NER - Spinoff of Facebook Etiquette

schellzinator · August 2013

Hi Everyone! I read the earlier post about the Facebook faux pas and I have a question.

I don't post anything on Facebook about my wedding. I don't even think that I have that I'm in a relationship on Facebook.The only thing that I share with a select group of people are pictures of my puppy and I'll comment on others pictures. I prefer to keep my day to day activities to myself and I don't quite understand the need for people to post as much as they do on Facebook. I know others will have completely different feelings than I do - and I respect that.

I actually am honestly curious - if you are a person that posts your day to day activities on Facebook - what drives you to do that? Not trying to start a judgy war - just genuinely curious...

KeptInStitches · August 2013

It depends on what you mean by "day-to-day activities." Generally I post about the amusing things in my world (e.g., giving my cat a bath, my car breaking down right after I renew the registration, fantasy football draft). And I use FB as a way to keep in touch with my family, most of whom have moved away from the area we all grew up in.

ETA: And I play Angry Birds with my uncle because that is how we roll.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

I'm active on fb to the extent that I will post pictures of my cats, particularly when they do adorable things. I posted when I bought my dress, and have posted a few times about the countdown to the wedding. Example: when our photogs were posting a bunch of pictures from other weddings and we hit the 5 month mark, I posted about how excited I am to work with them 5 months from that date because I kept seeing all these pictures from them.

I am at least 600 miles from any family (mine or his) or friends from college, and so I use it to keep in touch with them.

ETA: I figure if I'd like to hear about something major from a friend (like, moving, a new job, their cats/animals), I'd like to think my friends would want to hear the major stuff from me. Though... I don't plan on logging into facebook at all during wedding week & then during the honeymoon.

ashleyep · August 2013

I post when I do something fun or interesting. Out to dinner on a date night, on a trip, at an event for a special occasion. I posted when we got engaged and when we set the date, because those were really important things for me. But after reading about FB wedding etiquette on here I've backed off a bit - I didn't post when I went dress shopping, but I have occasionally posted asking for vendor recommendations.

I'm on facebook a lot though, I like reading what everyone else is up to.

schellzinator · August 2013

@lplions and @keptinstitches - that makes sense to me. I enjoy looking at pictures of my niece and nephews who live in PA while I'm in MD. Also the major life announcements of others is nice to hear - but typically I hear about them before its on Facebook. I actually think that is the main reason I keep the account...

It is the:

"I woke up today - and had a cup of coffee - can't live without it"

"Traffic again on 422"

"Coffee #2"

"Yum" Insert picture of their lunch

"Have to finish this project I'm working on before I can leave work"

"Time for bed"

Rinse and repeat the next day.

type of posting that I am more curious about...

Also the couples who live together and still post messages to one another on Facebook...

Grabows14 · August 2013

I post cute pictures, or articles I find REALLY interesting. The only thing I posted wedding relating were engagement photos and the fact we got engaged. I post maybe once a week or less on Facebook. I don't see a purpose in posting daily either...

APDSS22 · August 2013

I don't do the day to day activity thing but I know a few of my younger friends do so maybe I'm just too old. Like "I'm driving in my car with my sunglasses on, here's my 1 millionth picture of that!!!!!"

Personally, I don't get it. I post pictures of my dogs and use it to update people on major life events. I posted when I got proposed to (and pictures because there was a hidden friend/photographer).

schellzinator · August 2013

@scribe95 - I think we were typing at the same time

Answered in the above post.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

@schellzinator oh when we get married I will totally still post on FH's wall. but, I'm weird like that. I probably won't post any more or less than I do right now, it will probably be funny things I see when I'm at lunch or if there are a few people that are friends with him that I'd think others would enjoy as well.

selenathegreat · August 2013

For me, I'm living in a town hours away from friends and family, and I'm not a phone person, so Facebook helps me feel like I am part of my friends' lives while away, learning about their trips, cooking adventures, kids, pets, frustrations and successes -- I feel much closer to the friends who are active on Facebook. I feel like that's worth the annoyance of "there's another selfie in the bathroom." And as for uploading lunch pics -- guilty! I love food porn.

schellzinator · August 2013

@lplions - Fair enough

Thanks for the explanation! I guess it is the same as me texting FI funny things and pictures of Abby - just a different avenue. I think the stuff that is weird to me is the more mundane stuff - like what is for dinner tonight...

Maybe it is just my "friends."

