How do you ask your guests to dress modest???

APDSS22 · August 2013

I found a searchable Bible...most of what I can find from what I'm searching ("lust", "modesty", "clothing", etc.) has been about not lusting after someone rather than inciting lust.

heidirs731 · August 2013

phira said:

heidirs731 said:

phira said:

I'm not sure the Bible says anything about low-cut tops, honestly.

It is a common practice among the to church instruct it's members to dress modestly. Usually, it has something to do with not being provocative and creating lustful desires in other people.

Which sounds like it's more of a church tradition than something in the Bible itself.

Yes, but it's still considered a "Christian" practice, even it if's roots aren't exactly from scripture.

heidirs731 · August 2013

And I want to apologize if any of my finger pointing offended anyone. I realize my interpretation of the post may not have been what the poster intended.

NYCMercedes · August 2013

heidirs731 said:

phira said:

I'm not sure the Bible says anything about low-cut tops, honestly.

It is a common practice among the to church instruct it's members to dress modestly. Usually, it has something to do with not being provocative and creating lustful desires in other people.

This whole thread is about 75 posts too long. Ok. She gets it. We get it. However, where in the world do you get off saying "it is common practice among the to [sic] church to instruct it's members..."? I have been in many mainstream Protestant churches, including being brought up in two, and no church authority has ever instructed the congregation on what to wear. I learned appropriate dress from my mom, a true lady. Please do not generalize about my church, where church = the community of believers. That's wrong.

Viczaesar · August 2013

heidirs731 said:

aliciaharrison said:

1. I believe that the person there was merely stating the fact that Jesus enjoyed the presence of prostitutes over anyone else and that the OP shouldn't be judgy about the woman that she is getting all worked up over. It was not implying that the OP should be happy if prostitutes showed up at her wedding. I believe the PP who wrote that was using the OP's Christian upbringing to show that even Jesus enjoyed that kind of company.

2. I absolutely believe that if you have trust issues with your FH you should not be getting married just yet. I'm 24 and have plenty of things to work through with my BF and I would not insist on getting married until those are taken care of and I am more mature. Unfortunately some people aren't mature enough to get married but still plan it all through.

Have some people becoming mocking to the OP here? Yes but it all happened after she threw a hissy fit.

1. That is a possible. Someone else asked why she was having a dry wedding if Jesus turned water into wine. Both those post seemed to be mocking her religion. But maybe I'm jumping to conclusions.

2. I completely agree that people with trust issues shouldn't be marrying their SO and need to rethink their relationship. But the way that particular post was worded in "You have screwed up priorities" seemed to imply more of a "ridiculousness" on the OP's part and less of a "I'm concerned about this relationship you're in."

3. A number of those quotes were before the OP started being rude herself.

All in all, there's are nice ways of putting things and there are frustrated ways of putting things, and when we don't stop to think about what we are posting and how we are wording it, it can come off as rude and attacking. And I think there's fault on both sides.

Actually every single post that you quoted came after the OP came back and called us all rude and claimed that we were 'tearing her down' except the first, which was neither rude nor tearing her down.

And really, you're surprised that "Well I guess I have better friends and family than all of you" got a negative response?

Simply Fated · August 2013

Heidi, I wasn't mocking her or calling her an idiot. I was just pointing out her problem would be solved if she spoke to the woman directly, instead of sending out a dress code to EVERYONE.

You're reading into our posts and misinterpreting them. That's not okay.

butterflybre21 · August 2013

That is how I took it. If multiple people are taking it that way then maybe you should look at how you worded it. That's what I did when everyone kept saying the same things about my post.

phira · August 2013

butterflybre21 said:

That is how I took it. If multiple people are taking it that way then maybe you should look at how you worded it. That's what I did when everyone kept saying the same things about my post.

Honestly, this is the best argument AGAINST asking your guests to dress a certain way. Regardless of someone's intent, you perceived tone to be mocking and rude. Regardless of your intent, your guests may perceive your request to be rude and inappropriate. The whole point of etiquette is that intent is important, but it doesn't prevent people from having their feelings hurt.

To clarify, I am not trying to blame you for misinterpreting other people's intent here, or be all, "SEEEEEEE?" Just pointing out--this is why we're asking you NOT to make requests about your guests' attire: they might perceive it as rude, as many of us here would, regardless of your intentions.

heidirs731 · August 2013

NYCMercedes said:

heidirs731 said:

phira said:

I'm not sure the Bible says anything about low-cut tops, honestly.

