RSVP's

millersox2184 · August 2013

I am getting a little nervous about my RSVP's. Our date on them is Sept 1st and I haven't even received half back yet. As of right now, I have 66 people going and invited about 150. I can't help but get stressed out about this because I'm worried we will have a ton of people to track down in a week and a half. Sept 1st is coming up quick and we have to have our final headcount and seating chart in on the 14th. Am I worrying about nothing? How is everyone else doing with their responses?

fearlessbrideMI · August 2013

My RSVP date is sept 2nd and we only have about 37% of them back...it's kind of killing me. FI doesn't understand my stress, partly because "I told you RSVP's aren't something we really do in our family"...so he will be spending the first week of sept making all the calls for his family. So annoying

millersox2184 · August 2013

@fearlessbrideMI - I feel your pain! FI doesn't get why I'm aggravated either. His response to me is well too bad they just won't come then. What he doesn't get is that people may just show up and we have to contact people to make sure. Men just don't get it sometimes!

SewInLoveWithDMB · August 2013

We have heard from 65% of our guests. I did not put a "due date" on the rsvp cards, but I plan on calling people in mid-September if we have not heard by then. Invites went out July 19th, so that is about 2 months - that is more than enough time to respond to a host.

We currently have a nice sized party as it is, and there are still some obvious yeses who have not responded. I'm not worried...yet. Ask me again in 2 weeks.

fearlessbrideMI · August 2013

FI's cousin told me when they got married in July that they had to call about 80% of their list but they attributed this to their family & culture of not rsvp'ing. Mostly they just show up. FI's mom said that she would be surprised if anyone from their family RSVP's just not something they do I guess.

Stina51286 · August 2013

Ours coming in are interesting. Ones that FI's parents said would not come, are coming. Ones that we thought would come, are not. FI's cousins are weird ones too. His family came up with the conclusion that one of his cousins didn't invite cousins to his wedding so he could decline when it came time, he declined both ours and his sisters wedding. Another one of his cousins declined since we couldn't make it to his. I have all the ones that came in this last week at home and need to update my counter so I know for sure what we have. Hopefully more in the mail today.

rustytammy · August 2013

I'm only waiting on 3 people to respond. I set a date of Oct 5th. However, since it is only 3 I think I'm just going to call. This will make it easier on me working with the people who are doing our food. I can get a better budget number put together.

Stina51286 · August 2013

rustytammy said:

I'm only waiting on 3 people to respond. I set a date of Oct 5th. However, since it is only 3 I think I'm just going to call. This will make it easier on me working with the people who are doing our food. I can get a better budget number put together.

Are these three people that you or FI are really really close with? If not, I would give the people time, IMO. They still have a month and a half to reply. There could be a lot of reasons as to why they are waiting. Do they have to travel? Take time off work? Etc.

crazypuglady · August 2013

I'm in the same boat.. Due by the 1st, final head count to the venue by the 14th. I have to admit.. it does trouble me that I've only recieved a little over half the responses... but I also know people procrastinate.. or simply don't know yet. (We have a lot of OOT guests.) So, i'm being patient. (Although FI is ready to hound some ppl... I have to remind him to wait until the 1st!)

Clpapke83 · August 2013

I'm getting nervous also. Reply by date Sept 1st. And a little over half has responded so far. I'm not sure if I'm even gonna call them because I don't have to give the venue #s. But it would be nice to know who all will be there.

rustytammy · August 2013

@Stina51286 ~ Two are FI's cousins, one is out of state and we are 99.9% positive that they are a no, and the other lives a couple hours north of us. The third person is a family friend in town, whom my mother is positive she is being stubborn, that hasn't responded. (Long story short with this guest...she was upset a month ago that she hadn't received her invite. My mom tried to tell her that I hadn't sent them yet but she felt that she still should have had her invite already.)

amaryann210 · August 2013

We've heard from about 25%, rsvp date is Sept. 28th and invitations went out a few weeks ago. We need more people to decline...

