Wedding vs. Eloping

Amber Noelle · November 2011

Help!

Has anyone here eloped? Did you regret it? What issues did you ecounter? Did you still have a party afterwards? What was your favorite part?

Or are you someone that had a wedding and wished you had eloped?

We are recently back from visiting my family, from which we no longer feel love or support for our wedding or marriage. My sister has complained the whole time about being a bridesmaid, my brother does not want to fly to Australia, my father will not participate in discussions. AND then there is his family. M-I-L is a HUGE stress, and pouts when decisions are made that she doesn't like, divorce is causing family drama and the like.....

There are a select few family and friends who do wish us well, and are there to love and support us. Long story short, we are seriously contemplating eloping...... it would save us a lot of money, a lot of stress, and then we really can make it about us.

Any advice is appreciated!!!!!

MrsTupperware · January 2012

A girl I work with eloped, and had a big "wedding and reception" event on their first anniversary. They couldn't afford their dream wedding on the date they wanted, (apparently the date was the most important part) so they just drove off to Savannah for the weekend, and she came back to work Monday morning with a wedding band. We were all really surprised. She had always talked about having the big traditional wedding.

They saved up for the next year, and on their anniversary, they did the nice ceremony with the white dress and big reception later. That could be an option..

kellydrogers · February 2012

My fiance and I are moving to California in a few weeks and getting married after we get there. A big to-do is not my style so I wanted to elope. I feel like the wedding should be an intimate moment between just us. He wants a ceremony so we have compromised, to do the "elopement" and have a ceremony for friends and family in a year or so when we have more time to plan. I suppose it would still be considered eloping, since we don't have a specific date or place in mind. We chose to do it when we have already moved so that none of our family members or friends will get offended by not being invited to the court house. Unfortunatly, my coworkers have already had a "bachelorette- house party" for me and my mom and aunt have already began with planning the wedding shower for the weekend before we leave. It's a little uncomfortable since I don't even have my engagement ring yet. I fully agree not to have any pre or post wedding parties if you are going to elope. I wish I had read the previous posting about politely turning down the parties before they were planned. It didn't occur to me that it was an option!

sexyangel925 · February 2012

I'm torn between having a really small wedding and eloping. Honestly, I've never wanted a huge wedding. The way I see it is that it should be about the commitment that we are making to each other. Having the people that truly supported our relationship should be there, which honestly haven't been many.Honestly, i don't feel close with any of my family, so I find it kind of hypocritical to invite them and have to deal with everyone's high expectations and criticisms.

danyellestinnett · September 2012

I have been back and fourth with deciding on traditional vs elopement.

We don't want to start my marriage in debt for that one day
We don't want my family stressing about flying in from Europe
We want a quiet, non judged, intimate day that is our choice

I can't imagine spending tens of thousands on one day...

we will put it on a house instead...

elopement is is

Monica427 · August 2013

Wow! Were you just in my head? We have been dealing with similar issues with our wedding planning, and the idea of eloping has become so much more appealing. I used to joke as a kid that I'd elope, and now I understand why I would even think of it in the first place! Sometimes it needs to be less about spending the money to have a crowd pleasing event and more about marrying the love of your life. I can say now that we have considered this route I am so much less stressed about this and I don't have to feel like I am "imposing" on my friends and families by asking them to be apart of it.

P.S.- More money for the honeymoon! Good luck, I hope it all works out perfectly for you and your love.

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

Monica427 said:

Wow! Were you just in my head? We have been dealing with similar issues with our wedding planning, and the idea of eloping has become so much more appealing. I used to joke as a kid that I'd elope, and now I understand why I would even think of it in the first place! Sometimes it needs to be less about spending the money to have a crowd pleasing event and more about marrying the love of your life. I can say now that we have considered this route I am so much less stressed about this and I don't have to feel like I am "imposing" on my friends and families by asking them to be apart of it.
P.S.- More money for the honeymoon! Good luck, I hope it all works out perfectly for you and your love.

