Plus, this post is months old and at this point OP probably already went and got married at the courthouse (you know that LEGALLY BINDING ceremony) and continues to lie to her friends and family that they aren't married, all while collected the extra money from the government....
Me and my FH did the exact same thing. Because of our position (I was about to commission and he is enlisted) the only way we would 1) be stationed together and 2) not be called for fraternization was to do the "legal" thing early. To us, it's just paperwork, and didn't even really count. We literally just walked into the judges office, explained our situation, and he signed the paperwork with no vows or words or anything, which is just what we wanted.
To me, and is seems to you, there is a difference between marriage and being legally married. A marriage involves a spiritual commitment and is a state of being, and that cannot be contained to legal realms. Heck, there are plenty of people who get "married" for things such as residency and immigration. I'm just saying, they are two different things.
In the end, it's between you and your future husband, and no one else. Good luck to you!
Was he enlisted when you met? Could you have delayed your commissioning? Because I was in the exact same situation. As a leader at heart, and since my H is already a leader, we chose do as we do. You chose do as I say, not as I do, and that's BULL for a military officer. Absolute bull. Lead by example in the future. I HATE even more when female officers pull this. You are one of the few, and you think you're extra special? You are, but not in the way you think. There are still men, in every branch, who think women don't belong in the military. Females in should do everything in their power to be above reproach, to be more honorable. It's that old feminist quote, "I have to do my job twice as well to get paid half as much as a man." It's not fair, but it's reality Princess. You have enlisted females looking up to you and males looking to you as THE example of what female officers are. You represent every other female officer, and by doing what you wanted, letting your marriage be due to anything besides being 100% prepared and wanting to get married, you failed them.
You're not the only one who's made this decision in their lives, and many, to their personal detriment, choose leadership by example. True leadership is about actions, not words.
Me and my FH did the exact same thing. Because of our position (I was about to commission and he is enlisted) the only way we would 1) be stationed together and 2) not be called for fraternization was to do the "legal" thing early. To us, it's just paperwork, and didn't even really count. We literally just walked into the judges office, explained our situation, and he signed the paperwork with no vows or words or anything, which is just what we wanted.
To me, and is seems to you, there is a difference between marriage and being legally married. A marriage involves a spiritual commitment and is a state of being, and that cannot be contained to legal realms. Heck, there are plenty of people who get "married" for things such as residency and immigration. I'm just saying, they are two different things.
In the end, it's between you and your future husband, and no one else. Good luck to you!
Was he enlisted when you met? Could you have delayed your commissioning? Because I was in the exact same situation. As a leader at heart, and since my H is already a leader, we chose do as we do. You chose do as I say, not as I do, and that's BULL for a military officer. Absolute bull. Lead by example in the future. I HATE even more when female officers pull this. You are one of the few, and you think you're extra special? You are, but not in the way you think. There are still men, in every branch, who think women don't belong in the military. Females in should do everything in their power to be above reproach, to be more honorable. It's that old feminist quote, "I have to do my job twice as well to get paid half as much as a man." It's not fair, but it's reality Princess. You have enlisted females looking up to you and males looking to you as THE example of what female officers are. You represent every other female officer, and by doing what you wanted, letting your marriage be due to anything besides being 100% prepared and wanting to get married, you failed them. You're not the only one who's made this decision in their lives, and many, to their personal detriment, choose leadership by example. True leadership is about actions, not words.
I'm currently in the same position as you. My army man, wans us to get legally married before we have an actually ceremony, that way we can collect BAH and save money for an actually wedding. We also wouldn't consider ourselves married aswell. I think That you should try to convince your mother of getting legally married before an actually ceremony. It saves a lot of fussing and running around trying to get everything in order.
I'm currently in the same position as you. My army man, wans us to get legally married before we have an actually ceremony, that way we can collect BAH and save money for an actually wedding. We also wouldn't consider ourselves married aswell. I think That you should try to convince your mother of getting legally married before an actually ceremony. It saves a lot of fussing and running around trying to get everything in order.
I'm currently in the same position as you. My army man, wans us to get legally married before we have an actually ceremony, that way we can collect BAH and save money for an actually wedding. We also wouldn't consider ourselves married aswell. I think That you should try to convince your mother of getting legally married before an actually ceremony. It saves a lot of fussing and running around trying to get everything in order.