[Deleted User] · August 2013

Responses are due the 25th of Sept - have gotten one "official" RSVP card so far (Grandma handed it to me... oh well. sigh. Gonna use that stamp for something else!) and it's checked as "yes" but then added "if possible" to the end.

jessyk1065 · August 2013

Got our first RSVP card back without names...knew I should have numbered those suckers!! Guess I will have to wait for the deadline and then track it down, lol

shannie11 · August 2013

We sent ours out two weeks ago. I did number ours! I hate guessing and I knew this would be a problem for at least one guest! I get a few a day which is exciting! We are at 50 are coming and 6 said no. The ones that said no I kinda knew weren't going to come but it doesnt hurt to ask! What I didn't realize is how many out of town guests are coming! we did send hotel information with the invites so I hope everyone gets a room! Our response date is also Sept 21st. I wouldnt worry about not getting them all back yet. Lots of people are on vacation the first two weeks of august.

simplykayla · August 2013

Our RSVP date is Sep 12th, and so far we only have had 25% respond! I really think it's sheer laziness, because even in general conversations with some of them they've said "Oh we can't wait for your wedding!" Then why haven't you sent your RSVP if you know you're coming?? lol.
And then, FI was OOT visiting his family over the weekend to finalize groomsmen attire, and all of his family tried just handing him their RSVPs. He told them that we put stamps on those for a reason and they can mail them just like everyone else haha. Plus, he knows how excited I get to find an RSVP in the mail

Clpapke83 · August 2013

jessyk1065 said:

Got our first RSVP card back without names...knew I should have numbered those suckers!! Guess I will have to wait for the deadline and then track it down, lol

I'm hoping everyone puts their name on ours because I didn't even think about numbering them.

HisGirlFriday13 · August 2013

We mailed our invites out last Tuesday (Aug. 13 -- two months before the wedding). Our RSVP date is Sept. 25, to give us time to track down missing RSVPs and to give final headcounts to the caterer and what not.

So far, we have eight RSVPs -- most of them family but not all. Everyone has written in their names, so YAY (although I did number them just in case!). Only one person has added an uninvited plus-one, and she did so by writing, "Not sure who I'm gonna bring, but don't worry -- I'll find a date."

Uhm, no. No you won't. That's not how this works.

simplykayla · August 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

We mailed our invites out last Tuesday (Aug. 13 -- two months before the wedding). Our RSVP date is Sept. 25, to give us time to track down missing RSVPs and to give final headcounts to the caterer and what not.

So far, we have eight RSVPs -- most of them family but not all. Everyone has written in their names, so YAY (although I did number them just in case!). Only one person has added an uninvited plus-one, and she did so by writing, "Not sure who I'm gonna bring, but don't worry -- I'll find a date."

Uhm, no. No you won't. That's not how this works.

I'm seriously amazed at the amount of people that don't understand that that is not okay.

HisGirlFriday13 · August 2013

Yeah, me, too. FI was convinced it wouldn't happen. The person who wrote in a date? One of his co-workers. So, yep.

And one of my friends told me I shouldn't be surprised if someone does that, because I addressed the invitations in correctly by not filling out the RSVP cards for our guests and not writing in the number of guests for them, and also, the outside of the envelope isn't binding, so people have no way of knowing that I only meant the name(s) I wrote on the outside.

schellzinator · August 2013

I sent mine out on Friday - have received a bunch of "I got your invite!" messages. Ishouldn't run into an issue with adding plus ones because all single guests got a plus one - but I MIGHT run into an issue of people trying to bring their kiddos. I'm hoping that isn't the case though.

I have had some minor drama - my step-aunt (A) - called my mom and asked if I needed her daughter's (L) address and then went into an explanation that L doesn't feel like she's part of the family - and that A already knows the reason she is invited is because she's married to my uncle. There was some family drama about two years ago - K tried to have a PPD and some nasty things were said about everyone...all on Facebook. I stayed out of it and I wasn't even thinking of that when we made our guest list.

I'm going to give A a call today to let her know that K wasn't invited because our guest list is limited based on budget. I've already had a mini-breakdown regarding the guest list being too big, so we used the rule of thumb of people we've spoken with in the last year would be invited. The drama did not play any part in it and I want her to understand that we truly want A there to share in the day - but we just can't afford to have K there.

millersox2184 · August 2013

I am glad I am not the only one whose date is coming up and still haven't heard from a bunch of people. I am trying not to stress but its not easy! Everyday that we don't get any is just making it worse.

I had my mom call me as soon she received her invite and ask why I didn't invite her husband's daughter and granddaughter. ..umm because I have never met them! She married him only about a year or two ago (this was her 4th marriage by the way) and I have never once met his daughter. I am not very close to my mother so its not really a surprise that I haven't been around them. I honestly would be shocked if the daughter even wanted to come seeing as she doesn't know me or anyone else at the wedding.

Stina51286 · August 2013

Luckily no one has sent anything back adding people. All of our adult family/friends got a plus one if they are out of high school. We are also having a no kids wedding and so far that has been respected.

