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More "Black Tie" fun

JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Last week at work, my coworker was telling me all about this black tie wedding her and her BF were invited to, and how much of a pain it was going to be to get him a tux. I was all "Ooooh, a real black tie wedding, I can't wait to hear all about it!" Today at work, she told me how much the tux rental set her BF back and she was debating whether or not she should spring for a floor-length dress. She said, "BF's already going to be wearing a tux, and the invite says 'Black Tie Optional,' so I just don't want to be the only super-dressed up couple at the wedding and stand out in a weird way." 

I kinda did one of these:
image

and then we discussed the difference between a true black tie wedding and the one she was attending which is, like pretty much all weddings, black tie optional by default. It's ridiculous that people really think their guests won't know to dress formally for a freakin wedding

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Re: More "Black Tie" fun

  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
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    Lobster1987 said:

    Sad...What a waste of money!

    Yup. One of the many reasons I detest "black tie optional"

    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    I didn't care what my guests wore as if it affected my ability to enjoy myself but I still side-eyed people dressed poorly. My dad's good friend had already married off two of his children and he wore an untucked golf shirt to our wedding.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    mobkaz said:


    banana468 said:

    I didn't care what my guests wore as if it affected my ability to enjoy myself but I still side-eyed people dressed poorly. My dad's good friend had already married off two of his children and he wore an untucked golf shirt to our wedding.


    People that will dress as they wish, regardless of occasion, will do so no matter what you print on an invitation.  I also would not care but agree that I would side eye those people.  My kids mock me constantly for my appropriate clothes/appropriate outing attitude. My biggest pet peeve is people who do not dress appropriately, whether it be a wedding, the workplace, or date night. 



    You're absolutely right. We also didn't print anything on the invitation. I was just surprised that someone who knew better did that.
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  • KickAssMOHKickAssMOH member
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer

    My first experience at a "black tie optional" wedding was interesting.... the families wore cocktail dresses (some were even in sun dresses!) and there was a cash bar the entire time. At the time, I was unaware of how wrong that was. Also I was 22 years old and packing nips in my purse so who was I to judge LOL.... The bride was young so maybe she didn't get it either.

    It was this experience that helped me decide not to put any type of dress requirements on my own invitations. For a Saturday night downtown open bar wedding, I'm hoping people dress accordingly but FI and I decided we won't let it bother us if someone wears jeans. For whomever the jean-wearer might be... THEY'D probably feel more uncomfortable about the situation than anyone else does.  

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  • banana468banana468 member
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    southernbelle0915 said:

    I don't even know what most people wore to my wedding. I saw a lot of suits, but I couldn't tell you if someone wore jeans or a tshirt. I was so happy to be getting married and celebrating with all my friends and family that I was like "what-the-fuck-ever, you're wearing just your skivvies? great, let's party!" 


    If what you remember from your wedding day is that someone wore jeans, you're doing it wrong.
    If that's ALL you remember I agree but I don't think remembering some other aspects is all that bad. I was excited to be married to my husband but I was still cognizant of my surroundings.

    I may also be particularly judgy of this person for other reasons.
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  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    My FI's worried his dad (who he's somewhat estranged from) will show up in jean overalls to our wedding.  Our wedding won't state Black Tie on the invite, but it is definitely NOT casual.   I asked him why not he just casually tell his dad it's a nice affair and he should at least wear dark pants and a button down...to which he noted, if he mentioned attire to his father at all he'd show up in short shorts and a plaid shirt.  

    Since I'd prefer the overall's to that, we're keeping mum and just hoping he has some common sense when it comes to his only son's wedding.
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  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
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    @swazzle.  Really?  All white?  Ballsy much?
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    LakeR2014 said:
    @swazzle.  Really?  All white?  Ballsy much?
    I don't get where this "fashion faux pas" has come from in the US, to be honest.

    Why does it even matter if a guest wears white?  I'm pretty sure no one is going to mistake her for the bride.

    I just watched "Big Wedding" and the entire bridal party, parents included, wore white/cream/ivory and in those scenes it looked really lovely.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
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    @prettygirllost It's a custom/tradition here and is generally accepted by everyone. White/ivory is a color designated for the bride and the bride only.   The bride may be fine with someone else wearing a similar color to theirs, but they should be consulted on it.   If they weren't, it could be seen as a form of protest or dislike by the person wearing the dress.

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    LakeR2014 said:
    @prettygirllost It's a custom/tradition here and is generally accepted by everyone. White/ivory is a color designated for the bride and the bride only.   The bride may be fine with someone else wearing a similar color to theirs, but they should be consulted on it.   If they weren't, it could be seen as a form of protest or dislike by the person wearing the dress.

    Is it really a custom/tradition here, though?  What are the origins. . . that's what I'm trying to figure out.  Did any of the fashion/etiquette mavens ever mention not wearing white unless you are the bride, or is this something that we all just kind of made up as guests? 