This thread is almost a year old.

Did you catch that?

WonderRed · August 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

TULOW!!!!! I heart him so very very much!

Monica427 · August 2013

Thanks for pointing that out...it still expressed my thoughts at this moment.

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

FFS. Instead of digging up an old thread, start a new one.

msgrinn · September 2013

My boyfriend and me eloped before but it did no good for our relationship as well to our relatives. I can say that it's better to be married than to elope first. A lifelong relationship needs to commence formally to make it stay longer and more blessed.

blueobsidian · September 2013

msgrinn said:

My boyfriend and me eloped before but it did no good for our relationship as well to our relatives. I can say that it's better to be married than to elope first. A lifelong relationship needs to commence formally to make it stay longer and more blessed.

This makes no sense. If you eloped, wouldn't that make him your husband? Did you plan on eloping but then not go through with the marriage? Or are you married and just calling him your boyfriend so that you can have a second, fake wedding?

I don't even know where to begin arguing with you about the second part. How does the size of a wedding have anything to do with the marriage? A big party does NOT guarantee a successful marriage. How would an elopement not be a formal commencement of marriage vows?

Perhaps you just don't understand what eloping means?

illakk · September 2013

I'm dealing with the same issue, is all the drama and stress worth it all? I hear that most couples dont even remember their wedding day because it all goes by so fast and to spend thousands of dollars on that one day, ugh idk! My date is over a year away and I'm leaning towards the elopementwith 20 or so ppl in attendance wt a photographer THEN later that evening, reception!

OliveOilsMom · September 2013

illakk said:

I'm dealing with the same issue, is all the drama and stress worth it all? I hear that most couples dont even remember their wedding day because it all goes by so fast and to spend thousands of dollars on that one day, ugh idk! My date is over a year away and I'm leaning towards the elopementwith 20 or so ppl in attendance wt a photographer THEN later that evening, reception!

What you are thinking of doing is not an elopement. But rather a private ceremony followed by a larger reception. You must be careful going this route, your ceremony should be truly private and include immediate family only. When you start adding extra people to the immediate family only, you can potentially start hurting your guests feelings.

An elopement, is truly private, just you and your FI, and your witnesses.

LDubHawksFan · September 2013

OliveOilsMom said:

illakk said:

I'm dealing with the same issue, is all the drama and stress worth it all? I hear that most couples dont even remember their wedding day because it all goes by so fast and to spend thousands of dollars on that one day, ugh idk! My date is over a year away and I'm leaning towards the elopementwith 20 or so ppl in attendance wt a photographer THEN later that evening, reception!

What you are thinking of doing is not an elopement. But rather a private ceremony followed by a larger reception. You must be careful going this route, your ceremony should be truly private and include immediate family only. When you start adding extra people to the immediate family only, you can potentially start hurting your guests feelings.

An elopement, is truly private, just you and your FI, and your witnesses.

Many guests would be disappointed in not being able to witness the most important part if the day, you getting married! And I don't understand how having a small ceremony relieves any "stress". If you are stressed about money, most of what is spent that day is for the reception (feeding guests and entertainment); if you are stressed about small details, a lot of those are actually in the reception part too; if you are truly afraid of large groups of people, you will still be in front of the large crowd at the reception. I really don't understand the private ceremony then large reception idea, but either way it's not eloping.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

FFS.

ETA: @KnotPorscha

JLynG09 · September 2013

That's not true at all. My aunt and uncle eloped and then had a formal wedding and have been happily married for 20-something years. The size of the event has nothing to do with how "successful" the marriage is. Plus, eloping saves the stress of wedding planning so people may end up even happier.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

JLynG09 said:

That's not true at all. My aunt and uncle eloped and then had a formal wedding and have been happily married for 20-something years. The size of the event has nothing to do with how "successful" the marriage is. Plus, eloping saves the stress of wedding planning so people may end up even happier.

