Last minute guest cancelations are stressing me out the WEEK of my wedding! Agh!!!

MsSisson85 · September 2013

I'm getting married this Saturday & Am having guests cancel literally last minute! We sent out Save the Dates & Our invitations early because we are having a smaller wedding & Wanted to assure the guests that we invited could make the proper arrangements to come with an appropriate amount of time to plan ahead. 2 weeks ago we had my fiances' friends cancel because for some reason they thought their baby could come (I titled the invites appropriately to only Mr. & Mrs.). Well the wife e-mailed my fiance' a nasty gram stating "due to confusion" on OUR behalf, They had no child care & Wouldn't be coming. So we called our venue & Were lucky enough to get a new price quote & Change the escort cards/seating arrangements. We were told that any other changes a week out from our wedding could not be accommodated, Which is understandable due to the time frame.

Well yesterday, My fiance' e-mailed other guests of his saying he can't wait to see them on our big day & 2 more people canceled "due to child care"! I then had a friend message me stating that his work schedule changed & He won't be able to make it with his girlfriend, But would "work on it". (Which is b.s because we work in the same department). And today my fiance' informed me one of his co-workers that is invited with a +1 is off work all week & Isn't responding to him at this point.

I am beyond frustrated! Not to mention, ALL of these people canceling last minute sent back RSVP cards, Or informed me verbally they would be there & Gave me their dinner choice. It is too late for us to change pricing with our venue because everything is done & Paid for at this point. Our seating/escort cards are complete & Sitting at our venue due to our big day only being 4 days away now. I understand life happens & Things come up, But the excuses we have gotten for people canceling are just that..Excuses. My fiance' & I did not hire a wedding coordinator & Spent a lot of time/hard work & Money on everything we did for our wedding.

I had a close friend tell me to stop being dramatic over the issue & That it's not a big deal. I have not been a Bridezilla & This seems like a big deal to me. Last week 2 cancelations, Week of my wedding 2 to a possible 6 more cancelations?! And to think we could be losing out on a possible $500 makes me sick to my stomach because people are so inconsiderate. And mind u everyone that has canceled or potentially can not come, All live within 1 hour of our venue, So it's not like they have extra expenses to come.

We will be out the money, Seating is now messed up & It hurts the most that "friends" would just act like canceling last minute is no big deal. What do u do, Or how do u handle last minute cancelations?! Is there anything to even say to these people?! At this point, I don't even want to talk to them for giving us added stress!

MrsMack10612 · September 2013

First - take a deep breath. You are being a little over dramatic.

Everybody (or most everybody) has cancellations and no shows. It happens. Talk to your venue, find out if there is anyway you could you use the money for these folks to upgrade some of your apps or something.

Jen4948 · September 2013

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Unfortunately, there is no way you are going to get these people who previously RSVPd yes and are now changing their minds to show up.

At least they are giving you a heads-up. Some people who have RSVPd yes may no-show. I think that's even ruder than backing out at the last minute.

Since this is giving you added stress, don't talk to them at all. If you think distancing yourself from them is an appropriate course of action and can handle any consequences, that's what I would do.

Edited to add: While I agree that you're being somewhat overdramatic, I think your friend is a bitch to claim that "it's not a big deal" due to the money involved. Ask him or her to put him or herself in your place financially and see how they would feel about being told "it's not a big deal." If s/he doesn't get it, I'd distance myself from this person as well.

misssunshine17 · September 2013

It sucks, but it's life. You're being over dramatic.

msuprincess04 · September 2013

I understand your disappointment. And you are justifiably so, but, in the end, there's nothing you can say other than "you'll be missed." No one get full attendance for their wedding and there are always some empty chairs, so it's actually considerate that they took the time to tell you they wouldn't be able to make it as opposed to you wondering if anything happened.

Just smile and move on. The few empty chairs won't make a difference, and there's no reason to stress over who isn't there. Be happy that the one person you need to be there will be: your FI!

Teddy917 · September 2013

Just say "I'm sorry you can't make it. You will be missed."

Most people end up paying for people that don't come. It happens. No child care to me is a valid reason. If the kid can't come and they can't leave him, they can't come either. Not getting work off is also a good reason. People don't always know very far in advance, especially if you sent in invites out before the 8 week mark. I can't come to a friend's fundraiser. I told her I would, but then everyone at work has been trying to get that day off themselves, so I can't go. Sure she's not paying for anything (everything is being donated) but she put a lot of work into it. So plans change. Move on.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

Overreacting, table for one.

