No Children Allowed

banana468 · September 2013

Itsthevix said:
Okay. You've stated your opinion and I stated mine. And we disagree. So what? Does a building implode somewhere now? Or does the world just keep on turning, because we're nothing more than strangers typing words on the internet, and it doesn't matter a bit if we agree or not? Hmmm... that's a toughie...

Have a great day!

You can believe that all you want but that doesn't make it true. You are giving advice that is against proper etiquette. Disagreeing with it and choosing to do your own thing is a choice you make but it's hardly the socially acceptable one any more than I think it's fine to light my farts on fire.

Itsthevix · September 2013

Yes, fart talk. The quintessential mark of both manners and good breeding. lol.

Why do you care so much what I think? This is the exact kind of berating and pressure that Brides get crushed by and its just appalling to see brides do it to each other so willingly. You've made your point, I reject the assertion that we should live our lives according to 40 year old "rules" that don't apply to the modern reality of wedding planning, and I've replied to you over and over with a politeness you apparently cannot bring yourself to return. Bottom line - your approval or disapproval doesn't interest me. And I would like to not be harassed when I'm here.

So move on.

Again, have a great day!

misssunshine17 · September 2013

@banana468

Vix has been clogging up the forum with zombie threads and giving crappy advice all over the place.

Itsthevix · September 2013

Ooh! Found the ignore function. Ahhhhhh. That's better.

banana468 · September 2013

misssunshine17 said:
@banana468

Vix has been clogging up the forum with zombie threads and giving crappy advice all over the place.

And yet despite saying that she's a wedding officiant, she hasn't been banned by @KnotPorscha.

Jen4948 · September 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

Jen4948 said:

Aside from the fact that it's rude to put any kind of "adults only" or other message about who is not invited on invitations, people who don't care about your need for an adults-only wedding aren't going to pay attention to it. Don't lower yourself to their level.

With these people, you have to tell them by word of mouth and even be blunt: "Mary, John, Susie and Alex aren't invited. We cannot accommodate them at the wedding." And then stand firm and don't give in to pleas about how they can't find sitters, you're BFF, or the children won't disturb the wedding.

You have issues.

No, I do not have issues. Where the fuck do you get this from? This whole response was unprovoked.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

Hi @banana468! Vendors are allowed to be on the forum as long as they do not solicit any business of any kind (free or at cost).

@Itsthevix YGPM

aurianna · September 2013

Itsthevix said:

Yes, fart talk. The quintessential mark of both manners and good breeding. lol.
Why do you care so much what I think? This is the exact kind of berating and pressure that Brides get crushed by and its just appalling to see brides do it to each other so willingly. You've made your point, I reject the assertion that we should live our lives according to 40 year old "rules" that don't apply to the modern reality of wedding planning, and I've replied to you over and over with a politeness you apparently cannot bring yourself to return. Bottom line - your approval or disapproval doesn't interest me. And I would like to not be harassed when I'm here.
So move on.
Again, have a great day!

I think people aren't letting it go because you're trying to advocate bad etiquette on an etiquette board. If you stopped giving rude advice, you'd stop seeing the "berating." In truth it's happening not to crush other brides, but to help them. If there are lurkers on here looking for proper etiquette advice and no one calls yours out as being against etiquette, other brides might follow it and offend people. We are trying to prevent this.

And yes, most etiquette rules DO still apply to modern day wedding planning.
If the bride and groom are going to invite other people to share in their day, the wedding is no longer solely about the bride and groom; it's about all the loved ones sharing in the day. If people make an effort to witness your ceremony, then you must be a proper hostess and thank them properly.

Etiquette is about making your guests comfortable and treating them politely. There is nothing archaic or antiquated about this concept. Treating one's guests with common courtesy is just as important now as it was 40 years ago.

In this particular instance, this is why you are wrong (not how we disagree, but rather, how you are wrong):

The sole purpose of an invitation is to invite people to an event. It's right there in the name.
It is rude to state who is NOT invited on an invitation. An invitation is supposed to be a welcome to a joyous event. Directly stating on the invite who is not welcome is abrupt and unkind.
Pretend there were two roommates that had mutual friends. An invite came to roommate A and it specifically said written on it "No roommate B's allowed." While the couple would not have been wrong to not invite B, but to just write it on what is supposed to be an inviting document is tacky and mean.
It is also rude because it insults the guests' intelligence. Most people are smart enough to figure out that those the invitation is addressed to are those who are invited. If the invite did not list roommate B (or did not list all of the family children), then it is obvious to most that the invitation is not for them. By writing "adults only" on an invite you are telling your guests that you think they are too stupid or rude to figure out how an invitation works.

It is very simple to have an adult's only wedding. I managed it just fine. I addressed the invites to the adults invited and the very, very few people who wrote in children, I called them to clarify. It was not difficult. There is no reason to do things the rude way when the polite way is so simple.

aurianna · September 2013

double posting fun.

