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Almost Nobody on Groom's Side is Attending; What to do?

My fiance is British, and I am American, and we always planned on having an intimate wedding ceremony. We invited 24 guests to our wedding in the United States, but out of all of his friends (who are British), all of them RSVP-ed "no", except for his best man, his parents, and his sister. He invited only his closest friends and their partners, but they are not attending -- not because they can't afford it but because the couples all have small children who they say they can't leave behind or take travelling --  this includes his best friend (and invited groomsman) who he has had since he was 11 years old. As of now, we have 14 of my guests attending and only 4 of his. He is bitter and disillusioned, but I don't know how to make him feel any better. He can't imagine getting married without his best friends there and is extremely upset -- saying that none of it matters to him anymore and that we should have eloped. He even attended the wedding of his best mate -- both when the man eloped to Vegas, and when he got married for a second time to a different bride in the UK. We have already put deposits down on the venue, minister, bar, and transporation. Is there anything that any of you can think of to make him feel better? How would you feel, if, literally, all of your friends bailed on your wedding? I understand that having small children is a good excuse to not travel overseas, but how do you make him feel better that his wedding consists of none of his side, especially when he doesn't care for small children anyway? I proposed having a pub party the next time that we visited the UK, but he insists that it isn't the same . . . He also doesn't care very much for my family, as my mother was very rude, when we announced our engagement. We are not that young, but in our early 30s and expect most people to be able to make it.

Re: Almost Nobody on Groom's Side is Attending; What to do?

  • We did a DW< and most of my friends didn't make the trip.  I think 3 couples who I am friends with made it, and one girl was my MOH.  DH had lots of friends and barely any family, just his immediate family.  His extended family lives in Chile and couldn't make the trip.  I totally get how your FI feels, cos I had a few moments of feeling the same about my friends.  We gave them over a years notice so they could plan and save and all of them started out saying they were going to come.  Unfortunately for me, people have different priorities in life and they decided not to come.  

    I can also say though that I was expecting a higher decline rate due to the DW and if we hadn't of been ok with that, we wouldn't have gone away.  But it still sucks when your friends can't come.  

    As for his empty side, there is no rule that people have to sit on the side of the person they know. It sounds like you only have about 18 people attending??  Put out 2 rows of 5 chairs on each side of the alter (20 chairs total) and let people sit where there is space.  If "your side" fills up, your friends and family will fill up the chairs on "his side" and you won't be able to tell.  From what I can remember, everyone sat everywhere at our wedding.  

  • Maybe you could Skype the ceremony, that way his friends are still there in a way.
  • Have you ever travelled with children?!?  It is much harder with them, even when they are well behaved.  Transatlantic flights are LONG and expensive.  Sure if the kids are under two they can travel as lap children for free, but I know I wouldn't want a kid on my lap for 6 hours or so no matter how much I loved them.

    I understand his disappointment but he needs to think this through.  Just because someone doesn't want/can't spend thousands of dollars to attend the wedding does not mean they don't care.

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  • I do like the Skype idea, so they can watched.   A lot of our friends asked if we were doing that cos they did want to be a part of our day, they just couldn't make the trip

  • I feel for your FI but what did he expect? I wouldn't be able to go to a wedding in the UK.

    And wanting to elope because his friends can't come makes 0 sense.



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  • There is no way I could travel to a wedding in Europe with both my FI and my son.  If you're worried about the ceremony being lopsided put up a "pick a seat, not a side" sign or, since it sounds like a small wedding,  seat your guests in a circle around you instead.
  • He is bitter and disillusioned that these people aren't willing to spend thousands of dollars (pounds?) to attend his wedding?  We are talking thousands of dollar here.

    I am sure he is disappointed but he is dead wrong to be bitter towards these people.  There is NO one I would spend that kind of money on to attend their wedding unless it was one of my kids.  I would not spend thousands to attend a siblings wedding and I wouldn't for a friend.  That is a crazy amount of money.

    Bring him back into a reality check here.  Ask him if these friends have always been there for him and been supportive.  I'm betting he says they have been.  Well, THAT is what is important!  The love and support they have shown him in the past, as well as the love and support they will show you both in  your marriage in the future.  Their attendance at your wedding/one day party has nothing to do with that.  They still love him and they still support him, but they aren't spending thousands of dollars to attend your wedding.  They are still there for him.

    Did he never consider that the cost of the travel and accommodations would be extremely prohibitive to these people?  You say you  guys are in your 30's and expect most people to be able to make it.  That is not for you to decide, and since you put such a heavy price tag on that, you shouldn't be surprised that they are not coming.  You should never attach  your expectations to several thousand dollars of someone else's money.
  • Do you even realize how much money/time/energy you're asking of your guests? You sound like you're doing them a favor by getting married and inviting them. Yes, it sucks they won't be attending, but that is the reality of DWs. Your post is exactly the reason I don't like DWs. The only person I would attend a DW would be for my brother, and I wouldn't be happy about it. That is my vacation time and money and it's at a location I didn't even choose. You and your FI need a serious reality check. 
  • First, it sucks that your FI's friends are unable to attend, but the finances and the time commitment on their part to be there is asking a bit much from them. If I were in the same position as your FI, I would be unhappy and even angry about the whole situation. Also, he is upset right now, there isn't much you can do or say to him until he calms down. At this moment he's unable see the other side of the situation involving their reasoning behind the declines, let him vent but give it a few days before attempting to give suggestions or even advice. Second, you said your mother was rude to your FI when you announced your engagement. If he is uncomfortable with your family being there, maybe your mother and your FI need to attempt to resolve their issues before you walk down the aisle. Good luck.
  • I'm sorry that his guests can't attend. That is sad. I think he should've expected the decline rate, especially with kids. It's a lot of money and it shouldn't be held against them (regardless of whether he was able to attend their weddings). It's not tit for tat.

    Keep planning, it will be a beautiful day.
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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