Sorry, but there's no tactful way to communicate something that's rude. And you don't get to choose how people on the webnetz respond to your post.
In other words, if you say, "hey ya'll, I want to drown my FI, but I'm just wondering if you think I should tie an anvil to his foot and push him off a boat, or if you think it'd be better to put rocks in his bathing suit and throw him into a pool?" People on forums get to respond however they want, even if all you were asking was off the boat or into the pool. They'll probably say, "well I can't really advise you on how to do that because it's wrong... so I'm going to go ahead and say don't drown your FI."
The thing with you is that you have been informed what proper etiquette is, you still have the choice whether to follow it and you've chosen not to. Because of that and with what you've revealed about your wedding in your thread-jacking and pot-stirring, it's simply not possible that your vision of "classic and elegant" will be accomplished. Certainly a cash bar and treating your WP and your guests the way you've outlined will fulfill an impression of your wedding, but I can guarantee that it will not be perceived as "classic and elegant."
This question has been answered and is being taken care of. Thank you for your input!
@KnotPorscha is it spamming to respond to every single poster with the same response?
Not when every single poster says the same thing therefore I only have one response that I must repeat.
Or you could just not respond to every single poster.
This is a good point. However, not every poster reads every response so I get a lot of people yelling the same thing at me.
Sorry, but there's no tactful way to communicate something that's rude. And you don't get to choose how people on the webnetz respond to your post.
In other words, if you say, "hey ya'll, I want to drown my FI, but I'm just wondering if you think I should tie an anvil to his foot and push him off a boat, or if you think it'd be better to put rocks in his bathing suit and throw him into a pool?" People on forums get to respond however they want, even if all you were asking was off the boat or into the pool. They'll probably say, "well I can't really advise you on how to do that because it's wrong... so I'm going to go ahead and say don't drown your FI."
The thing with you is that you have been informed what proper etiquette is, you still have the choice whether to follow it and you've chosen not to. Because of that and with what you've revealed about your wedding in your thread-jacking and pot-stirring, it's simply not possible that your vision of "classic and elegant" will be accomplished. Certainly a cash bar and treating your WP and your guests the way you've outlined will fulfill an impression of your wedding, but I can guarantee that it will not be perceived as "classic and elegant."
OMG I about lost it over putting rocks in his bathing suit!!
still laughing - or LOL - even though it's been throughly overused in this thread! I love it! *Glad I didn't abandon reading this thread yet - I was sooooo close*
I didn't realize that it was small and petty to be a good hostess.
it's not. but an issue that 5 years later no one will remember is petty.
I remember every cash bar wedding I've been to.
I also remember every time someone made me pay for a diet coke at a wedding and I'm still judging the couples for that.
I just attended a wedding this summer that had more faux pas than you can imagine. A lot of it occurred before the wedding and as a result, they had to fill their guest seats with patrons of a bar they DJ at. For those of chumps proceeded to go to the wedding, it got worse throughout the night to the extent that these people are no longer welcome in my home.
You might think etiquette is archaic or that infractions are unnoticed and petty, but they aren't for everyone. I can deal with some of them, but they often add up.
Yup. I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar, but my parents STILL talk about how tacky the cash bar at a work friend's wedding in 1994 was.
So if you insist on doing a cash bar, know that some of your guests will be talking about the tackiness for nearly twenty years.
Oh and my parents never said anything to the couple in question. I'm sure the couple thought that "everyone was totally cool with the cash bar because they had the option to drink!"
That's because the guests are more polite than the couple. Our close friends got married in December. They had a cash bar, money dances, an unfortunate unvoluntary donation situation where someone at the table had to take out a $20 or higher, we danced with it and when the music stopped, the person holding it got to bring it to the bride. Some people had $50s, they didn't know they were giving it away and were too embarrassed to take it back. I heard one person ask "my gift wasn't enough?" It was an elegant wedding until the reception. Oh and I spent several days working on the sugarpaste cupcake toppers for her and still haven't gotten a thank you note.