It is a common practice among the to church instruct it's members to dress modestly. Usually, it has something to do with not being provocative and creating lustful desires in other people.

This whole thread is about 75 posts too long. Ok. She gets it. We get it. However, where in the world do you get off saying "it is common practice among the to [sic] church to instruct it's members..."? I have been in many mainstream Protestant churches, including being brought up in two, and no church authority has ever instructed the congregation on what to wear. I learned appropriate dress from my mom, a true lady. Please do not generalize about my church, where church = the community of believers. That's wrong.

I'm sorry if you feel I was taking about your church. I'm Christian myself and have experienced my whole life that the church promotes a "modest" appearance from it's members. This is obviously not an experience you have had in your life. I have never attended a Protestant church, though I have attended several others and I after experiencing this in several places, I assumed it was all the same. I will try not to generalize in the future.

Simply Fated said:

Heidi, I wasn't mocking her or calling her an idiot. I was just pointing out her problem would be solved if she spoke to the woman directly, instead of sending out a dress code to EVERYONE. You're reading into our posts and misinterpreting them. That's not okay.

I'm not misinterpreting posts on purpose. That's just how they came across to me. The OP said herself that she read them the same way. Obviously there's some miss-communication going on with how things are written vs how things are read, which is a common problem with with written media. I do apologize if I offended you, but your post read as mocking to me.

cap816 said:

And I want to apologize if any of my finger pointing offended anyone. I realize my interpretation of the post may not have been what the poster intended.
I found your fingerpointing highly offensive, and incredibly uneducated. As a personal follower of Jesus Christ my original post was far from mocking the OP's religious views.

I was asked to provide specific quotes as to what I thought was offensive. As I said, yours came across as mocking to me. I'm sorry that I misinterpreted, but your post wasn't clear on whether or you were trying to impart a wisdom or mock the OP's Christian upbringing. Obviously, I was wrong.

OjitosVerdes · August 2013

Include this as an insert.

heidirs731 · August 2013

Viczaesar said:

heidirs731 said:

3. A number of those quotes were before the OP started being rude herself.

All in all, there's are nice ways of putting things and there are frustrated ways of putting things, and when we don't stop to think about what we are posting and how we are wording it, it can come off as rude and attacking. And I think there's fault on both sides.

Actually every single post that you quoted came after the OP came back and called us all rude and claimed that we were 'tearing her down' except the first, which was neither rude nor tearing her down.

And really, you're surprised that "Well I guess I have better friends and family than all of you" got a negative response?

1. I considered the OP's start of being rude when she called everyone bridezillas. I did not find her saying everyone was being rude and that people were tearing her down to be rude in the slightest, as I agreed with her assessment. Also, someone saying that you are being mean to them does not make the person rude, it just means that they are taking your statements personally and you may need to reassess how you are communicating with them.

2. As has been pointed out on this board a number of times, one person being rude doesn't give permission for someone else to be rude back. I thought the comment was unnecessary and also insulting to the friends and family since just because they thought including a dress code was fine does not automatically make them rude. It's completely possible that they have simply never heard of many of the etiquette rules that are discussed on this forum. It's not their fault if they don't know.

butterflybre21 · August 2013

I didn't call everyone bridezillas. I said I understand where they come from. Meaning why they become like that.

Viczaesar · August 2013

heidirs731 said:

Viczaesar said:

heidirs731 said:

3. A number of those quotes were before the OP started being rude herself.

All in all, there's are nice ways of putting things and there are frustrated ways of putting things, and when we don't stop to think about what we are posting and how we are wording it, it can come off as rude and attacking. And I think there's fault on both sides.

Actually every single post that you quoted came after the OP came back and called us all rude and claimed that we were 'tearing her down' except the first, which was neither rude nor tearing her down.

And really, you're surprised that "Well I guess I have better friends and family than all of you" got a negative response?

1. I considered the OP's start of being rude when she called everyone bridezillas. I did not find her saying everyone was being rude and that people were tearing her down to be rude in the slightest, as I agreed with her assessment. Also, someone saying that you are being mean to them does not make the person rude, it just means that they are taking your statements personally and you may need to reassess how you are communicating with them.

