I'm not going to sacrifice my experience for the sake of being "polite". #BridalRights!

Xstatic3333 · September 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

Itsthevix said:

It is great that you're concerned only with the guests and what you think is important to them. As a Bride, I'm concerned both with the guests having a wonderful time at the event, and the Couple maintaining their sanity and their financial health before, during and after the event. It's fine for us to have different priorities. Between the two of us, everyone is taken care of.

You act as if those are mutually exclusive concepts- they're not!

It's entirely possible to host your guests properly and not go over budget, and all of the regs here advocate that very thing. But none of the regs will ever validate the entitled "It's YOUR Day" attitude and the bad etiquette that it comes with that has really been cropping up here lately.

I was thinking the same thing. For example, guess what? I didn't put no kids on the invite. Guess what else? Nobody RSVPed for their kids. The kicker? None of the parents are mad at me. Crazy concept! Cost to my sanity and financial health? $0.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2013

Xstatic3333 said:

Itsthevix said:

It is great that you're concerned only with the guests and what you think is important to them. As a Bride, I'm concerned both with the guests having a wonderful time at the event, and the Couple maintaining their sanity and their financial health before, during and after the event. It's fine for us to have different priorities. Between the two of us, everyone is taken care of.

You act as if those are mutually exclusive concepts- they're not!

It's entirely possible to host your guests properly and not go over budget, and all of the regs here advocate that very thing. But none of the regs will ever validate the entitled "It's YOUR Day" attitude and the bad etiquette that it comes with that has really been cropping up here lately.
I was thinking the same thing. For example, guess what? I didn't put no kids on the invite. Guess what else? Nobody RSVPed for their kids. The kicker? None of the parents are mad at me. Crazy concept! Cost to my sanity and financial health? $0.

Reception Cost- $30,000
Dress Cost- $2500
Floral cost- $1500
Hosting your guests properly- Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's WeddingBee.

happyfor25 · September 2013

Itsthevix said:

It is great that you're concerned only with the guests and what you think is important to them. As a Bride, I'm concerned both with the guests having a wonderful time at the event, and the Couple maintaining their sanity and their financial health before, during and after the event. It's fine for us to have different priorities. Between the two of us, everyone is taken care of.

The thing is you can do BOTH--properly host your guests AND maintain your sanity and financial health. They are not mutually exclusive. If you follow etiquette guidelines, it should actually make your planning far less stressful because it eliminates the anxiety of being unsure if you are being rude. If you are feeling so stressed that your sanity is at risk, you need to step back from planning and rethink what you're doing

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

You seem to have this lack of understanding and an opinion that proper etiquette ruins weddings and takes away from the individuality of the B&G. It doesn't. Here are some things you need* to do:

- provide a chair for everyone

- host a reception to thank guests for coming - a meal if it's meal time, refreshments if not

- don't ask your guests for anything or to fund any portion of your event - plan to host what you can afford (no registries on invitations, no fundraisers, no honeymoon jars and the like, no cash bars, etc.)

- treat your guests politely and respectfully (thank them for coming, don't tell them who isn't invited, don't invite people to pre-wedding parties who aren't invited to the wedding, host them for the entire event (no gaps), don't fake a wedding ceremony, don't lie to your guests, etc.)

Outside of that, you can pretty much customize your wedding however you want. You can have it wherever you want, pick your colors, pick your attire, pick your music, pick your attendants/guests, pick your menu, pick your entertainment, pick your drinks, pick your flowers, pick your decor, pick your stationary, pick a theme, pick your vows, write your own ceremony, pick your rings.... and the list goes on and on and on.

See? There are very few things you need* to do and many many more things you can customize to satisfy the "it's MY day" factor without being rude to your guests.

*I say "need" because obviously the sky won't fall if you don't, but it is rude if you don't. Plain and simple.

Itsthevix · September 2013

Our wedding experiences are vastly different, so of course we see things differently. I don't mind that you have a different perspective than I do. Why does it bother you so much that I do, too?

banana468 · September 2013

Itsthevix said:
Our wedding experiences are vastly different, so of course we see things differently. I don't mind that you have a different perspective than I do. Why does it bother you so much that I do, too?

You advise others to do rude things. I can't speak for everyone but it bothers me when I see others stating that it's perfectly fine to throw etiquette to the wind because you can do what you want when it's your wedding.

If you opt to do the opposite of proper etiquette then there's a good chance you'll wind up looking like a perfectly fine jack ass.

phira · September 2013

I mean, this whole mess can be summed up as:

1) Your budget is irrelevant. The reason why wedding planning is so stressful is that you are hosting an event. You are responsible for hosting to the best of your ability regardless of your budget. If you have $30k or if you have $2k, you should be a gracious host. If you can't host properly on your budget, you need to cut costs OR you need to elope and not host a reception.