We are still very close to the couple. We didn't stop being friends with them over this (I'd feel worse if I didn't know better and forked over money). But at the wedding, I kept having rude things happen that made me think about it then. And after, that's a lot of the experience that I reflect on for their wedding. Instead of "great cake, great dj, beautiful flowers, beautiful bride" I think "fundraiser wedding" before anything else. I haven't said a thing to them about it and they haven't heard anything either because all the other guests who were turned off didn't bother to say anything.
And we haven't said anything to the other couple who did so many rude things that we don't want their friendship anymore either. We're just not inviting them over anymore.
Whoa that is the worst type of "fundraising" I've ever heard of at a wedding! I'd be pissed!
@cmelliott -- why do you think that we're all saying the same thing in the first place?
Because no one can read. Therefore I have to repeat myself.
I'm sorry, are you implying I can't read? You did give your canned, repeated response to me, so I can only make that assumption. I'd hate to think you're tossing around personal insults like that when you've stated in previous posts that you think people are "negative" and "mean" toward other posters. Pot, meet kettle.
@cmelliott -- why do you think that we're all saying the same thing in the first place?
Because no one can read. Therefore I have to repeat myself.
I'm sorry, are you implying I can't read? You did give your canned, repeated response to me, so I can only make that assumption. I'd hate to think you're tossing around personal insults like that when you've stated in previous posts that you think people are "negative" and "mean" toward other posters. Pot, meet kettle.
Well there is a difference between defending myself against already unwarranted hatred and being rude to people who are only trying to comment or ask questions.
@cmelliott -- why do you think that we're all saying the same thing in the first place?
Because no one can read. Therefore I have to repeat myself.
I'm sorry, are you implying I can't read? You did give your canned, repeated response to me, so I can only make that assumption. I'd hate to think you're tossing around personal insults like that when you've stated in previous posts that you think people are "negative" and "mean" toward other posters. Pot, meet kettle.
Well there is a difference between defending myself against already unwarranted hatred and being rude to people who are only trying to comment or ask questions.
Unfortunately, it is a fact that cash bars are rude. We literally discuss this every week. Did you think that you wouldn't get hounded about it? Have you not seen how these threads go down before? Did you add that you're having a cash bar to your invitation and/or wedding website?
Everything is being taken care of. Thank you for your input!
@cmelliott -- why do you think that we're all saying the same thing in the first place?
Because no one can read. Therefore I have to repeat myself.
I'm sorry, are you implying I can't read? You did give your canned, repeated response to me, so I can only make that assumption. I'd hate to think you're tossing around personal insults like that when you've stated in previous posts that you think people are "negative" and "mean" toward other posters. Pot, meet kettle.
Well there is a difference between defending myself against already unwarranted hatred and being rude to people who are only trying to comment or ask questions.
So by defending yourself you feel the need to insult me by insinuating that I can't read and that I'm rude? I quoted our exchange below so that you can see I'm going to far as to use analogies to explain proper etiquette. I'd say I can read quite well. What I read is that, despite understanding proper etiquette, you are choosing to do something rude. You asked for a "tactful" way to do something rude. To which I responded it's not possible because it's rude.
I'm free to respond to whatever I want on the internet and I don't appreciate being told I "can't read" because you don't like my response.
Are you talking about the one question I asked about the tactful way to tell people I'm having a cash bar? Where I said "don't answer with 'don't have a cash bar'"? Cause all you did was tell me to not have a cash bar. Which I'm having one and wasn't asking for permission for that. Just wondering if anyone had any idea how to tell guests tactfully. But I got that answered by someone else so I've got that covered now too, thanks!
Sorry, but there's no tactful way to communicate something that's rude. And you don't get to choose how people on the webnetz respond to your post.
In other words, if you say, "hey ya'll, I want to drown my FI, but I'm just wondering if you think I should tie an anvil to his foot and push him off a boat, or if you think it'd be better to put rocks in his bathing suit and throw him into a pool?" People on forums get to respond however they want, even if all you were asking was off the boat or into the pool. They'll probably say, "well I can't really advise you on how to do that because it's wrong... so I'm going to go ahead and say don't drown your FI."
