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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridal Shower Blues

My best friend's mom decided that she wants to throw me a bridal shower, pretty much before my FI and I were even engaged (she knew about it because my FI had called my best friend who is also my MOH for proposal ideas, so she told her mom we'd be getting engaged, and her mom said she wants to throw a shower). This is my second marriage, and we're having a very small wedding, just our parents, our siblings and their families, 3 of my aunts, 1 cousin, 2 of each of our friends as our wedding party (and my MOH's husband), and one more friend who is marrying us. We're taking our guests out to dinner afterwards at one of our favorite restaurants as our reception. So, very small. I know traditional etiquette states that guests invited to the bridal shower should be invited to the wedding, and since we're inviting so few people to the wedding, do I really need to have a bridal shower? I don't really want one, especially since I did all that the first time around and I don't want to seem like I'm just digging for gifts, but I don't want to hurt my MOH's mom's feelings. She's known me since I was 11, so we're pretty much family. Would it be ok if I tell her I would rather her just take me, my best friend and my mom out for lunch as a sort of bridal luncheon? I understand that she just wants to do something nice for me, and I appreciate it so much, but I just feel uncomfortable having a shower since we're having such a small wedding and since I've been married before. Thoughts?
Anniversary

Re: Bridal Shower Blues

  • Decline the shower. It's a very sweet gesture though.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • I think it's great of you to not have a shower if you don't need stuff. This is something that pisses me off with lots of brides. Decline the shower and thank her profusely for thinking of you. 
  • My best friend's mom decided that she wants to throw me a bridal shower, pretty much before my FI and I were even engaged (she knew about it because my FI had called my best friend who is also my MOH for proposal ideas, so she told her mom we'd be getting engaged, and her mom said she wants to throw a shower). This is my second marriage, and we're having a very small wedding, just our parents, our siblings and their families, 3 of my aunts, 1 cousin, 2 of each of our friends as our wedding party (and my MOH's husband), and one more friend who is marrying us. We're taking our guests out to dinner afterwards at one of our favorite restaurants as our reception. So, very small. I know traditional etiquette states that guests invited to the bridal shower should be invited to the wedding, and since we're inviting so few people to the wedding, do I really need to have a bridal shower? I don't really want one, especially since I did all that the first time around and I don't want to seem like I'm just digging for gifts, but I don't want to hurt my MOH's mom's feelings. She's known me since I was 11, so we're pretty much family. Would it be ok if I tell her I would rather her just take me, my best friend and my mom out for lunch as a sort of bridal luncheon? I understand that she just wants to do something nice for me, and I appreciate it so much, but I just feel uncomfortable having a shower since we're having such a small wedding and since I've been married before. Thoughts?

    Your bridal luncheon sounds perfect. Have fun!
  • The bridal luncheon sounds great.  I'd do that instead of a shower, given your tiny guest list.

  • agreed, just do a luncheon. i'm having a luncheon too, not because of a small guest list but because FI and I didn't want to register and felt a shower was inappropriate. so my mom and sister opted for a luncheon so the ladies could get together and have fun...sans gifts. 

    sorry about the dumb quote box.
  • OP, you can say something to the effect of "Thank you so much for the offer to a throw a shower for me. However, since our guest list is so small and there isn't much we really need, I don't really feel comfortable with having a shower, so I'd rather pass on the offer, but again, thank you SO much for being so thoughtful." If she presses the issue or insists on wanting to do something for you, then tell her your idea for a bridal luncheon.
  • Hey all! Thanks for your advice! Sorry I haven't been back to reply, been busy but I do appreciate all the input!
    Anniversary
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