@HisGirlFriday13 - Your friend is wrong. Whoever is listed on the envelope, that is who is invited. If you wrote it as Mr. & Mrs. John Doe, well then Mr. & Mrs. John Doe are invited not their 50 kids. Most people are smart when it comes to that. Your friend, obviously is not.

SewInLoveWithDMB · August 2013

We did not have a due date on the rsvps, we did not invite all adult (truly single) guests with a +1 and we did not number our rsvps.

So far, people are sending them back in a timely fashion (I'm sure there will be a few stragglers in mid-September, but so far so good), no one has added uninvited guests as an unintended +1 and no one has sent the rsvp without a name. I don't know if this is normal or just that people aren't as dumb as one fears.

HisGirlFriday13 · August 2013

@Stina51286 -- Yeah, I figured he was just dumb. But he's an Ivy League-educated lawyer, so he assumes he knows better than everyone else, all the time. I told him he was wrong, cited to Miss Manners, Emily Post, AND Martha Stewart, and he finally said, "Well, you might be right, but most people won't know that. I didn't. So you really can't be upset about this."

Uhm...yes, yes I can. Most people DO know this, and if they don't, THEY'RE the rude ones, not me.

Clpapke83 · August 2013

After reading all of the etiquette and everyones posts about the guest list, I kinda feel bad about who I invited\didn't invite. I guess I was kinda rude. Whoops! Since our limit was 100 people I didn't give everyone +1's. Of course all family and very close friends we invited their spouse and children, but there's several distant friends that we worked with for upwards of 10-15 years and not all of their spouses were invited. (Sorry but I feel that if I don't know you, why should you be at my wedding.) On the inner envelopes I did write the name of each person invited and so far that has helped, except for the one couple that added +4! I know their envelope said His & Her Lastname. They don't have children that live with them either, but they do have 4 kids so I'm letting it slide.

leah1012 · August 2013

My RSVPs have been coming back steadily so I feel good about that so far, but if I going off how many people responded for my shower I figure I'll have to track down a lot of his family. I had a friend's mother reply for her and her husband plus her 3 adult children, and their significant others and their children adding a total of 12 people to her invite. I tired to tell her that I sent one to her daughter who was my friend and she said "Yea, but I'm glad you didn't waste the postage to send them to everyone else".

HisGirlFriday13 · August 2013

leah1012 said:

My RSVPs have been coming back steadily so I feel good about that so far, but if I going off how many people responded for my shower I figure I'll have to track down a lot of his family. I had a friend's mother reply for her and her husband plus her 3 adult children, and their significant others and their children adding a total of 12 people to her invite. I tired to tell her that I sent one to her daughter who was my friend and she said "Yea, but I'm glad you didn't waste the postage to send them to everyone else".

Oh, my GOD. 12 people?? Seriously?? What is that woman smoking?? And how did you handle telling her, "I'm sorry, I didn't send invites to the other people to save on postage but because THEY'RE NOT INVITED?"

Stina51286 · August 2013

Clpapke83 said:

After reading all of the etiquette and everyones posts about the guest list, I kinda feel bad about who I invited\didn't invite. I guess I was kinda rude. Whoops! Since our limit was 100 people I didn't give everyone +1's. Of course all family and very close friends we invited their spouse and children, but there's several distant friends that we worked with for upwards of 10-15 years and not all of their spouses were invited. (Sorry but I feel that if I don't know you, why should you be at my wedding.) On the inner envelopes I did write the name of each person invited and so far that has helped, except for the one couple that added +4! I know their envelope said His & Her Lastname. They don't have children that live with them either, but they do have 4 kids so I'm letting it slide.

That is horribly rude. If you didn't have enough space to invite your co-workers with their spouses, you should not have invited them. If they would have made a comment about not getting invited, all you had to say was that you were limited on space so it was only family and very very close friends. Not cut out their spouse altogether. If someone did that to me, I'd decline.

Clpapke83 · August 2013

@stina51286 Sorry, I worded that a little wrong. The guests that didn't get a +1 are not married as far as I know. I just don't want random people being at my wedding. If somebody finds that as rude they can decline and it won't bother me. It will be a great day for me whether we have any guests or not.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

7 formal RSVPs back: so far, all yes's! Based on my current guess of yeses, we'll have 40 people at our wedding. (And that's a conservative guess, because I only marked 1 in a family as attending, though I'm 99% sure the other 6 members of that particular family will be there. Our RSVP date is 9/25.

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