To dress or not to dress??

Re: To dress or not to dress??

• Teddy917 member

  

  August 2013

  You could just offer to pay a portion of everyone's outfits.

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• Simply Fated member

  

  August 2013

  I like the idea of just paying for a portion of everyone's outfits.
  
  
  
  If you are requiring a specific shoe, then you guys should pay 100% of them.
  

  
  

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• Grabows14 member

  

  August 2013

  I agree with PPs... Also if it is still a problem, why don't you have the groomsmen wear black suits they already have?

  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  August 2013

  Can you just ask your GMs to wear a black suit with white shirt? If they don't have one, these are available at consignment stores for less than $50. And then you and FI can buy them all the same tie that goes with your color scheme.

  
  

  If you require your BMs to wear certain shoes, you should pay for them.

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  August 2013 edited August 2013

  I'm in kind of a difficult spot and the stress of this has made me wanna give up having a wedding all together.. I need outside opinions to make a good decision!! PLEASE HELP!!

  
  

  Here's the issue in a nutshell:

  
  

  My fiance and I have a small budget for our wedding we are going the DIY route for almost everything... That being said we were planning for our attendants to pay for their own dresses/tux rentals. However, my guy thinks that his groomsmen-to-be won't be able to afford their tux rentals so he wants to pay for them. I know my bride's maids will be able to afford their dresses + shoes, but I feel like this is going to totally be unfair if he pays for his groom's men's tuxedo rentals while I make my girls pay for their stuff out of their own pockets. It would cost alot for us pay for everyone's outfits and that would take away from other areas of our budget. I've worked and reworked our wedding expenses and just can't seem to cut out anymore to make room for tux/dress money. 

  
  

  Is it wrong for us to ask the bride's maids to pay for their own dresses and shoes while we pay for the tux rental for the groom's men? Or should we just cut out stuff to make more of a budget and pay for everyone?
  
  
  
  Stuck in the Text Box!
  
  I think that you should just ask the GM to wear a black suit they already own.  Or depending how casual your wedding is, just tell them to buy a pair of black dress pants and a white shirt and specify a tie.
  
  Also, have your groom ask the GM what their budget would be for a tux rental and find a rental within that budget.
  

  

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• KickAssMOH member

  

  August 2013

  We had a similar situation, and ended up pre-paying $50 toward each tux rental (bringing the cost for each groomsman down to $95). We also covered the cost of professional makeup for the bridesmaids at $50 pp, to balance it out.

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• WildMagelet member

  

  August 2013

  I agree with PP.  The most budget-friendly thing would be to have the GM skip the tux and just wear a black suit or go for a more casual look with just black pants + white LS dress shirt with a specific tie. Most men I know have at least one pair of black dress pants for special occasions.

  Formerly known as flutterbride2b

  
  

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• APDSS22 member

  

  August 2013

  I also agree with paying a portion of each as a nice idea. If you're having your girls get a specific shoe, you should pay for it. (As opposed to say, specifying a color like black, gold or silver that they pick out.)

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• allispain member

  

  August 2013

  Are you going with a full suit/tux rental? FYI - it's a LOT cheaper to just rent the pants, shirt, and vest than it is to get the jacket as well. DH wore the same suit from the same rental company as a friend's husband did for their wedding - one month apart - but without the jacket it was close to $100 less expensive.

  
  

  I agree with PPs that you could offer to pay a flat amount towards each member of the bridal party's outfit.

  
  

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• jessicabessica member

  

  August 2013

  First of all, you need to ask your bridesmaids and groomsmen what their budget is for wedding attire.  Don't guess at what they can/cannot afford.  Even if they can technically afford it, they may not want to break the bank on a one-time use outfit. 

  
  

  Once you know their budgets, pick something within budget or figure out a way to cover the difference.

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• misssunshine17 member

  

  August 2013

  Skip the tuxes and go with any black suit. This means they're not wasting money on a tux rental. Also, you don't get to dictate bridesmaids shoes other than a neutral color... black, nude or silver. If you want a specific style or colored shoe, you need to pay for it. 

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• delujm0 member

  

  August 2013

  Grabows14 said:

  I agree with PPs... Also if it is still a problem, why don't you have the groomsmen wear black suits they already have?

  
  This is a very popular idea...just to warn you, not every man already owns a black suit.  My fiance, who is a financial professional, owns 3-4 suits.  He only has to wear them to work on very rare occassions.  Last winter he was in a wedding.  The groom didn't get to the GM until two weeks before, at which point he told them to just "wear their black suits."  FI didn't have a black suit.  He had a plain dark grey suit, and a black suit with pinstripes, but the groom said those were not acceptable.  So he wound up spending a lot more than a tux rental to buy and alter a black suit.  He figured he may as well buy a nice one since this issue could come up again in the future.

   

  It would probably be easiest to give all of the attendants a $50 gift card to whatever store you are renting/buying from.  But definitely ask for budgets ahead of time.  If you HAVE to go over someone's budget, you should cover the overage yourselves so that person doesn't have to drop out of the wedding.

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• AprilH81 member

  

  August 2013

  You do not have to pay for the tuxes or dresses (nice if you can find it in your budget, but that doesn't sound like the case).

  
  

  I would look at getting a different tux/suit that is less expensive to help everyone out.  If there is only one or two groomsmen who are having money trouble you can privately offer to help.  

  

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• kefryar member

  

  August 2013

  I had initially picked out dresses that I KNEW might be out of my BMs price range, and I offered to pay for a portion of the dresses. I eventually changed my mind and let them all pick out their own dresses, but I think that the portion idea is a good one.

  It's really not fair to pay for some people's attire, and not for others.

  However, if you are requesting that people buy specific shoes, you should pay for those. I'm in a wedding where we have to have mint green shoes (which no one has) and it's an added expense that might annoy some people (who don't find excuses to buy shoes like I do). Any accessories, makeup, and hair that you want to be done specifically should be footed by you.

   

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• simplykayla member

  

  August 2013

  We had a similar situation with our groomsmen. Originally, they had all agreed on a price point that everyone could work with, but then two of the GMs ended up with some financial struggles and could no longer afford that. Eventually, we decided to just go with black pants and an ivory shirt. Two of the GMs already owned black pants, and just needed to buy the shirt (which they could afford themselves). And the third GM we ended up having to buy pants and a shirt for him (Burlington Coat Factory + Kohls = $60).
  If you want to go the black suit route, just ask the guys first if they already own it. Don't decide to do black only to find out that none of them have black pants already. You could also offer to pay just a portion of everyone's attire.
  Also, has your FI talked to the GMs about this at all? I would have him talk to each of them first and see what they're comfortable paying, if anything. Then you can go from there on what you need to do.
  

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• SingleMom31 member

  

  August 2013

  I think you're putting too much thought into this - if you have 1 or 2 people that are struggling financially, help them out. My MOH was able to pay for everything without question, and while we were out ordering dresses, she paid for own. Adversely, Best Man just started a new job and even taking the time off to come up is a bit of a hardship. So, we covered his plane ticket, hotel, and tux. We did it quietly and nobody other than the three of us know. Was it equal? No. But, BM has enough tact not to say that he got a better deal. And if I actually explained that it was due to hardship, MOH would be 110% okay with it.

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  August 2013

  Like other pp's have said you can change the dress code from a full on Tux to a suit, or just shirt and pants...even if the GM don't own one it will probably be cheaper then a Tux rental anyway.  I also really like the idea of sharing a portion of the costs, but make sure you do it for everyone...not just men or women!

  Good Luck!

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