What DID you learn, anyway?

KeptInStitches · September 2013

I opine that it is really true love when you're not living together and this issue comes up.

CLoGreenEyes · September 2013

Either way, I think it makes a pretty strong case for it, lol.

GoldenPenguin · September 2013

1) What did you learn about yourself by living alone and/or with an SO? What effect has that had on your current living situation/relationship/life in general?

Living alone taught me so much about myself. I have always been a fairly independent person, but I had to rely on myself and no one but myself for 2.5 years. There were plusses and minuses to that - if I didn't feel like doing the dishes, I could leave them in the sink. However, sometimes your cakes get furry if you leave them there for too long (right @swazzle?) I learned how to budget, I learned how to be a better cook, and I learned that puking in the bathroom sink is NEVER a good idea.

2) How necessary do you feel it was for you, NOT everybody in general, to live alone? Live with an SO?

I think living alone was super important to me. I had lived with roommates since my freshman year of college, and living alone, totally independent, was something I felt that I really needed to do. And I wouldn't trade those 2.5 years for ANYTHING. I love living with BF now, and we're continuing to learn more about each other, which I think is important to our relationship and our future, but if I hadn't lived on my own, I wouldn't be the person I am now. Also, I would never marry someone without living with them first. I couldn't live with a super clean freak, that's just not how I'm built. BF & I are similar that way, so it works.

3) Any negatives to living alone or with an SO? (Beyond the finances of it, I mean - we all know life is expensive.)

Living alone: I did get lonely sometimes. So I got a cat. I'm 92.8% sure I got the cat so I wouldn't feel weird about talking to myself.

With SO: Just making sure we have enough alone/"me" time. We're pretty good about it - but he is far more okay with being with me all the time than I am being with him all the time. We do have our separate friends and activities though, and I haven't ever felt overwhelmed by living with him (which I was worried about), so I think we have a good balance.

4) Does living in a dorm room or having roommates other than an SO count as "living alone"? Why or why not?

No. Because there are other people there who are responsible for things. You're not alone if there is someone else who shares the residence.

Swazzle · September 2013

BriSox81 said:

1) What did you learn about yourself by living alone and/or with an SO? What effect has that had on your current living situation/relationship/life in general?
Living alone taught me so much about myself. I have always been a fairly independent person, but I had to rely on myself and no one but myself for 2.5 years. There were plusses and minuses to that - if I didn't feel like doing the dishes, I could leave them in the sink. However, sometimes your cakes get furry if you leave them there for too long (right @swazzle?) I learned how to budget, I learned how to be a better cook, and I learned that puking in the bathroom sink is NEVER a good idea.

2) How necessary do you feel it was for you, NOT everybody in general, to live alone? Live with an SO?
I think living alone was super important to me. I had lived with roommates since my freshman year of college, and living alone, totally independent, was something I felt that I really needed to do. And I wouldn't trade those 2.5 years for ANYTHING. I love living with BF now, and we're continuing to learn more about each other, which I think is important to our relationship and our future, but if I hadn't lived on my own, I wouldn't be the person I am now. Also, I would never marry someone without living with them first. I couldn't live with a super clean freak, that's just not how I'm built. BF & I are similar that way, so it works.

3) Any negatives to living alone or with an SO? (Beyond the finances of it, I mean - we all know life is expensive.)
Living alone: I did get lonely sometimes. So I got a cat. I'm 92.8% sure I got the cat so I wouldn't feel weird about talking to myself.
With SO: Just making sure we have enough alone/"me" time. We're pretty good about it - but he is far more okay with being with me all the time than I am being with him all the time. We do have our separate friends and activities though, and I haven't ever felt overwhelmed by living with him (which I was worried about), so I think we have a good balance.

4) Does living in a dorm room or having roommates other than an SO count as "living alone"? Why or why not?
No. Because there are other people there who are responsible for things. You're not alone if there is someone else who shares the residence.

That's a fact.

queenofhearts1728 · September 2013

Hummingbird125 said:

3) Any negatives to living alone or with an SO? (Beyond the finances of it, I mean - we all know life is expensive.)

Had to add one. Sooner or later, when living with your SO, one of you will clog the toilet and need to ask the other one for help unclogging it. Once you reach this point in your relationship, there's no going back. For me, that point was reached today.

Been there. Before I asked, I kept thinking of that book "Everybody poops" over and over.

CLoGreenEyes · September 2013

Haha @queenofhearts1728.

I was on StumbleUpon the other day, and the website pulled up a WikiHow on How to Poop at Your New Boyfriend's Place. There was a whole science to it with running water and carefully timed flushes and emergency air freshener and everything. I just find the whole premise fascinating and ridiculous all at once.

queenofhearts1728 · September 2013

Amapola14 said:

Haha @queenofhearts1728.

