Friday Weddings Rude?

JLynG09 · September 2013

I was going to have my wedding on a Friday too until we moved up the date to get the venue we want. I personally work nights so anything during the day is super inconvenient. Its like a 8-4 person having to do stuff at 1 am because that's the only time the place they need is open. So I'm personally not very concerned about being inconsiderate to people. If they can't come, they can't come and that makes the catering bill more affordable too. Its your wedding, do what you want.

Xstatic3333 · September 2013

We had a Friday evening wedding in August. Our decline rate was average (looked artificially a little high because very few brought plus ones). Over 40% of our guests were students or teachers, so the month was key. A Friday in October would not have worked as well.

They're not rude, they just won't work for every group. It's an invitation, not a summons. I have regular weekend work, and I gladly cancel it for the weddings those I'm close to (with no PTO or option to reschedule) and politely decline weddings when it won't be possible for me to make it. Easy.

happynurse92 · September 2013

I am having mine on a Friday, on July 4th of next year. Some people will have to schedule off, but I think that the timing is key for letting them know waaayy in advance. That is my plan, and then they can RSVP early, b/c they will know if they can have off from or not. The people who will have to travel the most ( FI family is from FL) have been on big road trips to Louisville before. Most of our families are in the Ohio Valley region, so travel is not a major inconvenience. We are saving our vacation as an anniversary gift to ourselves. Good Luck!

smolli88 · September 2013

Nope, not "rude" at all. Inconvenient? Maybe. Depends on the person and their situation.
Some people will always find something to complain about

We are having a Friday wedding, and we made sure to tell close friends and family right away (before we've even sent Save the Dates), especially those that don't live close so that they can make their plans.
We don't expect everyone to attend but those that want to celebrate with us (and are able to), will make every effort to do so, and that's all we can ask!

Viczaesar · September 2013

happynurse92 said:

I am having mine on a Friday, on July 4th of next year. Some people will have to schedule off, but I think that the timing is key for letting them know waaayy in advance. That is my plan, and then they can RSVP early, b/c they will know if they can have off from or not. The people who will have to travel the most ( FI family is from FL) have been on big road trips to Louisville before. Most of our families are in the Ohio Valley region, so travel is not a major inconvenience. We are saving our vacation as an anniversary gift to ourselves. Good Luck!

You shouldn't have an early RSVP date, regardless.

cruffino · September 2013

JLynG09 said:
I was going to have my wedding on a Friday too until we moved up the date to get the venue we want. I personally work nights so anything during the day is super inconvenient. Its like a 8-4 person having to do stuff at 1 am because that's the only time the place they need is open. So I'm personally not very concerned about being inconsiderate to people. If they can't come, they can't come and that makes the catering bill more affordable too. Its your wedding, do what you want.

If you're not concerned with being considerate to your guests, why don't you just elope?

madulany22 · September 2013

I am having my wedding on a Friday, but not until 7.30pm. I have to say that I agree with most of the posts on here, that an invitation is NOT a summons and people are free to say no. What would be rude (and I believe someone else has already said this) is guilting people for not fitting your wedding into their schedules - regardless of whether the wedding is on a Monday at noon or a Saturday at 3.

ohmrs2014 · September 2013

I too am having a Friday wedding and I don't think its rude. Most of my extended family has had Friday weddings, so in our group its totally acceptable and almost the norm. I remember being in school and having to take off for my cousin's wedding. Our ceremony is at 6:15pm and we sent our Save the Dates out at 9 months so guests know.

NYCBruin · September 2013

Inconvenient to your guests with M-F schedules? Yes

Inconvenient to non-M-F guests? Possibly

Rude? Not at all.

As other posters have said, it only becomes rude if the couple tries to guilt trip people about not being able to make it. Just like its rude to guilt trip someone for not being able to attend your Saturday wedding for whatever reason. Guilt tripping is always rude.

nhubba29 · September 2013

Friday weddings are not rude....I am getting married on a friday! The cocktail hour does not start until 7pm....of course I do not expect everyone at the church during the day....but there are also plenty of ppl on our guest list that work in health care and broadcasting who have to work nights and weekends. If we are going to consider a friday wedding rude then what are we calling a destination wedding??

FiancB · September 2013

A Saturday wedding was out of the question for our budget. We considered having either a Friday or Sunday wedding. We are getting married in OR where most of my friends and family are located but his side will be coming from MN.

We don't know many people that work M-F 9-5. My parents are retired, his parents work odd hours, as do most of my friends and family. Many work retail, hospitals or in restaurants or are students or teachers that have the summer off. Some of his groomsmen have "normal" jobs but again, coming all the way out there they will probably be taking some time off anyway.

