Kids at the reception...give me your opinions.

TiaTea · August 2013

@Jen4948 "And kids are not social units with their parents or each other"

Do you even know what "social unit" is?

Kids are family! Famili is a social unit .
Here is one definition for you:
the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family <a single-parent family>

I am the last person who would want to see children at every non-kid-related place and event. I would not take a kid to a concert, to an exhibition, even to a trip to Paris ( take him to Disney)
But to say that a child is not a social unit with his parents ...
Until they are 18, they are part of your social unit and you are responsible for them.

As for taking a child to a wedding- depends on the wedding:
Evening gowns, white glove service, a baby on your shoulder ...no! 8 years old sitting bored to death - no! 3 y.o. under the table - no!
Loud music, dancing, late night , toddlers ...no! crawling babies - no! 12 y.o. dancing - why not?
Park, back yard, plenty of room to paly, attentive relatives - yes.

Actually , I hate that the host has to make the decision. I'd much rather have all the children invited, and parents show some responsibility , inform themselves and decide if the place is suitable for children.
But then you have to count on other people's responsibility, which might not be a good bet.

Simply Fated · August 2013

@TiaTea
On TK, when we say "social unit," we're usually referring to a couple in a relationship. Bf/gf, bf/bf, gf/gf, husband/wife, fi/fi, etc
Kids are not a social unit in the same way a couple is.

Yes, parents are responsible for their kids, but that doesn't mean they have to be invited everywhere together.
If little Suzy invites friends over for dinner, she isn't also obligated to invite their siblings.
Children don't have to be invited just because their parents are invited. Same thing if parents are invited.
And, not for nothing, I'm not responsible for my bf, so I'm not sure where the whole "you are responsible for them" comes into play here...?

I get what Jen is saying. If Timmy always acts up, then his parents shouldn't expect him to be invited to places. But why should his sister not be allowed to come? Neither Timmy nor his sister should be surprised by these turn of events. It's the family's choice to not attend.
Not inviting Timmy could be a friendship ending move, though, so I'm not keen on that plan and probably wouldn't advise it.

TiaTea · August 2013

@SimplyFated
Basically we ( you and I ) are saying the same thing.
Escept for the "On TK, when we say "social unit.." SU has definition(s) . If you choose to have a special TK lingo, that's another story. But children are part of the SU called " family". Office co-workers for example, could be a "SU" and families of the co-workers are not part of that SU. Chess club is a SU, where the children of the chess players are not part of that SU ,etc.
Specifically , when it comes to family , children are part of that SU.

As far as "I'm not responsible for my bf, so I'm not sure where the whole "you are responsible for them" comes into play here...?" Of course you are not responsible for your BF . If he is under 18, his parents are. If he is over 18, he is responsible for himself. I meant that parents are responsible to make decisions for their children and those decisions should be pretty much in accordance to the rest that you wrote.
I am saying that I don't like ( as a host) to have to make that decision. A host should ( my preference) not have to guess how Suzy or Timmy will act. Parents should be the ones making the mature decision " Suzy is well behaved , enjoys weddings, doesn't cause problems, Timmy is easily bored, sometimes acts very impulsive, could be disruptive..."
I wish parents make the decisions whom to bring, even if I invite the entire family . An adult person can decide for himself that he is not going to come , because he has back problems, for example, can't sit for prolonged hours, and dancing is out of the question. So if adult person can decide that something is "not for him" for whatever reasons, parents should make those decisions for their children. Not every event is appropriate for children, and not every child handles things the same way, as the other children.
But as I said , that is my preference that parents make those decisions
Unfortunately, parents don't always make rational decisions.

Edits : spelling, more spelling

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

1. Are you having kids at the reception?

Yes we are. We're having kids at the entire wedding since inviting someone to only a part of an event is rude.

2. If not, what is your cut off age? Are you providing a sitter?

We don't have an age cut off. We treated kids like any other guest. We have 2 boys that will be 4 and 1 at the time of the wedding, and our oldest is friends with the children of our friends. If we have a relationship with the kids they were invited. The children of some of FH's friends weren't invited as I haven't met most of the adults, never mind the children. We won't have a sitter.

3. If yes, Are you providing child activities?

We'll have coloring things and small toys at their seats, plus I figure the photo booth and candy bar will keep them plenty busy!

4. What has the response been like? Are people pissed?

Invites will go out next week, but so far there hasn't been an issue. One of FH's coworkers assumed her two daughters (around 17 and 21) were invited but he took care of that.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

Yes we had kids, but we didn't do all kids. First we included our nieces and nephews who ranged from 4 months to 25 years old. Then we included the kids of our bridal party, my husband had been in their lives since they were born. They ranged in age from 14-21. My one BM, her daughter was invited by she opted not to bring her, mom wanted a night out plus I think her daughter had a volleyball game that day so she hung out with her dad for the weekend (divorced couple). We only had one other couple ask to bring their kids and I said ok because they were close in age to one of my great-nieces and I thought that would give her someone to play with (4 years old). We didn't invite any other kids due to budget, plus if you invite this cousins kids then you have to invite that cousins kids, we couldn't afford it.

