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arlosmama · September 2013

This question wasnt taken the way I had intended. I was hoping to hear from anyone that may have been experiencing the same thoughts/ideas. Never did I expect that my fiancés views, our choices and the way we've decided to live our lives would be picked apart so negatively.

smalfrie19 · September 2013

Two and a half years is not that big of a gap for kids. Take it from me, my baby sister and I are 3 years apart and we are incredibly close. The thee years is not that big of a deal.

arlosmama · September 2013

cap816 said:

I think your reasoning is pretty silly. In my opinion, the decision to have a child should be based on the parents readiness. Are YOU financially ready for a second child? Are YOU emotionally and physically able to care for both a toddler and an infant? Also, I'm curious about your multiple reasons for being opposed to birth control....

To be honest, I wouldn't be considering a second if I didn't think we were ready and capable to do so. I really just wanted to see if maybe anyone else were thinking the same/planning their wedding while pregnant or trying to conceive. As for birth control, on a religious level my fiancé is against it. And between the two of us, we have both have terrible reactions to using different forms birth control.

silver0319 · September 2013

It's up to you and your FI to determine if you are financially and emotionally ready to handle wedding planning on top of being pregnant. Have you looked into activities for your 6 month old? A friend of mine moved to a new city when with a newborn; one of the first things she did was look into playgroups on meetup.com.

2.5 years isn't a big gap. FI and his brother are 2.5 years apart and aren't very close. Growing up, they weren't "friends" but often played on sports teams together. Now they see each other at holidays and birthdays. My sister is 5 years older than me. It was really nice growing up because we were able to lead separate lives and weren't constantly competing for our parents' time and attention. Even though we did our own things as kids, we are incredibly close now.

monkeysip · September 2013

cap816 said:

mrsdebiasi said:

cap816 said:

I think your reasoning is pretty silly. In my opinion, the decision to have a child should be based on the parents readiness. Are YOU financially ready for a second child? Are YOU emotionally and physically able to care for both a toddler and an infant? Also, I'm curious about your multiple reasons for being opposed to birth control....

To be honest, I wouldn't be considering a second if I didn't think we were ready and capable to do so. I really just wanted to see if maybe anyone else were thinking the same/planning their wedding while pregnant or trying to conceive. As for birth control, on a religious level my fiancé is against it. And between the two of us, we have both have terrible reactions to using different forms birth control.

Huh. Well, to each their own, but religious reasons against birth control don't really make much sense when you already have a child out of wedlock.

I'm curious about that too. I mean, I'm not judging anyone's beliefs here, just surprised to hear from someone who is against birth control but has no problem with premarital sex. Not just one baby, but now planning a second. Just interesting to me.

LizM61409 · September 2013

If you're having sex without birth control, you're already trying to get pregnant. It's a matter of when, not if.

Also, there are a million different types of birth control available, just because you didn't like one brand of the pill doesn't mean you can't use anything

Simply Fated · September 2013

I understand that you want them to be close to their siblings, but age shouldn't be a factor. Some of my greatest friends are about 10 years younger than I am.

You should be having kids based on when you're ready, not when your current kids are ready. I mean, you agree, right? If you want them to have friends, let them make friends. Sign them up for activities when they're old enough and put them into playgroups. You should be encouraging them to make friends, not make the friends for them, literally speaking.

The Catholic board is pretty knowledgeable about natural forms of birth control, if this is something your fiance would prefer.

If you want to try a different form of artificial birth control, then speak to your doctor. This is your body, your choice. But you and your fiance should be on the same page, if this is a dealbreaker for him.

Ajuliana · September 2013

Yeah...what you're FI is experiencing is double think. Catholic guilt perhaps?