I had an acquaintance from high school that had a shared account with her husband. They would fight through that one Facebook account. I "unfriended" them - because I thought it was awkward to see their arguments. Through someone else I found out that it only got more intense and they ended up getting divorced - all of which was documented on Facebook.

nsweare · August 2013

I have a couple people on my feed who post hourly. I'm super close to hiding them, but they are trainwrecks and sometimes you just can't stop looking. I also wonder what makes people post like that. If any of you are brave enough to admit that you post hourly, please come forward and explain. No mocking or judgment, I promise. I'm just genuinely curious about the mindset behind that kind of posting. Is it boredom? Is it that you just really really like to share? Narcissm? I want to know!

schellzinator · August 2013

@nsweare - thank you - you phrased it so much better than I did!

That's exactly what I was wondering.

Abbyjensen · August 2013

I post quite often, and it's becuase I'm bored. I don't do day to day hourly posts of things like, "Just woke up!", but I post things that I find interesting 5-10 times per day. I work two really boring jobs. My first job I work as a secretary/front desk person. Once every hour I get a phone call, or someone stopping to ask where something is. Other than that, I just sit on the computer. My second job I watch a 12 year old boy with autism. He is almost entirely nonverbal and just plays video games the whole time. I am only there to make sure he is safe and to make him dinner. So again, boring. I post regularly because I want to share my life with someone. I am basically alone 7am-8pm every single day. I have no coworkers, no engaging work to do, etc. I am social and like to share without sending people a text- I think a text is more annoying, and on fb someone can just scroll past it or hide it if they don't want to see it. There are a handful of other people- a couple sahm of infants, another couple people who work similar jobs, a few who are sick- who I know feel the same way that I do.

I think people who constantly post on Facebook are lonely and want to share their life. Being a new mom, or being unemployed, or working a solitary job, all isolate people. I feel like Facebook is the least annoying way to get regular social interaction.

ElcaB · August 2013

I use FB to stay in touch with distant friends & family and share photos. I update my status about once or twice a week, so I wouldn't consider myself a frequent poster.

As for why, it depends. When I'm doing races, like Warrior Dash or a local 5k, I like to post about it to see who else I know is participating, which often leads to meeting up before or afterwards. Other times, I just want to share something interesting, funny, or exciting - like the day I went skydiving.

I don't overshare, like a FB friend of mine who posted a photo of her in a hospital gown with the status, "Waiting for the gynecologist to come in for my exam!" How shudder-worthy.

I am, however, a person with many opinions and a very loud voice, so I keep a blog where I write about pretty much everything, from my personal experiences to opinions on same sex marriage and beyond.

nsweare · August 2013

Abbyjensen said:

I post quite often, and it's becuase I'm bored. I don't do day to day hourly posts of things like, "Just woke up!", but I post things that I find interesting 5-10 times per day. I work two really boring jobs. My first job I work as a secretary/front desk person. Once every hour I get a phone call, or someone stopping to ask where something is. Other than that, I just sit on the computer. My second job I watch a 12 year old boy with autism. He is almost entirely nonverbal and just plays video games the whole time. I am only there to make sure he is safe and to make him dinner. So again, boring. I post regularly because I want to share my life with someone. I am basically alone 7am-8pm every single day. I have no coworkers, no engaging work to do, etc. I am social and like to share without sending people a text- I think a text is more annoying, and on fb someone can just scroll past it or hide it if they don't want to see it. There are a handful of other people- a couple sahm of infants, another couple people who work similar jobs, a few who are sick- who I know feel the same way that I do.

I think people who constantly post on Facebook are lonely and want to share their life. Being a new mom, or being unemployed, or working a solitary job, all isolate people. I feel like Facebook is the least annoying way to get regular social interaction.

Thank you soooo much for this Abby! I really appreciate the insight. I agree that a lot of people are probably just lonely.

schellzinator · August 2013

@abbyjensen - I second what @nsweare says! I get it

misssunshine17 · August 2013

I don't post all the time, I probably do 2-3 times a month, but I do like a lot of things. Cute pictures, food porn, accomplishments. I think many people just crave getting the attention, so they post constantly about the good things in their lives. I am happy for them, but there is a fine line that goes into look-how-awesome-I-am-allllll-the-freaking-time.

ashleyep · August 2013

Forgot to add that I did post when I got engaged, but I didn't post a picture of my ring. I think because I had just made it through the holidays and saw so many ring pics, it kind of seemed AWish to me. Especially if you're not posting a picture of the two of you, but just a picture of your hand.

I dunno, I'm weird like that. I don't have a problem with other people doing it and I love seeing ring pics. I showed (or sent a picture) anyone who asked, but felt weird about blasting it on FB.

AlexisA01 · August 2013

I post depending on my day. Half the time during the day I'm in doing surgeries in the OR. When I'm out with friends I'll post or if I'm relaxing my three dogs are having photos taken.

WonderRed · August 2013

I'm much less active on FB than I used to be. I log on and look at it daily but I probably update my status once 1-2 times a week. I do use it for pictures though so friends and family who don't see us every day can see DS. I don't broadcast the really personal stuff.

itzMS · August 2013

DH & I like to "troll" Facebook (his words), for amusement.