2. As has been pointed out on this board a number of times, one person being rude doesn't give permission for someone else to be rude back. I thought the comment was unnecessary and also insulting to the friends and family since just because they thought including a dress code was fine does not automatically make them rude. It's completely possible that they have simply never heard of many of the etiquette rules that are discussed on this forum. It's not their fault if they don't know.

Then why, if you agreed that people were being rude and 'tearing her down', did you not give examples of people being rude to her BEFORE she accused us of that when asked for specific examples? OP came back swinging and met with resistance. Not exactly a surprise.

If you're going to insult our friends and families, you cannot get upset when somebody tosses it back at you (general you). 'My friends and family are way awesomer than yours because they don't mind that I want to be rude to them!!!' is right up there with 'I feel sorry for your husbands, you hags!'

heidirs731 · August 2013

OjitosVerdes said:

Include this as an insert.

Just as an example, this is one of those situations where the original intent of the post is unclear. Is it meant to be mocking the OP and exemplifying how "ridiculous" her views are or is it just meant to be funny? It's unclear and it can be read either way, and neither of those ways would be "wrong," one would just be a misinterpretation of the poster's intent.

That's why when someone says "I've been attacked," or "you're responses have been rude," it's not a bad idea to take a second look at what you've written and how it can be interpreted. You might not have meant to be rude or mocking, but it still could have been taken that way. And it doesn't make it wrong on the poster's end when they do take it that way. They are looking at your post through a certain context and you are looking at your post through a certain context and those can both be different. Neither are wrong, it's just a miss-communication.

BTW, I personally think it's hilarious.

heidirs731 · August 2013

butterflybre21 said:

I didn't call everyone bridezillas. I said I understand where they come from. Meaning why they become like that.

Ah, well, that was a moment that could have been taken as having called everyone a bridezilla.

Viczaesar · August 2013

So, anybody see the story about the pastor who refused to perform a wedding ceremony because he thought the bride was dressed inappropriately? I've been discussing that issue on another forum and it of course made me think of this thread. I don't remember seeing a thread on here about it, maybe I'll start one.

button6004 · August 2013

heidirs731 said:

OjitosVerdes said:

Include this as an insert.

Just as an example, this is one of those situations where the original intent of the post is unclear. Is it meant to be mocking the OP and exemplifying how "ridiculous" her views are or is it just meant to be funny? It's unclear and it can be read either way, and neither of those ways would be "wrong," one would just be a misinterpretation of the poster's intent.

That's why when someone says "I've been attacked," or "you're responses have been rude," it's not a bad idea to take a second look at what you've written and how it can be interpreted. You might not have meant to be rude or mocking, but it still could have been taken that way. And it doesn't make it wrong on the poster's end when they do take it that way. They are looking at your post through a certain context and you are looking at your post through a certain context and those can both be different. Neither are wrong, it's just a miss-communication.

BTW, I personally think it's hilarious.

I don't think it matters what the intent of the post was. You cannot control every word of someone's post in an online forum. As long as there is no violation of the TOS, a poster can use whatever tone and/or intent they please.

At the end of the day, it seriously does not matter what the context is, or if there is "miscommunication." It's a forum online. By participating, each and every one of us is opening ourselves up to the masses. There are going to be people who scoff at you, or who tell it like it is. There are going to be people who are nice and people who are blunt. That's the real world, folks. I haven't ever tiptoed around this place and I'm certainly not going to start just because someone might get their feelers hurt.

zitiqueen · August 2013

butterflybre21 said:

I didn't call everyone bridezillas. I said I understand where they come from. Meaning why they become like that.

You mean the ones who say "It's our day, it's OUR day, IT'S OUR DAY, who cares about the guests, today is all about US!" Yeah, they suck.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

butterflybre21 said:

Wow I am surprised by how rude some of you are. I didn't mean to offend anyone. That is why I posted on here before doing or saying anything to my guests. I was looking forward to having some advice. Not to be torn down by other women. There is one person who is not a friend or family but has to come and she flirts with my fiancé right in front of me and wears really inappropriate clothing. ( She does this right in front of her fiancé) so I was thinking I could address this without creating drama by saying something to everyone on the invites. I will not have some girl ruin my day because I was afraid to address how I want people to dress on my day. When you attend someone else's special day you should be respectful of their requests. Not nit pick at their invites and dress code.

http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_maent1m7CS1rdkmnho1_500.gif

http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mag9urZ0T71rdkmnho1_500.gif

lennonkdc · August 2013

heidirs731 said:

phira said:

I'm not sure the Bible says anything about low-cut tops, honestly.

