Brides getting married in the Catholic Church.

dreischka · September 2013

Hello ladies. Just wanted to see if any of you have faced the same issue I am. It is very important to my future husband that we be married in his church. Because his church is catholic, they have mass at 4 and 6 on Saturdays. As a result, the only available ceremony time is 1pm. We don't want a full mass so we anticipate that we would be out of the church by like 2. I feel like starting cocktail hour at 2:30 and the reception at 3:30 a little rough. That would mean people are eating dinner at 4 and the whole event would be over by 7:30. I want people to take advantage of the open bar and dancing and I am not sure if that will happen so early in the day. It would be a shame to waste all that money.
My future husband thinks we should have a break in between the ceremony and reception which I don't want to do. I feel that is rude to guests and would result in people no showing to the ceremony or reception.
Has anyone ran in to this issue before? Is so, what solution did you come up with?
Thanks for your thoughts!

manjermj · September 2013

I feel that receptions should be after the ceremony even though that's not what you want to do. And if you want to continue the party after the reception you could say something like "the bride and groom will be hanging out at ___ after the reception to continue the party" then if people want to stay out, they can.

We just went to a wedding this past weekend where church was at 1, over by 2 and cocktail hour started at 5:30. It was ridiculous and quite a few people were put off/pissed off by it because there were many guests not from the area, but not staying at the hotel who had no where to go and ended up going to an early dinner then not being able to eat the reception dinner.

manjermj · September 2013

Oh and we were amazed by how many people didn't come to church and just came to the reception...

jnissa · September 2013

What I can say is that I had the same experience that manjermj had at a recent wedding where there ceremony was at 2pm and there were several hours in between the ceremony and the reception - lots of people skipped the ceremony and just showed up for the reception. I had a semi-positive experience also recently at a 2pm wedding with a 3:30pm reception (the venues were about 30 minutes apart so it worked out). People didn't seem to have a problem drinking at 3:30pm, but I would say it wasn't as energetic as an evening reception.

I don't have advice for you - just observations

ashfolio · September 2013

We are facing the same issue, but have decided to have a short break between the ceremony and the reception. Most of our guests are either local or will be staying at the hotel, so they can keep themselves busy. I've been to several weddings with breaks and actually like a small break, we didnt even mind a 2.5 hour brek! We usually go to a local bar or the one at the hotel. Plus it gives you plenty of time for pictures without being rushed. I'd say do whatever makes you guys happy. Your guests will go wherever you tell them!

Wynnecorgi · September 2013

I know this is not ideal, but did you think of a Friday night wedding?

melbelleup · September 2013

For Catholic weddings, it's pretty common to have gaps, that being said my wedding is at 1:30 pm with reception starting at 3:30 and ends at 8:30. My venue won't allow later, but I have a ton of OOT guests since my FI is from Erie so it's not a big deal. In my area people love the gaps to go home potty the dogs, tour the area, check in hotels, go to bars etc. I will most likely have a 30 minute gap with my place being 10-15 minutes away. I can't do anything about it other than change venues but the rest are pretty far away that will accommodate my size.

anp112586 · September 2013

Our catholic ceremony was at 12:30 (over by 1:30) and our reception cocktail hour didn't start until 6:00 p.m. Sure -- it was a LONG break, but we took all our pictures during that time AND had time to relax. Our guests mostly hung out around Oakland (we were married in Heinz Chapel and our reception was at Phipps), some found a bar, others grabbed some lunch. Overall, if there were complaints, we didn't hear them. The long break had the added bonus of allowing us to actually attend and mingle with our guests during the cocktail hour, meaning we got a chance to see/talk to/thank most people during the cocktail hour eliminating the need for us to "make the rounds" to every table during dinner/dancing. So we got to eat, drink and mingle with our guests :-)

gribowjm · September 2013

We are having a 1:00pm ceremony with a 4:30 cocktail hour. I think it's a nice break, but not too long. Since the reception is at a hotel, guests have time to go check in if they need, and hang out at the bar there. It also gives us time to take pictures at a second location. I've been to plenty of weddings with 2 or 3 hours breaks between ceremony and reception, I think it's pretty standard and most people don't mind. Good luck!

