Is it ok for a bride to host her own wedding shower?

Wedqueen12 · September 2013

I'm just wondering this in case none of my BM's or MOH cannot do it. I know it is not neccessary to have a wedding shower but everyone I know who has ever gotten married has had one....I feel very strongly about this one!

AlexisA01 · September 2013

No it is against etiquette.

WinstonsGirl · September 2013

Nope, since you are basically inviting people so they will buy you stuff

banana468 · September 2013

Sorry, but no.

Simply Fated · September 2013

Yeah, it's not okay to throw your own party where people buy you gifts.
So awkward, ya know?
I totally understand wanting a shower, though. Other people besides your bridal party can throw you a shower, though. So, if they don't someone else might offer.

KeptInStitches · September 2013

Nope, you can't throw your own shower. I understand wanting one, but ultimately it's in poor taste to throw your own gift-giving event - it's really gift-grabby.

misssunshine17 · September 2013

No, sorry. It's really tacky to throw yourself a shower since it is a gift giving event. That said, if someone asks, just say no one has offered to throw one and leave it at that. Anyone can do it- moms, aunts, friends, etc.

ShesSoCold · September 2013

ETA: Sorry if this is offensive. I just stumbled upon it and HAD to use it somewhere.

libby2483 · September 2013

Absolutely not.

MuppetOverlord · September 2013

No.

winelover123 · September 2013

No.

WonderRed · September 2013

atlastmrsg · September 2013

What about being the silent financer/planner of your party? Plan it, pay for it, but have someone like your mother send out invitations so it isn't overt. The secret's between you and your mom, or whoever you can have help you out. You get the shower you're hoping for, and can plan details like refreshments you like. Your guests get the etiquette they're expecting.

Teddy917 · September 2013

SAHoehle said:
What about being the silent financer/planner of your party? Plan it, pay for it, but have someone like your mother send out invitations so it isn't overt. The secret's between you and your mom, or whoever you can have help you out. You get the shower you're hoping for, and can plan details like refreshments you like. Your guests get the etiquette they're expecting.

But that would be lying to your guests. Which is rude. Since etiquette is all about not being rude, that defeats the purpose.

Simply Fated · September 2013

SAHoehle said:
What about being the silent financer/planner of your party? Plan it, pay for it, but have someone like your mother send out invitations so it isn't overt. The secret's between you and your mom, or whoever you can have help you out. You get the shower you're hoping for, and can plan details like refreshments you like. Your guests get the etiquette they're expecting.

That sounds really awkward and deceptive. Like, the bride is secretly planning her dream party where she's tricking her guests into thinking her mom did everything.
The bottom line with this is, at some point in your life, you need to learn you just don't get everything you want. Why can't the bride just be grateful for what her mother does plan for her?

MuppetOverlord · September 2013

SAHoehle said:

What about being the silent financer/planner of your party? Plan it, pay for it, but have someone like your mother send out invitations so it isn't overt. The secret's between you and your mom, or whoever you can have help you out. You get the shower you're hoping for, and can plan details like refreshments you like. Your guests get the etiquette they're expecting.

Yeah that's not something I could possibly feel good about doing.

WedReMix13 · September 2013

I didnt have one because my BM and/or family didnt plan it. Looking back i was fine without it.

grumbledore · September 2013

Wedqueen12 said:

I'm just wondering this in case none of my BM's or MOH cannot do it. I know it is not neccessary to have a wedding shower but everyone I know who has ever gotten married has had one....I feel very strongly about this one!

No, it is not okay. If no one offers to host, then you don't have a shower.

grumbledore · September 2013

SAHoehle said:

What about being the silent financer/planner of your party? Plan it, pay for it, but have someone like your mother send out invitations so it isn't overt. The secret's between you and your mom, or whoever you can have help you out. You get the shower you're hoping for, and can plan details like refreshments you like. Your guests get the etiquette they're expecting.

This is the second bit of bad advice I have seen from you in the last 3 minutes on the Etiquette board. Stop.

OP - you do not plan your shower, you do not pay for your shower, you do not lie to your friends and family, period. Not having a bridal shower is not a big deal.

button6004 · September 2013

You feel very strongly about this one? OP, no one is entitled to a bridal shower. If no one has offered to host one, you simply will not have one. I'm sorry, but that's the bottom line. It is ridiculously rude to throw yourself a bridal shower. You are essentially telling your guests that you are throwing yourself a party and come on, pony up a gift. Rude.

It's unfortunate that no one has offered to host a shower for you, but its not a necessity and you'll be fine.

CrazyCatLady3 · September 2013

If you really want a pre-wedding party and no one offers to throw you a shower, you can host a bridal luncheon or ladies' get-together, but it should not be a gift-giving event.

Gisellerina · September 2013

No, it is not okay for the bride to host her own shower.

doeydo · September 2013

No. Showers are basically a chance for people to give gifts to the bride and you can't really host your own because that's basically saying "Come give me gifts!"

MGP · September 2013

Wedqueen12 said:

I feel very strongly about this one!

What do you feel strongly about? That you need or deserve a bridal shower? Because that's called entitlement.

NO ONE is entitled to a bridal shower and NO ONE is required to host one for you. Not your wedding party, mother, sisters, etc. Some people just don't get showers. That's just the breaks.

DO NOT ask for someone to host. If someone offers, accept and go from there.

If no one offers, DO NOT host your own.

And when it comes time for you to have a baby, follow the same advice all over again.

Jen4948 · September 2013

No. Showers have to be hosted by third parties, not close family members, at their own initiative. Brides don't host their own showers or ask anyone to do so for them.

libby2483 · September 2013

SAHoehle said:

What about being the silent financer/planner of your party? Plan it, pay for it, but have someone like your mother send out invitations so it isn't overt. The secret's between you and your mom, or whoever you can have help you out. You get the shower you're hoping for, and can plan details like refreshments you like. Your guests get the etiquette they're expecting.

Well this is a terrible idea.

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

OP the reason it's rude is because "showers" are for showering the bride in gifts - they're gift giving events. It's rude to plan a party for yourself so that people will give you presents. So that's why it's against etiquette to throw your own - it's seen as entitled and gift-grabby.

Anyone can offer to throw you a shower, it doesn't have to be your BMs. You shouldn't ask for one though - it's a gift someone gives you and it's rude to ask for gifts.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

Majelin86 · September 2013

I think it's tacky to host your own...it'd be like you're asking for gifts.

WonderRed · September 2013

SAHoehle said:

What about being the silent financer/planner of your party? Plan it, pay for it, but have someone like your mother send out invitations so it isn't overt. The secret's between you and your mom, or whoever you can have help you out. You get the shower you're hoping for, and can plan details like refreshments you like. Your guests get the etiquette they're expecting.

Peaseblossom55 · September 2013

Incredibly tacky don't do it. It's very rude to host your own shower.

Is it ok for a bride to host her own wedding shower?

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