Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wedding cake topper issues!

So, 3 weeks ago my fiancee and I were sitting behind our laptops, going through wedding cake toppers. It was one of the few things so far that he actively participated in, giving me his own choices. He didn't want a couple that stood stiffly next to each other, he wanted it to actually show: This is us, we love one another, that's what we're celebrating here today.  We had a great evening on this, laughing hard with some of them and finally concluded the evening with ordering our own.


Two days ago it finally arrived and we loved the result. That evening when his parents and his grandparents came to visit us my fiancee showed it to them. 
Grandma's reaction? It's lovely sweetheart, really, it is! But I really think that it's not appropriate. According to her it was way to promiscuous. Why not a normal statue like hers or his parents? He could even borrow hers if he wanted to. His parents said it was a lovely statue but that we had to calculate in that other guests might react the same way.

After they left we were a bit dissapointed to say the least but decided that a small statue wasn't something most people would fall over or even notice and that we wanted the statue to be in our living room next to our union candle which was something we would have to look on for a very long time. So we decided to go with ours and went to bed. Next morning we were getting ready for work when grandma stood at our door, bringing her own cake topper which is in a horrid state! Pieces are broken off, it's turned yellow and it represented everything we didn't want it to be.

I'm a bit ashamed that my biggest issue is over a cake topper but still, we'd just like to use our own. How to tell this politely? Because the one grandma brought is of course a family heritage.


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Re: Wedding cake topper issues!

  • Um, I don't really see that cake topper being promiscuous in anyway.  I am sure you and your FI will be kissing each other at your wedding so I really don't see the difference between that and the cake topper.

    I would just use the cake topper that you and your FI like.  The only cake topper I can remember is from a wedding H and I just went to and the couple had a topper made to resemble them in their wedding attire and also their two dogs.  It was really cute and they even had the groom wearing a University of Miami baseball hat and holding a beer...so him.

    As for how to tell her.  Just thanks "Thanks but FI and I really love the one we chose together and will be using that one."  If they continue to push the subject either ignore them or very firmly say "the decision has been made."

  • "Thanks, Grandma, but we've decided we will use our cake topper. Have you tried Cousin Norma's bean dip lately? I think she changed her recipe."
  • I agree with Maggie. But make sure your FI returns the item, since it is his grandmother.
  • I think that's a lovely cake topper. To me, it's romantic, not promiscuous.*

    Have your fiance return the other cake topper to his grandmother, saying, "Thank you so much, Grandma, but SmashingFiancee and I are happy with the topper we've chosen. We're touched that you'd offer to let us use yours, so thank you."

    And if anyone brings it up again, just follow the suggestions of previous posters. "Thanks for your input, but we've already made our decision. Here, try this bean dip."

    * I'm not entirely sure how a cake topper could be promiscuous, or SEEN as promiscuous. It's not like it's a cake topper of a bride and a bunch of potential grooms and she's doing a lap dance or something. I could understand maybe the viewpoint that the topper is inappropriate because it's too SEXUAL (although I disagree), but sexual =/= promiscuous. I recognize that this was probably just a poor wording choice by Grandma, but still, it's a little annoying!
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  • Your cake topper is just fine.

    It might be easier to thank Grandma for dropping hers off if she mentions it, then put it in a safe place until after the wedding and return it then.  Don't say another word about the cake topper and make sure to use  your own on the day of the wedding. . . but no one needs to know in advance that is what you are doing.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • My cake topper is a porcupine next to a turtle with a hairbrush on it's back (because the turtle loves the porcupine so much, he wants to be one too!)  Everyone hates it that we've shown it too so far.  It definitely doesn't fit what the traditional idea of a cake topper is, but we love it and that's what matters!  It's totally us.  Funny and goofy and different.

     

    How I would handle gma is saying that her topper is amazing! but you've already invested a great deal in yours.  If it's important to her, maybe you can incorporate it into your wedding in another way.  Be grateful but firm.