Ashleigh
This is a joke right? You won't consider yourself married but want the benefits of a married couple? . If you're collecting BAH then you are married no matter what you want to think. If that courthouse ceremony is good enough to get you BAH then it's good enough to call yourself married.
I'm currently in the same position as you. My army man, wans us to get legally married before we have an actually ceremony, that way we can collect BAH and save money for an actually wedding. We also wouldn't consider ourselves married aswell. I think That you should try to convince your mother of getting legally married before an actually ceremony. It saves a lot of fussing and running around trying to get everything in order.
Ashleigh
Let's go over the defiintion of FRAUD: Wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain.
Yep, I'm pretty sure that's what you would be committing if you got married to "collect BAH" but not consider yourselves married.
Why does this post keep coming back like once a months with additional jack a**ery?
Because this is a problem that plagues the military and thus it must plague our board. Until every single unit implements the kind of premarital requirements that some units do, I think that will lessen it to some extent. And if I were a FRO or CO, I would congratulate the SM and his new bride. Publicly. On the Unit's FB page or something.
Geeze. I love how suddenly all these women are pulling out their husbands rank and speaking as if THEY are in the military. "On the units FB page or something" do you have a hidden agenda to just be so into everyone's business? Totally understand, but I also know that I am not God and therefore cannot cast judgement on others. It's not my life, it's their life, you're not in the military, your husband is, let them deal with any repercussions of their actions. It's totally inappropriate for you to call it "gross" and feel the need to be in their business in such a distasteful manner. Etiquette, my dear, etiquette.
And this is an issue that plagues the military? I find that humorous at best. I find there are many, many, many other real issues (that affect life and death)( that plague the military. Until you show me the data, and a degree from West Point and are an Intel Officer, please, just be a nice person and be there for your husband. Stop trying to police others, especially when you're not even the one in the military. As a military spouse you are there to support your spouse. Not debate morality and pull out the military handbook on TheKnot.com, if anything, save your energy and debate morality at the FRG.
And this is an issue that plagues the military? I find that humorous at best. I find there are many, many, many other real issues (that affect life and death)( that plague the military. Until you show me the data, and a degree from West Point and are an Intel Officer, please, just be a nice person and be there for your husband. Stop trying to police others, especially when you're not even the one in the military. As a military spouse you are there to support your spouse. Not debate morality and pull out the military handbook on TheKnot.com, if anything, save your energy and debate morality at the FRG.
LOL. Do you know what an intel officer does? Just FTR, NOT this. And you're pulling out the only officers know anything BS? And ONLY USMA grads? No Annapolis or USAFA or other grads know anything? I guarantee you, an E9 knows a hell of a lot more about the problems with fake/rushed/young marriages than any officer.
And way to generalize. Lots of women on this board (including me who you specifically called out) are either in or about to be.
@Sammy, I never, ever want this post to die. It's fun.
It's the post that keeps on giving. Also. I love how we are sticking our nose in people's business when they post on a public message board. Last I checked I wasn't going knocking on people's doors telling them what to do. And really? My job is just to support my husband. No. I have a full time job. And strangely enough I can support him AND have an opinion. Weird huh?
I noticed she called you out, Stan, and I laughed out loud because you are about to start your military career.
I also loved that she was all holier than thou only God can judge but then judged us and made sweeping generalizations.
She was also pretty insulting. Myself and one other person I know of specifically shipping with me both have Master's degrees in progress and we'll both be enlisted. In fact I'm not 100% sure I have any intentions of going officer even after completing my MBA. All depends where my career takes me. Plus when you compare the life skills an E7-E9 has to that of a fresh out of college O1 there is quite a difference.
I bet lesliesmith05 is married to an intel officer that graduated from West Point.
ETA: he researches fake marriages so he can plan his own.
Officers don't even get to choose their jobs in the Army. I could be an intel officer next year, who knows? In fact LeslieSmith05 (do NOT google that anyone), because I am so very smart, I could have any job in the military that I am not physically precluded by my T&V from having.
I kind of want to change my siggy to my ASVAB/GT. I bet I scored higher than lots of intel officers who went to USMA would have if they had taken it! It's such a strange set of qualifications. Sorry General Odierno, you get NO opinion! You may have gone to USMA, but you were just an artillery officer! Sorry Sergeant Major Chandler, you got nothin' on some just graduated from BOLC boot as heck intel officer! Even if you do have a Bachelor's!
Haha, y'all are RIDICULOUS. I am laughing too, so cheers to laughing.