2) You are on an etiquette board. We are here to discuss etiquette. Sometimes there are gray areas, and sometimes, people disagree. However, showing up on an etiquette board to declare that you can ignore etiquette because you have bridal rights and are a special snowflake is not going to go over very well.

WildMagelet · September 2013

The E board is not "unsupportive" to brides who truly want advice and support. We don't condone activities that go against etiquette. It's pretty simple. As PP said, you can maintain budget, your sanity, and ensure your guests are properly hosted all at the same time. If you have any questions or need any suggestions on how to word something or tackle a problem then people are generally willing to help you out.

If you want to do something against etiquette because "It's MY day" then obviously no one can stop you, but don't come on here and start spouting bad etiquette advice on an etiquette board and expect it to be met with applause.

+misslisa · September 2013

Isn't it funny how, in this day and age, people have such a hard time reconciling opinions and facts? Truly.

I agree entirely with the most recent posters. Etiquette isn't opinion. It's an actual set of rules that's been around for a very long time. People may have opinions (or even traditions) that go against etiquette, but that does not change etiquette.

As someone who has made several etiquette lapses leading up to my ceremony because of poor advice, I can't possibly tell you how SUPREMELY SHITTY it feels, and I'm beyond angry with the "helpful tips" I received. I looked like an insensitive cow in front of people I care about. So if you care about etiquette, then research it and follow it. If you don't, then please stop posting horrible advice on an Etiquette forum. It confuses posters and encourages them to make poor decisions when they don't know better.

Xstatic3333 · September 2013

Itsthevix said:
Our wedding experiences are vastly different, so of course we see things differently. I don't mind that you have a different perspective than I do. Why does it bother you so much that I do, too?

It bothers me that the OP seems to have the attitude that guests are the enemy, out to spoil your fun. They're supposed to be your nearest and dearest. It makes me hope that attitude about weddings doesn't rub off on other new brides, because it might lead to them having bad days and ruining friendships. And your "no kids" arguments bother me because there is a 100% polite way to accomplish not having kids at your wedding. It seems like you came here looking for a fight, but now want to argue "agree to disagree." I'm sure you can understand why that's a little frustrating.

Honestly, none of the rules I got from E were that hard to follow. Focusing on them saved me money and stress; it reminded me that celebrating with my loved ones was more important than obsessing over DIY favors or how to politely exclude SOs.

ETA you aren't the OP. My bad. Early morning.

astimmel · September 2013

So this is what the future is going to look like. I just threw up in my mouth. To the next generation: Have fun being greedy, self-centered, immature, thoughtless,ungracious examples of the human race.

When you say that the times have changed, that doesn't mean they've changed for the better, and going along with it only makes it worse.

Does it feel good to throw manners out the window and focus on yourself? Of course it does. It satisfies your own desires and it's much easier than taking other people into consideration. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Be the better person. Suck it up. Others will notice and respect you for it. It might not be the grandiose fanfare you want and expect for "your day," but if you really want it to be all about you and only you, then don't invite anyone. Because you have to be a gracious host and friend to those who you invite, and if you can't do that, you don't deserve to have them in your life.

lissydo · September 2013

Holy WOW! I tried really hard to read this, and failed.... from what I gathered through comments, anyways, I know MY bridal experience would be horrible if i knew my guests weren't respected or happy, or having a good time.... if you are inviting people to your wedding, you are not only expected to accommodate them, but you are OBLIGATED to do so. If you do not want to deal with guests, get married with just your witnesses.

shannyb41 · September 2013

My mind is blown. The OP was the most ridiculous thing that I have ever read.

Just an FYI, my budget is very similar and I have been able to successfully plan an event for my friends and family that is both beautiful and polite. Oh, and I'll also still be paying my mortgage.

I have been to 1 wedding that had a huge gap between the ceremony and reception (my own cousins). It was the WORST. The wedding was hosted in the brides hometown which is well over an hour from where the rest of my family lives (grooms side). The church was a full mass and the reception side was literally 10 minutes down the road. We waited for at LEAST 2 hours with nothing to do. We stood in the lobby of the venue and just waited. The manager of the venue felt so bad that he actually rushed the earlier weddings cocktail hour to start this one sooner (which was so nice of him but I felt horrible for that wedding and even more mad at this bride).

Your wedding is not a national holiday. I am excited about my wedding and I talk about wedding details with my fiance. If people ask a question I answer it but that's it. Just because it is your wedding does not give you the "Bridal Right" to treat your guests like second class citizens.