In the end we decided on a Sunday to make it easier on the WP to make it to rehearsal dinner. It takes all day to fly out there so we figured if we had it on a Friday, that would make it so people have to take Thurs and Fri off. By having it on a Sunday, if people are really in a rush to make it back they could just take Monday off.

I think most people are treating it like a vacation and are taking multiple days off anyway.

dionne919 · September 2013

I agree with what everyone has said. But if you give everyone plenty of notice, they should be able to plan accordingly. The VIPs are the ones you worry about.

Majelin86 · September 2013

I definitely prefer a Saturday wedding, as it's really hard for me to get time off work and usually on Fridays after work I'm burnt out and just prefer lounging at home and going to bed early! But I can see why people would want to have a Friday wedding, and I don't think it's rude - hopefully it would be an evening wedding though!

Qkellygirl · September 2013

Boy what a bunch of selfish women on this board! I am getting married next Friday and to be honest out of 230 invites sent we only had 12 "no's" (8 were from overseas) and only one couple declined due to work conflicts, the rest were retirees.

Our save the dates were sent out months in advance so people could anticipate taking time off if needed, but at the same time we totally understand that some may not make the ceremony. For someone to say that the couple are "inconveinencing" their guests is just presumptious and self-absorbed. Its too bad that its hard to leave work, pick up your kids, etc but that's not the couple's fault. You can take the kids out of school early, hire a babysitter, etc. And I work a 9-5 job and it is indeed easy to make up hours or use personal time, There is usually less chaos in an office if someone takes planned vacation time versus when a server at a busy restaurant does. To assume that retail jobs are more flexible is doing those employees a disservice.

The bottom line is the couple chose a Friday and the reason is theirs to know. If its too inconveinent then guests can decline. The couple should not have to feel bad that their guests have to actually stand up and be adults and take responsibility.

arrippa · September 2013

Qkellygirl said:

Boy what a bunch of selfish women on this board! I am getting married next Friday and to be honest out of 230 invites sent we only had 12 "no's" (8 were from overseas) and only one couple declined due to work conflicts, the rest were retirees.

Our save the dates were sent out months in advance so people could anticipate taking time off if needed, but at the same time we totally understand that some may not make the ceremony. For someone to say that the couple are "inconveinencing" their guests is just presumptious and self-absorbed. Its too bad that its hard to leave work, pick up your kids, etc but that's not the couple's fault. You can take the kids out of school early, hire a babysitter, etc. And I work a 9-5 job and it is indeed easy to make up hours or use personal time, There is usually less chaos in an office if someone takes planned vacation time versus when a server at a busy restaurant does. To assume that retail jobs are more flexible is doing those employees a disservice.

The bottom line is the couple chose a Friday and the reason is theirs to know. If its too inconveinent then guests can decline. The couple should not have to feel bad that their guests have to actually stand up and be adults and take responsibility.

I don't think anyone was being seflish here. Most people agree that Friday weddings are NOT rude. But your comment about how your guests need to stand up and be adults and take responsibility makes no sense to me. A wedding invite is NOT a summons and declining a wedding because they don't think they can make it is being an adult and taking responsibility.

You are lucky that it's easy to take time off in your office. I can assure you that's not always the case. I work the 9-5 grind and I couldn't make a wedding before 7 p.m.

The other thing that caught my attention was yoru statement about pulling kids out of school early. Is that a thing nowadays? My mother would never have pulled us out of school early for a wedding.

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

^ I agree. I don't think anyone is being selfish. I asked for different opinions on what people thought. However, I agree, my office is not very easy to get out of. Also, pulling kids out of school (my parents wouldn't have done that either) and hiring a babysitter so early do add up to more money. I personally don't think it's rude to have a Friday wedding, but maybe a little inconvenient. But like the other women stated, Saturday and Sunday could be just as inconvenient. I suppose it's just a personal preference. The only time it really sucked when we had a Friday wedding is when my fiance stood up in one that was about 2 hours away. He's a ff so switching shifts is almost impossible sometimes. He really had to pull some strings in order to get off. We did know about it almost a year in advance but sometimes it doesn't matter. You only get to request days off/switch when it comes to a certain point in the year (you have to request all days off for the coming year at this point which is hard!) and it goes by seniority. He's only been at this dept for 5 years and some guys have been there 20. All I guess I have to say about ANY-day wedding is at least make sure it is convenient for your bridal party if nothing else. We have an array of professions in our wedding from cops to ff to teachers and therapists. We did check with everyone to see if the day we picked would work before we booked a venue. It just so happened to be the Sunday of Memorial weekend (so like a saturday in my book)

laylasaurus · September 2013

cap816 said:

blueobsidian said:

cap816 said:

I find Friday wedding to be super inconsiderate. Unless you're my best friend or brother, I'll most likely going to skip the ceremony (unless it's local and scheduled for after 7:00 p.m.) and just show up for the reception.
Saturday weddings are just as inconvenient to people who work in restaurants, theaters, grocery stores, and retail stores. Heck, I spent four years in a bakery doing wedding cakes. I never got weekends off unless I specifically took a day off. Why is inconveniencing one group of people OK and inconveniencing people who work a M-F week "super inconsiderate"?

