I didn't realize that it was small and petty to be a good hostess.
it's not. but an issue that 5 years later no one will remember is petty.
The thing is, it's not something that "no one will remember" in five years. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, and maybe to some of your guests it won't be, but I remember every wedding I ever went to where the hosts were rude - whether it was cash bar, no thank you note, not enough food, an unhosted or huge gap, etc. And it colors my feelings about them, because treating the people I care about well is important to me and I expect (rightfully) it to be important to them as well.
Consider that not everyone will forget, and it may change the way they feel about you. For me, if my actions at my wedding made anyone I love think less of me, even if it was just a tiny bit, I would be incredibly sad.
I honestly hope that people don't hold "not enough food" against the bride and groom. My venue failed to keep the buffet fully stocked despite my demand to bring out more food. It was not an issue of guests eating more than their fair share either, the venue was understaffed and overwhelmed with too many events that night. Some items were never replenished and the wait staff continued to release tables to a half empty buffet. I was mortified. After everyone went through the line they fully stocked it, but by then people had just filled up on whatever was available. I hope my guests realize this was the venue being rude and not myself and the other hosts. The venue did not offer plated meals, so I could not avoid having a buffet.
If you just don't order enough food that's one thing - but sometimes things are the venues fault and there is nothing a host can do to fix it in the moment.
They will. If it's the venue's fault, there's not much you can do except make it known that it was a venue's fault (which I certainly would). It's usually NOT the venue's fault. It's usually a stingy, rude couple's fault, and guests know that.
This is another reason to do your homework before choosing a venue and/or caterer. Proper planning avoids a lot of this.
I made it known to my guests and apologized. I did do my homework - It was a busy night because of local events, but they assured us we would be the priority and everything would go smoothly. We did everything we could to make it easier for them - even when selecting the menu items. Proper planning was done on our part.
In the end they accepted responsibility and even refunded a significant portion of our bill due to their errors. We had plenty of appetizers during cocktail hour and hosted a late night snack - so no went hungry. The venue just didn't bring out the food as needed replenished on the buffet. We had paid for ample foods for all our guests.
Sometimes people should be understanding that things happen that are outside of the hosts' control.
I didn't realize that it was small and petty to be a good hostess.
it's not. but an issue that 5 years later no one will remember is petty.
The thing is, it's not something that "no one will remember" in five years. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, and maybe to some of your guests it won't be, but I remember every wedding I ever went to where the hosts were rude - whether it was cash bar, no thank you note, not enough food, an unhosted or huge gap, etc. And it colors my feelings about them, because treating the people I care about well is important to me and I expect (rightfully) it to be important to them as well.
Consider that not everyone will forget, and it may change the way they feel about you. For me, if my actions at my wedding made anyone I love think less of me, even if it was just a tiny bit, I would be incredibly sad.
I honestly hope that people don't hold "not enough food" against the bride and groom. My venue failed to keep the buffet fully stocked despite my demand to bring out more food. It was not an issue of guests eating more than their fair share either, the venue was understaffed and overwhelmed with too many events that night. Some items were never replenished and the wait staff continued to release tables to a half empty buffet. I was mortified. After everyone went through the line they fully stocked it, but by then people had just filled up on whatever was available. I hope my guests realize this was the venue being rude and not myself and the other hosts. The venue did not offer plated meals, so I could not avoid having a buffet.
If you just don't order enough food that's one thing - but sometimes things are the venues fault and there is nothing a host can do to fix it in the moment.
They will. If it's the venue's fault, there's not much you can do except make it known that it was a venue's fault (which I certainly would). It's usually NOT the venue's fault. It's usually a stingy, rude couple's fault, and guests know that.
This is another reason to do your homework before choosing a venue and/or caterer. Proper planning avoids a lot of this.
I made it known to my guests and apologized. I did do my homework - It was a busy night because of local events, but they assured us we would be the priority and everything would go smoothly. We did everything we could to make it easier for them - even when selecting the menu items. Proper planning was done on our part.
In the end they accepted responsibility and even refunded a significant portion of our bill due to their errors. We had plenty of appetizers during cocktail hour and hosted a late night snack - so no went hungry. The venue just didn't bring out the food as needed replenished on the buffet. We had paid for ample foods for all our guests.