LizM61409 · September 2013

And FWIW, I have 2 sisters, one 2 years younger than me and one 8 years younger than me. The one closer in age and I fought ALL THE TIME and only started getting along once we moved to separate states. I've always been much closer with the younger one despite the larger age gap

KatWAG · September 2013

monkeysip said:

cap816 said:

mrsdebiasi said:

cap816 said:

I think your reasoning is pretty silly. In my opinion, the decision to have a child should be based on the parents readiness. Are YOU financially ready for a second child? Are YOU emotionally and physically able to care for both a toddler and an infant? Also, I'm curious about your multiple reasons for being opposed to birth control....
To be honest, I wouldn't be considering a second if I didn't think we were ready and capable to do so. I really just wanted to see if maybe anyone else were thinking the same/planning their wedding while pregnant or trying to conceive. As for birth control, on a religious level my fiancé is against it. And between the two of us, we have both have terrible reactions to using different forms birth control.
Huh. Well, to each their own, but religious reasons against birth control don't really make much sense when you already have a child out of wedlock.
I'm curious about that too. I mean, I'm not judging anyone's beliefs here, just surprised to hear from someone who is against birth control but has no problem with premarital sex. Not just one baby, but now planning a second. Just interesting to me.

This.

HobokensFury · September 2013

I can't get passed the hypocrisy of this post.

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

I don't think 2.5 years is a big age gap. I also don't think it makes sense to plan an age gap around a wedding and with the assumption that your children will be BFF. By default of not using birth control, you can't really "control" when you're going to have a kid anyway so planning is kind of a moot point.

My sister and I were COMPLETE opposites and did not get along very well until we both graduated college (she's 3 years older than me). We're really close now.

You're better off getting your kid involved socially and letting them make their own friends. They don't have to be close just because you and your fiance were with your siblings.

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

I do think it is a little ironic, however I'm not going to judge anyone's beliefs. I agree with the age not being a big deal though. It would be ideal to have children close in age that would be great friends, but it's not always realistic. I have two older brothers, the oldest is 8 years older and the middle is 3.5 years older. The one closer in age to me and I were pretty close when I was really young (10 & under) but now, my oldest brother and I are a lot closer. It just depends on personalities. Sometimes I think being too close in age will just make them clash more because they will be fighting over the same things they are interested in. For example, a 6 year old is not going to want the musical toy a two year old wants. I also know two sets of twins who very much dislike each other (I agree, I was thinking "but it's your TWIN"), but you can't force your children to like each other. Just my take on it

Maggie0829 · September 2013

Nicmorrison14 said:

I do think it is a little ironic, however I'm not going to judge anyone's beliefs. I agree with the age not being a big deal though. It would be ideal to have children close in age that would be great friends, but it's not always realistic. I have two older brothers, the oldest is 8 years older and the middle is 3.5 years older. The one closer in age to me and I were pretty close when I was really young (10 & under) but now, my oldest brother and I are a lot closer. It just depends on personalities. Sometimes I think being too close in age will just make them clash more because they will be fighting over the same things they are interested in. For example, a 6 year old is not going to want the musical toy a two year old wants. I also know two sets of twins who very much dislike each other (I agree, I was thinking "but it's your TWIN"), but you can't force your children to like each other. Just my take on it

I agree with all of this. Just because you and your FI were and are close with your siblings does not mean your kids will be close with theirs. And the age range will have nothing to do with their closeness, just their personalities and likes and dislikes.

daveANDkristen · September 2013

cap816 said:

Huh. Well, to each their own, but religious reasons against birth control don't really make much sense when you already have a child out of wedlock.

Took the snarky words right out of my mouth.

WonderRed · September 2013

I'm much much closer to my brother who is 11 years older than me than the siblings closer to my age. Age proximity is no guarantee your children will become BFFs. FI can't stand his brother who is 3 years older than him.

What is your cut off of stopping trying? There is no guarantee that you'll get pregnant right away. It's also going to make buying a dress harder since you have no idea how quickly you'll lose the baby weight or if you even will. You already have a baby so I don't have to point out to you that the first few sleepless months are a living hell. Do you really want to be dealing with that stage as the same time as your wedding? Do you plan to nurse? Do you want to be dealing with lactating/pumping/nursing on your wedding day? I personally wouldn't.

