Wedding Etiquette Forum

Another dollar dance question

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Re: Another dollar dance question

  • shelyg89 said: Maybe some people just need to be more open minded. Hence, the purpose of conversation boards. Weddings aren't supposed to be about sarcastic arguing. Just trying to help. @SunriseAmber I'm sure your wedding will be great and memorable, keep your mind on what's truly important, which isnt "proper etiquette", it's just getting married, having fun, and celebrating with those who are there to support you, dollar dance or not.  Actually, the point of this board is for couples to seek and receive correct and helpful advice that will make them look like class acts in front of their guests.  

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  • To add on to this at my FSIL's wedding the family passed around the grooms tie and every one had to pay $20 to get a cut of it. Literally an inch of his tie that probably cost $6.00. I couldn't believe it and told my FI not to give him any money considering we spent so much money to drive three states up, pay for a hotel, food, and take a day off of work. I'm pretty sure that some members of the family were contemplating chasing me out of there with pitch forks when I refused to give the money for that. My FI ended up paying it anyway. Where did the $20 inch tie go? The garbage.

    This is why I'm so concerned with the fact that the majority of the guests are his family and I'm saying HECK NO to this dollar dance.
  • Cristin343Cristin343 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited September 2013
    What culture is the money dance from? I had never seen this at a wedding or even heard of it before until my DJ asked us if we wanted to use it as a replacement for the bouquet toss/garter retrieval tradition that we are nixing (we will save the kinky stuff for private-thank you).  

    I am very curious to know where this money dance is considered acceptable. My family would laugh me out of my own wedding reception!

    Mow I'm even more curious to know what the "money dance" song is that you will ask the DJ not to play?



    Could it be. . . 
     image
  • @Cristin343 I believe it may be a Polish tradition but don't quote me on that.  It is a way for guests to help contribute to the couples HM or help give them a little extra start out their lives together.

    My feeling is if the guests want to give some extra money to a couple they don't need a dance to do it.

  • @Maggie - My FI's excuse for accepting money to dance is that getting handed money and dancing with the guest is more personal then the guest just putting money in a card in the box.  I still can't see dollar dancing being okay but I just didn't have an argument for this.
  • edited September 2013
    I'm curious too where the trend started too.
    On a side note -
    I was at a wedding where the groom's family was from Nigeria and they didn't have a dollar dance in the way we think of them, but whenever the couple was out dancing together to Nigerian music (not when the US pop music was played) they were showered with dollar bills. Guests would walk up and rub the dollar on their forehead and let them fail tot he ground. This was also done when the groom danced with his mother (their side was from Nigeria and the bride was American). The money was collected off the ground and it seemed it was reused by the guests in subsequent dances. It was clearly not a fundraiser, but a cultural tradition form their country - many guests had traveled form Nigeria in fact.

    I thought it was interesting to say the least. They incorporated a lot of traditions that I had never seen - it was really neat. And it was the only wedding I didn't groan when money came on for a wedding dance.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • @Maggie - My FI's excuse for accepting money to dance is that getting handed money and dancing with the guest is more personal then the guest just putting money in a card in the box.  I still can't see dollar dancing being okay but I just didn't have an argument for this.
    But why can't he just dance with his guests for free?  The guests are most likely already putting money in the card box.  The money dance is just a way for them to give more if they really want to.  But the only time guests give more is when a money dance happens.  So in my tired head it makes me think that the guests don't really want to give more money but they feel that they have to give more money because it is tradition, which is dumb.

  • I think the "dollar dance" as most American posters think of is originally Polish and/or Italian.
  • GypsyWife_GypsyWife_ member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    ive seen it at polish weddings and mexican weddings. my mom and my aunts all had one and their cousins also. i dont  think ive been to a family wedding without one.
  • @Maggie - My FI's excuse for accepting money to dance is that getting handed money and dancing with the guest is more personal then the guest just putting money in a card in the box.  I still can't see dollar dancing being okay but I just didn't have an argument for this.
    Well then he can hold the card box all night so the guests can personally hand him the money.

    On a less snarky note: I had lots of guests give me cash/checks/gift cards in lovely cards with handwritten sentiments that I get to keep in my wedding scrapbook.  Other guests were able to wish me well in person at the reception and we had plenty of special moments without a dollar dance begging for money. 
  • @Cristin343 I believe it may be a Polish tradition but don't quote me on that.  It is a way for guests to help contribute to the couples HM or help give them a little extra start out their lives together.