Sometimes people should be understanding that things happen that are outside of the hosts' control.
I understand that your wedding was an exception. My point is, when receptions are bad, it's almost never an exception. It's almost always because the hosts did a poor job and/or were incredibly selfish with their choices. Couples need to be aware that poor and selfish decisions may not be forgotten and may be held against them for a long, long time by many people.
Again, your situation was different - it was legitimately the special snowflake of "not enough food" situations.
I understand that your wedding was an exception. My point is, when receptions are bad, it's almost never an exception. It's almost always because the hosts did a poor job and/or were incredibly selfish with their choices. Couples need to be aware that poor and selfish decisions may not be forgotten and may be held against them for a long, long time by many people.
Again, your situation was different - it was legitimately the special snowflake of "not enough food" situations.
Thanks, I guess I really needed someone outside of the situation to say it - even though my guests had told me not to worry. Just sucks when you do everything on your end and a vendor doesn't hold up their end of the bargain. :-)
i definitely hear what you're saying guys. i guess i just have to remember some people hold grudges (best term i could think of) forever sometimes. it's just hard for me to realize that because i'm the forgive and forget kinda person and try not to let things get in the way of relationships. i unfortunately have paid for the cash bar so there's no going back but i suppose if people get angry enough to hold this against me, maybe we weren't close enough after all.
You keep talking about having already paid for a cash bar. What does this mean? Setup fees? How much are you talking about? Can the venue apply the funds towards something else? Can you have them only set up things you are willing to post? The only time this is "too late" is after your wedding has passed.
I mean we've paid the final amount on the bar contract. It is paid in full. We paid for the beer/wine/soda package and for the cash bar and for the bartenders all in full. It was 1200 for all of it and no they cannot apply to something else because it's an outside company.
I don't get it. Just ditch the cash bar and serve the beer/wine/soda package. They'll still need the bartenders for it.
When's your wedding?
We've paid for it and signed the contract. My wedding is next Friday.
You still have the choice to stop the cash bar or pay for the alcohol consumed.
Look, I don't really understand what you want from us. You started posting out of nowhere 2 days ago about your wedding in a week with responses and questions that seem geared to stirring the pot and evoking responses that you can wave around as "rude".
You're posting on an Etiquette board. We know what etiquette is, we
didn't make it up and we can't change it. I'm sorry you don't like it, but it still applies to you (and everyone else) regardless.
We'll try to guide you to a solution if you want to be a proper host but
honestly, I could care less what you do at your wedding and I feel like you're just giving us exercises when you intend to ignore what we suggest. All I'll say at this point is "good luck with your wedding"
I feel like I'm on Candid Camera this week.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you
marry a Muppet Overlord.
i definitely hear what you're saying guys. i guess i just have to remember some people hold grudges (best term i could think of) forever sometimes. it's just hard for me to realize that because i'm the forgive and forget kinda person and try not to let things get in the way of relationships. i unfortunately have paid for the cash bar so there's no going back but i suppose if people get angry enough to hold this against me, maybe we weren't close enough after all.
You keep talking about having already paid for a cash bar. What does this mean? Setup fees? How much are you talking about? Can the venue apply the funds towards something else? Can you have them only set up things you are willing to post? The only time this is "too late" is after your wedding has passed.
I mean we've paid the final amount on the bar contract. It is paid in full. We paid for the beer/wine/soda package and for the cash bar and for the bartenders all in full. It was 1200 for all of it and no they cannot apply to something else because it's an outside company.
I don't get it. Just ditch the cash bar and serve the beer/wine/soda package. They'll still need the bartenders for it.
When's your wedding?
We've paid for it and signed the contract. My wedding is next Friday.
You still have the choice to stop the cash bar or pay for the alcohol consumed.
Look, I don't really understand what you want from us. You started posting out of nowhere 2 days ago about your wedding in a week with responses and questions that seem geared to stirring the pot and evoking responses that you can wave around as "rude".
You're posting on an Etiquette board. We know what etiquette is, we
didn't make it up and we can't change it. I'm sorry you don't like it, but it still applies to you (and everyone else) regardless.
We'll try to guide you to a solution if you want to be a proper host but
honestly, I could care less what you do at your wedding and I feel like you're just giving us exercises when you intend to ignore what we suggest. All I'll say at this point is "good luck with your wedding"
I feel like I'm on Candid Camera this week.