Get over yourself.

futuremrsandmrkelly426 · September 2013

#wtfweddingrantthatIcouldntevengetthru

I feel like you have the right to have fun at your own wedding, but not only is it rude and exclusive to pick your guests' dates for them, it's a detail that you're overmagnifying into ruining your day. Let them bring who they want, and be done with it. That, or just don't invite people that you don't like that much.

MuppetOverlord · September 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

Moral of the story: 30k can't buy class.

It can buy Klass, though!!!

MuppetOverlord · September 2013

I'm just calling "troll" after the title of this post alone.

Who else comes on to an etiquette board just to post that etiquette won't cause them to sacrifice their experience? Someone who wants to giggle at 3 pages of people wasting their time spouting etiquette.

RedJacks25 · September 2013

PetKatSold2011 · September 2013

Hi, I kinda felt bad so I had to respond. Not surprised by the responses though. You came into the lions den. It's an etiquette board so they will be strict on etiquette, not feelings. I'm addressing this as a non-etiquette expert but as a fellow bride.

I think you just may be stressed and I take that into consideration. I thought maybe etiquette had to do with just being polite and making people feel comfortable. Not sure if some peoples responses have reflected that. Sometimes I guess, there are "etiquette rules" just...because. Some of which I'm not sure have a valid reason of how they came to be. Do what you think is not only best for yourself and FI (which is actually very important in my opinion, not just focusing on your guest list since I kinda feel has been minimalized by some that prioritize "etiquette" above all else which sometimes can be a matter of opinion) but also just put yourself in others shoes and do what you can.

Your friend and her boyfriend...I would assume it's really important for you to have your best friend there and you know she'd get mad if he wasn't invited. Pick your battles. I think someone else mentioned, if he acts up then that is the proper time to escort him out. I have a friend that has been on and off with her "baby daddy"...I make it clear I'm not a fan of how he is and how she is treated but I am granting her the plus one. She's a good friend, I love her, I want her to have fun. But he acts up, he's out the door. Don't let one person stress you out.

Like someone else said you don't have to put adults only....specify the guests and the quantity. That was helpful, non-snarky advice. I'm doing that as well and being stern to the fact verbally if people ask me. I've had someone ask me "well what are people supposed to do if they have kids!?!" extremely horrified. A babysitter..? It's a very formal event, open bar, I wouldn't want parents to worry about their young ones. If you are logical and caring...they should get it. If they don't then, well, they will be missed.

I am not a fan of having a waiting gap between the ceremony and reception. At the convenience of my guests, I even opted to marry at the venue so they could get straight into cocktail and reception. Guess what some of the responses were when I'd tell guests that..."You're not getting married at a church!?! Weddings are gorgeous at a cathedral!!"....My point, you can't make everyone happy. Do your best. And I'm sorry, it is your day. You want people to be a part of your day. Not be a part of your guest’s special day which is how I feel about some of the responses. My sister had gotten married and couldn't afford the cocktail. Also had to take pictures. Everyone was roaming around confused as to what to do in the gap. She definitely could have handled it better, agreed. As a guest, it was very inconvenient for us....Guess what? We didn't really like it, but we got over it because we understood. Grabbed some coffee and hungout. Some people have cash bars. Do I think that sucks? Yeah, sucks, but would I get over it? Yes, because weddings from what I thought were supposed to be about being happy for the couple and celebrating with them. I'm from the North East...from those of you saying to save more to have a "proper" wedding, I don't know but weddings are extremely expensive in my area and I don't expect anyone gifting a large gift since everyone's financial situation is different so for some, if they would want to save for their dream wedding or "proper" wedding (which is also a matter of opinion) they may be in their 50s by then, lol. I don't know about you but I'm 29, I want to have a decent, fun wedding, get married and start my life and kids. Yes it is possible to be financially sane and do what you need to do but, everyones situation is different. Anyway, if you will have a waiting period, add in the programs a list of activities or places they can go meanwhile you take pics then go to the reception at a certain time.

Just breath...lol. Totally agreed that the bride/couple should have their rights, you shouldn't feel forced to do something but just step back to see if it's hurting someone or even worth that. Just look at it from a matter of how you would want to be treated....not a rule book. Etiquette is very important but sometimes rules have to be bent for specific situations. Therefore, no more rants on this board, lol.

I'm not going to sacrifice my experience for the sake of being "polite". #BridalRights!

Re: I'm not going to sacrifice my experience for the sake of being "polite". #BridalRights!

Lissa 5.17.14

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I'm not going to sacrifice my experience for the sake of being "polite". #BridalRights!

Re: I'm not going to sacrifice my experience for the sake of being &quot;polite&quot;. #BridalRights!

Lissa 5.17.14

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