Bridesmaids... I want you out, all of you!

grumbledore · September 2013

nannersbanners said:

My FI decided in August to get married in November... We've been waiting 10 years and we are ready! I always imagined my sister by my side but she is a world away and can't make it, so bummed. I decided to ask 1, then 2, and.... now I have 5 - oh, & I might mention they don't know each other (what was I thinking)! I feel like I over compensated because my sister cant make it by asking too many girls, I just got excited about a wedding. I thought it was going to be fun and easy but, it is the exact opposite. I have the busiest working BM's and I can't even get them together to go dress shopping, I was lucky to get a dinner in. I can get them all separately on their terms, but this makes it harder on me. I need easy with this destination DIY weekend wedding.
Would you be offended if I asked you to do everything a BM does but minus walking down the isle, buying the attire, & having a bachelorette or bridal party? I I don't want to put anyone out and quite frankly, I expected more.. I always expect what I would do and it never happens, I'm 31 will this ever end!? One BM is worried about cost which is understandable. I still want them to stay in the hotel with me so I can give them all their special gifts, their bouquet and such I just want them out, lol!
I have discussed this w/ my FI and he wants me to follow my heart BUT... I feel bad for his groomsmen. I am a fool! I never ever wanted bridesmaids, what did I get myself into... As of yet the girls are not out anything and I do love them dearly.
Do I suck it up or follow my gut and break the new to the FI?

Suck it up. You are in the wrong here. You do not kick them out. Even if you did, which you should not, it has no effect on your FI's groomsmen.

What did you expect? Bridesmaids are the people you want to stand by your side when you get married, that's it. They don't have to do anything else.

grumbledore · September 2013

I'm not angry, I am overwhelmed. I want to enjoy this, not fret it. I don't want to stress my BM's over finance and schedules.

They shouldn't be stressed over finances because you should have asked them for their budgets (privately) before picking dresses. They shouldn't be stressing about schedules unless you gave them the wedding date and they can't get it off from work. Chill out.

nannersbanners · September 2013

vainemerald & dalm0m! I put on my big girl panties and kindly laid it out. I knew I was overreacting and I needed to take a step back. I put together a cute flier thanking all the girls for being apart of my special day and mentioned that I knew of the many commitments each of then have, and to please let me know if it is too much added stress/ time/money because we are ready to start. I provided them our (my FI & I) dress choice, gave them all the expected dates (i.e. rehearsal & 1 day volunteer for set-up), FYI dates (hen party, MU/Hair Preview, Girls Night Out). Just recently I did my own bachelorette invites b/c my BM's don't know each other or the girls I'd like to invite so... I asked if anyone wanted their name for RSVP to handle the rest. No takers yet, lol. That's right, suck it up! I love these girls and just want them by my side , I just want to be married!

grumbledore · September 2013

nannersbanners said:

vainemerald & dalm0m! I put on my big girl panties and kindly laid it out. I knew I was overreacting and I needed to take a step back. I put together a cute flier thanking all the girls for being apart of my special day and mentioned that I knew of the many commitments each of then have, and to please let me know if it is too much added stress/ time/money because we are ready to start. I provided them our (my FI & I) dress choice, gave them all the expected dates (i.e. rehearsal & 1 day volunteer for set-up), FYI dates (hen party, MU/Hair Preview, Girls Night Out). Just recently I did my own bachelorette invites b/c my BM's don't know each other or the girls I'd like to invite so... I asked if anyone wanted their name for RSVP to handle the rest. No takers yet, lol. That's right, suck it up! I love these girls and just want them by my side , I just want to be married!

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait a minute.

1) You can't force them to "volunteer" to help you set up.

2) You can't set the date for your own bach party/whatever these events are.

I'm glad you're not kicking them out like a nutbag, but you are proceeding in a very impolite way here. IF you have any pre-wedding parties, it should be because someone has OFFERED to host, not because you demanded it/scheduled it and had them pay.

nannersbanners · September 2013

Did and done... Everyone is different, what works for one doesn't always work for another.

Fran1985 · September 2013

nannersbanners said:

vainemerald & dalm0m! I put on my big girl panties and kindly laid it out. I knew I was overreacting and I needed to take a step back. I put together a cute flier thanking all the girls for being apart of my special day and mentioned that I knew of the many commitments each of then have, and to please let me know if it is too much added stress/ time/money because we are ready to start. I provided them our (my FI & I) dress choice, gave them all the expected dates (i.e. rehearsal & 1 day volunteer for set-up), FYI dates (hen party, MU/Hair Preview, Girls Night Out). Just recently I did my own bachelorette invites b/c my BM's don't know each other or the girls I'd like to invite so... I asked if anyone wanted their name for RSVP to handle the rest. No takers yet, lol. That's right, suck it up! I love these girls and just want them by my side , I just want to be married!