Lol I don't want anything from you on this board. I originally posted in response to the OP, a lot of people on here like to argue with me on my responses. I've actually only asked one question on the etiquette forum. So, I don't need approval for my cash bar, I'm just answering questions like you are. I'm sorry you thought I was asking if you thought it was okay, cause I wasn't.
Here's a legitimate question to what you just stated, I am having a cash bar and paid for it so there's no changing that. Is there a way to let people know that beer and wine is free but hard liquor is not in a tactful way so I don't have confused guests like you just mentioned? And do not say "don't have a cash bar" lol.
My bad for answering what I thought was a question.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you
marry a Muppet Overlord.
Here's a legitimate question to what you just stated, I am having a cash bar and paid for it so there's no changing that. Is there a way to let people know that beer and wine is free but hard liquor is not in a tactful way so I don't have confused guests like you just mentioned? And do not say "don't have a cash bar" lol.
My bad for answering what I thought was a question.
But you didn't answer it...you just got confused about what I meant when I paid. So when I answered that, you ranted about how you don't know what I want. But for sure know that I do not want approval for my cash bar.
Here's a question, why is it tacky to have a cash bar when you're not forcing your guests to drink? Why is it tacky to ask them to pay for something that they may want when you're not forcing them to drink? Why is it tacky to give them a free meal and entertainment and have something that they can pay for, only if they want? Why is it tacky to have purchasable alcohol at a wedding they didn't have to attend? I see a lot of people harping that things are tacky or not etiquette but they never explain why. Especially when there are different forms of etiquette all over the world. So I ask you, why?
Because it's tacky to expect guests to pay for anything-whether or not they actually buy it. Everything offered, whether or not consumed, needs to be paid for by the hosts. End of story.
You didn't answer my question. Why?
Yes, I did. Etiquette holds that it is tacky for hosts to offer anything to guests and expect them to pay for it-whether it's parking, drinks, food, or what have you.
You are being childish in pushing this. Etiquette is not going to accommodate you because you want to offer things but expect not to have to pay for them.
I'm not pushing anything. I'm asking why? It's very reasonable to want to know why before I make any decisions based off the advice on this board.
I'm thinking you don't necessarily understand the point of a wedding reception. The wedding reception is where the hosts of the wedding, usually the bride and groom and their parents, "receive" all of their guests who attended the wedding ceremony, and thank them for witnessing the ceremony and supporting their marriage.
When you host any formal event- dinner party, birthday party, black tie gala, etc, the proper etiquette is for you the host to provide your guest with meals, drinks, entertainment, etc. You should never charge them for anything or ask/expect them to provide anything.
This is why cash bars at wedding receptions are rude.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Well as family and friends they not only understand our situation, but they feel comfortable asking for something they may want. Which is why I took them up on their request for a cash bar.
You don't have a situation. You are not starving, you are not without shelter, you are having a wedding.
So you are going as far as to not only assume you know everything about everything for weddings, but now everyone's whole lives and everything in it? lol
It's enough to know that weddings are a luxury for everyone, not a "situation".
A lot of people have more to life than just their wedding lol. Which can affect planning and money.
I'm don't think you know what lol means. Or you don't know how to word correctly.
And that's exactly the point. There are a lot of things more important than your wedding. It is a luxury.
I know it means I'm laughing at people's ridiculousness. So if something happens in the middle or towards the end of planning that throws us for a loop we just drop the whole wedding and lose all the money we've put into it? Gosh you must have a lot of money to throw around for that kinda stuff. I had a place booked that decided last minute to sell on me and send me my money back and I had to scramble around last minute and found a place, and this place made me use their bar package which was a bit more expensive so I picked the beer and wine package...well you know the rest cause I've already repeated this part a million times.
So you're having a beer and wine package situation?
No, she's having a tacky guest situation. She's providing plenty of alcohol for her reception, it's just not good enough for her crowd to get drunk off of, so they requested a cash bar liqueur option.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Here's a legitimate question to what you just stated, I am having a cash bar and paid for it so there's no changing that. Is there a way to let people know that beer and wine is free but hard liquor is not in a tactful way so I don't have confused guests like you just mentioned? And do not say "don't have a cash bar" lol.