Googling my username? I am impressed! And I am glad you enjoyed the 'holier than thou' post and referencing as a "she" instead of replying to me directly. And goodness, I hope the life skills and knowledge is vastly different from an O-1 to an E9. Can you even imagine if wasn't?!? Yikes. And good job on your ASVAB, but wait a minute...an Officer doesn't choose his MOS??? Really??? Didn't know that *eye roll* And way to nit pick the entire post and whine "NO USMA opinions? NO ENLISTED?"
My point was you're not the Army/Air Force/Marine/Navy/Coast Guard rule book, I was using superfluous titles to make my point, but that apparently got lost on everyone. Y'all are too much for me. Keep on judging brides, military or not, and their lives via TheKnot.com. I don't know how you find the energy to keep it up. On a lighter note, good luck at Basic and in your military career. While the brattiness here is certainly undeniable in your character, I will personally thank you for your sacrifice and service!
*also, note I never said 'job' was to support, you said job, I did not. I just said "you are there to support," unless I am wrong that 'being there to support' is another phrase for 'job' and 'not able to have an opinion,' because I am still trying to figure where that even came from. Regardless, good night and good luck to all. I'll take my opinion of "I can't believe I'm wasting my time arguing on a message board with judgy wudgy's" and go and enjoy my wine with my fake husband/intel officer who graduated from West Point. hahaha
Haha, y'all are RIDICULOUS. I am laughing too, so cheers to laughing.
Googling my username? I am impressed! And I am glad you enjoyed the 'holier than thou' post and referencing as a "she" instead of replying to me directly. And goodness, I hope the life skills and knowledge is vastly different from an O-1 to an E9. Can you even imagine if wasn't?!? Yikes. And good job on your ASVAB, but wait a minute...an Officer doesn't choose his MOS??? Really??? Didn't know that *eye roll* And way to nit pick the entire post and whine "NO USMA opinions? NO ENLISTED?"
My point was you're not the Army/Air Force/Marine/Navy/Coast Guard rule book, I was using superfluous titles to make my point, but that apparently got lost on everyone. Y'all are too much for me. Keep on judging brides, military or not, and their lives via TheKnot.com. I don't know how you find the energy to keep it up. On a lighter note, good luck at Basic and in your military career. While the brattiness here is certainly undeniable in your character, I will personally thank you for your sacrifice and service!
Ah yes. The brattiness is so evident in my character. You know what is ACTUALLY bratty? Lying about being married. Being married for the benefits whilst the military is force shaping good men and women. You're darn right that I would seek to avoid that as a commander. Because young marriages usually end, and the member isn't at 100% for their unit while there are problems, and if there are kids involved, not being married to the other parent creates more problems for the member. ANY time there's a problem, personal or otherwise, it's a problem for the unit, and for the military. So yeah, it plagues the military.
Can YOU imagine if E9s didn't have to waste their time dealing with unhappy 20 year olds? God it would be glorious.
Sorry you didn't like how easy it was to pick apart your original academy only, O only, intel only post. If you don't want people to treat you like you're ridiculous, don't say ridiculous things. If you meant something different, then say something different. Your post was pretty clear, unless we're intel officers from The Point, our opinions (and real life experiences) don't matter. I'm not the military rule book, but I certainly spend time reading it, and most young marriages, and the chaos that is ubiquitous therein, are no good for the military.
Cheers to you 'Stan. Next time I'll appease YOU and say EXACTLY what I mean and not use sarcasm and humor on an online message board...or actually ever in my life. No more!!
*also, note I never said 'job' was to support, you said job, I did not. I just said "you are there to support," unless I am wrong that 'being there to support' is another phrase for 'job' and 'not able to have an opinion,' because I am still trying to figure where that even came from. Regardless, good night and good luck to all. I'll take my opinion of "I can't believe I'm wasting my time arguing on a message board with judgy wudgy's" and go and enjoy my wine with my fake husband/intel officer who graduated from West Point. hahaha
You said, "...you're not even the one in the military...you're there to support your spouse...[go to the FRG]."
Do you even read what you post here? You stuck your foot in your mouth with every single post. Just own that and don't pretend like you didn't say what you said.
Better judgmental than sans any standards I always say.