I did provide activity bags for the kids at church. I found some great stuff online at Oriental trading. It was a wedding them coloring book w/carolyn. They also had lunch size bags (goodie bags) that were black & white with stick figure bride & groom on it (another thing the kids could color) plus a small bag of fruit treats (non messy & quiet snack). For the reception I also got them bride/groom plastic cups (also from oriental trading) and wrote their names on them & had them put out at the table they were sitting at (only did this for the little kids) I was concerned that the little ones might have trouble with the glasses for drinking out of.

I did check with my niece to see what kind of special chair accomodations she would need for her 4 year old and 4 month old and make sure the reception hall had those at the table they would be seated at.

To be honest, I really didn't notice they were there. The 10 year drew me some pictures which I thought was adorable and later in the evening I thought her how to do the electric slide which was fun. It created a great memory and a nice ice breaker with a new young family member from my husbands side.

I got lucky and any parents with small kids kept an eye on their kids & kept them under control and entertained and left when they needed to before their kids made any scenes.

LDubHawksFan · August 2013

scribe95 said:
After keeping an eye on this thread for days all I can say is apparently I know a lot of freaking awesome parents. Obviously toddlers have their moments but I haven't seen any of this insane child behavior that you all have. Go parents!

Same here. That is why I was so surprised by the scathing reply that children are bratty. I must know a lot of good parents, and even the temper tantrum kids that I know still have parents that respond.

TheBaysideBride · August 2013

I did not have kids - and it stressed me out bc I let it stress me out. Finally, I delegated the child care info to a BM, and she distributed the babysitter list the hotel gave us to the parents who needed it ahead of time (we knew who would have their kids) and arranged for the age-appropriate kids to all have a fun evening together. I put WAY too much thought into it originally, and finally realized that paretns are used to getting sitters. IT was not a big deal.

Simply Fated · August 2013

lwoehlk said:

scribe95 said:
After keeping an eye on this thread for days all I can say is apparently I know a lot of freaking awesome parents. Obviously toddlers have their moments but I haven't seen any of this insane child behavior that you all have. Go parents!
Same here. That is why I was so surprised by the scathing reply that children are bratty. I must know a lot of good parents, and even the temper tantrum kids that I know still have parents that respond.

Ugh, you guys are lucky! I know some awesome parents, and I know some terrible parents. Well, not terrible. Bad word to use. They have food and shelter and all that. But if their kids throw a tantrum, the parents just ignore it. I had to drive with the kids in my car and they were completely acting out and distracting me. Their mom did NOTHING. Not even a word. I had to pull over and deal with it myself because it wasn't safe for me to continue driving.

I've gone to R rated movies at midnight with parents bringing in their cranky toddlers. I've had countless encounters with babies screaming bloody murder in restaurants, at all times of the night. I've worked in stores where kids literally threw our items to the floor and the parents see it, but don't bother stopping it. And, yes, I've seen quite a few parents changing their kids' diapers right where people eat. Changing tables, dining room tables... it's all the same.

LDubHawksFan · August 2013

Oh I've seen all of those things too, but of the close friends and family, I am lucky that they are all fairly attentive and reactive parents. If I knew terror kids that could have been on our list, I probably would have not extended the invite to any if their kids, because it is within the rights of a host.

Simply Fated · August 2013

lwoehlk said:
Oh I've seen all of those things too, but of the close friends and family, I am lucky that they are all fairly attentive and reactive parents. If I knew terror kids that could have been on our list, I probably would have not extended the invite to any if their kids, because it is within the rights of a host.

The worst behaved children with the least attentive parents are the ones I'm closest to. As in, I'm very close to those kids, more so than most other guests I'd invite. Figures, huh?

I have bad luck.

APDSS22 · August 2013

The worst behaved children I know I babysat for half a week a summer during college. Their parents left them home all day with babysitters (mostly teenagers) when they should've had a live-in nanny or at least a professional adult during the day. I was a red cross certified babysitter and I was definitely out of my league. They let them eat whatever they wanted to and do whatever they wanted to and one of them would beat up the other. The only way to stop this was to physically remove one of them to another part of the house. Thank heavens I don't know people like these in my close social circles.

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

Wow. Clusterfuck. Anyway, I am having a top shelf hosted bar so it will not be too conducive to children, but I cannot imagine telling those closest to me (close family, wedding party) that they cannot bring their kids. Maybe they won't want to. But if they do, they are welcome because they are my family too.

Kids at the reception...give me your opinions.

Re: Kids at the reception...give me your opinions.

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