There isn't a "tactful" way to do this except to cancel the cash bar or to pay the bar tab.
What do you mean by that you've paid for it already?
If your venue was refusing to allow a limited bar, we would suggest posting a sign at the bar with the "hosted" options.
With a lot of your comments tonight, it honestly feels like you're only intention is to try to stir the pot and get people to argue with you. I'm not sure what you want from us or if you're serious about wanting advice.
OK I didn't answer you here. And I didn't ask you for more information to help you with options on the cash bar.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you
marry a Muppet Overlord.
i definitely hear what you're saying guys. i guess i just have to remember some people hold grudges (best term i could think of) forever sometimes. it's just hard for me to realize that because i'm the forgive and forget kinda person and try not to let things get in the way of relationships. i unfortunately have paid for the cash bar so there's no going back but i suppose if people get angry enough to hold this against me, maybe we weren't close enough after all.
You keep talking about having already paid for a cash bar. What does this mean? Setup fees? How much are you talking about? Can the venue apply the funds towards something else? Can you have them only set up things you are willing to post? The only time this is "too late" is after your wedding has passed.
I mean we've paid the final amount on the bar contract. It is paid in full. We paid for the beer/wine/soda package and for the cash bar and for the bartenders all in full. It was 1200 for all of it and no they cannot apply to something else because it's an outside company.
I don't get it. Just ditch the cash bar and serve the beer/wine/soda package. They'll still need the bartenders for it.
When's your wedding?
We've paid for it and signed the contract. My wedding is next Friday.
You still have the choice to stop the cash bar or pay for the alcohol consumed.
Look, I don't really understand what you want from us. You started posting out of nowhere 2 days ago about your wedding in a week with responses and questions that seem geared to stirring the pot and evoking responses that you can wave around as "rude".
You're posting on an Etiquette board. We know what etiquette is, we didn't make it up and we can't change it. I'm sorry you don't like it, but it still applies to you (and everyone else) regardless. We'll try to guide you to a solution if you want to be a proper host but honestly, I could care less what you do at your wedding and I feel like you're just giving us exercises when you intend to ignore what we suggest. All I'll say at this point is "good luck with your wedding"
i definitely hear what you're saying guys. i guess i just have to remember some people hold grudges (best term i could think of) forever sometimes. it's just hard for me to realize that because i'm the forgive and forget kinda person and try not to let things get in the way of relationships. i unfortunately have paid for the cash bar so there's no going back but i suppose if people get angry enough to hold this against me, maybe we weren't close enough after all.
You keep talking about having already paid for a cash bar. What does this mean? Setup fees? How much are you talking about? Can the venue apply the funds towards something else? Can you have them only set up things you are willing to post? The only time this is "too late" is after your wedding has passed.
I mean we've paid the final amount on the bar contract. It is paid in full. We paid for the beer/wine/soda package and for the cash bar and for the bartenders all in full. It was 1200 for all of it and no they cannot apply to something else because it's an outside company.
I don't get it. Just ditch the cash bar and serve the beer/wine/soda package. They'll still need the bartenders for it.
When's your wedding?
I didn't answer you here either.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you
marry a Muppet Overlord.
I understand that your wedding was an exception. My point is, when receptions are bad, it's almost never an exception. It's almost always because the hosts did a poor job and/or were incredibly selfish with their choices. Couples need to be aware that poor and selfish decisions may not be forgotten and may be held against them for a long, long time by many people.
Again, your situation was different - it was legitimately the special snowflake of "not enough food" situations.
Thanks, I guess I really needed someone outside of the situation to say it - even though my guests had told me not to worry. Just sucks when you do everything on your end and a vendor doesn't hold up their end of the bargain. :-)
That really does suck. I would be very honest in my reviews of the place after the fact if that happened.
i definitely hear what you're saying guys. i guess i just have to remember some people hold grudges (best term i could think of) forever sometimes. it's just hard for me to realize that because i'm the forgive and forget kinda person and try not to let things get in the way of relationships. i unfortunately have paid for the cash bar so there's no going back but i suppose if people get angry enough to hold this against me, maybe we weren't close enough after all.
