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NWR: The art of RSVP

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Re: NWR: The art of RSVP

  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    GypsyBridetobe said:

    I know. Its so weird. Ugh FB I got invited along with another 108 people to a baby shower next week. And I never even met the person.

    lmao That is ridiculous! Did she just click "all" and invite her entire fb friends list?
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  • cmclairecmclaire member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Oh OP, I hate when this happens!  

    I actually took six months off from entertaining because I was so sick of last minute cancelling and 'maybes'.  I understand completely when there's a mitigating circumstance (work, health, children...) but some people are just so flakey.  I threw a party for a friend, invited twelve people she's very close with, all said yes or maybe (eight yes, four maybe)....ONE showed up.  I was appalled.  

    Luckily, my time off from entertaining re-energised me, and I think sent a message to those of our circle who like wasting the time and efforts of others.  I was so cross!

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  • GypsyWife_GypsyWife_ member
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    Simply Fated said:

    GypsyBridetobe said:

    I know. Its so weird. Ugh FB I got invited along with another 108 people to a baby shower next week. And I never even met the person.

    lmao That is ridiculous! Did she just click "all" and invite her entire fb friends list?
    Yes. My little brother who is 16 was even invited to the baby shower. I declined immediately.
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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    I have a former friend/roommate whose answer to everything was "Maybe." In this awful, nails-on-a-chalkboard tone of voice, she would tell me "maybe" almost every time I asked her a question.

    "Want to go see that movie this Friday?" - Maybe.
    "I'm running to the store, do you need anything I can grab while I'm there?" - Maybe.
    "I'm going out later to meet up with a couple of people, wanna come?" - Maybe.
    "The concert [that I cost me $180 for tickets] starts at 8, doors open at 7. Will you be ready to leave at 6 so we have time to fight traffic and find parking?" - Maybe.

    An RSVP to me is simply a commitment to the plans or not. It can be as informal as a "Yes I'll be ready in time" text or a "Sorry but I'm not going to go out tonight." Her flakiness, I eventually realized, was not flakiness at all but rather a reflection of how extremely selfish she is and her adamant refusal to consider anyone on the face of the earth besides herself.

    I finally got her to start speaking up by saying "Listen, I can't work with 'maybe,' There is no maybe, just tell me yes or no. Either you know you want to go out/need something at the store/will be ready to go or you know you don't. Make a decision or I'm going to assume the answer is no and proceed accordingly." 
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  • simplykaylasimplykayla member
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    FI informed me the other day that in his family it is customary to RSVP "yes" to any event, even if they KNOW they won't be able to make it. Somehow they think it is politer to just not show up than it is to decline. (He says it's an Hispanic thing, but it really might just be his family).
    So now I'm looking forward to all the RSVPs from his family and not truly knowing whether anyone is actually coming. Grr.
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  • GypsyWife_GypsyWife_ member
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    simplykayla said:

    FI informed me the other day that in his family it is customary to RSVP "yes" to any event, even if they KNOW they won't be able to make it. Somehow they think it is politer to just not show up than it is to decline. (He says it's an Hispanic thing, but it really might just be his family).
    So now I'm looking forward to all the RSVPs from his family and not truly knowing whether anyone is actually coming. Grr.

    I'm Mexican and never heard of that.

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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    simplykayla said:

    FI informed me the other day that in his family it is customary to RSVP "yes" to any event, even if they KNOW they won't be able to make it. Somehow they think it is politer to just not show up than it is to decline. (He says it's an Hispanic thing, but it really might just be his family).
    So now I'm looking forward to all the RSVPs from his family and not truly knowing whether anyone is actually coming. Grr.