  • Actually, I would probably hold onto Grandma's cake topper in a secure area and then accidentally "forget" to bring it to the venue.  So the cute one you bought it the one that gets used.  Then return Grandma's cake topper to her after the wedding.  If she is so set on this family cake topper being used, I wouldn't put it past grandma to bring it to the wedding and put it on top of your cake!
  • Op, we ordered that same topper and I don't think it is promiscuous at all!! I am sorry your family feels that way, as PP's have said hopefully you can be gracious but firm to let her know that it is important to you and your FI to use the one you ordered since you chose it together. It's the only one my FI liked, too!
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  • kss20 said:

    My cake topper is a porcupine next to a turtle with a hairbrush on it's back (because the turtle loves the porcupine so much, he wants to be one too!)  Everyone hates it that we've shown it too so far.  It definitely doesn't fit what the traditional idea of a cake topper is, but we love it and that's what matters!  It's totally us.  Funny and goofy and different.

     

    How I would handle gma is saying that her topper is amazing! but you've already invested a great deal in yours.  If it's important to her, maybe you can incorporate it into your wedding in another way.  Be grateful but firm.

    I totally want to see this cake topper. It sounds adorable.

    We're either forgoing a topper, or we're going to have a parakeet one. I'm a little sad that birds are so common in wedding decor (invitations, cake toppers, etc), since we actually have a bird and want to use birds in our decor as a way of "including" him. If we do end up with a parakeet topper, anyone who says it's tacky or that we should have gotten a bride and groom is getting attacked by an adorable parakeet.
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  • I saw someone use a cake topper once that was the groom holding the bride up face to face with her legs wrapped around his waist. To me, that was a little inappropriate. Yours is very sweet. If you don't want to use Grandma's I would just be insistent with her that you are using the one you guys picked out.
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  • There is nothing wrong with that topper at all. 
  • That topper is fine. Thank her. Bean dip her. And give her the yellow topper back once you've eaten your cake.
  • I mean, he is tipping her back pretty far. Can you see her painted on underpants? Ceramic panties are way inappropriate. 

    Joking. I don't think anyone else will have a problem with it. 
    No but her ceramic boobies could fall out :)

  • G-ma got a dirty mind.
  • Has anyone seen the cake topper where the bride and groom's butts are showing? Or something?

    OP, this cake topper is not promiscuous whatsoever. Your fiancé can return it to grandma and thank her for being thoughtful. Few people will notice the cake topper anyway - it is most meaningful to you. So you have every right to use yours.
  • You definitely don't have to use Grandma's cake topper.  Your FI can give it back to her and say, "Thanks, Grandma, but we have another topper that we're going to use instead."
  • I always thought that cake toppers were kinda tacky and boring (like the bride/groom standing stiffly side-by-side.) Maybe not tacky, but just something that I thought was unnecessary. Fast forward to getting engaged to a firefighter, and finding a bride topper that is sitting by herself on the side of a tier, and the groom topper in full gear climbing up a ladder to the girl (ladder would be propped up against a side of one of the tiers. 

    Might still be kinda corny, but it's a lot more personal to me and my fiance than other ones I've seen. Go with the one that *you* feel is the right one for you...a family heirloom is always a nice thing to have, but if it's not your style, don't worry about offending family by politely declining. :)
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  • I think that's sweet!! And I like it so much better than the traditional ones where they're standing stiffly side by side OR the latest trend of the bride pulling the groom by the scruff of his neck or him with a ball and chain on his leg.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • I LOVE yours, do not let grandma make you use hers. Have your FI politely tell her that you both decided that you wanted to use yours. It is not inappropriate at all.
  • As PP say, use yours.

     

    I think GM may just want to be a part of things.  Does she have a nice bracelet that could be something borrowed and poss something old?