You keep talking about having already paid for a cash bar. What does this mean? Setup fees? How much are you talking about? Can the venue apply the funds towards something else? Can you have them only set up things you are willing to post? The only time this is "too late" is after your wedding has passed.
I mean we've paid the final amount on the bar contract. It is paid in full. We paid for the beer/wine/soda package and for the cash bar and for the bartenders all in full. It was 1200 for all of it and no they cannot apply to something else because it's an outside company.
I don't get it. Just ditch the cash bar and serve the beer/wine/soda package. They'll still need the bartenders for it.
When's your wedding?
I didn't answer you here either.
Are you talking about the one question I asked about the tactful way to tell people I'm having a cash bar? Where I said "don't answer with 'don't have a cash bar'"? Cause all you did was tell me to not have a cash bar. Which I'm having one and wasn't asking for permission for that. Just wondering if anyone had any idea how to tell guests tactfully. But I got that answered by someone else so I've got that covered now too, thanks!
Well as family and friends they not only understand our situation, but they feel comfortable asking for something they may want. Which is why I took them up on their request for a cash bar.
You don't have a situation. You are not starving, you are not without shelter, you are having a wedding.
So you are going as far as to not only assume you know everything about everything for weddings, but now everyone's whole lives and everything in it? lol
It's enough to know that weddings are a luxury for everyone, not a "situation".
A lot of people have more to life than just their wedding lol. Which can affect planning and money.
I'm don't think you know what lol means. Or you don't know how to word correctly.
And that's exactly the point. There are a lot of things more important than your wedding. It is a luxury.
I know it means I'm laughing at people's ridiculousness. So if something happens in the middle or towards the end of planning that throws us for a loop we just drop the whole wedding and lose all the money we've put into it? Gosh you must have a lot of money to throw around for that kinda stuff. I had a place booked that decided last minute to sell on me and send me my money back and I had to scramble around last minute and found a place, and this place made me use their bar package which was a bit more expensive so I picked the beer and wine package...well you know the rest cause I've already repeated this part a million times.
So you're having a beer and wine package situation?
No, she's having a tacky guest situation. She's providing plenty of alcohol for her reception, it's just not good enough for her crowd to get drunk off of, so they requested a cash bar liqueur option.
i don't understand stand why multiple guests would even know the bar situation beforehand. but it is what it is.
Well as family and friends they not only understand our situation, but they feel comfortable asking for something they may want. Which is why I took them up on their request for a cash bar.
You don't have a situation. You are not starving, you are not without shelter, you are having a wedding.
So you are going as far as to not only assume you know everything about everything for weddings, but now everyone's whole lives and everything in it? lol
It's enough to know that weddings are a luxury for everyone, not a "situation".
A lot of people have more to life than just their wedding lol. Which can affect planning and money.
I'm don't think you know what lol means. Or you don't know how to word correctly.
And that's exactly the point. There are a lot of things more important than your wedding. It is a luxury.
I know it means I'm laughing at people's ridiculousness. So if something happens in the middle or towards the end of planning that throws us for a loop we just drop the whole wedding and lose all the money we've put into it? Gosh you must have a lot of money to throw around for that kinda stuff. I had a place booked that decided last minute to sell on me and send me my money back and I had to scramble around last minute and found a place, and this place made me use their bar package which was a bit more expensive so I picked the beer and wine package...well you know the rest cause I've already repeated this part a million times.
So you're having a beer and wine package situation?
No, she's having a tacky guest situation. She's providing plenty of alcohol for her reception, it's just not good enough for her crowd to get drunk off of, so they requested a cash bar liqueur option.
i don't understand stand why multiple guests would even know the bar situation beforehand. but it is what it is.
I am curious about this, too.
How did your guests know what the bar situation was going to be anyways? In other words, how did these requests for cash bars even come about?
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
Well as family and friends they not only understand our situation, but they feel comfortable asking for something they may want. Which is why I took them up on their request for a cash bar.
You don't have a situation. You are not starving, you are not without shelter, you are having a wedding.
So you are going as far as to not only assume you know everything about everything for weddings, but now everyone's whole lives and everything in it? lol
It's enough to know that weddings are a luxury for everyone, not a "situation".
A lot of people have more to life than just their wedding lol. Which can affect planning and money.
I'm don't think you know what lol means. Or you don't know how to word correctly.