Haha, exactly and I never said job/that it was a job or that one could not have an opinion. You just don't quit do you? You are too much!!! I am dying over here. Haha
Girl, please put down your beloved military handbook, go get yourself some wine. I would totally pour you a glass of mine if I could, you seriously need it! Get off the Knot.com, stop wasting your time googling me and policing internet bride-to-be's and enjoy your life! Enjoy some pizza, enjoy showering alone, enjoy not having to wake up at 4:30 AM to do PT because it sounds like that's all going to change for you real soon! Cheers again and thank you!
I'm confused, Leslie, were you referring to yourself when you mentioned someone acting bratty. At least Stan is giving sound advice with academic backing.
You too, huh? You need some wine as well? Also, my mother gives sound advice, but that doesn't always make her sound advice the be all/end all, and sometimes, it's not even always right. Same with Stan.
There just comes a point in life where one realizes we're wasting time on an internet message board being mean and catty. Where is the fun in that? So not fun for me. And P.S--last time I checked a brat doesn't offer wine to strangers! But seriously,maybe Stan and you get a real joy in telling everyone what the rule book says, so great for the both of you. I am sure y'all are actually really nice girls in real life, so let's call a truce. I have my opinions, you have yours. Have a good evening!
I have to say, my sister is the spouse of a military officer. She agrees that the people who defraud the government to get benefits are the lowest of scum. She and my brother in law personally call the family (parents, siblings, etc) of the soldiers that get married and "personally congratulate" everyone in the family! They also post recent nuptuals on their unit's website!
There have been very unhappy couples because their families find out when they were trying to keep it a secret to defraud the government. I find it hilarious and more people need to do this. Many PPD's have not been able to be done because of my sister exposing the truth. And of the two couples that actually DID try to continue with their PPD, I think my sister said like 3 people showed up.
Re: Legally married before the wedding?
You're not the only one who's made this decision in their lives, and many, to their personal detriment, choose leadership by example. True leadership is about actions, not words.
Very well said!
I'm currently in the same position as you. My army man, wans us to get legally married before we have an actually ceremony, that way we can collect BAH and save money for an actually wedding. We also wouldn't consider ourselves married aswell. I think That you should try to convince your mother of getting legally married before an actually ceremony. It saves a lot of fussing and running around trying to get everything in order.
Ashleigh
I noticed she called you out, Stan, and I laughed out loud because you are about to start your military career.
I also loved that she was all holier than thou only God can judge but then judged us and made sweeping generalizations.
She was also pretty insulting. Myself and one other person I know of specifically shipping with me both have Master's degrees in progress and we'll both be enlisted. In fact I'm not 100% sure I have any intentions of going officer even after completing my MBA. All depends where my career takes me. Plus when you compare the life skills an E7-E9 has to that of a fresh out of college O1 there is quite a difference.
I bet lesliesmith05 is married to an intel officer that graduated from West Point.
ETA: he researches fake marriages so he can plan his own.
Googling my username? I am impressed! And I am glad you enjoyed the 'holier than thou' post and referencing as a "she" instead of replying to me directly. And goodness, I hope the life skills and knowledge is vastly different from an O-1 to an E9. Can you even imagine if wasn't?!? Yikes. And good job on your ASVAB, but wait a minute...an Officer doesn't choose his MOS??? Really??? Didn't know that *eye roll* And way to nit pick the entire post and whine "NO USMA opinions? NO ENLISTED?"
Can YOU imagine if E9s didn't have to waste their time dealing with unhappy 20 year olds? God it would be glorious.
Sorry you didn't like how easy it was to pick apart your original academy only, O only, intel only post. If you don't want people to treat you like you're ridiculous, don't say ridiculous things. If you meant something different, then say something different. Your post was pretty clear, unless we're intel officers from The Point, our opinions (and real life experiences) don't matter. I'm not the military rule book, but I certainly spend time reading it, and most young marriages, and the chaos that is ubiquitous therein, are no good for the military.
Do you even read what you post here? You stuck your foot in your mouth with every single post. Just own that and don't pretend like you didn't say what you said.
Better judgmental than sans any standards I always say.
I have to say, my sister is the spouse of a military officer. She agrees that the people who defraud the government to get benefits are the lowest of scum. She and my brother in law personally call the family (parents, siblings, etc) of the soldiers that get married and "personally congratulate" everyone in the family! They also post recent nuptuals on their unit's website!
There have been very unhappy couples because their families find out when they were trying to keep it a secret to defraud the government. I find it hilarious and more people need to do this. Many PPD's have not been able to be done because of my sister exposing the truth. And of the two couples that actually DID try to continue with their PPD, I think my sister said like 3 people showed up.