You seriously need to relax. All I can say is that at least these people are letting you know rather then just not showing up and you being all "WTF?" on your wedding day. This happens to everyone. Shit happens and plans change. It sucks but such is life.

Finally unlike with what Jen4948 said, I do not think your friend is being a bitch by telling you to stop being dramatic. She was being truthful with you which is what a friend is supposed to do. Good friends slap you across the face (figuratively) and tell you to quit it when you are being crazy and that is exactly what she did.

phira · September 2013

Or see if you can get an appetizer/display upgrade or something.

You're still going to get married. It doesn't matter how the table arrangements go. Relax.

Jen4948 · September 2013

Maggie0829 said:

Overreacting, table for one.

You seriously need to relax. All I can say is that at least these people are letting you know rather then just not showing up and you being all "WTF?" on your wedding day. This happens to everyone. Shit happens and plans change. It sucks but such is life.

Finally unlike with what Jen4948 said, I do not think your friend is being a bitch by telling you to stop being dramatic. She was being truthful with you which is what a friend is supposed to do. Good friends slap you across the face (figuratively) and tell you to quit it when you are being crazy and that is exactly what she did.

Actually, Maggie, I changed my post. I agree with you that the "dramatic" comment may have been helpful, but I think that the reason the friend is being a bitch is because s/he is telling the OP that "it's no big deal" when people change their minds at the last minute and cost the hosts a lot of sunk funds to entertain them that they are not going to recover. That can be a very big financial deal to the people who have to eat those costs-and it is inconsiderate to dismiss them as "no big deal."

melbelleup · September 2013

This makes me really happy that my venue lets me change my count number up until the day before and I don't pay for it all until the night of. Honestly, everyone has no shows. At my cousin's wedding this July he had 10 no shows, all friends. Either see if your venue will work it out (add extra apps or something) or just grin and get over it.

happyfor25 · September 2013

Yeah, this sucks but happens to most everyone. It also sucks that your venue needed a final count so far in advance, many venues allow up until 2 days before an event to provide a final count.

Just a thought...though there is absolutely nothing wrong with not having children at your wedding, if you really want some of these friends to attend, maybe you could reconsider and let them bring their children? I would prefer a child free wedding as well, so I'm certainly not criticizing your decision but it might be an option for you.

MsSisson85 · September 2013

Happyfor25, We do not have children in our immediate families & Only want adults there. Thank u for the advice tho!

Maggie0829 · September 2013

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Overreacting, table for one.

You seriously need to relax. All I can say is that at least these people are letting you know rather then just not showing up and you being all "WTF?" on your wedding day. This happens to everyone. Shit happens and plans change. It sucks but such is life.

Finally unlike with what Jen4948 said, I do not think your friend is being a bitch by telling you to stop being dramatic. She was being truthful with you which is what a friend is supposed to do. Good friends slap you across the face (figuratively) and tell you to quit it when you are being crazy and that is exactly what she did.

Actually, Maggie, I changed my post. I agree with you that the "dramatic" comment may have been helpful, but I think that the reason the friend is being a bitch is because s/he is telling the OP that "it's no big deal" when people change their minds at the last minute and cost the hosts a lot of sunk funds to entertain them that they are not going to recover. That can be a very big financial deal to the people who have to eat those costs-and it is inconsiderate to dismiss them as "no big deal."

But that is something that the hosts cannot control. They cannot force these people to come. When planning a wedding, keeping in mind that last minute cancellations or no-shows is a real possibility is a good idea. But in the end you can either make yourself completely sick over something that is completely out of your control or you can suck it up, talk to your venue and see what you can do with that extra $500 that is no longer being used to feed those people.

But I do believe that OP is overreacting and I do think her friend was right to tell her to basically calm the fuck down. You can either freak out, or you can calmly readjust things. But a week out from your wedding you are pretty much content with what you are spending so you just have to deal with it.

Jen4948 · September 2013

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Overreacting, table for one.

You seriously need to relax. All I can say is that at least these people are letting you know rather then just not showing up and you being all "WTF?" on your wedding day. This happens to everyone. Shit happens and plans change. It sucks but such is life.

Finally unlike with what Jen4948 said, I do not think your friend is being a bitch by telling you to stop being dramatic. She was being truthful with you which is what a friend is supposed to do. Good friends slap you across the face (figuratively) and tell you to quit it when you are being crazy and that is exactly what she did.