Because those are the hours during which a majority of people work.

I am not going to take a vacation day for someone else's wedding. If you regularly work weekends, I would expect for you to do the same for a Saturday or Sunday wedding.

ETA: Also, those who work in restaurants, theaters, grocery stores and retail stores can presumably ask for rescheduled hours during the week. Those who work in the typical business or office setting cannot.

You're wrong about this actually, and your general attitude is rather insulting. As someone who works in the restaurant industry, as does FI, it can actually be extremely difficult to get weekends off. Many restaurants require that their employees be available on the weekends, especially on particular nights. For instance, my restaurant is hosting a big event this weekend, EVERYONE is REQUIRED to work all day Saturday. No requesting it off for any reason short of a family funeral. Also, it isn't always possible to switch shifts with someone, or get someone to cover it. You can request a day off, but there is no guarantee that you will get it.

Oh and, restaurant workers don't get such things as "vacation days" or "sick days". If we request a day off and don't get scheduled in for an extra shift somewhere else, that is a days pay that we lose. If we get sick and can't show up to work, we lose pay. Often, if someone requests too many days off for say, a week long vacation, they simply get cut from the schedule altogether and are out of a job.

I might add that people who work in jobs outside of the 9 to 5 world are people too; people who work incredibly hard and at odd hours to provide a service to people like you who I presume enjoy going out to eat, and to theaters and being able to run to the grocery store in the middle of the night for necessities. Have a little respect and don't treat these people like "others" who are inconveniencing YOU. No wedding is going to be at a completely convenient time for all parties involved.

edit- I also meant to add that weekends are often when restaurant workers make the most money. Most don't request those days/nights off without really good reason because again, it's lost pay. For someone who doesn't make as much as one might working 9-5 salaried job, that can mean a hell of a lot more than losing one "vacation" day.

KeptInStitches · September 2013

@laylasaurus

laylasaurus · September 2013

I don't think it's rude to schedule a wedding on any particular day. You consider what works best for yourselves and the majority of your guests/VIPs. We are having our wedding on a Monday. The majority of our guests are friends who also work in the restaurant/bar industry, so it is a much better day for them to take off. All of FI's family are local, so they won't have to travel far, but if they can't make it because of work, then so be it. They are in the minority. My family is all from across the country so many wouldn't have been able to come anyway. The few that are, would have been taking a day off work no matter what day we did it. The only complaint we have had is from FIs stepmom, though once we explained our reasoning she understood and was fine with i

climbingsingle · September 2013

I don't think Friday weddings are rude whatsoever. I've attended Friday weddings, Sunday weddings, and I've stood up in both as well. Hell, the Sunday wedding was a 2.5 hour drive in the middle of crazy summer traffic and I had to take the following day off work. Big deal. If someone is pissed about a Friday wedding, then don't go! The B&G probably don't want you there with your bad attitude anyway.

laylasaurus · September 2013

KeptInStitches

*curtsy*

EmilyMMcC · September 2013

I'm having a Friday wedding, and not once did I consider it rude. I'm inviting guests to share in my day of love and commitment to someone I love. If I matter to them and they matter to me, they'll be there. If not, I probably wouldn't have invited them anyway.

Viczaesar · September 2013

Qkellygirl said:

Boy what a bunch of selfish women on this board! I am getting married next Friday and to be honest out of 230 invites sent we only had 12 "no's" (8 were from overseas) and only one couple declined due to work conflicts, the rest were retirees.

Our save the dates were sent out months in advance so people could anticipate taking time off if needed, but at the same time we totally understand that some may not make the ceremony. For someone to say that the couple are "inconveinencing" their guests is just presumptious and self-absorbed. Its too bad that its hard to leave work, pick up your kids, etc but that's not the couple's fault. You can take the kids out of school early, hire a babysitter, etc. And I work a 9-5 job and it is indeed easy to make up hours or use personal time, There is usually less chaos in an office if someone takes planned vacation time versus when a server at a busy restaurant does. To assume that retail jobs are more flexible is doing those employees a disservice.

