Guest List Dilemma!

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

ashleyep said:

huynhette said:

ashleyep said:

huynhette said:

louandbean said:

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

HUH? I am confused are you trying to push back your ceremony to avoid a meal time? Or are you planning on having your ceremony at 5:30pm on a Friday? If so, be prepared to have a lot of declines.

This is probably a stupid question, but does your WP know you are having your wedding on a Friday?

Edit: I am really really really confused by your post.

She was pushing the wedding back so she could serve hors d'oeuvres instead of a full meal.

Now that she's not serving a full meal, she wants to feed her immediate family/wedding party before the ceremony. Is it a tiered reception if it happens before the ceremony?! LOL

Exactly why I was confused. I was like wtf did we advise that resulted in a solution of tierer reception and a giant gap.

There's no gap though. The ceremony and reception is happening later (7:30/8ish?) She just wants to have a sit down dinner with her family before hand. I don't know what the etiquette in that is.

That still sounds like a tiered reception.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

@ashleyep (I am not quoting because it is getting long) she would still need to provide something to her guests that are coming for the later party. You can't just not have anything. She would/should still provide them with some munchies and cake so in reality she isn't saving anything.

And I don't know about the meal before hand. If I were a guest and found out that a group of people, no matter their relation, to the couple had gotten a full meal while I was only good enough for veggies and cake I would be a bit hurt.

ashleyep · August 2013

Maggie0829 said:

@ashleyep (I am not quoting because it is getting long) she would still need to provide something to her guests that are coming for the later party. You can't just not have anything. She would/should still provide them with some munchies and cake so in reality she isn't saving anything.

And I don't know about the meal before hand. If I were a guest and found out that a group of people, no matter their relation, to the couple had gotten a full meal while I was only good enough for veggies and cake I would be a bit hurt.

She is, she's switching to an hors d'oeuvres reception I thought.

But yes, I agree with you that it sounds kind of unfair. I just wonder where the line is between, say, getting breakfast the morning of your wedding with your WP or having a tiered reception. They all need to eat, and they'll all be at the house during meal time getting ready for the wedding. All of the other guests can get dinner before attending, not the immediate family and WP. Maybe not have a formal dinner, but serve some sandwiches for everyone that will be at the house early?

Maggie0829 · August 2013

Maggie0829 said:

@ashleyep (I am not quoting because it is getting long) she would still need to provide something to her guests that are coming for the later party. You can't just not have anything. She would/should still provide them with some munchies and cake so in reality she isn't saving anything.

And I don't know about the meal before hand. If I were a guest and found out that a group of people, no matter their relation, to the couple had gotten a full meal while I was only good enough for veggies and cake I would be a bit hurt.

She is, she's switching to an hors d'oeuvres reception I thought.

But yes, I agree with you that it sounds kind of unfair. I just wonder where the line is between, say, getting breakfast the morning of your wedding with your WP or having a tiered reception. They all need to eat, and they'll all be at the house during meal time getting ready for the wedding. All of the other guests can get dinner before attending, not the immediate family and WP. Maybe not have a formal dinner, but serve some sandwiches for everyone that will be at the house early?

I see what you are saying. I guess in my mind it would be the formality of it all. If she is wanting a sit down meal formal meal with family and close friends I think that is a no-no, but if she is going to have a few pizzas available prior to the ceremony so that her wedding party doesn't fall over from hunger that is another thing all together. At this point I am confused as to what OP is now planning.

MayDay513 · August 2013

louandbean said:

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

@louandbean - Can you come back and clarify? Is this what you meant?
First look, WP photos etc done prior to 5:30pm
5:30 - Dinner with family and WP.
7pm - Photos with extended family
8pm - Ceremony with Reception to follow. Reception will be passed hor d'oeurves, cake and beverages?

@ashleyp - I agree where is the line between doing a snack for WP to make sure they don't starve from running around all day to having. Can you do sandwiches? Appetizers?

ashleyep · August 2013

huynhette said:

louandbean said:

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

@louandbean - Can you come back and clarify? Is this what you meant?
First look, WP photos etc done prior to 5:30pm
5:30 - Dinner with family and WP.
7pm - Photos with extended family
8pm - Ceremony with Reception to follow. Reception will be passed hor d'oeurves, cake and beverages?

@ashleyp - I agree where is the line between doing a snack for WP to make sure they don't starve from running around all day to having. Can you do sandwiches? Appetizers?

I *think* the first look photos are after dinner or in that same block. She was just saying that since she was going to do first look photos anyway, it doesn't matter if she sees the groom before hand at dinner.