    My feeling is if the guests want to give some extra money to a couple they don't need a dance to do it.
    This is what my grandpa argues, since he's Polish, but I've also heard it's Hungarian, Mexican, and Scandinavian. So I'm starting to think it's an American tradition.
  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Money_dance

    Wikipedia isn't the most accurate but here's some history on the dollar dance.

    No dd for me! Thankfully everyone is on the same page.
    ~*~June 21, 2014~*~


  • I'm curious too where the trend started too.
    On a side note -
    I was at a wedding where the groom's family was from Nigeria and they didn't have a dollar dance in the way we think of them, but whenever the couple was out dancing together to Nigerian music (not when the US pop music was played) they were showered with dollar bills. Guests would walk up and rub the dollar on their forehead and let them fail tot he ground. This was also done when the groom danced with his mother (their side was from Nigeria and the bride was American). The money was collected off the ground and it seemed it was reused by the guests in subsequent dances. It was clearly not a fundraiser, but a cultural tradition form their country - many guests had traveled form Nigeria in fact.

    I thought it was interesting to say the least. They incorporated a lot of traditions that I had never seen - it was really neat. And it was the only wedding I didn't groan when money came on for a wedding dance.


    But at the end of the night who kept the money?

    Somewhat related to this- I was watching an episode of Four Weddings and they did something along those lines. They had some type of dollar dance and when the other 3 brides asked where the money went the bride said it all went to the band. It was a Greek wedding I believe. I'm sure the Greek guests (which made up the majority of the guest list) knew it was going to the band and not the couple, but still. People still get guilted into giving more money then they otherwise would have.

    I find it funny that everyone gets crazy over not having money dances (or other money related traditions) but don't give a damn if other non monetary traditions aren't followed. We live in a very money centered society so I guess this shouldn't surprise me.

     

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • As to the history, I would just like to add the in all cultures the Dollar Dance predates the modern 'Wedding Industrial Complex" with all its parties and showers and registries. Back in the day where you rented the local church hall, wore a handmade (or hand me down) wedding dress and the MOB and all the woman in the family cooked the food and baked the cake. This was when no one was 'expected'  to give a gift (still not expected, wedding gifts are 100% optional). The 'gift' was the money you gave to the couple during the dollar dance. It was to help them buy a house, or set up a household.

    Today, the WIC tells brides and grooms to see their guests as never ending sources of money who are expected to shell out money for an engagement party gift, shower gift, travel expenses, and a wedding gift. Tossing in a Dollar Dance just looks greedy. 

    But I get that tradition is important, so if you MUST have a dollar dance then book the church hall, cancel your shower and registry, return your fancy gown and get cooking. 



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  • acove2006 said:



    I'm curious too where the trend started too.
    On a side note -
    I was at a wedding where the groom's family was from Nigeria and they didn't have a dollar dance in the way we think of them, but whenever the couple was out dancing together to Nigerian music (not when the US pop music was played) they were showered with dollar bills. Guests would walk up and rub the dollar on their forehead and let them fail tot he ground. This was also done when the groom danced with his mother (their side was from Nigeria and the bride was American). The money was collected off the ground and it seemed it was reused by the guests in subsequent dances. It was clearly not a fundraiser, but a cultural tradition form their country - many guests had traveled form Nigeria in fact.

    I thought it was interesting to say the least. They incorporated a lot of traditions that I had never seen - it was really neat. And it was the only wedding I didn't groan when money came on for a wedding dance.




    But at the end of the night who kept the money?

    Somewhat related to this- I was watching an episode of Four Weddings and they did something along those lines. They had some type of dollar dance and when the other 3 brides asked where the money went the bride said it all went to the band. It was a Greek wedding I believe. I'm sure the Greek guests (which made up the majority of the guest list) knew it was going to the band and not the couple, but still. People still get guilted into giving more money then they otherwise would have.

    I find it funny that everyone gets crazy over not having money dances (or other money related traditions) but don't give a damn if other non monetary traditions aren't followed. We live in a very money centered society so I guess this shouldn't surprise me.

     

    I'm not sure, we didn't stay til the end. And i would not feel comfortable asking the groom after the wedding. One person told my mom the groom's mother got tge money from when she danced with him, but again it appeared they kept using the same money and I'm not even sure if that came from guests or they brought a "kitty" to start with. The Nigerias clearly knew what was going on and there was no suggestions or instructions to the rest of the guests to participate or pay.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • Not only is a DD shameless begging for money from your invited guests, there is also a name for women who dance in return for cash tips from men... 

    I say this as a woman from a Polish family who would rather remove her own appendix with a rusty spork than ever have or participate in a DD.
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