We post pictures of vacations or major life events that we want friends and family to see...but that's about it.

This girl I'm FB friends with honestly publicly insults her husband on FB about 2-3 times a week...it's a trainwreck, which is why I can't unfriend her.

MayDay513 · August 2013

I don't post very often but when I do it's mostly like family group photos when we go to brunch or my niece and nephews doing something super cute. My husband does something awesome, I'm eating something cool at a restaurant etc.

I have a friend who posts on facebook and makes like profound, "OMG I had an ephiphany" about my shower type posts. Which makes me think, how often do you shower that this is the highlight of your day that you need to tell everyone? She also posted a week ago about how she did three loads of laundry and made it such a big deal. Which again got me thinking how often do you do laundry that 3 loads is a big deal? I know I have my judgey pants on.

ElcaB · August 2013

I hate to be a one-upper, but I have a FB friend who posts about three things: 1) How broke she is and how welfare just isn't cutting it, 2) How much she enjoys drinking whiskey and smoking a "cig" after a long day, and 3) Her new tattoos. Think about that...

And @ItzMS thought HERS was a trainwreck! Choo, choo, baby!

yellowdaisies84 · August 2013

Personally, I am equally annoyed by over-sharing people on Facebook that tell you everything they are doing and thinking as I am by silent people who never say or comment on anything but you know that they are there...lurking and reading. lol I don't know why I feel this way. I used to update Facebook fairly often with general updates about fun things that was going on with me but since we got engaged I am scaled WAAAAAAY back, probably too much, because I don't want to annoy anyone with wedding updates and really that's mostly what's been going on with me this past year is exciting wedding planning milestones and counting down to the big day. After the wedding is over I'll probably go back to trying to update it every day with something.

aurorajanette · August 2013

Also annoyed with people who over-share, or just share things that no one is interested in at all pretty frequently. For instance, I have one "friend" who posts every day: "Mondays are hard. Relaxing.", "Rough Tuesday. Relaxing.", "Relaxing with the bf", "One more day until Friday! Relaxing on the couch." Every time I can't help but think about how little I care that she apparently has so much desire to share her relaxation with everyone all the time.

I do post things here and there, typically recipes I'm going to be trying or I'll re-post interesting articles or funny memes at times. Every once in a while there will be an update about something, but typically it's something about a movie I've watch, or a trip I'm taking - asking for advice on where to go or what have you.

I post on my FI's wall from time to time, but it's typically articles or things that I find when I'm not with him that I think will be interesting to him, or meme's that are inside jokes to us. We live together, but don't spend a lot of time at home on the computer together, so if I don't post it to his wall, I will forget to share it with him all together.

yellowdaisies84 · August 2013

I get annoyed by complaining or a lot of negativity on someone's wall. Also, I don't like how now it's mostly articles or recipes that get forwarded around. I prefer to see what someone actually is thinking, doing, etc. than something they just posted to their profile. But that's just me.

itzMS · August 2013

yellowdaisies84 said:

I get annoyed by complaining or a lot of negativity on someone's wall. Also, I don't like how now it's mostly articles or recipes that get forwarded around. I prefer to see what someone actually is thinking, doing, etc. than something they just posted to their profile. But that's just me.

THIS.

"I'm so going to make these!"

Yaaaaaaaaay for you.

csuave · August 2013

I try to only post if I think it is something the majority my friends and family will find interesting. A picture of FI and I looking nice at a friend's wedding; a picture after I ran my first 5K; an interesting article; a picture of our new house; and after all VIPs were told in person or by phone a FB status change to engaged and pictures.

We are inviting our WP and our aunts, uncles and cousins (all are OOT) to our RD at our new house. It will be very informal (pizza) and we issued a private FB invite. So far response has been great including some family banter via posts that gets everyone more excited about the event such as FI's father posting he is bringing home made wine and then getting likes and comments.

FI on the other hand posts too much for my liking, especially with all of his check ins. I told him not to check me in unless it is for a VERY cool outing because I don't think people really care where I am every other day. Also because this kind of posting can get us in trouble, like the time we made an excuse not to go to a 1 year old's b-day party and I had to tell him he couldn't post about what we ended up doing for the risk of being exposed to the birthday party parents.

MissMWood · August 2013

I am quite active on Facebook as I have lots of family and close friends in other countries. Facebook is such a great way to see how they are doing and share with them what we are doing.

arrippa · August 2013

I post very rarely but I use Facebook to keep in contact with my friends and family who live 3,000 miles away. Living in Boston, between the bombings and the blizzard, I have had to post more than normal. It also helps that my FI is NOT on Facebook so I don't post anything about my wedding.

NER - Spinoff of Facebook Etiquette

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