And that's exactly the point. There are a lot of things more important than your wedding. It is a luxury.
I know it means I'm laughing at people's ridiculousness. So if something happens in the middle or towards the end of planning that throws us for a loop we just drop the whole wedding and lose all the money we've put into it? Gosh you must have a lot of money to throw around for that kinda stuff. I had a place booked that decided last minute to sell on me and send me my money back and I had to scramble around last minute and found a place, and this place made me use their bar package which was a bit more expensive so I picked the beer and wine package...well you know the rest cause I've already repeated this part a million times.
So you're having a beer and wine package situation?
No, she's having a tacky guest situation. She's providing plenty of alcohol for her reception, it's just not good enough for her crowd to get drunk off of, so they requested a cash bar liqueur option.
i don't understand stand why multiple guests would even know the bar situation beforehand. but it is what it is.
I am curious about this, too.
How did your guests know what the bar situation was going to be anyways? In other words, how did these requests for cash bars even come about?
because it's a smaller wedding with mostly family and they knew what happened with the venue situation and that we were only have the beer/wine package.
i definitely hear what you're saying guys. i guess i just have to remember some people hold grudges (best term i could think of) forever sometimes. it's just hard for me to realize that because i'm the forgive and forget kinda person and try not to let things get in the way of relationships. i unfortunately have paid for the cash bar so there's no going back but i suppose if people get angry enough to hold this against me, maybe we weren't close enough after all.
You keep talking about having already paid for a cash bar. What does this mean? Setup fees? How much are you talking about? Can the venue apply the funds towards something else? Can you have them only set up things you are willing to post? The only time this is "too late" is after your wedding has passed.
I mean we've paid the final amount on the bar contract. It is paid in full. We paid for the beer/wine/soda package and for the cash bar and for the bartenders all in full. It was 1200 for all of it and no they cannot apply to something else because it's an outside company.
I don't get it. Just ditch the cash bar and serve the beer/wine/soda package. They'll still need the bartenders for it.
When's your wedding?
I didn't answer you here either.
Are you talking about the one question I asked about the tactful way to tell people I'm having a cash bar? Where I said "don't answer with 'don't have a cash bar'"? Cause all you did was tell me to not have a cash bar. Which I'm having one and wasn't asking for permission for that. Just wondering if anyone had any idea how to tell guests tactfully. But I got that answered by someone else so I've got that covered now too, thanks!
Yes, where I responded by telling you there isn't a tactful way, but also offered an example of putting a sign of what IS hosted at the bar. I highlighted it for you a few posts up.
You can try to dictate the type of response you don't want, it doesn't mean you're not going to get it anyway.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you
marry a Muppet Overlord.
i definitely hear what you're saying guys. i guess i just have to remember some people hold grudges (best term i could think of) forever sometimes. it's just hard for me to realize that because i'm the forgive and forget kinda person and try not to let things get in the way of relationships. i unfortunately have paid for the cash bar so there's no going back but i suppose if people get angry enough to hold this against me, maybe we weren't close enough after all.
You keep talking about having already paid for a cash bar. What does this mean? Setup fees? How much are you talking about? Can the venue apply the funds towards something else? Can you have them only set up things you are willing to post? The only time this is "too late" is after your wedding has passed.
I mean we've paid the final amount on the bar contract. It is paid in full. We paid for the beer/wine/soda package and for the cash bar and for the bartenders all in full. It was 1200 for all of it and no they cannot apply to something else because it's an outside company.
I don't get it. Just ditch the cash bar and serve the beer/wine/soda package. They'll still need the bartenders for it.
When's your wedding?
I didn't answer you here either.
Are you talking about the one question I asked about the tactful way to tell people I'm having a cash bar? Where I said "don't answer with 'don't have a cash bar'"? Cause all you did was tell me to not have a cash bar. Which I'm having one and wasn't asking for permission for that. Just wondering if anyone had any idea how to tell guests tactfully. But I got that answered by someone else so I've got that covered now too, thanks!
Yes, where I responded by telling you there isn't a tactful way, but also offered an example of putting a sign of what IS hosted at the bar. I highlighted it for you a few posts up.