I was on StumbleUpon the other day, and the website pulled up a WikiHow on How to Poop at Your New Boyfriend's Place. There was a whole science to it with running water and carefully timed flushes and emergency air freshener and everything. I just find the whole premise fascinating and ridiculous all at once.

It's really not that big of a deal, I don't know why people freak out about it. I never had a problem going, I just wasn't so comfortable asking for help getting it to go down! lol

Now, though if I so much as have an inkling of a stomach ache or anything like that, he goes "Gotta poop?" lol

KateJ16 · September 2013

@Amapola14, I have a girlfriend who is NUTSabout that stuff - she went on a trip with her then boyfriend, and went down to the lobby bathrooms every time she had to poop, because she was too worried about doing it in the room. When she told me I couldn't stop laughing!

queenofhearts1728 · September 2013

@KateJ16 lol!! That's kind of funny. I wonder what her BF thought everytime she went to the lobby

CLoGreenEyes · September 2013

OMG, @katej16, your poor friend probably stressed herself out sooooo much more than necessary. I figure that this stuff just falls under the category of "love me for who I am!" I'm a human, and humans have to poop. If you can't deal...date something that doesn't poop. Like a lamp.

KateJ16 · September 2013

@Amapola14 - do you know people who date lamps? And maybe lamps just poop differently from us - maybe that's what all that dust on lightbulbs is!

CLoGreenEyes · September 2013

That guy from Anchorman fell in love with a lamp, and I bet he would love it even if it DID poop.

Also, I'm amused at the turn this whole thread has taken. We started out so deep and personal. All I can say is that this is still personal...

queenofhearts1728 · September 2013

I think dust could accurately described as poop, given of whats made out of. kind of a metaphorical poop, if you will.

also, it is very personal, but it's just bringing us closer, right?

CLoGreenEyes · September 2013

1) Dust is definitely a waste product of some sort, but isn't it mostly composed of our dead flaked off skin cells? Because in that case I feel like we're accusing the lamps of defecating when in fact they did not.

2) I do feel very close to you all at this moment, this is true.

3) But my ass needs to get back to studying for this exam; I still have some drugs I need to brush up on. Thanks for the diversion and entertainment, ladies. As always, it's been real.

queenofhearts1728 · September 2013

yeah

I should probably actually work while I'm at work.

KateJ16 · September 2013

Boo to work - I would much rather discuss lamp poop than figure out how to fit all this crap onto one powerpoint slide. Yuck.

queenofhearts1728 · September 2013

do you HAVE to fit everything on one slide? like as a requirement? cause if not, i'd absolutely recommend against it. I'm a firm believer there should not be more than 4 (maybe 5) incredibly concise points per slide.

KateJ16 · September 2013

@queenofhearts1728 - yes, unfortunately I do. We are doing a key measure summary for a client, which means I need to smash two charts on one slide (not too bad), and three on another (SUCK). Not to mention this template is all 3D charts (which take up a lot of space!).

Grrr.

queenofhearts1728 · September 2013

Ouch. That does not sound pleasant at all lol good luck!

Hummingbird125 · September 2013

Wow, I go away for a few hours and come back to THIS. I feel like I should apologize, lol. Now, I must recount two more poop-related incidents that both took place early in my relationship:

1) This was probably about 6 weeks in. I made some awesome hamburgers for BF (then almost-BF) and myself - got really good ground beef, and put some chopped bacon in too. Topped the burgers with some fancy cheese and avocados. I ate one and BF ate two. We then went out to a local bar and I could tell BF was uncomfortable. After about an hour he asked if we could just go back to my apartment. When we were still about 3 minutes away he said "I hate that you're here for this, but I REALLY need a bathroom - like, NOW - can I please have your keys so I can run back?" I gave him my keys and he ran back to the apartment. I took my sweet, sweet time getting home and it was a while before he was out of the bathroom. Luckily my roommate wasn't home.

2) About a month after we were official, BF was working from my place when we both got hungry. He went out and brought back a burger, and I ate some chicken pad thai I had leftover from the night before. Within an hour my stomach started doing cartwheels. I knew that it wasn't going to be pretty, and I didn't want BF to be within 100 yards of me because I had a good feeling it would be...well...loud. I mustered up all the courage I had and gave it to him straight. I said something like "Listen. That leftover thai food is just not agreeing with me at all right now, and I need you to leave the apartment." When he asked when he could come back I told him I would call him. The poor boy wandered around the LES for about 45 minutes until I gave him the green light, and he brought back a funny board game AND tums for me.

queenofhearts1728 · September 2013

@Hummingbird125 awww!! The second one is kind of cute. He just waited around for you to feel better.

