Asking guests to fill out envelopes

AllyIdo · September 2013

I'm in the midst of planning a baby shower for a dear friend with five other ladies. One suggested that we gift thank you cards to the bride and have envelopes out at the shower so the guests can fill in their names and addresses for the thank you card. This way the mom-to-be doesn't have to do it.

How does everyone feel about this? My gut tells me this is tacky. There will only be 22 women in attendance. I don't think it would take too long for the guest of honor to address her own envelopes. Surely she can take the time to do this herself as part of her thank you.

I went to a bridal shower once where I had to fill out my own envelope. Three or four weeks later I received mail addresses to myself in my own handwriting and I was so confused!

Curious to see what the E ladies have to say on this topic.

sarals24 · September 2013

Ugh. I had to do this at a shower too. I was honestly tempted to just write my own thank you note while I was at it. I don't mind filling out my address card at the dentist for my next appointment, but if I have taken two hours out of my Saturday, trekked to the store and bought you something, the least you can do is write my name and street.

CrazyCatLady3 · September 2013

I would say it's tacky. The guests make the effort to come to the shower and bring a gift. The mom-to-be can take the comparably minute effort to address her own TY notes. If you want to save her time, give her the invite list with everyone's addresses so she will have them all in one place.

banana468 · September 2013

Your gut is right!

I loathe this practice. Getting a TY note shouldn't be contingent upon me self addressing an envelope the same way I do for my pap smear results.

If friends insist that they need to save the guest of honor time then one of them can fill out the envelopes and give them to her at the end of the event.

loves2shop4shoes · September 2013

Tacky tacky tacky.

What is wrong with people?

KeptInStitches · September 2013

Tacky. Her guests took time and money to give her gifts at her shower, and she can't be fussed to write their names and addresses on thank-yous?

AllyIdo · September 2013

I think she would be completely horrified at this notion. I'm going to put my foot down tomorrow. Glad I'm not the only one who thought this was lame.

doeydo · September 2013

Wow. I don't think that sounds like a good idea. The guests probably will get her cards, gifts, not to mention their time to go to her shower and then they are expected to write out their mailing address on her envelopes that are supposed to be thank you's for them?... Please don't do this at the shower.

HisGirlFriday13 · September 2013

Tacky tacky tacky.

That being said, I was at a bridal shower once where the bride's mother passed around an address book and asked all the women to fill in their addresses. She was very nice about it and said something like, "Part of getting married is sharing lives, and that means sharing address books, so I bought Bride a brand-new one to start her married life so she can get everyone's addresses!" I didn't think anything of it at the time, but I found out later, from the Bride, that the MOG was refusing to share addresses with the MOB and Bride. She thought they should mail her the invitations and she'd address them for her side of the guest list. Apparently it was a huge battle to get them for the wedding and shower, and the shower was for both the bride's and the groom's sides, so it was designed as an end-run around a pushy MOG.

Jen4948 · September 2013

Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacky.

If you want to provide the mother to be with everyone's address, give her an address book with the addresses in it-or a list. But it's not the guests' job to address envelopes to themselves. That's laziness on the part of the hostess and the mother to be.

ootmother2 · September 2013

lazy and tacky

Grabows14 · September 2013

I agree with PPs, saw this on Pinterest and I really hope this isn't too common.

Blue_Bird · September 2013

I'm glad you're going to put your foot down on this. I was asked to do this once. I thought it was a bit odd, but I didn't mind. It's been over three years. I'm still waiting for my thank you card that I addressed!

huskypuppy14 · September 2013

Don't do it. I was MOH at my sister's wedding, and one of the other bridesmaids brought up this idea when we were planning the shower, because she saw it at the only other shower she had ever been to. I nicely said it wasn't a good idea, and suggested the same thing banana said above.

I would also not blame the guest of honor, if this happens at a shower. I've never seen it with any of my friends, but it's probably not her idea, she (hopefully) didn't plan it.

KeptInStitches · September 2013

@scribe95, I'm not saying I'd be offended, but there would be some serious eye-rolling.

cruffino · September 2013

I swear, people think they're doing you a favor by inviting you to a party. FFS if you're too put out to address the thank you envelope, then don't host the fucking party in the first place.

melbelleup · September 2013

I don't see why you gift her thank you cards, that's just weird. That being said, it's common in my area to address the envelope yourself and then they use the envelope to play a game, then eventually the bride gets it to send thank you cards in.

melbelleup · September 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Tacky tacky tacky.