Do what you want but it seems to me that 11 1/2 months is pretty short turn around for getting pregnant, giving birth, and then having a baby in time for your wedding.

HisGirlFriday13 · September 2013

Ditto PPs. All religions that have proscriptions against birth control have even bigger proscriptions against pre-marital sex and out of wedlock babies.

Just get your license, meet with your minister, and have a quiet, private, religious ceremony. Forget the big hoopla.

doeydo · September 2013

If it were me, I would definitely wait until after the wedding to get pregnant.

As for planning to have children closer together so that they can be "buds" or something, that's some kind of a BS magical fairy tale. Or at least, from my own family and every other person I've talked to about their siblings, they actually get/got along better with the larger age gap and those that were closer together fought and/or experienced rivalry. I have two older sisters. Sister D is 7 1/2 years older and Sister N is 6 ears older. As a kid, I got along well with my siblings but they did not get along with each other at all, even when they were young. As for now, we all kind of get along but I would say that they still aren't that friendly with each other. Also, statistically speaking, children are more likely to be successful if there is a larger gap.

doeydo · September 2013

Also, I love how religious people feel like they can pick and choose which parts of the bible/religious book matter and which religious laws to follow.

RedJacks25 · September 2013

*sigh* No one got around to quoting the OP.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

RedJacks25 said:

*sigh* No one got around to quoting the OP.

Basically OP was asking our opinions on whether or not she and her FI should try to have another child now while planning their wedding or wait until after the wedding. They already have one kid and they really want their kids to be close in age so that they will be close/best friends. Also, OP, due to her religious beliefs, is not on birth control.

FutureMrsN3312 · September 2013

Gotta love supermarket Catholics, Jews, etc.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

@mrsdebiasi - you posted on a public forum so you should be prepared for any and all responses. When you put personal stuff out there on the internet you need to realize that people will have comments and questions regarding your decisions.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

OP, just start a poll and let us vote on when you have your next kid.

Grabows14 · September 2013

Yay now everyone will view this post! On a more serious note, if you want kids have them. If you don't, then don't. Please don't have kids because you think your kids are going to want to have a playmate... FWIW my sister and I are 10 yrs apart and me and my brother are 2 yrs apart. We have no issues either.

NYCBruin · September 2013

I have nothing to add except to let you know that the only reason I opened this thread was because you edited the title to "." which is the universal sign for "look at this post: there's probably some bat shit crazy drama inside". I'm not the only one who does this. Wayyyyyyy more people will read your post now.

Just something to keep in mind for the future when you decide to DD.

MuppetOverlord · September 2013

NYCBruin said:

I have nothing to add except to let you know that the only reason I opened this thread was because you edited the title to "." which is the universal sign for "look at this post: there's probably some bat shit crazy drama inside". I'm not the only one who does this. Wayyyyyyy more people will read your post now. Just something to keep in mind for the future when you decide to DD.

Ditto.

thejucheidea · September 2013

Ooooh, a post with a deleted subject line~

ShesSoCold · September 2013

thejucheidea said:

Ooooh, a post with a deleted subject line~

LMAO. This is the first GIF in a long time that has genuinely made me laugh out loud. Well done.

thejucheidea · September 2013

ShesSoCold said:

thejucheidea said:

Ooooh, a post with a deleted subject line~

LMAO. This is the first GIF in a long time that has genuinely made me laugh out loud. Well done.

I'd been wanting to use it for a damn long time, and this just seemed the perfect situation for it.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

thejucheidea said:

ShesSoCold said:

thejucheidea said:

Ooooh, a post with a deleted subject line~

LMAO. This is the first GIF in a long time that has genuinely made me laugh out loud. Well done.

I'd been wanting to use it for a damn long time, and this just seemed the perfect situation for it.

I am so mad my work computer is blocking it. I want to see it!!

.

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