten year old is SUPER bullshit.

Get a clue OP.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

How on earth did I miss this gem?

I have an easy solution: Stop asking people to in your wedding party and let your cousin be a flower girl. If you have uneven sides, it's a non-issue. Tell your mom to stop being judgmental of your cousin's height and weight. Ask her if she can imagine repeating that to your cousin's mom or directly to your cousin..... If she wouldn't say it, she SHOULDN'T say it. It's never too late in life to learn how to accept and respect.

Now breathe, get yourself a drink, and relax.

Bridal Party Blowing Up Out of Control

Re: Bridal Party Blowing Up Out of Control

Choose Another Board

Search Boards