PrettyGirlLost · September 2013

dreischka said:

Hello ladies. Just wanted to see if any of you have faced the same issue I am. It is very important to my future husband that we be married in his church. Because his church is catholic, they have mass at 4 and 6 on Saturdays. As a result, the only available ceremony time is 1pm. We don't want a full mass so we anticipate that we would be out of the church by like 2. I feel like starting cocktail hour at 2:30 and the reception at 3:30 a little rough. That would mean people are eating dinner at 4 and the whole event would be over by 7:30. I want people to take advantage of the open bar and dancing and I am not sure if that will happen so early in the day. It would be a shame to waste all that money. My future husband thinks we should have a break in between the ceremony and reception which I don't want to do. I feel that is rude to guests and would result in people no showing to the ceremony or reception. Has anyone ran in to this issue before? Is so, what solution did you come up with? Thanks for your thoughts!

Good on ya! Yes, you are correct so try to stick with your guns.

Why will the reception have to end at 7:30pm? Is that because you are only renting the space for 4 hours? Would you be up to having an after party. . . like maybe changing and going out with any friends and family that wanted to join you, to continue dancing and such at a local bar or club?

PrettyGirlLost · September 2013

ashfolio said:

We are facing the same issue, but have decided to have a short break between the ceremony and the reception. Most of our guests are either local or will be staying at the hotel, so they can keep themselves busy. Ugh, I hate this attitude! No, if I am local and you have a significant gap, I will most likely just go home and not attend your reception. It is very annoying to try and "keep busy" just because you wanted to have an evening reception. . . and especially if that means running around town in traffic because the Steelers are at home, or the Pens, or there is a marathon or something going on. If I am not local and staying in a hotel, nothing is more annoying or boring than trying to kill time back at the room watching TV. I've been to several weddings with breaks and actually like a small break, we didnt even mind a 2.5 hour brek! We usually go to a local bar or the one at the hotel. No thanks, I'd rather not spend money needlessly just to kill time. Plus it gives you plenty of time for pictures without being rushed. I'd say do whatever makes you guys happy. Your guests will go wherever you tell them! Your guests are not lemmings or sheep! This is a very entitled and rude attitude. Your guests are your families and friends, and they should be treated with respect. The point of the reception should be making your guests happy.

gribowjm said:

We are having a 1:00pm ceremony with a 4:30 cocktail hour. I think it's a nice break, but not too long. Since the reception is at a hotel, guests have time to go check in if they need, and hang out at the bar there. It also gives us time to take pictures at a second location. I've been to plenty of weddings with 2 or 3 hours breaks between ceremony and reception, I think it's pretty standard and most people don't mind. I know I'm probably wasting my breath, but just because something is common does not make it right, nor does it mean people accept it. People bitch about gaps, trust me. maybe not to YOUR face, but they do. People remember and bitch about gaps just as they do bad food and music.

I have been to close to 30 weddings, most Catholic and not a single one had a gap other than an allowance for travel time from the church. I'm having a full Catholic mass and will not be having a gap. Sure, my mass begins at 3pm and I understand a lot of brides cannot get that time, but then you make the choice not to have an evening reception.

mlg78 · September 2013

Is your venue set in stone or could you find a place that offers a longer reception time? Mine was for six hours which would be plenty of time in your situation... Or could you pay to add another hour or two? Hold your ground...gaps suck! My husband is in a wedding in December with the ceremony at 11am and the reception at 6pm. I'm dreading it already. It being in a Catholic church is NOT an excuse!

QueerFemme · September 2013

Gaps are rude. Catholic or not. Have your reception immediately after your ceremony. It's perfectly ok to drink and dance in the daylight and have an afterparty at a local bar, if you want to keep the party going.

