Last minute guest cancelations are stressing me out the WEEK of my wedding! Agh!!!

Ajuliana · September 2013

Why are you capitalizing random words? It's super annoying to read.

Oh yeah, just because someone doesn't attend your wedding doesn't mean they aren't true friends. Get over yourself. Youre getting married! Focus on how great that is.

APDSS22 · September 2013

I got married last Sat. It sucks that people are cancelling on you, but I had a half a dozen people or so just not show up. I didn't notice until FI pointed it out later when we went through pictures. I ended up packing up all the extra food and donating it to a local charity, who gave it to people who truly appreciated it.

MrsMack10612 · September 2013

MsSisson85 said:

Horrible because our friends didn't tell us they weren't coming until my fiance' e-mailed them? I've looked at it from both sides of the situation. Why they couldn't tell us they couldn't find a sitter when they originally found out is beyond me. I don't know why I would be in the wrong because I would never do that to a friend. If I had something come up, I would tell them asap...NOT when the Groom e-mails u to say he's looking forward to seeing u at his wedding & Drop the, Oh by the way-We won't be there deal.

You do realize that perhaps they hadn't told you yet because they may have been trying to the last second to work out child care right? I had two flat out no shows to my wedding. So what. These people are still my friends, I would still walk through fire for them if they needed me to. Other people's lives do not revolve around your wedding.

DelightedMom · September 2013

I do not blame you for being upset. Illness is excusable, rudeness is not. I belong to several woman's groups where people show up at events that they have not RSVP to, then become upset when we don't have a seat at a event/luncheon-dinner for them. Good manners are a thing of the past, some of the table manners of my husbands young associates are appaling and many are clueless about what a RSVP or a Please Reply card means. I think the one persons idea about perhaps asking the venue politely if they could substitue extra hor d'oeruvres or maybe a few more bottles of wine would be nice. On another note if you and your FH decide to have children you don't wait until their 18 to teach manners. You start early, reinforce gently over years. Good Luck!

zitiqueen · September 2013

MsSisson85 said:

Horrible because our friends didn't tell us they weren't coming until my fiance' e-mailed them? I've looked at it from both sides of the situation. Why they couldn't tell us they couldn't find a sitter when they originally found out is beyond me. I don't know why I would be in the wrong because I would never do that to a friend. If I had something come up, I would tell them asap...NOT when the Groom e-mails u to say he's looking forward to seeing u at his wedding & Drop the, Oh by the way-We won't be there deal.

CALEO · September 2013

I'm dealing with this too so I understand the frustration. I personally think people should know whether or not they can come (and cover the expected issues like child care and work) before they RSVP yes. It is the polite thing to do.

However, I totally understand that things come up (in our case it is a lot of last minute health issues that were not foreseeable). There is nothing we can do and so I am a little bummed but hoping my friends and family feel better soon.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

First breath, this is going to happen. Not 100% of your guests that RSVP yes are going to make it. So you will be paying for people who aren't coming. Things happen, at my wedding I had several guests not make it. One threw her back out that morning, another had to take care of her grandkids so her daughter & SIL could both be with their newborn who was rushed to the NICU the night before, one guest he and his gf broke up a week before the wedding and another couple had to cancel two weeks prior because their son had qualified to state level in the special olympics which as being held the same day. Things happen, guests were missed, it sucks to shell out money for them but in the big scheme of things it didn't impact how wonderful my day was or how much fun the reception was. Move past this & realize all that matters is you are marrying your best friend and a wonderful man. Also don't let it impact the relationships you have with these people.

dramamonkey · September 2013

I am positive that there will, ultimately, be several people who simply can't make it last minute and will let us know a week or two out. We'll have already budgeted our money accordingly, and I know what's done is done.

However, and I'm sure some people will tell me that it's sort of rude and maybe a little uncouth/tacky, but I've got a back-up plan. If I've got empty seats to fill and have already paid for them, I've got a few people that I'll call to see if they'd like to attend the wedding - such as my MOH/BFF's younger siblings. I've known her brother and sisters for YEARS and have genuine affection for them, but we're not "friends" - but I'd love to have them come and party/celebrate with us. Or my photographer - she dated my little brother in high school and they're still good friends 10 years later - If I've got the paid for space, I might ask her if she wants to bring her husband (the bonus on this one is that he's likely to "pitch in" as a 2nd shooter for the wedding)

If they can't attend, they can't attend, but I'd rather have a meal not go to waste.

Salsera29 · September 2013

@Dramamonkey...etiquette-wise, I'm pretty sure that is a no-no. However, I admit that my mother would have done it at my wedding. If we had people tell us after the venue deadline that they couldn't come, she was going to tell my brother he could ask a couple of his friends.

Bubblegum5586 · September 2013

I think if you freak out for a moment, that's fine. But don't let it take you over and be ready to move on (like it sounds you have started doing).

Everyone is different and to some canceling last minute (for whatever reason) is no big deal to others it is (I almost had to miss a friends wedding due to what I think was sun poisoning. I cried all day thinking I would miss it! - I pulled it together last min and was able to attend the ceremony and reception for an hour before I had to leave because I felt so awful).

You also mentioned you are having a smaller wedding, so those less numbers will be noticeable, but as everyone else has said - the most important person will be there - your FI!

Also as others have said definitely see if that money can be used else where and get some more apps. I HATE wasting money and always want to use my $ to get the most I can, so I don't blame you for being upset over that!

To your actual question.... you can't really say/do anything. People do rude things every day and if I pointed everything out... I doubt I would have many friends!

ENJOY YOUR DAY and I wish you a lifetime of happiness!

TerriHugg · September 2013

HI there,

I don't think you are overacting at all. Honestly, I feel like you did what most brides do here: used this forum to vent. It doesn't mean you've been acting this way in person with everyone who cancels on you. It just means you wanted to let out a little steam here rather than doing that with everyone who rubs you the wrong way in person.You are probably just getting overwhelmed with everything and the whole cancelation thing just got you to your tipping point.I totally get that. That being said, I'm not going to tell you to relax or calm down. (I personally hate it when people say that regardless of the reason.) Instead, I will say step back, take a deep breathe and analyze the situation.

The good news is that these people are giving you a heads up. A lot of times people just don't show up without a warning. Secondly, I know the loss in money is a frustrating, but maybe there is something you can do about it. Rather than taking the loss: maybe you can find away to get the plated meals wrapped up and donate it to a local shelter. That way, you know the extra money is going to a good cause. (I know that might be difficult to do ,but I"m just saying you should try to be a little creative to soften the blow.)

Good luck. We've all been there before. I wish you nothing but happiness. And remember, on the day of your wedding you won't even notice the people who couldn't make it there. All that will matter is marrying the love of your life and sharing the special moment with those who matter most.

HuckSC · September 2013

Um Hi. I'm one of those people that had to back out of a yes RSVP for a wedding I really really wanted to attend. About 3 weeks before the wedding, by crawl space flooded and I had to replace my entire HVAC system and ductwork. Shelled out 6k for all of it. I couldn't convince myself that spending $500 to go to a wedding was a good idea financially even though I really wanted to be there. Sometimes things happen and we may not want to tell our friends the real reason. Give them a break.

thejucheidea · September 2013

I think the funniest thing is that one of the 'major' things the OP is complaining about is that now the seating arrangements will be off. If that's isn't a first world problem, I don't know what is.

Last minute guest cancelations are stressing me out the WEEK of my wedding! Agh!!!

Re: Last minute guest cancelations are stressing me out the WEEK of my wedding! Agh!!!

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