    I have a feeling this is a family thing. Is it a terrible Hispanic stereotype his family feeds in to? Blech. I can't imagine my Hispanic friends doing this.
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  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    simplykayla said:
    FI informed me the other day that in his family it is customary to RSVP "yes" to any event, even if they KNOW they won't be able to make it. Somehow they think it is politer to just not show up than it is to decline. (He says it's an Hispanic thing, but it really might just be his family).
    So now I'm looking forward to all the RSVPs from his family and not truly knowing whether anyone is actually coming. Grr.
    That's terrible! I'm wondering if this is what happened to with all the people who said yes to me but then decided not to show up! I'm wondering if your FI knows that his family's fake RSVP can really screw with a host. 
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    simplykayla said:
    FI informed me the other day that in his family it is customary to RSVP "yes" to any event, even if they KNOW they won't be able to make it. Somehow they think it is politer to just not show up than it is to decline. (He says it's an Hispanic thing, but it really might just be his family).
    So now I'm looking forward to all the RSVPs from his family and not truly knowing whether anyone is actually coming. Grr.
    Your FI knows that ya'll will have to pay for anyone who says they're coming, right?  Even if they don't show up?  I'd make this clear to him so he might mention it to his family.  With strong words.
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  • simplykaylasimplykayla member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:
    simplykayla said:
    FI informed me the other day that in his family it is customary to RSVP "yes" to any event, even if they KNOW they won't be able to make it. Somehow they think it is politer to just not show up than it is to decline. (He says it's an Hispanic thing, but it really might just be his family).
    So now I'm looking forward to all the RSVPs from his family and not truly knowing whether anyone is actually coming. Grr.
    Your FI knows that ya'll will have to pay for anyone who says they're coming, right?  Even if they don't show up?  I'd make this clear to him so he might mention it to his family.  With strong words.
    Yeah that's what I tried explaining to him. I don't want to pay for people who don't show up, especially if they already knew they weren't coming. But his response was basically "that's the way they always do it and I know they won't change". So I gave up.
    Thankfully, we're only out like $10pp for those who don't show, so it's not something I'm going to stress over. If we were paying like $100pp or something, then I'd be more aggressive about making sure they were really coming or not.
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Still, good luck to ya'll.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    How many people aren't showing up? I mean, $10 can add up quick. Especially if you have to take other things, like favors, linens, and centerpieces.
    Also, how do you figure out the seating?
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  • simplykaylasimplykayla member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    It's really not too many from that side of the family that were invited, 10 people max. So far we've only received an RSVP from 3 of those people, and that was his mom, stepdad and sister, and they better as hell show up haha. So we'll have to wait and see what everyone else RSVPs as.
    The only ones we're really concerned about saying yes but then not coming is one of his aunts/uncles and their kids (there's drama with the aunt and his mom, so we wouldn't be surprised if the aunt didn't show up).

    We aren't doing favors so we don't have to worry about that, and we'll still have the same amount of tables regardless, so linens and centerpieces, etc aren't an issue.
    Seating would be the only thing, if anyone doesn't show up there would just be extra seats. But I'd rather take that risk then plan on them not coming and then have them actually show up.

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  • laylasauruslaylasaurus member
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    I feel like Facebook is doing it's share in killing the concept of an RSVP, particularly for the younger generations.  Because it allows people the "Maybe" response, I think young people now have this idea that it is okay to be noncommittal towards events.  I see it all the time, someone posts an event to Facebook, only about half the "going" responses actually end up going, and even less of the maybe's.  It is maddening, plus how do people not see it how it is hurtful to think you are going to have all these people at your birthday or something, yet only a fraction end up showing up.  


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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    laylasaurus said:
    I feel like Facebook is doing it's share in killing the concept of an RSVP, particularly for the younger generations.  Because it allows people the "Maybe" response, I think young people now have this idea that it is okay to be noncommittal towards events.  I see it all the time, someone posts an event to Facebook, only about half the "going" responses actually end up going, and even less of the maybe's.  It is maddening, plus how do people not see it how it is hurtful to think you are going to have all these people at your birthday or something, yet only a fraction end up showing up.  


    I don't get the whole maybe thing. I mean, I suppose if it's a loose gathering, but even still. If you aren't sure, just don't click going or not going, yet.
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