Actually, Maggie, I changed my post. I agree with you that the "dramatic" comment may have been helpful, but I think that the reason the friend is being a bitch is because s/he is telling the OP that "it's no big deal" when people change their minds at the last minute and cost the hosts a lot of sunk funds to entertain them that they are not going to recover. That can be a very big financial deal to the people who have to eat those costs-and it is inconsiderate to dismiss them as "no big deal."

But that is something that the hosts cannot control. They cannot force these people to come. When planning a wedding, keeping in mind that last minute cancellations or no-shows is a real possibility is a good idea. But in the end you can either make yourself completely sick over something that is completely out of your control or you can suck it up, talk to your venue and see what you can do with that extra $500 that is no longer being used to feed those people.

But I do believe that OP is overreacting and I do think her friend was right to tell her to basically calm the fuck down. You can either freak out, or you can calmly readjust things. But a week out from your wedding you are pretty much content with what you are spending so you just have to deal with it.

I think you're missing my point-having to pay at the last moment for a lot of extra costs due to what other people do that you can't control IS a "big deal." So dismissing it, as the friend did, as "no big deal" shows a profound lack of respect for what the OP is going through. That's what makes her a bitch-not the telling her not to overreact. But telling someone "calm the fuck down" in those words is also pretty disrespectful. She is not doing anything that deserves cursing, or as you put it, a "smack across the face."

MsSisson85 · September 2013

I just asked for some advice, No catty comments about calming the fuck down when I simply asked what would u do in my situation. I have not been dramatic or a bridezilla in any way & I am well aware not everyone can come to my wedding. So to those that have replied with actual answers, Thank u, I appreciate it!

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

You cannot control what other people do. You cannot control if your venue charges you for no-shows. You cannot worry about seating. So there are open seats. Big deal?

You CAN control your reaction to this. Get a hold of yourself, center your mind in a positive place and calm down. None of this stuff truly matters. You are 4 days away from marrying the love of your life. The rest is just noise. If you focus on it, you'll lose this valuable pre-wedding time that COULD make for really fond memories. Instead you're freaking out. Since your reaction is about the only thing you CAN control, I suggest you do it. You'll be a lot happier.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

First, the friend never told her to "calm the fuck down" that was me in my own words summarizing basically what the friend said. Also I said figuratively smacking her across the face. Sometimes we need someone to snap us out of our little stress filled world for us to realize that we are overreacting to something.

And yes, it sucks that you have to shell out money because people cancelled at the last minute. But like I said, there is nothing you can do about it so why freak out? Also, like I said again, at one week out you should be content with your final bills and the amount you are spending. If you are not and you are freaking out about how over budget you are then you suck at planning. And she is not paying at the last moment for extra costs. This cost was something that she was prepared to pay for. It wasn't something that came up out of the blue yesterday. It wasn't like her venue said "surprise, here is a bill for $500."

It is fine to be mad/upset that people are canceling at the last minute but at this point there is nothing to be done about it. No amount of freaking out or coddling from friends or temper tantrums is going to change the fact that she still has to pay the full amount.

arrippa · September 2013

MsSisson85 said:

Happyfor25, We do not have children in our immediate families & Only want adults there. Thank u for the advice tho!

That's what happens when you don't invite children. We didn't want children at our wedding but I know that I would have many declines or last minute cancellations so I invited the kids.
I am still preparing for no shows. Things happen.

Simply Fated · September 2013

MsSisson85 said:

I just asked for some advice, No catty comments about calming the fuck down when I simply asked what would u do in my situation. I have not been dramatic or a bridezilla in any way & I am well aware not everyone can come to my wedding. So to those that have replied with actual answers, Thank u, I appreciate it!

I don't want you to be upset with me for saying this, but please calm down. I know that can come across as condescending, but you do really need to calm down because you sound very worked up and it's affecting you physically now. you need to think clearly and not let this be what's stressing you out.

I completely understand that you're annoyed by all these people cancelling last minute. I'd be annoyed, too. It's frustrating that you already paid for these people, but it is what it is. I mean, yeah, you budgeted for it, but that $500 could have gone to MUCH better use.
Look, see if you can get those meals to go or have that money that would have gone to their meals put somewhere else, like an extra dessert for your guests or something.

Please look at it this way... if THIS is what's stressing you out, then you are in a very good place right now.

ETA: Some people will have to decline if they can't get someone to watch their kids. It happens. It sucks, but it happens. FWIW, you didn't do anything wrong on that front.