Just because "other people do it", doesn't mean it's not rude.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2013

mlg78 said:

Is your venue set in stone or could you find a place that offers a longer reception time? Mine was for six hours which would be plenty of time in your situation... Or could you pay to add another hour or two? Hold your ground...gaps suck! My husband is in a wedding in December with the ceremony at 11am and the reception at 6pm. I'm dreading it already. It being in a Catholic church is NOT an excuse!

@mlg78 To be honest, if I were you and local, I'd skip the ceremony all together and just meet up with DH at the reception. Is that rude, sure. But so is having a freaking 7 hour gap!

And ladies, if you think people don't mind gaps, check out this thread: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/996525/worst-wedding-you-ve-ever-been-to#latest

Many of the posters are mentioning their dislike of gaps.

QueerFemme · September 2013

PS - for what it's worth, our ceremony was at 3, and lasted about 15 minutes, so cocktail hour was from 3:15-4:00pm, and dinner was at 4. Everyone ate dinner and partied immediately after with no concern for the fact that the sun was still out.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2013

QueerFemme said:

PS - for what it's worth, our ceremony was at 3, and lasted about 15 minutes, so cocktail hour was from 3:15-4:00pm, and dinner was at 4. Everyone ate dinner and partied immediately after with no concern for the fact that the sun was still out.

Yeah I don't get this. . . is everyone a Vampire and no one can party or dance until the sun goes down else they will turn to dust?

ashfolio · September 2013

PrettyGirlLost: we are all entitled to an opinion, isn't that why the original poster asked the question, clearly there is room for debate.

As you said, it likely isn't worth the "wasted breath", but some people don't want the traditional wedding to reception rush. Or their church only provides early ceremony's and the reception they have had their heart set on since they were a child is open to the public during the day. I think your postings are beyond ignorant, but you are entitled to your opinion.

However, you crossed the line several times by personally attacking the posters for having an opinion that differs from yours. The simple fact is people will come down on either side of the issue here and who are you to be the "correct one".

For our wedding, our local friends and family and out of towners alike are actually looking forward to the break and getting to take pictures themselves of the view from mount washington, as well as riding the incline (which we are providing tokens for, rude and entitled, right?)

That is fantastic that you have chosen not to have a break and I am sure your guests will love that. the fact is, if someone is going to complain or not come to our reception due to a short break then they can't be there for the right reasons, which is to celebrate the love between a couple and the starting of a new family.

You are also 100% incorrect, the point of a reception is NOT to make your guests happy, it is again to celebrate YOUR wedding. Obviously you do not want guests sitting there hating it, and I highly double anyone here has those intentions. But, lets face it, most people are not going to remember the details of the day after time, but you and your groom will remember it forever. It should be focused on what makes you happy, which of course is also to ensure that your family and friends have a good time!

To say that a break means that you do not care about your guests or that they are lemmings or sheep is ridiculous. Just because someone either for financial reasons or because the want their dream wedding is suggesting that an episode or two of Everybody Loves Raymond can be watched between the ceremony and the reception makes them a terrible person then sign me up on that list. My family and friends will have a blast at our reception and I can guarantee that no one we want to be there and who really cares about us is going to not come to the reception because of a break. The point of most of the posts you attacked was just that it happens, and it is not the end of the world.

The practical side of me realizes I have likely just opened the door up to more of your close-minded ramblings. However, I think that since you attacked the thoughts of any person who suggested that a break was okay and family and friends would survive, it required a response.

My motto remains through this whole process to do whatever makes you happy.. because at the end of the day, you are going to be the one with the wonderful memories.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2013

ashfolio said:

PrettyGirlLost: we are all entitled to an opinion, isn't that why the original poster asked the question, clearly there is room for debate.

As you said, it likely isn't worth the "wasted breath", but some people don't want the traditional wedding to reception rush. Or their church only provides early ceremony's and the reception they have had their heart set on since they were a child is open to the public during the day. I think your postings are beyond ignorant, but you are entitled to your opinion.