Viczaesar · August 2013

You can't tell extended family to get there at 7 and not feed them a meal, as that is a meal time.

phira · August 2013

scribe95 said:

After reading this thread I think you need to kind of start over. You clearly have not considered all the costs and don't have a proper budget but you are already ordering invitations and save the dates. That has put you in a pickle and you need to make sure this doesn't get worse.

I agree. At this point, things are getting very messy. It's time to start over.

First, sit down with your fiance and come up with exactly what your budget is, and who you want to invite. The goal is to be able to invite everyone you want, but be realistic about it in terms of your budget. For example, my partner and I are not inviting coworkers or distant relatives, or any of our parents'/grandparents' friends, since doing so would 1) be too expensive from a catering standpoint, and 2) would require us to look at even larger venues, which are more expensive.

Next, come up with the BARE MINIMUM wedding experience you want. My partner and I want to be able to invite about 130 people, and we want to treat everyone to a sit-down dinner. Dancing is preferred, but if we have to cut costs, we'll cut dancing. DJ is preferred, but if we have to cut costs, we'll ask a friend to take charge of an iPod with speakers. Full open bar is preferred, but if we have to cut costs, we'll do beer and wine and some signature cocktails.

Right now, things seem very messy for you. You seem to want to do a sit down dinner, but you can't afford it for your whole guest list--that means you shouldn't be doing it for family and the wedding party only. You seem to want to change the time of your wedding so you can do apps and cake--you might be better off picking a different date (maybe a Sunday) and having your reception from 2-5. That'll mean ordering new invitations/save-the-dates.

Finally, don't send save-the-dates to everyone. They're primarily meant for VIPs (close family, wedding party), and not for every single guest, and they're completely optional anyway.

SKPM · August 2013

ashleyep said:

huynhette said:

louandbean said:

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

@louandbean - Can you come back and clarify? Is this what you meant?
First look, WP photos etc done prior to 5:30pm
5:30 - Dinner with family and WP.
7pm - Photos with extended family
8pm - Ceremony with Reception to follow. Reception will be passed hor d'oeurves, cake and beverages?

@ashleyp - I agree where is the line between doing a snack for WP to make sure they don't starve from running around all day to having. Can you do sandwiches? Appetizers?

I *think* the first look photos are after dinner or in that same block. She was just saying that since she was going to do first look photos anyway, it doesn't matter if she sees the groom before hand at dinner.

Well it isn't exactly a "first look" anymore after they stare at each other through dinner, you know? So if they wanted the whole "tapping him on the shoulder"/"peeking around a corner"/"surprise face" photo, it would have to happen before dinner. They could take their posed couples shots at either point.

louandbean · September 2013

huynhette said:

louandbean said:

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

@louandbean - Can you come back and clarify? Is this what you meant?
First look, WP photos etc done prior to 5:30pm
5:30 - Dinner with family and WP.
7pm - Photos with extended family
8pm - Ceremony with Reception to follow. Reception will be passed hor d'oeurves, cake and beverages?

@ashleyp - I agree where is the line between doing a snack for WP to make sure they don't starve from running around all day to having. Can you do sandwiches? Appetizers?

That's what I meant! I just won't pick and choose-- it will be immediate family ONLY and WP before the wedding for dinner. Reception will be for all attendees and there will be hor d'oeurves, cake (which is free), and beverages.

louandbean · September 2013

SKPM said:

ashleyep said:

huynhette said:

louandbean said:

So here is what I'm thinking if we do decide to push it back an hour and a half-- prior to the wedding (say, 5:30), have a sit down dinner for immediate families and wedding party. We had already planned to do a "first look" photo shoot, so no harm in seeing each other before the ceremony. This will give us time to do getting ready photos, first look photos, and photos with immediate family and bridal party. Then have the rest of the family come for photos around 7:00. We will still have SOME daylight (~1 hour). Would this be a reasonable itinerary?

@louandbean - Can you come back and clarify? Is this what you meant?
First look, WP photos etc done prior to 5:30pm
5:30 - Dinner with family and WP.
7pm - Photos with extended family
8pm - Ceremony with Reception to follow. Reception will be passed hor d'oeurves, cake and beverages?

@ashleyp - I agree where is the line between doing a snack for WP to make sure they don't starve from running around all day to having. Can you do sandwiches? Appetizers?

I *think* the first look photos are after dinner or in that same block. She was just saying that since she was going to do first look photos anyway, it doesn't matter if she sees the groom before hand at dinner.

Well it isn't exactly a "first look" anymore after they stare at each other through dinner, you know? So if they wanted the whole "tapping him on the shoulder"/"peeking around a corner"/"surprise face" photo, it would have to happen before dinner. They could take their posed couples shots at either point.

Of course, the "First Look" shots will be taken before the dinner.

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