The bottom line is the couple chose a Friday and the reason is theirs to know. If its too inconveinent then guests can decline. The couple should not have to feel bad that their guests have to actually stand up and be adults and take responsibility.

No, it's a simple statement of fact. It is inconvenient for some people. Not everyone can take off work, and not everybody will take children out of school for a wedding (I know I wouldn't).

Viczaesar · September 2013

EmilyMMcC said:

I'm having a Friday wedding, and not once did I consider it rude. I'm inviting guests to share in my day of love and commitment to someone I love. If I matter to them and they matter to me, they'll be there. If not, I probably wouldn't have invited them anyway.

That doesn't even make sense.

EmilyMMcC · September 2013

Viczaesar said:

EmilyMMcC said:

I'm having a Friday wedding, and not once did I consider it rude. I'm inviting guests to share in my day of love and commitment to someone I love. If I matter to them and they matter to me, they'll be there. If not, I probably wouldn't have invited them anyway.

That doesn't even make sense.

I'm not sure what doesn't make sense about it. I'll try to break it down for you: if I am important enough to my guests, they'll be there, regardless of what day of the week it is. Comprende?

Jevan2 · September 2013

My wedding is on a friday. I did it because my fiance and I are paying for a majority of it ourselves. It was less expensive that way, and then it ended up working out to give us an extra day before our honeymoon to make sure we are rested and packed right. Here is my view: Those who can come and want to will make it a priority to come. They will get off, save a little more for a hotel room, pick up extra shifts, make more commissions or whatever to get there. Many people work on Saturday and Sunday as well if you think about it. Do what is best for you, and let everyone else figure it out.

Viczaesar · September 2013

EmilyMMcC said:

Viczaesar said:

EmilyMMcC said:

I'm having a Friday wedding, and not once did I consider it rude. I'm inviting guests to share in my day of love and commitment to someone I love. If I matter to them and they matter to me, they'll be there. If not, I probably wouldn't have invited them anyway.

That doesn't even make sense.

I'm not sure what doesn't make sense about it. I'll try to break it down for you: if I am important enough to my guests, they'll be there, regardless of what day of the week it is. Comprende?

Do you comprende that real life doesn't work that way? If they have to work they have to work, no matter how much they love you. If they can't afford to travel to your wedding they can't afford it, no matter how much they love you. Expecting people to make it to your wedding no matter when it is as evidence of their love for you is sad.

NYCBruin · September 2013

EmilyMMcC said:

Viczaesar said:

EmilyMMcC said:

I'm having a Friday wedding, and not once did I consider it rude. I'm inviting guests to share in my day of love and commitment to someone I love. If I matter to them and they matter to me, they'll be there. If not, I probably wouldn't have invited them anyway.

That doesn't even make sense.

I'm not sure what doesn't make sense about it. I'll try to break it down for you: if I am important enough to my guests, they'll be there, regardless of what day of the week it is. Comprende?

There's nothing rude about a Friday wedding, but this attitude is a bit rude. By having a wedding at a time that is inconvenient for some/many of your guests (depending on how many of them have M-F jobs), you have to understand that some of them just won't be able to make it.

Implying that guests who decline simply don't love you or care about you basically turns your wedding invitation into a test or their affection or a summons. That part is rather rude.

EmilyMMcC · September 2013

Viczaesar and NYCBruin - best of luck to both of you.

As I implied earlier, and as several others have said, the people that WANT to be there will make it happen. For my particular guests, none of them will be affected by taking a weekday afternoon off to get to my wedding. I know this because I know my guests.

The circumstances around being "rude" will not apply to everyone, regardless of what you think. Have a great day!

NYCBruin · September 2013

EmilyMMcC said:
Viczaesar and NYCBruin - best of luck to both of you.

As I implied earlier, and as several others have said, the people that WANT to be there will make it happen. For my particular guests, none of them will be affected by taking a weekday afternoon off to get to my wedding. I know this because I know my guests.

The circumstances around being "rude" will not apply to everyone, regardless of what you think. Have a great day!

To imply that people who WANT to attend weddings ALWAYS can make them is utterly absurd. IMHO it's quite rude to make a blanket statement that if someone declines a wedding invitation it's because they don't want to attend. There are a million reasons why someone might not attend a wedding, most of which have nothing to do with not wanting to attend. According to your logic, a friend that can't attend a Friday (or whatever day) wedding because taking the day off work would mean being fired must actually not care about the couple. And that's just silly. You can't possibly know every obstacle that may prevent one of your invited guests from attending.

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