I've told my FI many times that I am against dollar dances. I do not want it and i think it's tacky. He said that it was up to me and if I didn't feel comfortable with it then that's fine. Now a few months later, he is telling me that he talked to his mom and his mom said that it's family tradition and to be prepared for it. I told him he'd have to tell them that it isn't happening. He got really defensive and he said it was messed up that i wasn't even considering his family traditions and what HE wanted. He also stated that in his culture that the groom dances the dollar dance with guest as well.
Well, we talked about it and he finally backed off the idea. I feel bad about it. He said all his family have always done it. But the majority of my family is coming from out of town and taking off work for the wedding. I just don't feel right including this in my wedding especially since they are spending so much money to come in the first place. His mom and him have both told me that I don't have to do it if I don't want to but be prepared that some of his family will do it even if i tell them no. What do i do? I don't want a problem on our wedding day but I know certain people in his family will do it. One of them is his grandfather who already can't stand me since i don't speak Spanish. He caused a scene at my FSIL in laws wedding and I am getting so much anxiety knowing he will cause a scene at mine as well if i refuse him? I'm just not comfortable with the idea of accepting cash for a dance with my family.
How do I handle this at my wedding? Make it clear to my family and most of his that this won't be happening and just accept my FI's grandfather? And how do I refuse this dollar dance but still let me FI and his family know that I respect their traditions?