However, you crossed the line several times by personally attacking the posters for having an opinion that differs from yours. I didn't attack anyone, I pointed out why gaps are rude. That's not an attack. The simple fact is people will come down on either side of the issue here and who are you to be the "correct one".

For our wedding, our local friends and family and out of towners alike are actually looking forward to the break and getting to take pictures themselves of the view from mount washington, as well as riding the incline (which we are providing tokens for, rude and entitled, right? Yes, that is just so horrible of you /sarc- very nice gesture.)

That is fantastic that you have chosen not to have a break and I am sure your guests will love that. the fact is, if someone is going to complain or not come to our reception due to a short break then they can't be there for the right reasons, which is to celebrate the love between a couple and the starting of a new family.

You are also 100% incorrect, the point of a reception is NOT to make your guests happy, it is again to celebrate YOUR wedding. No, this is not correct and is a common misconception. I used to think the same thing as you until I lurked on these boards for a while, and honestly after hearing the rationale for why the reception was for the guests, it really made sense. The wedding ceremony is for the B&G, the reception is for the hosts, usually the B&G and their parents to "receive" their guests and honor and thank them from witnessing and supporting the marriage. Check out the Etiquette and Reception boards for more info. Obviously you do not want guests sitting there hating it, and I highly double anyone here has those intentions. But, lets face it, most people are not going to remember the details of the day after time, but you and your groom will remember it forever. It should be focused on what makes you happy, which of course is also to ensure that your family and friends have a good time! Yep, agree 100%

To say that a break means that you do not care about your guests or that they are lemmings or sheep is ridiculous. Just because someone either for financial reasons or because the want their dream wedding is suggesting that an episode or two of Everybody Loves Raymond can be watched between the ceremony and the reception makes them a terrible person then sign me up on that list. My family and friends will have a blast at our reception and I can guarantee that no one we want to be there and who really cares about us is going to not come to the reception because of a break. The point of most of the posts you attacked was just that it happens, and it is not the end of the world. Yes, gaps happens because of the choices that couples make. . . they are not a Random Acts of God.

The practical side of me realizes I have likely just opened the door up to more of your close-minded ramblings. However, I think that since you attacked the thoughts of any person who suggested that a break was okay and family and friends would survive, it required a response. I still think you need to learn what an actual "attack" is on a forum, I did no such thing. I was just blunt and didn't validate your rationalizations for having a gap. . . lurk a bit on E and the Reception board and you'll likely get the same response.

My motto remains through this whole process to do whatever makes you happy.. because at the end of the day, you are going to be the one with the wonderful memories.

Again, check out this thread to see what family and friends likely think about gaps: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/996525/worst-wedding-you-ve-ever-been-to#latest

emilyb213 · September 2013

@dreischka, you're right in thinking that a gap is rude and unfair to your guests. Show your fiance this thread and the responses you've received from PrettyGirl, QueerFemme and Snippet. I was at a wedding this past weekend with a gap between the ceremony and the reception, and every person I talked to complained about it. Sure, the bride and groom won't hear any complaining from their guests, but I guarantee if you have a gap, your guests are going to be talking about it. And acting like a gap is doing your guests a favor by giving them time to check in to a hotel, or see local sights, or run home and take their dogs out is a bunch of baloney.

gribowjm · October 2013

@dreischka, I'm sorry there is so much hostility over this conversation. You nicely asked for other's opinions, and instead received a lot of rude comments on the responses.

You can invite 1,000 ppl, serve them all an individually selected meal, throw the best party, and someone will still find something to complain about. This day is about you and your fiance, and what you two want. You are hosting the wedding, and they should be honored to be an invited guest. If your guests have that much of an issue, they shouldn't come.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

gribowjm said:

@dreischka, I'm sorry there is so much hostility over this conversation. You nicely asked for other's opinions, and instead received a lot of rude comments on the responses.

Huh? We agreed with her that having a gap was rude, but somehow agreeing with her is rude and hostile? I don't get it.