The thing with you is that you have been informed what proper etiquette is, you still have the choice whether to follow it and you've chosen not to. Because of that and with what you've revealed about your wedding in your thread-jacking and pot-stirring, it's simply not possible that your vision of "classic and elegant" will be accomplished. Certainly a cash bar and treating your WP and your guests the way you've outlined will fulfill an impression of your wedding, but I can guarantee that it will not be perceived as "classic and elegant."
This question has been answered and is being taken care of. Thank you for your input!
@cmelliott -- why do you think that we're all saying the same thing in the first place?
Because no one can read. Therefore I have to repeat myself.
I'm sorry, are you implying I can't read? You did give your canned, repeated response to me, so I can only make that assumption. I'd hate to think you're tossing around personal insults like that when you've stated in previous posts that you think people are "negative" and "mean" toward other posters. Pot, meet kettle.
Well there is a difference between defending myself against already unwarranted hatred and being rude to people who are only trying to comment or ask questions.
So by defending yourself you feel the need to insult me by insinuating that I can't read and that I'm rude? I quoted our exchange below so that you can see I'm going to far as to use analogies to explain proper etiquette. I'd say I can read quite well. What I read is that, despite understanding proper etiquette, you are choosing to do something rude. You asked for a "tactful" way to do something rude. To which I responded it's not possible because it's rude.
I'm free to respond to whatever I want on the internet and I don't appreciate being told I "can't read" because you don't like my response.
Are you talking about the one question I asked about the tactful way to tell people I'm having a cash bar? Where I said "don't answer with 'don't have a cash bar'"? Cause all you did was tell me to not have a cash bar. Which I'm having one and wasn't asking for permission for that. Just wondering if anyone had any idea how to tell guests tactfully. But I got that answered by someone else so I've got that covered now too, thanks!
Sorry, but there's no tactful way to communicate something that's rude. And you don't get to choose how people on the webnetz respond to your post.
In other words, if you say, "hey ya'll, I want to drown my FI, but I'm just wondering if you think I should tie an anvil to his foot and push him off a boat, or if you think it'd be better to put rocks in his bathing suit and throw him into a pool?" People on forums get to respond however they want, even if all you were asking was off the boat or into the pool. They'll probably say, "well I can't really advise you on how to do that because it's wrong... so I'm going to go ahead and say don't drown your FI."
The thing with you is that you have been informed what proper etiquette is, you still have the choice whether to follow it and you've chosen not to. Because of that and with what you've revealed about your wedding in your thread-jacking and pot-stirring, it's simply not possible that your vision of "classic and elegant" will be accomplished. Certainly a cash bar and treating your WP and your guests the way you've outlined will fulfill an impression of your wedding, but I can guarantee that it will not be perceived as "classic and elegant."
This question has been answered and is being taken care of. Thank you for your input!
My original question has been answered and is being taken care of. Thank you for your input!
@knotporscha - can you please clarify if replying with the same thing every single time, thread-jacking every single thread, and purposefully stirring the pot are against this community's TOS?
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
I try to respond to almost everyone who asks me a question. It's only kind.
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
I try to respond to almost everyone who asks me a question. It's only kind.
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
I try to respond to almost everyone who asks me a question. It's only kind.
Cash bars aren't kind.
Do you need me to repeat myself again? Cause if you make me do that, the others might mutiny against you.
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
I try to respond to almost everyone who asks me a question. It's only kind.
Really? Because you're coming off as needing to have the last word.
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
I try to respond to almost everyone who asks me a question. It's only kind.
Really? Because you're coming off as needing to have the last word.
No, I just try to respond when someone directs something at me.
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
I try to respond to almost everyone who asks me a question. It's only kind.
You aren't being kind. You are being kind of an ass, to be honest.
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
I try to respond to almost everyone who asks me a question. It's only kind.
You aren't being kind. You are being kind of an ass, to be honest.
By trying to respond to everyone? Gosh I just don't share the same view of what constitutes an ass as you do.
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
I try to respond to almost everyone who asks me a question. It's only kind.
