Two Showers, Same Guests

Simply Fated · August 2013

I said awhile back I'd throw a shower for my friend along with another friend. An aunt is also throwing her one.

I thought we were throwing one for the friends and the aunt was throwing one for family member. I got the list and besides the normal family members (mom, grandma, etc) there were also a couple of other family members on there. I asked the bride about it and she said she would rather them come to ours. It was her cousins and she said they'd have more fun at ours. *sigh* Okay, what ever. Yeah, it was extra people but we can swing it with our budget.

I just got a text from the other girl I'm cohosting withl... she got an invitation to the other shower. She called the Aunt and they shared notes. The lists, minus 5 people, are exactly the same.
Our invitations went out yesterday.

About 30 people just got invited to two showers for the same person. I hate that my name is on one of the invitations.

Should we combine showers? One of us will lose a deposit, so I'd really like to avoid that. Make phone calls?

fionahaley · August 2013

If the same guests are coming to both I would just combine them

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

I would combine them. Yes, someone will lose a deposit, but that deposit is going to be less money than hosting a whole party. I'm sure you can work something out with her aunt that works well for both of you.

Talk to the bride - maybe with her aunt there also. Let her know you're not comfortable hosting two gift giving events with the same guests, so you'd like to combine them.

Grabows14 · August 2013

Yea combine them. It's weird to throw two anyway. One isn't going to be more fun anyway...

TheBaysideBride · August 2013

Agree - that's a pain but you'd be right to combine them.

Jen4948 · August 2013

Combine them, even though it means someone will lose a deposit.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

Combine them. The blame here really lies with the bride. She is an idiot for giving out the same guest lists to the shower hosts.

I don't think you really need to talk to the bride about combining the parties. Just speak with her Aunt and let her know what is going on. Once a decision has been made tell the bride.

Simply Fated · August 2013

Thank you, ladies!

I have no idea why my friend gave us the same lists. I guess she didn't know?

Sarah Vorherr2Jung · August 2013

Is it possible she meant to give different lists to you two but accidentally gave the same to both?

I'd say ask her that first, but then if she gave the same list on purpose, just combine the parties and maybe you and the aunt can split the amount lost in the deposit and split the costs of hosting whichever party goes through?

RebeccaB88 · August 2013

I think it sounds like the bride wants to get more gifts. Is she the type of person you could see doing this? Either that or she's completely clueless about proper invitation etiquette.

amorrison340 · August 2013

Send out an Oops! note or email right away and combine them. This also happened to me as a host, except I learned that myself and the other bridesmaid were the only ones not invited to the other shower, that was held the day before .... oh yeah, found this out during the shower I was hosting. INCREDIBLY embarrassing for both me and the other bridesmaid.

Simply Fated · August 2013

I just got another text from my friend I'm cohosting the shower with. I'm kinda stunned right now.

She had contacted the Bride and told her we were going to combine the showers. The bride bugged out. It was so she could get more gifts. This is NOT usually like her. I'm hoping she just has "bride brain" or something. Or maybe I'm just seeing this side of her now? I dunno, maybe I'm just saying that out of anger.

I don't even know what I want to do right now. I want to pull out of co-hosting, but I don't want to do anything right away because it'll be out of anger.

amalama · August 2013

My bridesmaids did this, I didn't know about it until I was there. They had mentioned needing to decide if we should do one or two showers (families are in two different areas but only about an hour apart), so I gave them a list with everyone but had it divided into who would go to each if they did two. They told me they were doing one, but made the second one a surprise. I didn't find out until a couple weeks later that they had invited everyone to both, and I was a little worried that people with think I was trying to get double presents, but honestly what can I really do about that now?

Anyway, all of the people on my guest list came to one or the other. One family member did send a present for the second one, and more sent recipes for the one they didn't go to (a kitchen shower with a recipe card included in the invitation). I'm not sure if people felt pressured to go to both but I know my bridesmaids reasoning was just so people could choose which one they wanted to go to. They weren't trying to be gift grabby on my behalf. I think if you go through with the two showers (not that I think you have to), most people will probably just do one or the other. Maybe it's just me but I wouldn't feel obligated to go to two showers unless it was my sister or maybe BFF.

Simply Fated · August 2013

amalama said:

My bridesmaids did this, I didn't know about it until I was there. They had mentioned needing to decide if we should do one or two showers (families are in two different areas but only about an hour apart), so I gave them a list with everyone but had it divided into who would go to each if they did two. They told me they were doing one, but made the second one a surprise. I didn't find out until a couple weeks later that they had invited everyone to both, and I was a little worried that people with think I was trying to get double presents, but honestly what can I really do about that now?

Anyway, all of the people on my guest list came to one or the other. One family member did send a present for the second one, and more sent recipes for the one they didn't go to (a kitchen shower with a recipe card included in the invitation). I'm not sure if people felt pressured to go to both but I know my bridesmaids reasoning was just so people could choose which one they wanted to go to. They weren't trying to be gift grabby on my behalf. I think if you go through with the two showers (not that I think you have to), most people will probably just do one or the other. Maybe it's just me but I wouldn't feel obligated to go to two showers unless it was my sister or maybe BFF.

I think people will only come to one, too. Maybe I could tell the bride that, to get her off this idea?

I just hate having my name attached to this, you know?

Ugh this sucks.

@RebeccaB88 I hate that you were right.

amorrison340 that really sucks!

libby2483 · August 2013

Wow, I'm sorry that your friend is being so gift grabby. Maybe once you point out to her that very few people will attend and bring gifts to both, she will be more on board with the idea of combining the showers. I have never been invited for two showers for the same person, but if I were, I would probably only attend the one that is most convenient. If I did attend both, I would bring a larger gift to one shower, or I would get smaller items and bring a gift to both showers. If my budget was $50, I would never decide to get two $50 gifts instead.

misshart00 · August 2013

I was hoping she was doing it so people could pick which was more convenient. What did she say about getting more gifts?

RebeccaB88 · August 2013

Simply Fated said:

@RebeccaB88 I hate that you were right.

Aw, hell. I hate that I was right too. Who DOES that kind of thing? You guys should seriously cancel both showers. I wouldn't want my name associated with that kind of greed, either.

amorrison340 · August 2013

Maybe she just went temporarily mad. I would be honest with her, tell her you feel awkward about having multiple gift giving parties with the same guests. If you don't feel you can do this tell her you realized if you combined the showers you would be able to afford putting on an even better party for her.

Hopefully, as your friend, not forcing you into something you aren't comfortable with will trump her need for gifts. And besides, she doesn't get to dictate how you plan it or if she even gets one. My friend turned into a major bridezilla - and our friendship has never truly recovered (but those are stories for other days).

misssunshine17 · August 2013

As a guest, I would seriously roll my eyes. The only people I invited to my two showers were moms, SILs and my MOH.

I would just not talk to the aunt assuming she wants to combine. She might have plans and might not want to add hosts. If this is the case, cancel your party. Doesn't sound like she really deserves it anyway.

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