Wedding Reception Forum

Groom/Mother Dance if Mom is deceased?

Hi Ladies, 

FI's parents are both deceased and last night his brother suggested FI dancing with his nieces for the groom/mother dance which sort of rubbed me the wrong way (not sure why).  I'm not close with my Dad but we'll prob still do a father/daughter dance...any ideas for what to do with my FI?  Should we not have a mom/son dance, should he dance with his nieces, or just no parent dances?

Re: Groom/Mother Dance if Mom is deceased?

  • This isn't your decision. It's your FI's. No "parent" dances are required; you can do one, both, or neither. I'll be doing my "father/daughter" dance with my grandfather. 

    If he wants to dance with a niece/aunt/sister/whoever, that's just fine. If he doesn't, that's also just fine. 
  • It's up to your fiance. If he wants to dance with his niece, it doesn't matter if it rubs you the wrong way.
    Let him choose. He can dance with his niece, an aunt, grandmother, your mother, who ever. Or no one and you can just dance with your dad.
  • Okay, OBVIOUSLY I know it's his decision, I just wanted some ideas to give him.  Most things he doesn't really care about so I wanted some ideas to give to him when we talk about it.  He's not close with anyone really except for his sister and he's not really the dancing type so I'm not sure.  I'll bounce these ideas off of him though and see what he things. Thanks ladies!
  • If he's not the dancing type, maybe he'd prefer to skip it.
  • If he's not the dancing type and wants to skip it, let him. If he's close with his sister and wants to dance with her, let him.

    DH danced with his mom for about 2 minutes and then asked everyone else to come up and join them (he hates to dance and wanted to keep it as short as possible). I didn't dance with anyone since my dad and I are not close (he declined the invitation to the wedding) and my only living grandfather couldn't come for health reasons. It wasn't a big deal to me, but DH's mom really wanted that time with him so that's what we did.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    It seems to me if he's not the dancing type, he won't want to do it, so problem solved. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • We're considering doing some kind of "Family Dance", with multiple couples matched up on the dance floor. This will allow my fiance to dance with his mom (I think his mom would be sad if we didn't do this), and it won't be a big glaring omission that I'm not having a father-daughter-dance. My father died when I was 17, and I don't feel right about having a substitution. At our "Family Dance" I think I'll dance with an uncle, my mom will dance with my brother, his father will dance with is sister, etc. I think after our first dance we'll have the DJ say something like "And now the bride and groom would like to invite their family up to dance" or something, and everyone will already know the plans and who to dance with. 
  • Just skip it. My FI's hasn't seen his mum since he was 7, so we are just going to leave it out. You can still have the father daughter dance if you want it. It won't look odd.

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  • My FI's mother also passed away. We're skipping the dances on both sides (my father isn't in my life and my stepfather is not the dancey sort lol). We'll have a photo of her with a candle lit and a small sign honoring her. We'll do our first dance together and that will be it for "official" dances. 
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  • just an idea... if he is close with your mom maybe he could dance with her? like a way to symbolize him being part of the family. I know some people whose parents are both deceased and literally call their in laws mom and dad... but idk your situation obviously lol
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