Religion Ceremony Issues

NYCBruin · August 2013

amaryann210 said:

NYCBruin said:

MrsRadke said:

Getting married outside of the church isn't a sin. It just isn't recognized as marriage until it happens in the church. The state recognized it on Saturday, and the church recognized it on Sunday the following weekend. And we don't really know when God decided to recognize it, but whatever he decided is fine with me.
Like I said, I just find it odd.

If marrying outside of the church isn't a sin why can't Catholics who marry outside the church receive communion? I'm not trying to be snarky, I'm just trying to reconcile contradicting things I've been told.

The way I was taught was that marrying outside the church means that you aren't married in the eyes of the church and are in a state of mortal sin (can't receive the sacraments).

There are tons of Catholics who would like to get married at a location other than in a church but don't because they were told they have to be married in the church. It's very clear in my parish that the couple must have the legal paperwork done at the religious ceremony. I guess I'm just confused as to why this (getting married at a special/more convenient location on Saturday and then do the church ceremony the next day) doesn't happen all the time if the church is ok with it.
Because if you aren't in a valid marriage, having sex with someone you aren't validly married to would be the mortal sin and prevent you from taking communion. Does that make more sense?

Sorta, but aren't Catholics also bound to follow Canon law (which requires them to marry within the church)?

So even if there wasn't sex, marrying outside of the church would still violate Canon law.

And I'm still confused by the last part-if this is ok why don't Catholics do this all the time since there are many Catholics who would love to get married in a park, on a beach, etc.

MobKaz · August 2013

emmaxbean93 said:
Yeah, it definitely can be a lot lol! As for changing it, i'm not sure. I know we signed a contract and am pretty sure since the chapel was part of it, that we wouldn't get the money back for that part. I think the only reason I was a little iffy, was because I liked the idea of a neutral chapel, and his mom already paid a lot to book that, but I know money is not the most important thing in the world. I would just feel bad because if we moved it all around she would have to pay more. Either way I know we will work it out so no one is missing out on anything, or not doing the proper thing. Our intentions were never to go against anything, we just weren't aware and it is something we will have to seriously consider, discuss and take action on.

In the best case scenario, hopefully the church will have an opening the date in question. You are not obliged to attend pre-cana classes at the parish in which you are having your ceremony. Perhaps a neighboring parish will offer the class that would fit better with your time table. As far as your reception venue is concerned, speak with the management honestly about your ceremony oversight. Perhaps they will allow you to take the money meant for the chapel and apply it to your reception. In that way, your MIL won't lose any money, and you can use it to add a few appetizers or upgrade your entree selections or hosted bar.

photokitty · August 2013

As a Catholic (but not in a "valid" marriage) - I suggest you make sure you FULLY understand what you are agreeing to if you have a Catholic wedding/ get it validated/ etc. It's not just a matter of having it in the church. You have to promise to raise any children in the church and make other promises. It is not something to take lightly and something your husband needs to think about as well.

I opted not to have a Catholic wedding bc of my own soul searching within Catholicism. I have never had a crisis of faith, but I've had a huge crisis of Dogma. And if the Catholic church never accepts me over it again, should I decide to return that's their loss. I know God still loves me, regardless of where I got married.

Good luck!! :-)

APDSS22 · August 2013

Religion is a pretty big deal within a lot of relationships so I think you're doing the right thing, talking to your FI and a priest to figure out options. As someone about to get married in the Catholic church, I can tell you there are some hoops to jump through with the pre cana and such. If your FI wants to continue in good standing with the Catholic faith, it is necessary for him to comply with the Church on the method and manner of his (and therefore, your) wedding. Also, don't count on a convalidation being a sure thing. The Catholic church is fairly particular so they need a fairly specific reason they consider valid that he didn't get married in the Church before they grant this.

Emmy1493 · August 2013

Thanks, I really want to try to get this all figured out! I think I have gotten a lot of info, and now I can reiterate it back to him so we can figure this all out!

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