You can try to dictate the type of response you don't want, it doesn't mean you're not going to get it anyway.
i'm only trying to "dictate the response" to save people time because i'm not getting rid of the cash bar at this point. but you can keep telling me not to have it if you need to.
@cmelliott -- if you're not getting rid of the cash bar at this point, drop it. Be inconsiderate of your guests because you didn't properly budget your funds, but don't blame us for reminding you what properly hosting your guests looks like.
This question has been answered and is being taken care of. Thank you for your input !
I mean we've paid the final amount on the bar contract. It is paid in full. We paid for the beer/wine/soda package and for the cash bar and for the bartenders all in full. It was 1200 for all of it and no they cannot apply to something else because it's an outside company.
I don't get it. Just ditch the cash bar and serve the beer/wine/soda package. They'll still need the bartenders for it.
When's your wedding?
I didn't answer you here either.
Are you talking about the one question I asked about the tactful way to tell people I'm having a cash bar? Where I said "don't answer with 'don't have a cash bar'"? Cause all you did was tell me to not have a cash bar. Which I'm having one and wasn't asking for permission for that. Just wondering if anyone had any idea how to tell guests tactfully. But I got that answered by someone else so I've got that covered now too, thanks!
Sorry, but there's no tactful way to communicate something that's rude. And you don't get to choose how people on the webnetz respond to your post.
In other words, if you say, "hey ya'll, I want to drown my FI, but I'm just wondering if you think I should tie an anvil to his foot and push him off a boat, or if you think it'd be better to put rocks in his bathing suit and throw him into a pool?" People on forums get to respond however they want, even if all you were asking was off the boat or into the pool. They'll probably say, "well I can't really advise you on how to do that because it's wrong... so I'm going to go ahead and say don't drown your FI."
The thing with you is that you have been informed what proper etiquette is, you still have the choice whether to follow it and you've chosen not to. Because of that and with what you've revealed about your wedding in your thread-jacking and pot-stirring, it's simply not possible that your vision of "classic and elegant" will be accomplished. Certainly a cash bar and treating your WP and your guests the way you've outlined will fulfill an impression of your wedding, but I can guarantee that it will not be perceived as "classic and elegant."
I mean we've paid the final amount on the bar contract. It is paid in full. We paid for the beer/wine/soda package and for the cash bar and for the bartenders all in full. It was 1200 for all of it and no they cannot apply to something else because it's an outside company.
I don't get it. Just ditch the cash bar and serve the beer/wine/soda package. They'll still need the bartenders for it.
When's your wedding?
I didn't answer you here either.
Are you talking about the one question I asked about the tactful way to tell people I'm having a cash bar? Where I said "don't answer with 'don't have a cash bar'"? Cause all you did was tell me to not have a cash bar. Which I'm having one and wasn't asking for permission for that. Just wondering if anyone had any idea how to tell guests tactfully. But I got that answered by someone else so I've got that covered now too, thanks!
Sorry, but there's no tactful way to communicate something that's rude. And you don't get to choose how people on the webnetz respond to your post.
In other words, if you say, "hey ya'll, I want to drown my FI, but I'm just wondering if you think I should tie an anvil to his foot and push him off a boat, or if you think it'd be better to put rocks in his bathing suit and throw him into a pool?" People on forums get to respond however they want, even if all you were asking was off the boat or into the pool. They'll probably say, "well I can't really advise you on how to do that because it's wrong... so I'm going to go ahead and say don't drown your FI."
The thing with you is that you have been informed what proper etiquette is, you still have the choice whether to follow it and you've chosen not to. Because of that and with what you've revealed about your wedding in your thread-jacking and pot-stirring, it's simply not possible that your vision of "classic and elegant" will be accomplished. Certainly a cash bar and treating your WP and your guests the way you've outlined will fulfill an impression of your wedding, but I can guarantee that it will not be perceived as "classic and elegant."
This question has been answered and is being taken care of. Thank you for your input!
Sorry, but there's no tactful way to communicate something that's rude. And you don't get to choose how people on the webnetz respond to your post.
In other words, if you say, "hey ya'll, I want to drown my FI, but I'm just wondering if you think I should tie an anvil to his foot and push him off a boat, or if you think it'd be better to put rocks in his bathing suit and throw him into a pool?" People on forums get to respond however they want, even if all you were asking was off the boat or into the pool. They'll probably say, "well I can't really advise you on how to do that because it's wrong... so I'm going to go ahead and say don't drown your FI."