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  • msdds51msdds51 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    phira said:
    kss20 said:

    My cake topper is a porcupine next to a turtle with a hairbrush on it's back (because the turtle loves the porcupine so much, he wants to be one too!)  Everyone hates it that we've shown it too so far.  It definitely doesn't fit what the traditional idea of a cake topper is, but we love it and that's what matters!  It's totally us.  Funny and goofy and different.

     

    How I would handle gma is saying that her topper is amazing! but you've already invested a great deal in yours.  If it's important to her, maybe you can incorporate it into your wedding in another way.  Be grateful but firm.

    I totally want to see this cake topper. It sounds adorable.

    We're either forgoing a topper, or we're going to have a parakeet one. I'm a little sad that birds are so common in wedding decor (invitations, cake toppers, etc), since we actually have a bird and want to use birds in our decor as a way of "including" him. If we do end up with a parakeet topper, anyone who says it's tacky or that we should have gotten a bride and groom is getting attacked by an adorable parakeet.

    Here it is!  I <3 Etsy!

    http://www.etsy.com/listing/90057562/custom-turtle-hedgehog-love-wedding-cake?ref=shop_home_active&ga_search_query=turtle

  • I love the little hedgie and turtle!!  So cute

  • kss20 said:

    My cake topper is a porcupine next to a turtle with a hairbrush on it's back (because the turtle loves the porcupine so much, he wants to be one too!)  Everyone hates it that we've shown it too so far.  It definitely doesn't fit what the traditional idea of a cake topper is, but we love it and that's what matters!  It's totally us.  Funny and goofy and different.

     

    How I would handle gma is saying that her topper is amazing! but you've already invested a great deal in yours.  If it's important to her, maybe you can incorporate it into your wedding in another way.  Be grateful but firm.

    That is so cute!
  • kss20 said:
    phira said:
    kss20 said:

    My cake topper is a porcupine next to a turtle with a hairbrush on it's back (because the turtle loves the porcupine so much, he wants to be one too!)  Everyone hates it that we've shown it too so far.  It definitely doesn't fit what the traditional idea of a cake topper is, but we love it and that's what matters!  It's totally us.  Funny and goofy and different.

     

    How I would handle gma is saying that her topper is amazing! but you've already invested a great deal in yours.  If it's important to her, maybe you can incorporate it into your wedding in another way.  Be grateful but firm.

    I totally want to see this cake topper. It sounds adorable.

    We're either forgoing a topper, or we're going to have a parakeet one. I'm a little sad that birds are so common in wedding decor (invitations, cake toppers, etc), since we actually have a bird and want to use birds in our decor as a way of "including" him. If we do end up with a parakeet topper, anyone who says it's tacky or that we should have gotten a bride and groom is getting attacked by an adorable parakeet.

    Here it is!  I <3 Etsy!

    http://www.etsy.com/listing/90057562/custom-turtle-hedgehog-love-wedding-cake?ref=shop_home_active&ga_search_query=turtle

    !!!! That is the cutest!!
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  • Thank you, guys!  Glad I'm not the only one who liked it. haha
  • if you love it, use it. I think just flowers look very classy, but it's your vision.

    honestly, my mom was pretty adamant i just have an all-white bouquet and I went very colorful, and after the fact she loved it and said, " it was so YOU."

    if you love it, it's yours, do it.

  • That is a lovely cake topper.  Just darling!  I don't even understand why anyone would think it is inappropriate.  I'm sure your guests will find it as charming as we all do.

    And the hedgie-turtle cake topper...original, unique, and super-super cute!  But then, I like the different.  I collect rubber ducks and our cake topper was bride/groom rubber duckies. My DH and I also wore Mardi Gras-like bride/groom rubber ducky beads for our rehearsal dinner.

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  • It's a great cake topper! I'm sure people will love it at the wedding and if they don't, it'll give them something to talk about. ;)

     

    May this be the worst of your worries. :)

  • I like a unique cake topper and something a little different! We did owls as that was our school mascot in college (where we met) the artist also customized the colors, a birdcage veil and even  a Bruins hat for FI for us. Now its a cute keepsake I can't wait to display!
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