Viczaesar · September 2013

Itsthevix said:

Where do you guys get these ideas about what is and is not okay to put on your invitations?? This is 2013 and honestly, you can put pretty much whatever you want in your invites, your program, your ceremony...
ABSOLUTELY put it on your invites that it is an adult-only event!! How are they supposed to know if you don't tell them? I am also having an adults-only wedding, and I've been CRYSTAL clear about it, especially since my 8 cousins each have about 4 kids. It's all about the wording and giving people plenty of notice, so they can plan for a sitter. THEY can plan for it, not you. And for the record, anyone who can't find a sitter with 3 months notice must have really awful kids.
"Our wedding venue is designed for the comfort and enjoyment of adults, and is not appropriate for children under the age of 18. Therefore, we ask that you take this opportunity to come and spend an adult-only evening with us, as we celebrate our marriage."

Please stop giving bad etiquette advice on the etiquette board.

banana468 · September 2013

alisonmarie658 said:

Viczaesar said:

Itsthevix said:

Where do you guys get these ideas about what is and is not okay to put on your invitations?? This is 2013 and honestly, you can put pretty much whatever you want in your invites, your program, your ceremony...
ABSOLUTELY put it on your invites that it is an adult-only event!! How are they supposed to know if you don't tell them? I am also having an adults-only wedding, and I've been CRYSTAL clear about it, especially since my 8 cousins each have about 4 kids. It's all about the wording and giving people plenty of notice, so they can plan for a sitter. THEY can plan for it, not you. And for the record, anyone who can't find a sitter with 3 months notice must have really awful kids.
"Our wedding venue is designed for the comfort and enjoyment of adults, and is not appropriate for children under the age of 18. Therefore, we ask that you take this opportunity to come and spend an adult-only evening with us, as we celebrate our marriage."

Please stop giving bad etiquette advice on the etiquette board.

Yes, please don't perpetuate poor etiquette. There are impressionable brideys out there.

Careful now. If you keep telling her that she gives bad advice she'll block you too!

KeptInStitches · September 2013

Nah, she'll run out of ignore slots. You can only ignore 5 people now.

Viczaesar · September 2013

KeptInStitches said:

Nah, she'll run out of ignore slots. You can only ignore 5 people now.

Who are going to be the lucky posters? It's like a twisted lottery.

annathy03 · September 2013

Itsthevix said:

Where do you guys get these ideas about what is and is not okay to put on your invitations?? This is 2013 and honestly, you can put pretty much whatever you want in your invites, your program, your ceremony...
ABSOLUTELY put it on your invites that it is an adult-only event!! How are they supposed to know if you don't tell them? I am also having an adults-only wedding, and I've been CRYSTAL clear about it, especially since my 8 cousins each have about 4 kids. It's all about the wording and giving people plenty of notice, so they can plan for a sitter. THEY can plan for it, not you. And for the record, anyone who can't find a sitter with 3 months notice must have really awful kids.
"Our wedding venue is designed for the comfort and enjoyment of adults, and is not appropriate for children under the age of 18. Therefore, we ask that you take this opportunity to come and spend an adult-only evening with us, as we celebrate our marriage."

Pointing out who isn't invited is rude. If you're worried your guests won't get that the invite being addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Smith means just them, you can add something like "We've reserved _2_ seats in your honor" on the reply card without explicitly pointing out the kidlets are unwelcome.

And people aren't letting it go because you're giving shitty E advice on an E board. You can have whatever opinion you want, but the regs that are still here will point out when someone is advocating being rude.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

Itsthevix said:

Yes, fart talk. The quintessential mark of both manners and good breeding. lol.
Why do you care so much what I think? This is the exact kind of berating and pressure that Brides get crushed by and its just appalling to see brides do it to each other so willingly. You've made your point, I reject the assertion that we should live our lives according to 40 year old "rules" that don't apply to the modern reality of wedding planning, and I've replied to you over and over with a politeness you apparently cannot bring yourself to return. Bottom line - your approval or disapproval doesn't interest me. And I would like to not be harassed when I'm here.
So move on.
Again, have a great day!

Wow, a Reverand commenting on someone's breeding?

Jen, I commented on your issues because you get a little crazy every time this topic comes up. Your posts always make it seem like you think that everyone you know is plotting to bring kids to your wedding.

And to the topic at hand: You don't put someone who isn't invited on the invite. See how "invited" and "invite" are the same? Is that complicated? Don't send your aunt an invite that says her neighbor isn't invited. Don't send your friend an invite that says her mom isn't invited. Because that would be stupid.

grumbledore · September 2013

Itsthevix said:

Yes, fart talk. The quintessential mark of both manners and good breeding. lol.
Why do you care so much what I think? This is the exact kind of berating and pressure that Brides get crushed by and its just appalling to see brides do it to each other so willingly. You've made your point, I reject the assertion that we should live our lives according to 40 year old "rules" that don't apply to the modern reality of wedding planning, and I've replied to you over and over with a politeness you apparently cannot bring yourself to return. Bottom line - your approval or disapproval doesn't interest me. And I would like to not be harassed when I'm here.
So move on.
Again, have a great day!

