Dress uniform might not look formal enough...?

mrsbuzzlightyear · September 2013

Hello everyone! I'm hoping someone might have a suggestion for me since I really don't know how this works.

My fiance is Navy enlisted. Originally we figured he'd be wearing his dress blues for the wedding, and it would just be that simple. My mother has always been dead-set on him wearing a tuxedo (yeah, I know, it's not her wedding, but her opinion is important to me nonetheless.) Her opinion is that the dress blues are not going to look formal enough next to my big poofy ballgown. I can see that as a legitimate concern, sort of. Mom wants him to either rent a tux or buy the... fancy jacket thing for the uniform even though he would literally never wear it again, and he's not even sure how to get one because it's so uncommon to actually need one. I honestly can see the pros and cons of both sides (tuxedo vs dress blues) and am not entirely bothered either way, although I would sorta prefer the tux. But I know the dress blues could look pretty nice, take the confusion out of renting (he's stationed on the other side of the world and won't be home until a week before the wedding, so getting a rental may be a headache), and be one less expense we have to worry about. Originally he was pretty set on wearing his uniform, but then he liked the idea of a tux, and I think now he's back to wanting to wear his dress blues.

So I guess my question is, does anyone know how the 'matching formality' thing would work with his dress blues and my super-formal dress?

What uniforms did y'all have at your weddings?

Sammy0709 · September 2013

First, what is your husband's rank? Only sailors above a certain rank can wear the dress mess (tuxedo) uniform. It's also not as uncommon as you may think paople are just used to seeing the jumper and bell bottoms. There were a ton of people wearing the dress mess at DH's last ball. It can be found at any NEX and they sell silver buttons (for enlisted) to replace the gold ones if necessary. It is not, however, just a jacket. You have to buy special pants, accessories, etc. it comes to $500-$600 total.

My husband wore the dress blues (cracker jack sailor uniform) to our vow renewal. I had on a ball gown, his attendants wore tuxes, and no one looked out of place. For junior enlisted that uniform is as formal as it gets.

Finally, ask your fiancé what he prefers to wear. This isn't your mom's wedding. It's a wedding for you and your fiancé. If he wants to wear his dress blues then let him wear his dress blues. After all, he didn't tell you what dress to wear did he?

kyrgyzstan · September 2013

Your mom's opinion can be important to you about something else. It's your FI's wedding too and he can pick his own outfit. What if one of his parents was trying to control your dress? Ridiculous.

In addition, ITA with Sammy.

mrsbuzzlightyear · September 2013

Sammy0709 said:

First, what is your husband's rank? Only sailors above a certain rank can wear the dress mess (tuxedo) uniform. It's also not as uncommon as you may think paople are just used to seeing the jumper and bell bottoms. There were a ton of people wearing the dress mess at DH's last ball. It can be found at any NEX and they sell silver buttons (for enlisted) to replace the gold ones if necessary. It is not, however, just a jacket. You have to buy special pants, accessories, etc. it comes to $500-$600 total. My husband wore the dress blues (cracker jack sailor uniform) to our vow renewal. I had on a ball gown, his attendants wore tuxes, and no one looked out of place. For junior enlisted that uniform is as formal as it gets. Finally, ask your fiancé what he prefers to wear. This isn't your mom's wedding. It's a wedding for you and your fiancé. If he wants to wear his dress blues then let him wear his dress blues. After all, he didn't tell you what dress to wear did he?

Mom did a Google search for the "fancy jacket uniform" as we've been calling it. FI didn't mention that there was a rank association with that uniform, so thank you for letting me know -- every time we've discussed it, he's the one who says it's too expensive (a valid point) or that it's hard to come by (which I did kinda doubt, honestly). That's actually kind of a relief-- between those two, I much prefer the crackerjacks.

I'd always envisioned it with him wearing the crackerjacks. Honestly I had never seen an issue with that until Mom brought it up (and, like so many mothers, she is difficult to reason with, especially since she's footing most of the bill for the whole thing).

As for what FI *wants* to wear... he has flip-flopped on it, and part of my asking about the formality was so that I could maybe kinda have something to persuade him to actually make a decision... he's one of those "it's your day, I'm just there to say 'I Do' and pose for pictures" kind of guys. Which is obnoxious because I need him to have opinions on things, y'know? When we talked about it a little bit ago, he seems to be firmly back on the dress-blues train, which is fine by me as long as he'll make a freaking decision. And like I said. Going with that is soooo much easier.

Thank you for answering my question! I really appreciate it!

iluvmytxrgr · September 2013

Technically, the formality of the Crackerjacks is equal to that of a tux. If it were my mom, footing the bill or not, I'd tell her to stow her opinion on his uniform.

LDubHawksFan · September 2013

No immediate military experience here....but what does your FI want? Honestly no one else gets the ultimate say in what he or his GM wear. Even if your mom is paying. If he wants to wear his dress blues, he should be allowed to and get no flack whatsoever. It is an honor.

kmmssg · September 2013

As a retired vet and 4 time MOB I agree that your mom needs to butt out. She gets no say whatsoever on what he wears. Keep that convo between you and FI and tell her you will let her know what he decides.

Dress uniform might not look formal enough...?

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