It is a common practice among the to church instruct it's members women to dress modestly. Usually, it has something to do with not being provocative and creating lustful desires in other people. seeing a woman's body as dirty and women as lustful sluts and men as incapable of possessing self control, who are nothing more the walking rape machines.

fixed that for you.

mimiphin · August 2013

banana468 said:

I posted here because I expected the other people here to actually have some etiquette. I never said I didn't care about my guests. I actually said I'm doing a lot for them. And there won't be alcohol at my wedding.
Really? Jesus turned water into wine but you won't serve it? That doesn't seem to make sense. So, having etiquette to you means coming up with ways to get your way? It has nothing to do with behaving appropriately and treating your guests well? In that case how about this poem: Ladies and gents we love you to bits So in the name of all holiness please cover your t!ts! It references holiness AND uses the word please so it's win/win right?

OMG! I almost spit my water out at work!!!!

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

OjitosVerdes said:

Include this as an insert.

If I got this, I would totally understand.... and wear this:

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

OjitosVerdes said:

Include this as an insert.

If I got this, I would totally understand.... and wear this:

Yeah meanwhile the Italian Renaissance art has boobs and nudity galore! /eyeroll.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

I haven't been active on this thread at all, but I want to throw something out there. The people who this is aimed at (people who normally dress a little "sexy" for weddings), probably have a totally different definition of "modest" than you do. They may well think their chosen attire is modest, but you don't agree.

In other words, not only is it super rude to dictate attire, the people who you want to get the message are the only ones who probably won't notice or care. It's obvious that these people are very distracting for you. Ignore them. I'm sure there were people in jeans and cleavage-bearing dresses at my wedding (which was a month ago), but even when I think really hard about it, I can't remember who wore what. It didn't matter. What people are wearing just doesn't matter on the day you get married. Focus on what matters.

TheBaysideBride · August 2013

I know what you're saying, you want people to respect the church. I think word of mouth is best, don't let some of the crazy responses get to you. everyone loves drama. If you know someone who is friends with her, maybe it could be gently suggested.

I'll also tell you, you won't even notice her on your wedding day. One of my frineds wore a TOTALLY unacceptable dress to my wedding, and she made a speech, and i didn't even really notice how bad it was until I saw the photos. Right now, when you're under wedding stress, you think a lot of things might upset you on the wedding day, but trust me, when you're in your dress and you see your FI in his tux, and he's becoming your husband, it is such a phenominal time that someone could arrive in assless chaps and you wouldn't care

Pepper6 · August 2013

OjitosVerdes said:

Include this as an insert.

You know...I was just there a couple weeks ago (and I took this exact same picture, lol). I was all worried about dressing modestly enough, so I wore long pants (even though it was hot as balls), and there were still people wearing shorter dresses and guys in shorts and they didn't say crap to them. (they were still pretty strict about the shoulders though, just not the knees).

Just goes to show that even in the COUNTRY dedicated to Catholicism and 'strictly' enforced modesty...that people will still wear whatever the F they want....

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

I'm late to this party, but I've been watching from the bushes outside.

First, from what I've read, OP never said her wedding will be in a church. A bunch of PPs mentioned that some churches require a dress code (which would somewhat absolve OP of her rudeness) but she never responded. I find that interesting.

Also, don't worry about defending yourself, apparently heidirs731 speaks for you now.

<---heidirs731

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

If you fully trust your FI, like you say, then it shouldn't matter if he's in a room filled with naked women. If you trust him then you should feel completely confident that he wouldn't give a crap about them. Men are fully capable of controlling themselves, even in such "lustful" circumstances. Something to think about.

artbyallie · August 2013

@PrettyGirlLost, I loved your post on the page before because Dmitry is awesome.

heidirs731 · August 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

<---heidirs731

I thought the purpose of the etiquette board was to discourage rude behavior.

How do you ask your guests to dress modest???

Re: How do you ask your guests to dress modest???

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