The thing with you is that you have been informed what proper etiquette is, you still have the choice whether to follow it and you've chosen not to. Because of that and with what you've revealed about your wedding in your thread-jacking and pot-stirring, it's simply not possible that your vision of "classic and elegant" will be accomplished. Certainly a cash bar and treating your WP and your guests the way you've outlined will fulfill an impression of your wedding, but I can guarantee that it will not be perceived as "classic and elegant."
This question has been answered and is being taken care of. Thank you for your input!
@KnotPorscha is it spamming to respond to every single poster with the same response?
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
Sorry, but there's no tactful way to communicate something that's rude. And you don't get to choose how people on the webnetz respond to your post.
In other words, if you say, "hey ya'll, I want to drown my FI, but I'm just wondering if you think I should tie an anvil to his foot and push him off a boat, or if you think it'd be better to put rocks in his bathing suit and throw him into a pool?" People on forums get to respond however they want, even if all you were asking was off the boat or into the pool. They'll probably say, "well I can't really advise you on how to do that because it's wrong... so I'm going to go ahead and say don't drown your FI."
The thing with you is that you have been informed what proper etiquette is, you still have the choice whether to follow it and you've chosen not to. Because of that and with what you've revealed about your wedding in your thread-jacking and pot-stirring, it's simply not possible that your vision of "classic and elegant" will be accomplished. Certainly a cash bar and treating your WP and your guests the way you've outlined will fulfill an impression of your wedding, but I can guarantee that it will not be perceived as "classic and elegant."
This question has been answered and is being taken care of. Thank you for your input!
@KnotPorscha is it spamming to respond to every single poster with the same response?
Not when every single poster says the same thing therefore I only have one response that I must repeat.
Sorry, but there's no tactful way to communicate something that's rude. And you don't get to choose how people on the webnetz respond to your post.
In other words, if you say, "hey ya'll, I want to drown my FI, but I'm just wondering if you think I should tie an anvil to his foot and push him off a boat, or if you think it'd be better to put rocks in his bathing suit and throw him into a pool?" People on forums get to respond however they want, even if all you were asking was off the boat or into the pool. They'll probably say, "well I can't really advise you on how to do that because it's wrong... so I'm going to go ahead and say don't drown your FI."
The thing with you is that you have been informed what proper etiquette is, you still have the choice whether to follow it and you've chosen not to. Because of that and with what you've revealed about your wedding in your thread-jacking and pot-stirring, it's simply not possible that your vision of "classic and elegant" will be accomplished. Certainly a cash bar and treating your WP and your guests the way you've outlined will fulfill an impression of your wedding, but I can guarantee that it will not be perceived as "classic and elegant."
This question has been answered and is being taken care of. Thank you for your input!
@KnotPorscha is it spamming to respond to every single poster with the same response?
Not when every single poster says the same thing therefore I only have one response that I must repeat.
Or you could just not respond to every single poster.
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
Re: Dry Wedding!?
You still have the choice to stop the cash bar or pay for the alcohol consumed.
Look, I don't really understand what you want from us. You started posting out of nowhere 2 days ago about your wedding in a week with responses and questions that seem geared to stirring the pot and evoking responses that you can wave around as "rude".
You're posting on an Etiquette board. We know what etiquette is, we didn't make it up and we can't change it. I'm sorry you don't like it, but it still applies to you (and everyone else) regardless. We'll try to guide you to a solution if you want to be a proper host but honestly, I could care less what you do at your wedding and I feel like you're just giving us exercises when you intend to ignore what we suggest. All I'll say at this point is "good luck with your wedding"
I feel like I'm on Candid Camera this week.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
When you host any formal event- dinner party, birthday party, black tie gala, etc, the proper etiquette is for you the host to provide your guest with meals, drinks, entertainment, etc. You should never charge them for anything or ask/expect them to provide anything.
This is why cash bars at wedding receptions are rude.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
Yes, where I responded by telling you there isn't a tactful way, but also offered an example of putting a sign of what IS hosted at the bar. I highlighted it for you a few posts up.
You can try to dictate the type of response you don't want, it doesn't mean you're not going to get it anyway.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.