You aren't being kind. You are being kind of an ass, to be honest.
By trying to respond to everyone? Gosh I just don't share the same view of what constitutes an ass as you do.
By responding with the same answer, yes you are coming off as an ass who as zobird stated seems to always have to have the last word. People have gotten it. You are doing a cash bar no matter what. So just let. it. go.
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
I try to respond to almost everyone who asks me a question. It's only kind.
You aren't being kind. You are being kind of an ass, to be honest.
By trying to respond to everyone? Gosh I just don't share the same view of what constitutes an ass as you do.
Yes. It comes off like you are trying to get in the last word. You aren't actually "responding" either. If you were responding to every post, that would be one thing, but you're just copy-pasting a canned response. It's unnecessary and rude to other users of the message boards to flood them with the same post multiple times.
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
I try to respond to almost everyone who asks me a question. It's only kind.
You aren't being kind. You are being kind of an ass, to be honest.
By trying to respond to everyone? Gosh I just don't share the same view of what constitutes an ass as you do.
By responding with the same answer, yes you are coming off as an ass who as zobird stated seems to always have to have the last word. People have gotten it. You are doing a cash bar no matter what. So just let. it. go.
I have let it go. Which is why I was trying to stave off all the harsh comments with the same answer of that it was taken care of. That was the reasoning behind the repeated statement. I'm not sure if everyone got that.
@cmelliott - we get it, your question has been answered and everything is being taken care of. Now why don't you stop acting like the troll you are slowly becoming and just ignore any and all further posts on this thread starting now.
I try to respond to almost everyone who asks me a question. It's only kind.
You aren't being kind. You are being kind of an ass, to be honest.
By trying to respond to everyone? Gosh I just don't share the same view of what constitutes an ass as you do.
By responding with the same answer, yes you are coming off as an ass who as zobird stated seems to always have to have the last word. People have gotten it. You are doing a cash bar no matter what. So just let. it. go.
I have let it go. Which is why I was trying to stave off all the harsh comments with the same answer of that it was taken care of. That was the reasoning behind the repeated statement. I'm not sure if everyone got that.
Then why keep posting and getting all butthurt about it? Log off. Go work on your seating charts. Recommending poor etiquette on the etiquette board gets you 8 pages of people telling you that you're being rude to your guests by having a cash bar.
I never recommended a cash bar, only the beer/wine option. So I never gave bad advice. I just made the mistake of mentioning at one point that I was having one myself. That's when everyone jumped on me.
@cmelliott - honestly, this thread will most likely die if you just stop responding. By responding with the same thing just irritated people more. No matter what you say people will still have harsh criticism for what you are planning for your wedding. At this point it is like watching a tennis match with no end in sight. Just walk away from this thread and I can almost guarantee that it will be dead by morning.
Re: Dry Wedding!?
That's because the guests are more polite than the couple. Our close friends got married in December. They had a cash bar, money dances, an unfortunate unvoluntary donation situation where someone at the table had to take out a $20 or higher, we danced with it and when the music stopped, the person holding it got to bring it to the bride. Some people had $50s, they didn't know they were giving it away and were too embarrassed to take it back. I heard one person ask "my gift wasn't enough?" It was an elegant wedding until the reception. Oh and I spent several days working on the sugarpaste cupcake toppers for her and still haven't gotten a thank you note.
We are still very close to the couple. We didn't stop being friends with them over this (I'd feel worse if I didn't know better and forked over money). But at the wedding, I kept having rude things happen that made me think about it then. And after, that's a lot of the experience that I reflect on for their wedding. Instead of "great cake, great dj, beautiful flowers, beautiful bride" I think "fundraiser wedding" before anything else. I haven't said a thing to them about it and they haven't heard anything either because all the other guests who were turned off didn't bother to say anything.
And we haven't said anything to the other couple who did so many rude things that we don't want their friendship
anymore either. We're just not inviting them over anymore.
Whoa that is the worst type of "fundraising" I've ever heard of at a wedding! I'd be pissed!
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
Really? Because you're coming off as needing to have the last word.