I wish my BF was that kind about it lol He gives me tons of shit (haha, pun not intended). But he does make a lot of jokes about it, which in turn made me a lot more comfortable admitting if i'm not feeling well or something like that. Plus, like you said, one clogged toilet and you kind of overcome that issue

CLoGreenEyes · September 2013

@hummingbird125, never apologize for entertaining anecdotes, lol!

Somehow I managed to get through over five years of our relationship before having an awkward moment like the above. Luckily, by this point, he just knew to offer up some Pepto and make himself scarce. It really is the simple things that make a relationship so harmonious.

poegirlsmores · September 2013

Didn't read the rest, so forgive me for repeating if I do so. Just throwing in my personal experience.

1) What did you learn about yourself by living alone and/or with an SO? What effect has that had on your current living situation/relationship/life in general?
I never truly lived "alone", though I did dorm it for two years and what I learned from that was how to respect other's personal taste on how to keep your shared living space, etc. Respecting both sides of the coin, i.e. one person hates cleaning and is comfortable in a messy room, the other is very neat, and to compromise. I think that helped a lot before moving in with my SO because a fight like that between a SO would be much different than the same fight with a friend, and may result in loss of relationship.

2) How necessary do you feel it was for you, NOT everybody in general, to live alone? Live with an SO?
Living in the dorm was necessary for me because I needed to grow up much more before I officially moved in with my bf. (Some would argue I still should do that, and I would take their criticism with as much grace as possible). Living with my SO though, was a must for me before considering getting married. I need to know what I'm getting into 100%, but that is just me.

3) Any negatives to living alone or with an SO? (Beyond the finances of it, I mean - we all know life is expensive.)
As of yet, I haven't had any real negatives of living with my SO, and definitely none when I was in the dorm. However, I've only been living with my SO for ~5months, so maybe I'll check in later. Lol.

4) Does living in a dorm room or having roommates other than an SO count as "living alone"? Why or why not?
I would not personally consider living in dorms or with roommates the same as living on your own. However, I also don't agree with many that living on your own is super important before getting married/engaged. Personally, it's important you know what you're getting into living as a couple before the commitment, not how you live on your own. Unless that freedom is something you've always really wanted, then I see no problem going straight from roommates to living with a SO. But, it also depends on how you go about it.

buddysmom80 · September 2013

I loved how this turned into a poop thread. Here is my story!

BF and I were dating for six months when we went on a trip to Mexico. The suite we stayed in had an open concept (ie: you could hear EVERYTHING in the bathroom). That first trip, we would be on the beach and one of us would say: "oh I'm going for a walk, I'll be right back" and we were both pooping it up in the room.

The next year, we would do the same thing except we would say "I'm going to the room to poop"

This year, we just pooped in the room while the other person was there.

I have no shame in my bathroom noises anymore, but I also grew up in a household where my mom kept the door open during her toilet time so she could talk to anyone within earshot.

KateJ16 · September 2013

OMG - two weeks into dating my FI, I got severe (and I mean SEVERE) food poisoning. We had to stop several times on the cab ride home so I could go throw up on the side of the road, and then by the time I got home it was coming out both ends (lovely, right?) - but he was absolutely amazing, took care of me, got me lots of Gatorade and crackers, and kept the kitties away while I just ran back and forth from my bedroom to the bathroom. That is 100% when I knew he was a keeper - I was only 95% sure before then

Ah poop - the story of true love

[Deleted User] · September 2013

This is hilarious! I don't have any funny poop stories but my FI and I are becoming more comfortable with pooping in the same household. We won't tell each other but we will warn each other not to go in the bathroom for a few minutes. Of course we courtesy spray and such but sometimes you just need to warn just in case.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

I wish my H courtesy sprayed. he just forgets. when I know he's been in there, I walk in and hold my breath and spritz a bit of spray for him. ah, sweet love!

CLoGreenEyes · September 2013

BF is adamantly against any kind of air freshener! He says instead of the bathroom smelling like poop it will just smell like poop and rotting flowers. That stresses me out a little.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

@Amapola14 - I'm dying at your BF. get one of those air fresheners that releases a scent automatically and hide it somewhere in the room. and make sure it's not a flowery scent (maybe citrus or linen) so he doesn't think it smells like rotting poopy flowers. I think Glade has the automatic air fresheners.

or a B&BW wall plug-in, with a light scent! and if you get the pretty kind of plug-in, you can just say it's to dress up the room a bit. MUAHAHA.

KateJ16 · September 2013

I will say that recently (from a Pinterest idea of course) I got a bunch of eucalytus at the farmers market and hung it from the shower head - it provides a faint yet very nice scent in the bathroom

What DID you learn, anyway?

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