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RSVP Issues

christi.mayochristi.mayo member
First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
in Snarky Brides

I'm sure there are several discussions similar to this floating around, but with 37 days to go I'm lacking in patience to find them.

FI, my family, and myself were very particular about how addressed invitations. For single people, we did not include a guest unless that guest was A. Part of the wedding party, or B. Had been dating a SO for longer than 3 months.

For single people who were invited with a guest, envelopes were addressed, of course to John Smith & guest. For singles without guests, it was just addressed to their name.

As RSVPs start to roll in, we are realizing that many people invited as singles are filling out their response cards assuming they are allowed a guest. I don't want to be rude, because of course these are people who I love, and I want them to be at my wedding. I feel like I'm in an awkward position having to communicate to these people that we did not invite them with a guest.

We are making exceptions for a few, but on the whole, what is the best way to communicate this to people who we prefer do not bring guests?

We also have one instance where we invited a married couple, and they marked on their RSVP card that they would attend with 3 people (including their 13 year old son). We purposely did not invite children, and I'm not sure how to make that clear to them either.

Any advice would be appreciated!!

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Re: RSVP Issues

  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    go check out the E board there is a lot of suggestions on how to handle.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    First of all, you don't get to define someone's relationship as 'more than three months.' By 2.5 months of dating, FI and I were engaged.

    The only people you can safely invite without a plus-one are truly single guests -- people you KNOW aren't dating anyone. Anyone in a relationship of any kind should be invited as a social unit. That's your bad.

    To fix that, you apologise to them and say, 'I'm sorry, I was rude, of course your SO is invited.'

    The kid, on the other hand, is NOT part of a social unit and you are free to say to the parents, 'I'm sorry, the invitation was for you and Bob only. We can't accommodate Junior.' If they push back and say they won't come without him, you say, 'I'm so sorry to hear that. We'll miss you.' Call her bluff.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    christi.mayo said:

    I'm sure there are several discussions similar to this floating around, but with 37 days to go I'm lacking in patience to find them.

    FI, my family, and myself were very particular about how addressed invitations. For single people, we did not include a guest unless that guest was A. Part of the wedding party, or B. Had been dating a SO for longer than 3 months.

    For single people who were invited with a guest, envelopes were addressed, of course to John Smith & guest. For singles without guests, it was just addressed to their name.

    As RSVPs start to roll in, we are realizing that many people invited as singles are filling out their response cards assuming they are allowed a guest. I don't want to be rude, because of course these are people who I love, and I want them to be at my wedding. I feel like I'm in an awkward position having to communicate to these people that we did not invite them with a guest.

    We are making exceptions for a few, but on the whole, what is the best way to communicate this to people who we prefer do not bring guests?

    We also have one instance where we invited a married couple, and they marked on their RSVP card that they would attend with 3 people (including their 13 year old son). We purposely did not invite children, and I'm not sure how to make that clear to them either.

    Any advice would be appreciated!!

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    Is that 3 months at the time of the wedding, the RSVP date or when the invites went out? And are we talking 90 days or 3 calendar months (the ridiculousness of these questions should be a clue that your random cutoff is ridiculous).



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  • sarals24sarals24 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I would just call them and explain politely that you can't accommodate their additional guests. 


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  • binzybinzy member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Meh, I get the 3 mo cut off, you have to make arbitrary cut offs sometimes to accommodate a venue with limited space.  I'd just call them, tell them how excited you are about the new bf, that you can't wait to meet/have dinner/whatever with him, but unfortunately the venue just won't accommodate more people so you can't accommodate an additional guest.  Good luck!
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    binzy said:
    Meh, I get the 3 mo cut off, you have to make arbitrary cut offs sometimes to accommodate a venue with limited space.  I'd just call them, tell them how excited you are about the new bf, that you can't wait to meet/have dinner/whatever with him, but unfortunately the venue just won't accommodate more people so you can't accommodate an additional guest.  Good luck!
    ^^This advice is against proper etiquette.^^

    If they consider themselves in a relationship, the "guest" is actually a significant other and should be invited.  Doesn't matter if they've only been dating 2 months and 2 weeks, they consider themselves a couple.  That faux pas would be on you as the bride OP, so you should accommodate those guests and apologize for the exclusion.  For anyone (including the parents) adding extra random people, you call them and explain that unfortunately, the invitation was just for Mr. Smith and Mrs. Smith, not for little Johnny Smith or for Mr. Smith only, not his buddy Mr. Miller.
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  • KDM323KDM323 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    christi.mayo said:

    I'm sure there are several discussions similar to this floating around, but with 37 days to go I'm lacking in patience to find them.

    FI, my family, and myself were very particular about how addressed invitations. For single people, we did not include a guest unless that guest was A. Part of the wedding party, or B. Had been dating a SO for longer than 3 months.

    For single people who were invited with a guest, envelopes were addressed, of course to John Smith & guest. For singles without guests, it was just addressed to their name.

    As RSVPs start to roll in, we are realizing that many people invited as singles are filling out their response cards assuming they are allowed a guest. I don't want to be rude, because of course these are people who I love, and I want them to be at my wedding. I feel like I'm in an awkward position having to communicate to these people that we did not invite them with a guest.

    We are making exceptions for a few, but on the whole, what is the best way to communicate this to people who we prefer do not bring guests?

    We also have one instance where we invited a married couple, and they marked on their RSVP card that they would attend with 3 people (including their 13 year old son). We purposely did not invite children, and I'm not sure how to make that clear to them either.

    Any advice would be appreciated!!

    Well, you've slighted your "single" guests by presuming that you know how serious their relationships are by excluding their significant others.  They're basically letting you know via their RSVP's that they consider themselves a part of a social unit - despite your arbitrary 3 month timetable.   

    You're going to have to pick up the phone and call them and tell them that you and your FH have decided that their relationship isn't significant enough to allow them to bring their partner to your wedding.  Whether or not they attend at that point is up to them.

    Good luck!


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  • natswildnatswild member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    christi.mayo said:

    I'm sure there are several discussions similar to this floating around, but with 37 days to go I'm lacking in patience to find them.

    FI, my family, and myself were very particular about how addressed invitations. For single people, we did not include a guest unless that guest was A. Part of the wedding party, or B. Had been dating a SO for longer than 3 months.

    For single people who were invited with a guest, envelopes were addressed, of course to John Smith & guest. For singles without guests, it was just addressed to their name.

    As RSVPs start to roll in, we are realizing that many people invited as singles are filling out their response cards assuming they are allowed a guest. I don't want to be rude, because of course these are people who I love, and I want them to be at my wedding. I feel like I'm in an awkward position having to communicate to these people that we did not invite them with a guest.

    We are making exceptions for a few, but on the whole, what is the best way to communicate this to people who we prefer do not bring guests?

    We also have one instance where we invited a married couple, and they marked on their RSVP card that they would attend with 3 people (including their 13 year old son). We purposely did not invite children, and I'm not sure how to make that clear to them either.

    Any advice would be appreciated!!

    Well, you've slighted your "single" guests by presuming that you know how serious their relationships are by excluding their significant others.  They're basically letting you know via their RSVP's that they consider themselves a part of a social unit - despite your arbitrary 3 month timetable.   

    You're going to have to pick up the phone and call them and tell them that you and your FH have decided that their relationship isn't significant enough to allow them to bring their partner to your wedding.  Whether or not they attend at that point is up to them.

    If the venue is very limited, she may not have any choice.  That's always something to keep in mind.  Do check out the etiquette board though, there's some good ideas there.
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