    White/Ivory are designated for the bride bc those colors represent purity and virginity, and let's be real. . . how many of us should really be wearing white if we go by those standards now? ;-)

    I dunno, I just don't buy this "rule."  It just seems like another silly thing brides get all worked up about that is largely validated, but really has no bearing on the wedding day at all.



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Swazzle said:
    I was basically making the point that even if someone's wearing white or jeans or underwear on their head, the chances of you actually noticing it that day are very slim so it's not something to get worked up about beforehand. 
    Yep, I agree with you.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • SwazzleSwazzle member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    LakeR2014 said:
    @prettygirllost It's a custom/tradition here and is generally accepted by everyone. White/ivory is a color designated for the bride and the bride only.   The bride may be fine with someone else wearing a similar color to theirs, but they should be consulted on it.   If they weren't, it could be seen as a form of protest or dislike by the person wearing the dress.

    Is it really a custom/tradition here, though?  What are the origins. . . that's what I'm trying to figure out.  Did any of the fashion/etiquette mavens ever mention not wearing white unless you are the bride, or is this something that we all just kind of made up as guests? 

    White/Ivory are designated for the bride bc those colors represent purity and virginity, and let's be real. . . how many of us should really be wearing white if we go by those standards now? ;-)

    I dunno, I just don't buy this "rule."  It just seems like another silly thing brides get all worked up about that is largely validated, but really has no bearing on the wedding day at all.


    I don't know where it originated but I think it's along the same lines of "don't wear black" (because that's seen as mourning or you don't support the marriage) and "don't wear red" (because it means you're an AW). 

    FTR: My BM dresses were black. I wear black to just about every wedding I attend. If I don't support the marriage, I have no business being there. My MIL wore red and she looked fantastic. 

    Having said all that, and now I probably make no sense, I wouldn't wear white to someone else's wedding.



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  • banana468banana468 member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:


    LakeR2014 said:

    @prettygirllost It's a custom/tradition here and is generally accepted by everyone. White/ivory is a color designated for the bride and the bride only.   The bride may be fine with someone else wearing a similar color to theirs, but they should be consulted on it.   If they weren't, it could be seen as a form of protest or dislike by the person wearing the dress.


    Is it really a custom/tradition here, though?  What are the origins. . . that's what I'm trying to figure out.  Did any of the fashion/etiquette mavens ever mention not wearing white unless you are the bride, or is this something that we all just kind of made up as guests? 

    White/Ivory are designated for the bride bc those colors represent purity and virginity, and let's be real. . . how many of us should really be wearing white if we go by those standards now? ;-)

    I dunno, I just don't buy this "rule."  It just seems like another silly thing brides get all worked up about that is largely validated, but really has no bearing on the wedding day at all.






    False. The dressing in white originated by a queen who wore white because it was a sign of wealth.

    We have since started calling it a sign of virginity but that was always incorrect.

    The point is that you aren't supposed to look like you are taking attention from the bride. Therefore you're not supposed to wear head to toe white or bright red.

    You're also not supposed to wear anything resembling funeral attire so you don't look like you're attending and protesting.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Swazzle said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    Is it really a custom/tradition here, though?  What are the origins. . . that's what I'm trying to figure out.  Did any of the fashion/etiquette mavens ever mention not wearing white unless you are the bride, or is this something that we all just kind of made up as guests? 

    White/Ivory are designated for the bride bc those colors represent purity and virginity, and let's be real. . . how many of us should really be wearing white if we go by those standards now? ;-)

    I dunno, I just don't buy this "rule."  It just seems like another silly thing brides get all worked up about that is largely validated, but really has no bearing on the wedding day at all.


    I don't know where it originated but I think it's along the same lines of "don't wear black" (because that's seen as mourning or you don't support the marriage) and "don't wear red" (because it means you're an AW). 

    FTR: My BM dresses were black. I wear black to just about every wedding I attend. If I don't support the marriage, I have no business being there. My MIL wore red and she looked fantastic. 

    Having said all that, and now I probably make no sense, I wouldn't wear white to someone else's wedding.
    I think the black and red "rules" are BS too.  Honestly I think people tend to read into things too much, especially insecure people.

    LBD's are classic and a must have item because everyone looks good in black- it's slimming!  I'm wearing one to a wedding this weekend because it looks nice on me, it has nothing to do with approval/disapproval of the union.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    LakeR2014 said:
    @prettygirllost It's a custom/tradition here and is generally accepted by everyone. White/ivory is a color designated for the bride and the bride only.   The bride may be fine with someone else wearing a similar color to theirs, but they should be consulted on it.   If they weren't, it could be seen as a form of protest or dislike by the person wearing the dress.

    Is it really a custom/tradition here, though?  What are the origins. . . that's what I'm trying to figure out.  Did any of the fashion/etiquette mavens ever mention not wearing white unless you are the bride, or is this something that we all just kind of made up as guests? 

    White/Ivory are designated for the bride bc those colors represent purity and virginity, and let's be real. . . how many of us should really be wearing white if we go by those standards now? ;-)

    I dunno, I just don't buy this "rule."  It just seems like another silly thing brides get all worked up about that is largely validated, but really has no bearing on the wedding day at all.

