Dear Prudence,
My father is 77 years old. After over 50 years of enthusiastic smoking,
he has finally been diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. I’m 37 years
old and since I can remember I have worried that this day would come. He
loves to talk about himself, so he calls me and goes on and on with the
latest updates, and how he is sure the next round of treatments will
cure him. (The five-year survival rate for people with his diagnosis is 1
percent.) Beginning when I was a small child, I tried to get him to
quit by using persuasion, anger, heartfelt letters, throwing out his
cigarettes, even family therapy a few years ago, all to no avail. He
would often get angry and defensive and even called me "selfish" for
describing how his smoking affected me. I'm fed up and having a hard
time mustering sympathy for his self-inflicted disease. And he is still
smoking! Part of me feels that I should be a loving and supportive
daughter to my ill father. But my feelings are so clouded by anger that
he has chosen cigarettes over his health and more years with his family
that I don't feel like responding with concern and good wishes. Is there
anything to do but swallow my feelings and feign polite concern?
—Slow Suicide Is Still Suicide