Dude, you just redefined the word bridezilla. Here is a hint for the future, if you have to make a F*CKING flyer to tell your friends something, you are doing it wrong. It sounds like what's done is done, but this update goes totally against what I thought you were saying earlier- which is that you wanted to be a good friend and bride. If you love these girls and want them by your side, why in the world are you being crazy demanding? You are throwing yourself a bachelorette but want to put their name on it and you want to know why you dont have any takers?? And it sounds like you are planning 3 parties??? If you are still willing to take advice I think you need to relax. I think you are not getting takers because you are seriously at risk at losing or damaging these friendships.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

I like the pp suggestion of going with black perhaps knee length dresses. Then the girls can get whatever dress fits into their budget & those are generally easy to find. I've seen a few weddings where the BM had all different dress but black and it looked very nice. Going that route might help reduce your stress level but still keep all your BM. Planning a wedding, especially in a short time frame will be very stressful. It's a huge bummer your sister can't be there for you. See if you can make it work, but you should decide one way or the other very soon to either keep them or drop everyone. Good luck, not an easy thing to decide.

PirateBarbie · September 2013

nannersbanners said:

vainemerald & dalm0m! I put on my big girl panties and kindly laid it out. I knew I was overreacting and I needed to take a step back. I put together a cute flier thanking all the girls for being apart of my special day and mentioned that I knew of the many commitments each of then have, and to please let me know if it is too much added stress/ time/money because we are ready to start. I provided them our (my FI & I) dress choice, gave them all the expected dates (i.e. rehearsal & 1 day volunteer for set-up), FYI dates (hen party, MU/Hair Preview, Girls Night Out). Just recently I did my own bachelorette invites b/c my BM's don't know each other or the girls I'd like to invite so... I asked if anyone wanted their name for RSVP to handle the rest. No takers yet, lol. That's right, suck it up! I love these girls and just want them by my side , I just want to be married!

so now you're just trying to get them to drop out and not look like the bad guy for firing them?

dharmabunny · September 2013

A flier???? At least a dumping by text is personally composed.

nannersbanners · September 2013

People have to class in giving their opinion.... Straight for the throat!

Fran1985 funny, all my girls loved the flyer and the help. This wedding is being planned within a 2 month time frame. I don't expect these girls to drop their lives for 2 months. Only one party is being planned and I'm ghetto... planning my own. When I say my girls do not know each other, I mean they have only met once. Why would I be at risk for losing friendships, because I want help alleviate their stress? I'd rather throw my own party then to be let down because one was never planned for me because they have a life of their own. Again, what works for one doesn't always work for another. If my sister was in the country I wouldn't think twice about any of this. It is what it is, I'm making the best of what I have.

My BM's:

"This is the easiest, low budget wedding. Thank you for thinking of us and being considerate! The flier is great, really helped me plan my schedules."

"D, nice job on flier... you're the best bride to stand by".

"I would love to take RSVP's, you made it so easy."

"Perfect & simple- you're fucking awesome!"

Erikan73 Found the cutest dress on lace affairs for $50, BM's are happy!

PirateBarbie Neither... Maybe they didn't consider the stress of this last minute wedding. I gave them the option b/c I don't want to be a burden. My question was voiced obviously because I knew I was in the wrong and I needed to hear it. "Speak the truth even when your voice breaks". Just because I questioned this doesn't make me the devil or an awful friend, just make me honest bitch who needed to hear how bitchy I really sounded.

VarunaTT · September 2013

6fsn · September 2013

The flyer doesn't really bother me. I like having info all in one place. Planning your own party is pretty tacky.

AuntFlo · September 2013

"Your flier was much better than Cats. I'll see it again and again."

- hypnotized bridesmaid

PrettyGirlLost · September 2013

nannersbanners said:

vainemerald & dalm0m! I put on my big girl panties and kindly laid it out. I knew I was overreacting and I needed to take a step back. I put together a cute flier thanking all the girls for being apart of my special day and mentioned that I knew of the many commitments each of then have, and to please let me know if it is too much added stress/ time/money because we are ready to start. I provided them our (my FI & I) dress choice, gave them all the expected dates (i.e. rehearsal & 1 day volunteer for set-up), FYI dates (hen party, MU/Hair Preview, Girls Night Out). Just recently I did my own bachelorette invites b/c my BM's don't know each other or the girls I'd like to invite so... I asked if anyone wanted their name for RSVP to handle the rest. No takers yet, lol. That's right, suck it up! I love these girls and just want them by my side , I just want to be married!

Ready to start what?! Start being a bridezilla that monopolizes your friends' time and expects your wedding party to be at your beck and call and do bitch work that only you and your FI should be doing?

Ready to start making decisions that impact your friends financially without their input (the dress you already picked out, the bach party you are planning for yourself, etc.)?

Sorry to crash your thread WW regs, but I was wandering around TK and this just. . . wow.

http://i0.wp.com/media.tumblr.com/ccd8d345d6af48c85d4cd0d21c59f3ca/tumblr_inline_mfajqt9nEL1rbrja2.gif?fit=1000%2C1000

Bridesmaids... I want you out, all of you!

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