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Just Engaged and Proposals

"When is the wedding date?"

So I just got engaged not even a week ago. I've immediately picked up that there is an annoying trend from other people when they find out someone is engaged. They ask, "When is the wedding?" or "Do you have a wedding date?" ARGH! Don't people understand that you don't set a date from the get-go, but rather you have to see what is available at the venue of your choice? And that process takes time? I haven't snapped at anyone (yet), but I'm very polite and patient about it. Still, it's the first thing people say when they learn of the engagement. So annoying!

*end rant*

Has anyone else found this to be true? How do you respond? What are some other annoying questions I can anticipate?


Re: "When is the wedding date?"

  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Best response: "Oh, we're enjoying being engaged for now. Have you tried the bean dip?"
  • svc2014svc2014
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    I used to be one of those people until I got engaged and then I understood how frustrating it is to get it all the time. The only thing I can say is that when people ask (usually) it comes from a place of love and excitement and it's that person's way of sharing in your news. Just be patient and say, "We aren't sure yet/We haven't gotten that far yet, we are just enjoying this moment right now but thanks for asking."

    (Edited for sp)
  • I just got engaged 2 days ago and that is already annoying me.
    First of all, we are getting married Catholic, and you can't set a date until you meet with the Priest.
    We have to do a marriage prep course too.Then like you said we have to find a venue.
    So I've just been telling everyone that there is still a lot to decide.
    I'm hoping that I don't snap at anyone either. LOL.

  • I just said, "Oh, we're considering Fall 2013."

  • It's been about a month since we got engaged, and it's definitely been all about the date. I agree with PPs, do your best to just say, "We're enjoying being angaged right now, and there's still lots to decide and check out. We'll be sure to let people know once we've decided."

    The second most common question we get is, "Where will you have it?" We get that question a ton because our people are pretty spread out. We live in Florida; most of our mutal friends live in North Carolina; my family is in Georgia; and his family is in Illinois. People aren't asking about the venue as much as about what part of the country.
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  • scribe95 said:
    People are just trying to show interest in your wedding. How hard is it to say, "we're looking at the summer" or "we still need to look at venues."

    ^^ This  Try not to get too annoyed.

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  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    The next question is "what are your colors?" which annoys the crap out of me.  I wanted everything in neutrals and I wanted to make sure it didn't cash with the venue otherwise I didn't care.  I always feel weird that I don't have an answer to that question.
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  • j-harveyj-harvey
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited October 2013
  • My fiancé proposed in July at my birthday party.  My parents were there and less than an hour later my dad was asking when the wedding was!!  I responded with "I don't know, how much are you planning on spending?"  At 40 I don't really expect them to pay for a wedding though.  He is super excited (according to my mom).  We are getting married in Vegas April 2014 and my parents have already booked and paid for hotel and airfare.  We have the hotel for us but not airfare.  My coworkers started asking immediately as well.  I just told them "sometime next year, we haven't had a chance to discuss dates yet".
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  • Be prepared for a lot of questions when ever someone hears you are engaged. It is nice that people care and are asking questions. Image if no one ever asked you anything about your engagement. I find it fun to discuss with other engaged girls but not so much other people.
  • Thanks everyone for your feedback. Yes I am very nice when people ask me; I don't jump down their throat or roll my eyes or anything. I politely say "april or march next year." Inside I'm so annoyed though! haha Maybe it's because we both work full time and we want to view venues together. We both are anxious to get a place as quick as possible so we can start looking at other vendors. Our wedding is only 6 months away so that doesn't give us much time. We are anxious already so we don't need a reminder that we haven't gotten a date yet! But of course, other people don't know that. They are just being friendly, which I appreciate. :)

    suyk723 you made a great point. It's good that people are asking questions and being interested. That is a very good sign and I should be grateful for that!
  • I had someone mention kids after we'd been engaged less than two hours. I'm 21.

    I don't think people mean to be rude, they just get very excited and might not be the most tactful about it.

    If you have the time to just enjoy being engaged then tell them just that. For us, we are looking at a wedding date just 7 or 8 months out so we HAVE to start planning right away, but most couples aren't in that position and just tell people that. Just say it's not going to be in the next few months so you want to focus on being happy and letting it really set in first.
  • I got engaged two weeks ago....the same day my mom called me up asking when we were having it. He popped the question on vacation so marriage didnt even come into our conversation until we got home....However we do now have a date
  • Your going to get a lot of that and then when you do set a date..the questions will be "Are you getting excited?" "Hows the planning going?" "Are yall planning on having kids soon?" I only have 40 something days left and I am so ready to have all these questions stop. 
  • How is that annoying? I feel like you should be just as excited as they are. They are either just excited for you, or its a conversation starter. Be happy they are interested in your life! Or at least pretending to be.
  • Amyth3stViorAmyth3stVior
    First Comment
    edited October 2013
    sorry double posted ~
  • Yeah,

    It is fustrating, I anticipated people asking, but NOT how pushy some would be. I did however start trying to narrow my date down, then emailed the church. I had seven dates and was hoping the vicar there would tell me they only had two of them available. NO SUCH LUCK, they got back to me to tell me, all SEVEN were available, and to let them know my descision asap.


