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Customs and Traditions

Thoughts on the night before the wedding...?

Is my marriage doomed if my fiancé and I don't part ways the night before? I know by tradition he's not supposed to see me on the wedding day, he thinks he just can't see me in my dress until the moment arrives... but I know I won't get any sleep if I sleep somewhere other than my own bed, and neither will he... thoughts?

Re: Thoughts on the night before the wedding...?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Whatever you do, try to stay as calm and freak-out free as possible.  Don't spend the night worrying about what can go wrong.  First of all, it's a very safe bet something unexpected will happen, and second, no matter what, you still want to be as energetic and happy as possible the next day.  Save that energy for when the unexpected does happen-it may not even be negative.
  • jaghdr28 said:
    Is my marriage doomed if my fiancé and I don't part ways the night before? I know by tradition he's not supposed to see me on the wedding day, he thinks he just can't see me in my dress until the moment arrives... but I know I won't get any sleep if I sleep somewhere other than my own bed, and neither will he... thoughts?
    I think you are fine. DH and I slept in separate places the night before the wedding. He stayed at his parents place, I stayed at our new home and had my sister come. We saw each other at our first look on the beach.
    I took some nyquil around 9pm (had to be up at 8am) and had my sister sleep at our house in case I didn't get up. I know some girls don't recommend meds before the wedding, but if you have taken them before and know what the result is, I think it's ok. My cousin took benadryl to knock her out so she wouldn't be up all night.

  • WonderRedWonderRed member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    Do whatever you're most comfortable with.  Traditions are fun but you definitely don't have to follow them all.

    FI will be going to stay in a hotel the night before our wedding and I'm staying home.  His suggestion. I'm really looking forward to having some time alone with DS that night and being able to be alone with my thoughts after he goes to bed.   I'll probably take a half dose of a sleep aid just to be sure I sleep.  I don't have to be anywhere until 11, so I won't even need to set an alarm.  Plus DS is never shy about waking me up if he gets up before me.
  • My FI and I will be spending the night together before our wedding.  I am planning on ordering breakfast in bed so that we can share some quiet moments together before the craziness of the day happens.  Do whatever feels right for you!
  • I think this is a tradition a lot of people break.  Do whatever makes you and your FI comfortable. 

  • DH & I were already living together before getting married...so there's not much we haven't seen or concerns for superstitions.

    We woke up together the morning of the wedding. Then, my MOH showed up and she and I left for the salon.

    DH (then FI) got ready at home with his groomsmen.

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Is my marriage doomed if my fiancé and I don't part ways the night before? I know by tradition he's not supposed to see me on the wedding day, he thinks he just can't see me in my dress until the moment arrives... but I know I won't get any sleep if I sleep somewhere other than my own bed, and neither will he... thoughts?
    If neither of you will sleep without being next to each other, then just don't worry about that tradition.  I'm sure that you don't want to have bags under your eyes on your wedding or feel like going to bed halfway through your reception.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    We spent the night together and then just parted ways in the morning. I don't know yet if our marriage is doomed as a result. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • Do whatever makes you happy. There are plenty of weddings in which the bride didn't see the groom at all, and plenty of them failed anyway. Traditions are fun, but this one is nothing more than a superstition. I say sleep in your bed with FI and wake up to a breakfast of soda and pop rocks. Something tells me you'll be just fine :)
  • Yeah, we live together too. It's not so much the not sleeping without each other part, as I've gone on trips before where he didn't go. It's more the concept of sleeping in a strange bed if that makes any sense. I know that I'm already going to be excited and may have trouble sleeping, (so I'll definitely have some Nyquil on hand) but being in a bed that I'm not used to may make it worse. So I think what we will do is spend the night together in our bed, wake up together, and then I'll go do my thing and leave him to his. I'll definitely not let him see the dress until I come down the aisle though.
  • We already live together, but haven't yet decided what we'll be doing the night before. I like the idea of us being separated, but I really don't think I'll be able to sleep without him next to me. So maybe we'll sleep together, get up early, and then go our separate ways.
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  • We spent the night apart because it worked out better that way.  We had family staying with us at our house so we had no room for my hair person to come over there in the morning, so I just stayed at the resort we got married at because they offered a discount.  We did 'first look' pictures though, so it's not like we strictly adhered to the 'can't see the bride before the wedding' tradition.

    Just do what works for you.  If you are more comfortable sleeping together the night before, then do that.  I highly doubt that anyone ever who has gotten a divorce has said "I know it's because we slept together the night before our wedding!"
  • I agree with the theme from the PP -- Go with what makes YOU (and FI) comfortable.

    For my first, we had a rehearsal dinner and then I went home and he stayed in the hotel (we had the suite for 2 nights as part of the package).  He was told to be gone from the room by 2 since the girls were using it to get ready.  I slept in my bed, went to the gym in the AM (it made me feel more relaxed and also helped keep body image demons at bay), had a light lunch, and then drove in to start primping w/ the girls.

    This time I'll stay in a room at our venue (an Inn with a decent number of rooms)...we get a huge one the night of the wedding but we don't want to pay for that room the prior night so i'll have a basic room (FI will likely stay in the other hotel)  We are not doing an RD but may tell folks they can join us at a nearby pizza place the night prior and we'll buy the pizzas.  I told FI that I want to be in my room by 9 for some me-time.  I have to be up early since the ceremony is at 1030.

    Just my stories...what worked for me, detailed out in case it appeals to anyone else.  Both plans focus on helping me relax and giving me alone time which I need before ANY big gathering, esp if I have to have all eyes on me for a big part of it!

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  • My FI and I will sleep separately, but mostly due to my mom wanting me there with all the girls (family tradition that bridal party sleep in the same house/hotel/area) Otherwise I would totally sleep in bed with my FI. Honestly, I think I will be excited and have trouble sleeping no matter where I am, but as long as you are comfortable....GO FOR IT!
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  • Spend the night wherever you think you can get a good night's sleep.  Sleep is super duper important before the wedding because that day will be the longest day ever without some good sleep.

    We spent the night together.  We also got ready together.  Pretty sure it's not going to ruin our marriage.  My parents had a private ceremony with only 3 people present.  They spent the night together, got ready together and have been married 30 years.  You'll be fine.  

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations


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  • The reason the bride and groom couldn't see each other before the wedding dates back to when marriages were arranged and the families were afraid that if the bride saw an ugly groom or a groom saw an ugly bride one of them would back out of the marriage. It has nothing to do with bad luck. Sleep where you will be most comfortable.
  • When we get married I am going to have my own hotel room. We have lived together for 3 years and this may sound silly but I want that last night by myself in a king size bed where I don't have to share anything and I can sleep in the middle.

    Whatever you feel right doing I would go with that!

  • Haha @mimiphin I love it! I love my fi but when you live together for so long occasionally when you get the bed to yourself its magic!
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 2013
    I stayed with my parents and he stayed with his (we got married away from our home city).  We did see each other before hand although, not with me in my dress.  I was freaking out so much.  Just stressed, my mom was racing around and I was like "umm, who's doing my hair?" (my mom was supposed to) and I had to see him or I would have gone crazy.  He came down when I had my hair done and makeup done and he hugged me and I sobbed for about five minutes.  And then I was better.

    So far, our marriage does not appear doomed.

  • We'll likely stay home that night and then just part ways in the morning.  We'll also have a house full of guests (my parents, brother, his girlfriend maybe 1-2 out of town guests).  Girls will go off to the salon come morning/noon and God only knows what they guys will do
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