So your Aunt and Uncle had a PPD because I don't know how they could have a formal wedding since they were already married.

mimiphin · September 2013

crisdyck · February 2014

we wanted to have a small ceremony - with just my 3 children from a pervious marriage (my 1st husband died) and our parents. Then adding a few people we knew who could sing, take pics, etc. We would then have an "after party" that evening (more of a party than a reception, but similar idea). Well, that turned into a nightmare! Those who WERE invited were seen as being more "special" than those who were not, and people were VERY hurt and some were even spiteful to us due to our selectivity. So we have decided to partially-elope - say our vows with just my children and the officiant, then the 5 of us will leave on a "familymoon" the next day. Totally sucks for my fiancé, as this was his chance at an "ideal big wedding"...and sucks for people who were truly supportive of us and ANY plans we made (as they understood that it is OUR day)...and sucks for our family who cannot have the people we want to have witness our vows. <sigh>

CMGragain · February 2014

@crisdyck, this thread is over two years old!!! You should start a new thread.

crisdyck said:

we wanted to have a small ceremony - with just my 3 children from a pervious marriage (my 1st husband died) and our parents. Then adding a few people we knew who could sing, take pics, etc. We would then have an "after party" that evening (more of a party than a reception, but similar idea). Well, that turned into a nightmare! Those who WERE invited were seen as being more "special" than those who were not, and people were VERY hurt and some were even spiteful to us due to our selectivity. So we have decided to partially-elope - say our vows with just my children and the officiant, then the 5 of us will leave on a "familymoon" the next day. Totally sucks for my fiancé, as this was his chance at an "ideal big wedding"...and sucks for people who were truly supportive of us and ANY plans we made (as they understood that it is OUR day)...and sucks for our family who cannot have the people we want to have witness our vows. <sigh>

People were upset because you didn't follow etiquette. If you had followed your original plan of having a private ceremony with immediate family ONLY, then no one would have been upset at being invited just to the reception. When you started inviting others, that is where you violated etiquette rules.
An elopement is just the two of you with an officiant, a license, and legal witnesses. It does not have a reception. (OK, you could bring the children.)
You need to cancel your wedding plans and start over again with a different date. Do it correctly this time. Invite everybody to the entire event, or elope.
A reception is simply a party where the hosts greet the guests and offer them food and drink to thank them for coming to the ceremony. It does not have to be fancy.
Every time somebody posts that they don't care about etiquette, I want to point to a post like yours to show what happens when you don't follow it!
It stops being "your day" when you invite guests.

Nikita2013 · May 2014

I've been running this through my head for a while too. My fiance for him it doesn't matter as long as we get married, for me it's kinda a toss up. I know his family wants to be involved with our wedding whether it is an elopement or wedding, my family I'm not so sure. Practically half my family doesn't even know I'm engaged because my parents haven't told them, look at my other thread named asking for permission, that's where all the drama is. I have two older siblings that don't really care for my fiance or even ask about my engagement or wedding. So sometimes I wonder if we should just elope with a few people and save more money on our honeymoon and a house.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Just a FYI, when you elope you don't have any guests whatsoever and you don't tell anyone that you are going off to get married. So if you want a handful of people with you then you really aren't eloping, you are just having an intimate ceremony.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

Oh, FFS. @KnotPorscha -- zombie thread!

Nikita2013 · May 2014

Is the terminology really that important? Well what I meant to say then was to have an intimate ceremony rather than an elopement.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Fuck, I got drawn into a zombie thread. Damn, I am pretty good about that!

Nikita2013 said:

Is the terminology really that important? Well what I meant to say then was to have an intimate ceremony rather than an elopement.

But yes, terminology is important especially for newbie posters who may be reading these threads. There is a difference between eloping and what you are planning. I was just pointing that out.

Nikita2013 · May 2014

Ah ok thanks!

Wedding vs. Eloping

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