    Miss Manners talks about it - like it not being cool to wear white, black or red. Peggy Post (Emily's kid) recently responded to someone saying it was fine as long as it didn't "look bridal". But everyone knows Emily Posts' kids have royally fucked her image and teachings, so... The idea is "that color is reserved for the bride and you can wear ANY other color you want. Why you gotta pick white?"

    I personally wouldn't care if anyone wore white to my wedding. I'm the one who's, you know, up front getting married. I don't think anyone can really steal your thunder when you're in that position, so whatever.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    banana468 said:
    Is it really a custom/tradition here, though?  What are the origins. . . that's what I'm trying to figure out.  Did any of the fashion/etiquette mavens ever mention not wearing white unless you are the bride, or is this something that we all just kind of made up as guests? 

    White/Ivory are designated for the bride bc those colors represent purity and virginity, and let's be real. . . how many of us should really be wearing white if we go by those standards now? ;-)

    I dunno, I just don't buy this "rule."  It just seems like another silly thing brides get all worked up about that is largely validated, but really has no bearing on the wedding day at all.


    False. The dressing in white originated by a queen who wore white because it was a sign of wealth. We have since started calling it a sign of virginity but that was always incorrect. The point is that you aren't supposed to look like you are taking attention from the bride. Therefore you're not supposed to wear head to toe white or bright red. You're also not supposed to wear anything resembling funeral attire so you don't look like you're attending and protesting.
    Ah interesting!



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    edited September 2013

    I don't think it's really that big of a deal.

    But I also wonder how many people who wear a white gown (like legit. gown, not a white dress with a pattern or something) to a wedding do so with the actual intention of slighting the bride.

    image
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
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    I borrowed a dress for a wedding I'm going to tomorrow. I thought it was Navy blue when I asked to borrow it. It's black. Oops. Too late, sorry.

    At least it's an evening wedding.
    Anniversary
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    southernbelle0915 said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    LakeR2014 said:
    @prettygirllost It's a custom/tradition here and is generally accepted by everyone. White/ivory is a color designated for the bride and the bride only.   The bride may be fine with someone else wearing a similar color to theirs, but they should be consulted on it.   If they weren't, it could be seen as a form of protest or dislike by the person wearing the dress.

    Is it really a custom/tradition here, though?  What are the origins. . . that's what I'm trying to figure out.  Did any of the fashion/etiquette mavens ever mention not wearing white unless you are the bride, or is this something that we all just kind of made up as guests? 

    White/Ivory are designated for the bride bc those colors represent purity and virginity, and let's be real. . . how many of us should really be wearing white if we go by those standards now? ;-)

    I dunno, I just don't buy this "rule."  It just seems like another silly thing brides get all worked up about that is largely validated, but really has no bearing on the wedding day at all.

    Miss Manners talks about it - like it not being cool to wear white, black or red. Peggy Post (Emily's kid) recently responded to someone saying it was fine as long as it didn't "look bridal". But everyone knows Emily Posts' kids have royally fucked her image and teachings, so... The idea is "that color is reserved for the bride and you can wear ANY other color you want. Why you gotta pick white?"

    I personally wouldn't care if anyone wore white to my wedding. I'm the one who's, you know, up front getting married. I don't think anyone can really steal your thunder when you're in that position, so whatever.
    Yep, I feel the same way.

    You (general you) as a person shouldn't even be worried about anyone "stealing your thunder" anyways.  The point of a wedding is to marry the person you love, then celebrate with your friends and family.  The point is NOT to be the center of attention.  If people are concerned with that, as seems to be the case with people who post here worrying about what their guests are going to wear at their reception, then they probably need to think about their priorities and maybe audition for a role in a play, lol.  Then the spotlight can be on them ;-)

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    I will say though, it's kind of a general rule to shy away from red at Hindu weddings. I don't know if that rule is a western influence or was more original, however.
    image
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    ashleyep said:
    I borrowed a dress for a wedding I'm going to tomorrow. I thought it was Navy blue when I asked to borrow it. It's black. Oops. Too late, sorry.

    At least it's an evening wedding.
    Black is formal and classic. . . it's not just for funerals.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited September 2013

    I, and a lot of people I know, wear black to evening weddings all the time.

    ETA: It's not as if we are donning mourning veils while we're at it.

    image
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    PDKH said:

    I, and a lot of people I know, wear black to evening weddings all the time.

    ETA: It's not as if we are donning mourning veils while we're at it.

    Gotta put the Black in Black Tie, right? :-P

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    There's a big difference between a cocktail dress and mourning attire. The point is that you should look like you support the union taking place.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    banana468 said:
    There's a big difference between a cocktail dress and mourning attire. The point is that you should look like you support the union taking place.
    I'm not arguing with you Banana, this is just a general statement.  I pretty much agree with your E statements all the time, lol.

    Which is still silly because if you don't support the union why are you even there?  Don't be a drama queen and try to turn the focus on yourself, just decline the invite.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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