MsSisson85 · September 2013

I don't know where this freaking out is coming from? I simply made a post & Asked what would u do in my situation. I'm not home crying, Or feeling sorry for myself. I just want to know what other people would do. I DID budget accordingly, But that ship has already sailed since all is paid for & Done. My main question was would u even say anything to ur "friends" that canceled last minute? That's what my main issue is right now.

MsSisson85 · September 2013

I didn't mean literally sick to my stomach, lol. But yes $500 could've absolutely been used better elsewhere. This whole process has more or so shown me who my true friends are, That's for sure!

Simply Fated · September 2013

MsSisson85 said:

I don't know where this freaking out is coming from? I simply made a post & Asked what would u do in my situation. I'm not home crying, Or feeling sorry for myself. I just want to know what other people would do. I DID budget accordingly, But that ship has already sailed since all is paid for & Done. My main question was would u even say anything to ur "friends" that canceled last minute? That's what my main issue is right now.

I wouldn't say anything to them.
I'd honestly just roll my eyes, thank them for the heads up and see what I could do about fixing the table seating or escort cards or what ever.
I could be worse. No-shows I think are worse than no heads-up. Unless there was an emergency or something they couldn't control, then no-shows suck.
Just keep it in perspective. No-shows could be worse. For now, at least you know who won't show up and you can try to arrange it with the venue.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

@MsSisson85 - re-read your OP. If that is not a freak out then I don't know what is.

JeeGooDowster · September 2013

@mssisson85 - i wouldn't bother saying anything. You have too much going on. You saying anything right now will jsut bring negative energy. It sucks, but just deal with your anger towards them after your wedding

MsSisson85 · September 2013

Maggie-I did re-read my OP several times. Being frustrated over the issue doesn't mean I'm freaking out because I asked how others would deal with last minute cancelations, Or if they would bother saying anything to the guests about the matter. We can agree to disagree on that!

MNVegas · September 2013

You asked for advice and people gave it to you. Relax and calm down. While it is unfortunate, it is not the end of the world and it is not worth confronting your friends/family over. Life happens! Did you really think that you would not have last minute cancellations or no shows? Not very realistic.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

I just find it horrible that even those these individuals had to cancel last minute because things have come up in their lives that you are now calling them "friends". You do realize that this isn't a horrible, end the friendship thing that they did right? I mean they told you about them having to cancel. Now just not showing up without any warning, definitely rude, but canceling last minute because of changes in schedule, sucks, but not rude.

MsSisson85 · September 2013

Horrible because our friends didn't tell us they weren't coming until my fiance' e-mailed them? I've looked at it from both sides of the situation. Why they couldn't tell us they couldn't find a sitter when they originally found out is beyond me. I don't know why I would be in the wrong because I would never do that to a friend. If I had something come up, I would tell them asap...NOT when the Groom e-mails u to say he's looking forward to seeing u at his wedding & Drop the, Oh by the way-We won't be there deal.

daveANDkristen · September 2013

No one canceled in the 11th hour, but we did have 10+ no-shows. I was kinda pissed, yes. I was even more pissed that not a single one of the no-shows has offered so much as a "so sorry we missed the wedding, hope it was wonderful!". That said, my relationships with all of those people are the same as they were before the wedding, and I've certainly never said anything to them about it. While tempting, if I said something snarky then I could be seen as the rude one, and I prefer to let them hold that distinction.

I agree with PPs, contact your venue and ask if the $500 that is no longer being applied to those guests can be applied somewhere else. Many will let you upgrade your entree, add an additional app, etc.

MsSisson85 · September 2013

Anyways, Thank u for those of u that actually responded with helpful advice. I will celebrate my marriage with peace of mind knowing that even if only 5 people show up, The ones that matter the most will be there. What's done is done & I can't possibly do anymore. And I'm sure the guest that will be there on my big day will realize that!

Maggie0829 · September 2013

alisonmarie658 said:

Let's, for just a sec, think about some real emergencies that people encounter:

Deaths of family members
Natural disasters
Loss of job
Your venue burning down
Accidents, illness, disease
And what you're dealing with pales in comparison.

And this is why I don't freak out about things that go wrong, because I know that it could always be worse.

Last minute guest cancelations are stressing me out the WEEK of my wedding! Agh!!!

Re: Last minute guest cancelations are stressing me out the WEEK of my wedding! Agh!!!

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