@emilyb213 @snippet17 We can't win for trying, lol!

dreischka · October 2013

Thank you all for your input. After much consideration, my fiancé has decided that he would rather get married at our venue and have a later reception. We decided against a break for the sake of our out of town guests. I appreciate all the opinions.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

dreischka said:

Thank you all for your input. After much consideration, my fiancé has decided that he would rather get married at our venue and have a later reception. We decided against a break for the sake of our out of town guests. I appreciate all the opinions.

Glad to help, and glad you were both able to compromise :-)

emilyb213 · October 2013

Glad to hear you guys were able to come to an agreement that will work out for everyone.

emilyb213 · October 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

gribowjm said:

@dreischka, I'm sorry there is so much hostility over this conversation. You nicely asked for other's opinions, and instead received a lot of rude comments on the responses.
Huh? We agreed with her that having a gap was rude, but somehow agreeing with her is rude and hostile? I don't get it.

@emilyb213 @snippet17 We can't win for trying, lol!

Gah, I know. Maybe it's Opposite Day and being agreeable actually means being rude and hostile?

hannahj0 · October 2013

I know this is pretty much closed since the OP has made her decision, but I don't understand when everyone says that guests won't complain to your face but will complain to everyone else.

The gap discussion has yet to come up for my wedding but with all of the weddings I've been to, I've faced a gap or two. Not myself or one other guest around me complained "behind the brides back" about how awful and miserable it was. We were able to check into our hotel, freshen up, start drinking at the hotel or go to a local bar, go home to let the dog out, site see a little bit or just hang out somewhere and get to meet guests you didn't already know. Not one person bitched about a gap.

Now, someone posted earlier about an 11am ceremony and 6pm reception and I do think that is completely ridiculous and is rude to expect people to find something to do for that long. However, a ~2 hour gap has never been a deal breaker or a point of complaint that I've ever heard as a guest.

emilyb213 · October 2013

Okay, so no one complained directly to you about a gap. That doesn't mean it's not being discussed by other guests, unless you personally polled every single guest. Having a gap and then acting like it's really a convenience to your guest by giving them time to check in to a hotel and freshen up is absurd. I have a wedding to go to this coming weekend. There's a two hour gap between the ceremony and the reception. It's an hour away from my house, so not enough time to go home, and I'm obviously not staying at a hotel since I live within a driveable distance. It's also in a really rural area where there isn't a lot to do nearby. Please tell me how that's not an inconvenience.

andosfiance · November 2013

I don't know if this would be an option for you and your fiance, but my fiance and I are doing something a little different. Since he has a lot of family coming in from out of town (Ohio, where his family lives) we are having the ceremony and reception at the same place and not having our wedding day include a Catholic mass/ceremony. We are then going to go to the church after our honeymoon for a small, intimate church ceremony with only our closest family and friends. This is allowing us to not only make the day easier for our guests, but also to include a Catholic service. I talked to my priest and he actually suggested we do it this way to make things easier on everyone. Additionally, he is willing to come to our ceremony (outside of the church) and provide us with a blessing during the ceremony, even though he is not able to do the full ceremony or exchange of vows. It's just a thought, but it may be helpful. We took our Catholic marriage classes this past weekend and I was surprised to see how many others are doing the same thing.

Erinable · April 2014

@emilyb213,

I know it has been a while and this probably won't be seen, but it is not absurd for guests to look forward to gaps because I've looked forward to them at every wedding I've attended. I realize I'm in the minority here, but it isn't absurd. It's unfortunate how many wedding guests are difficult to please.

cdemotte · April 2014

Make sure you leave time for pictures! That is was my photographer said to me. So maybe you want to take some outside pictures at a different destination. Make sure you give your guest time to get to the reception and possible they can check into their hotel at that time in between as well.

cantwaitforthefuture · June 2014

If you haven't already booked your wedding, I'd suggest maybe looking into a Friday wedding. We are having our wedding in a Catholic Church as well, and with a Friday wedding we were able to simply choose a time that would work for us, instead of being locked into only two options (at our church that would be 1pm or 4pm). It's worked out nicely!!

Brides getting married in the Catholic Church.

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