That being said, I was at a bridal shower once where the bride's mother passed around an address book and asked all the women to fill in their addresses. She was very nice about it and said something like, "Part of getting married is sharing lives, and that means sharing address books, so I bought Bride a brand-new one to start her married life so she can get everyone's addresses!" I didn't think anything of it at the time, but I found out later, from the Bride, that the MOG was refusing to share addresses with the MOB and Bride. She thought they should mail her the invitations and she'd address them for her side of the guest list. Apparently it was a huge battle to get them for the wedding and shower, and the shower was for both the bride's and the groom's sides, so it was designed as an end-run around a pushy MOG.

I like the address book idea, but by time the shower comes, the bride better have all the addresses especially if she's going to invite them to her wedding. and DANG I'd hate to be that bride.

grumbledore · September 2013

AllyIdo said:

I'm in the midst of planning a baby shower for a dear friend with five other ladies. One suggested that we gift thank you cards to the bride and have envelopes out at the shower so the guests can fill in their names and addresses for the thank you card. This way the mom-to-be doesn't have to do it. How does everyone feel about this? My gut tells me this is tacky. There will only be 22 women in attendance. I don't think it would take too long for the guest of honor to address her own envelopes. Surely she can take the time to do this herself as part of her thank you. I went to a bridal shower once where I had to fill out my own envelope. Three or four weeks later I received mail addresses to myself in my own handwriting and I was so confused! Curious to see what the E ladies have to say on this topic.

It's rude and weird. Don't do it, trust your gut.

banana468 · September 2013

melbelleup said:
I don't see why you gift her thank you cards, that's just weird. That being said, it's common in my area to address the envelope yourself and then they use the envelope to play a game, then eventually the bride gets it to send thank you cards in.

IMO, that's just lipstick on a pig.

Swazzle · September 2013

I don't like this at all.

Is it that difficult for the mom-to-be/bride to write out the names and addresses of the people she's thanking for buying her a gift? It just sounds lazy and thoughtless to me.

AllyIdo · September 2013

The other "shower planners" agreed with me. We aren't doing this.

The woman who suggested it wanted to order her cards that matched the theme of the shower. I think the mom-to-be would want to pick out her own thank you cards.

We just negged the whole idea. FWIW, this woman has been a Shower-Planning-Zilla. I can only imagine what she was like as a bride!

Peaseblossom55 · September 2013

Trust your gut.

It's extremely lazy and uncaring. Please don't let this happen.

climbingsingle · September 2013

I had to do this at a shower once and I found extremely annoying, in addition to tacky. Glad to hear the idea has been nixed.

hacked · September 2013

This brought back memories. Over the years, I have filled out 5 of these. I never, ever got the thank you notes from the new moms or brides. I never got thank you's from the new mom's or brides for the new baby (visited in person and oohed and aahed) or the wedding gifts.

Did the hostess do this because they knew the person well enough that they knew they would not write a thank you unless forced? I thought it was very tacky, but I also wondered if this meant I should not expect a thank you.

LDubHawksFan · September 2013

Ugg I just got back from a baby shower that did this. I fear it's becoming more common but I am determined to never allow this to happen at any shower I'm ever involved in!

thelastdreamer · September 2013

One of my friends did this at her wedding. Like the envelope was sitting on top of the place setting with a note that said "put your address on it!

" gag.

snoopycac · September 2013

If I ever come across this I am not filling one out -- just to see if I get a thank you.

Jen4948 · September 2013

snoopycac said:

If I ever come across this I am not filling one out -- just to see if I get a thank you.

I definitely would not count on people who are so crass as to do this sending you a thank-you.

MrsMack10612 · September 2013

AllyIdo said:

The other "shower planners" agreed with me. We aren't doing this.

The woman who suggested it wanted to order her cards that matched the theme of the shower. I think the mom-to-be would want to pick out her own thank you cards.

We just negged the whole idea. FWIW, this woman has been a Shower-Planning-Zilla. I can only imagine what she was like as a bride!

My BMs ordered me thank you cards that matched my shower invitations. I thought it was a very sweet gesture. They were blank except for THANK YOU! and nothing was filled out ahead of time.

@snoopycac - I had this happen at a friend's baby shower. I purposfully did not fill out an envelope. The mom-to-be emailed me a few weeks to a month after the shower to get my address.

Pepper6 · September 2013

I have never attended a shower that did not do this. It's always used as the 'door prize' drawing method too.

I've never liked doing it, but until TK, it never occurred to me that this was 'rude'. I wouldn't want this done at any shower of mine because I never liked it, but I'm used to it at other showers that I attend, so I just suck it up.

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