People care what you are saying because you are giving bad advice to people that many of us go out of our ways to give GOOD advice to. We give them good advice because we want them to have nice weddings where they don't piss off everyone who loves them. We want them to look good, you clearly don't.

No reg here is giving bad advice. You, however, are. Have a great day! *eyeroll*

Jen4948 · September 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

Itsthevix said:

Yes, fart talk. The quintessential mark of both manners and good breeding. lol.
Why do you care so much what I think? This is the exact kind of berating and pressure that Brides get crushed by and its just appalling to see brides do it to each other so willingly. You've made your point, I reject the assertion that we should live our lives according to 40 year old "rules" that don't apply to the modern reality of wedding planning, and I've replied to you over and over with a politeness you apparently cannot bring yourself to return. Bottom line - your approval or disapproval doesn't interest me. And I would like to not be harassed when I'm here.
So move on.
Again, have a great day!

Wow, a Reverand commenting on someone's breeding? You are either fake or awful.

Jen, I commented on your issues because you get a little crazy every time this topic comes up. Your posts always make it seem like you think that everyone you know is plotting to bring kids to your wedding.

And to the topic at hand: You don't put someone who isn't invited on the invite. See how "invited" and "invite" are the same? Is that complicated? Don't send your aunt an invite that says her neighbor isn't invited. Don't send your friend an invite that says her mom isn't invited. Because that would be stupid.

So fucking what? Everyone has a particular wedding aspect or 2 or 3 or ten zillion where they have an opinion-and I'm sure that includes you. There are no rules or TOS against commenting about it multiple times. Get over it.

RebeccaB88 · September 2013

Itsthevix said:

I have been a Reverend for 4 years,

Never would have guessed.

libby2483 · September 2013

thinkminx said:

Our invitations will respectfully request for guests to be adult only and we appreciate your understanding and cooperation. If any guests find it to be in poor taste, they will probably chatter amongst themselves and for the most part, people do that anyways. People critique colors, font, attire, you name it. How silly for a guest to not treat it as "your house, your rules". If a guest were to call and say they can't attend, tell them you will miss them and say you understand. I might even make a joke and say "maybe next time!" This is your wedding, enjoy it and host it in the manner you want to!

Please stop plastering the etiquette board with your horrible advice. If you are doing something that is against etiquette, that's your choice, but don't recommend it to those who are seeking proper etiquette advice.

blueobsidian · September 2013

Itsthevix said:

Okay. You've stated your opinion and I stated mine. And we disagree. So what? Does a building implode somewhere now? Or does the world just keep on turning, because we're nothing more than strangers typing words on the internet, and it doesn't matter a bit if we agree or not? Hmmm... that's a toughie...

Have a great day!

What do you want, a cookie for arguing that you should be rude to your friends and family? Why even bother inviting people if you don't care about treating them well?

WonderRed · September 2013

blueobsidian said:

Itsthevix said:

Okay. You've stated your opinion and I stated mine. And we disagree. So what? Does a building implode somewhere now? Or does the world just keep on turning, because we're nothing more than strangers typing words on the internet, and it doesn't matter a bit if we agree or not? Hmmm... that's a toughie...

Have a great day!

What do you want, a cookie for arguing that you should be rude to your friends and family? Why even bother inviting people if you don't care about treating them well?

NYCMercedes · September 2013

Itsthevix said:

Okay. You've stated your opinion and I stated mine. And we disagree. So what? Does a building implode somewhere now? Or does the world just keep on turning, because we're nothing more than strangers typing words on the internet, and it doesn't matter a bit if we agree or not? Hmmm... that's a toughie...

Have a great day!

It's not whether you agree or disagree. The advice you give is rude.

Simply Fated · September 2013

Why on Earth would anyone think it's okay to put on an invitation who isn't invited?
Would you put "Aunt Sally isn't allowed" or "No Senior Citizens allowed" or "No Cousin Rose, please"
Or, I don't know... maybe you would. After all, weddings are an exception to common decency.

Kristen625 · September 2013

Just checked the board after a few days, and thanks again for all your input ladies. After talking with my FI we have come to an agreement about what to do with this difficult couple and their monster. We will be telling them in person its adults only, the invites will have the adult names on there only, and I also like the number of seats reserved idea on the invite. Thanks again ladies.

Simply Fated · September 2013

Kristen625 said:

Just checked the board after a few days, and thanks again for all your input ladies. After talking with my FI we have come to an agreement about what to do with this difficult couple and their monster. We will be telling them in person its adults only, the invites will have the adult names on there only, and I also like the number of seats reserved idea on the invite. Thanks again ladies.

I think those are some good ideas.

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