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is any of this a dealbreaker for you?

PirateBarbiePirateBarbie member
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in Wedding Woes
you're a 28yo female. you have an engineering degree, are in grad school at night (paid by your employer), and have a good paying/stable job in your field. you live on your own (rent an apartment), and have a new car. 

you go out on a few dates with a guy. he's nice, and attractive. you have fun on your dates and feel like you get along well.

guy is a couple of years older (say 30/31), is a pharmacist (legal drugs), and makes a good salary. he lives on his own in a family-owned apartment (rent free) and has a new (non luxury) SUV.

over the course of your dates, guy alludes to trying to do free or low cost activities / he's trying to save money. mentions he's working to get his school loans paid in the next few years and pay off the car.

are you seeing any major red flags here? would you stop seeing this guy?
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Re: is any of this a dealbreaker for you?

  • Oface4evaOface4eva member
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    No.  Why is frugality a bad thing?
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  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
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    edited August 2013
    @piratebarbie Unless you sense he's hiding something from you - no, I don't see any red flags.   I question is debt/income ratio, and think should you get serious, that that should be discussed and determine if it's at a ratio where your comfortable.  But if he's making you feel butterflies, you enjoy the low-cost activities, and are having fun - I say continue seeing him - as long as your enjoying it and enjoy his company. :)
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  • GBCKGBCK member
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    no major flags for me.
    Unless he seems to cros the line to 'controlling about money' and 'cheap to a fault'.
    (although family owned apt is a pink flag sometimes)
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  • PirateBarbiePirateBarbie member
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    @LakeR2014 - I've been married for almost 7 years. this isn't me. 
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  • Jessica41381Jessica41381 member
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    No, I don't see any red flags from what you've described. I think its a good thing to want to pay off school loans, car loan, etc. Shows hes trying to be a responsible adult and bring down his debt.  I think there are plenty of free or low cost activities that can be fun.  Now that being said if he starts to not want to pay for dates( I have no problem taking turns paying) then I would reevaluate the situation.
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  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
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    @piratebarbie - sorry for the assumption.   Who are the people this situation is about then?
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  • Oface4evaOface4eva member
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    DED.  LOL!
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  • jojobrnjojobrn member
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    Not for me, unless he becomes more crazed about it. If he can't splurge occasionally, I'd worry, but fiscal responsibility? That's a big plus for me.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    I think that it depends on what "free and/or low cost" means.  I like nice dinners out every one in awhile and to travel.  If he's not making any room for some fun stuff that might be more than $20 every now and then, it's be a dealbreaker.  Also, if this is coming about b/c he's picked up the tab for every date, I'd be concerned about her.

    I guess it comes down to, there's being frugal and there's being obsessed about being frugal.

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  • WzzWzz member
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    a few dates =/= a lifelong pattern of extreme cheapskates of the TLC variety.

     

    there is no dealbreaker here for me. pharmacists don't make a lot of money, definitely not engineer level money. it's sad that i am immediately thinking that this is a dealbreaker for someone.

     

    i guess if he didn;t have a plan, there is a dealbreaker. but it sounds like he might have a plan (living rent free, paying off debt), and if he sticks to it, why it he penalized?

     

    that said, if it is a dealbreaker for someone, then it is a dealbreaker. they should move on and find someone in their own income bracket.

     

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  • WzzWzz member
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    but then again, the 28 year old female had her school paid for by her employee and probably doesn't see how school can be an expensive thing for anyone else. just being adult aged doesn't mean you are financially stable if you have had to pay everything out of pocket (no scholarships, no family finalcial support). having a student loan doesn't mean someone is financially irresponsible.

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  • AuntFloAuntFlo member
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    Oh no!  He's POOR!!!!!!   DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY!
    Wzz said:

    but then again, the 28 year old female had her school paid for by her employee and probably doesn't see how school can be an expensive thing for anyone else. just being adult aged doesn't mean you are financially stable if you have had to pay everything out of pocket (no scholarships, no family finalcial support). having a student loan doesn't mean someone is financially irresponsible.

    ^^^I totally agree with this^^^
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    Pharmacists don't make a ton of money?  The ones I know sure do.  Not megamillions but more than a 28 yo engineer.

    I might be a little leery and see how things play out.  I don't mind free and cheap if it means you can splurge later on.  I do mind free and cheap forever and always. 

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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
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    POOR = MORAL FAILING
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    Pharmacists make a very nice salary, though I'm not sure what their insurance coverage has to be or how it's paid for.  Even Walgreens and Walmart start them around the $92K mark.

    I'd play it out for a bit as well.  As long as free activities were things like movie/concerts in the park, etc, I wouldn't care.  Dumpster diving is not an appropriate date activity for me.

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  • Oface4evaOface4eva member
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    edited August 2013
    POOR = MORAL FAILING

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  • WzzWzz member
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    because i know barbie is a good sport:

     

     

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  • WzzWzz member
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    edited August 2013

    @6fsn - around here, it's a $12 per hour job. that isn't a lot of money to live on as an adult, unless oyu live rent free or have a few roomates.

     

    take into acocunt COL. it's a good enough job, but not a get rich kind of job.

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  • Oface4evaOface4eva member
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    LOL @ robo barbie.  It's like kuus and barbie mixed together.  MIND MELD.
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  • PirateBarbiePirateBarbie member
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    @Wzz - he probably makes more than her - maybe even 1.5-2x as much depending on his experience and where he's working. Pharmacists (not pharm techs) need to have a PhD - it's a 6 year program. I don't know where he went to school or how much of it was covered vs. loan, but he could have significant loans. 

    IMHO, I think she's crazy - her comment about " it makes me feel like he is saying that i'm not spending money for" makes her sound like a gold digger. I know that she isn't - she's dated guys before that were well below her income bracket. she has (had?) some school loans for her BSE - her employer is only covering the Master's. 

    I think he's being a responsible adult, and likely mentioned it to her because he was trying to get her to view him in a positive way - he knows that he has some bills, but he's taking care of it. 

    I could see extreme penny pinching to be a dealbreaker in the long run, but I really don't see this as an issue now. 

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  • WzzWzz member
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    maybe i am wrong. i know some legal pharmacists, they don't make more than $12-15 per hour.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    Wzz, are you think of the pharmacy techs?  They are lower paid labor (around here it's usually $10-$12), but the pharmacists themselves I know make excellent money, even for my LCOL area. I have a handful of friends who considered that career rather than becoming doctors.

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  • PirateBarbiePirateBarbie member
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    oSIL's H is a pharmacist for Walgreens. With ~10 years of experience he makes well into 6 figures. He saved a ton of money in his first few years working and paid cash for their first house. 
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  • WzzWzz member
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    perhaps i am!
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    Well, people have the right to not spend money on things they don't want to.  But I wonder if she's gotten the full story.  Is this a matter of "I'm never going to spend money on X" or "just not right now b/c I have other goals"?  Just b/c he's richer, doesn't mean that he has to blow his money.

     

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  • dharmabunnydharmabunny member
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    Yeah, the pharmacist themselves (not techs) are making closer to $120 an hour. If one's willing to work in a spirit crushing walgreens, it's a deadly good part time job with handsome signing bonuses. They love part time pharmacists

    Education: It's a PharmD :)
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  • PirateBarbiePirateBarbie member
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    dharmabunny said:
     Education: It's a PharmD :)
    thanks - wasn't sure if that was the technical term. 
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  • WzzWzz member
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    i have to apologize. i thought you saw red flags up there Barbie.

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  • PirateBarbiePirateBarbie member
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    @Wzz - no, not at all. I think she's being way too hard on the guy. 
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