    Have settled on a date that sits well with the Weather here (NZ), is after our honeymoon locations school holidays finish AND sits well with our Numerology.

    May 9th 2015. NOW what people tell me is, that its so far away... and I do keep saying its just over a year and a half away, so its not that far.... NOONE seems to get how really that is super soon. Seems the DADS more than the mums wanted it sooner... Ugh!

  • Tchavon1984Tchavon1984
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    Yeah I had my date before the engagement but we're not telling anyone yet especially since things with the venue fell thru
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I got that question the day we got engaged! And we got engaged while we were in Europe. How would I know the date yet - I'm not even in my home country!? 

    But then I did the same thing to my cousin..lol. We had just set the date when she got engaged so I wanted to make sure we weren't planning for the same weekend. 

  • I got engaged just over a week ago (September 28th!) and have been hearing questions about a date or plans pretty non-stop. My boss found out that Monday I was engaged. The next day she asked what plans I made the night before - ummm, none! At least with this time of year, my general response is that we are going to enjoy the holidays engaged and start planning after that.

    Plus my ring is customized and I haven't received it yet so I'd like some time to wear it alone first :)
  • CMarinCCMarinC
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited October 2013
    I can relate. I haven't even been engaged a full week and the questions have been overwhelming. I have super vague answers like "we want a small wedding" and "we might get married in the fall....some year". Day 3 of the engagement someone asked me how many people we would be inviting and was surprised that I didn't know. Am I supposed to know these things already?! The other thing I'm amazed at is how many people have so many suggestions! "Oh, you should get married at_____!" "You shoud serve____!" "You should have a destination wedding _____! Or ____! Or ____!" "You should decorate like____!" Am I the only person who DOESN'T have any stored up wedding ideas?
  • Yeah, we got this right away--when's the date, angling for invitations, "you should do XYZ."
    It's ok to say you don't know yet or you haven't decided yet. We were also very careful at the beginning to announce only to people we had agreed were going to be invited no matter what.
  • Now I'm getting to the point where people are asking about if we're having a honeymoon. Um, we're paying the wedding, how the hell can I afford a honeymoon right after the wedding?

    I met with the photographer and she asked what we will be doing for the send-off. Sparklers? Rice? I don't know, can't we decide that later? Sheesh!
  • maryemoomaryemoo Fort Wayne, Indiana
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    People were asking me literally HOURS after we got engaged (which happened at like midnight...so at 3am people were texting me!) We just told people that we still had to discuss it and were taking the planning slow.
  • I have been engaged for 6 months and still get that question and sometimes from the same people who have already asked me three times. I'd like to tell you it gets better but it doesn't! My grandmother has moved on from asking when to suggesting we get married before she dies. (In a mean, old lady tone - she is still in good health.)
  • At first I also found this question annoying but now I’m come to realize (perhaps I’m being naive) it’s just because the people who are asking are excited for you and it’s a way for them to share their excitement with you. I’ve also found myself asking my newly engaged friends this question for more selfish reasons – planning purposes! We’ve got 5 weddings next year already and it’s nice to know when to expect the next one. So I agree with the above – smile and say something along the lines of ‘no date yet - we’re just enjoying the being engaged part for now’.

  • I don't understand how those are annoying questions. When I get then I am simply reminded again how wonderful it is to be engaged to my love and immediately get a huge smile on my face! Then I just say whatever is true at the moment "we don't know yet" "sometime after he moves back" "sometime in October" "we're just saying October 12 right now" "officially October 19, 2012!!!!"
  • I got engaged last Saturday- I agree with both sides, it's not incredibly annoying so much as really surprising to me!  I just can't believe so many people really think we might have a date all set the night he surprised me with the ring, the day after, the week after... when they were proposed to, were they like "Yes! June 15th!"


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  • My fiancé and I got engaged on 11/22/13 and we already had a date in mind. We are taking my parents wedding anniversary of 8/8 of 2015. It's crazy to think we already have a date picked so soon after being engaged!
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