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Cash bar question

Birdie344Birdie344 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm curious on what, if anything, I need to do regarding a cash bar. I'm going to be sending out my wedding invitations in a few months and just thought about this. We will have our ceremony then a cocktail hour, where there will be free wine and beer served but after that, during the reception, we will have a cash bar. I don't want my guests to end up not being able to drink because they didn't bring cash so is this something I should add in the invitation? Or maybe on the response card just add a little something on the bottom, like (cash bar only) just to give my guests a heads up? Or should I not even worry about it? Thanks for any useful advice!
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Re: Cash bar question

  • dramamonkeydramamonkey member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    Don't have a cash bar, please. It's bad form - etiquette wise (there are countless other threads about it on here that detail why). 

    I can understand the (financial) reasons behind it, but it's better to have the rest of the reception be dry than have a cash bar. 

    If you can afford it, try to make it beer/wine for the rest of the reception. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Replan your event so as not to have a cash bar at any time.  Your guests should not have to pay for drinks or anything else; that's your job.  Expecting them to pay is rude.  Read through the post referenced in JoanE2012's post above.
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  • Birdie344Birdie344 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Ok well the other options would be to put a certain amount down, say $500-$1000 on the bar and after that money is spent THEN the guests would need to buy their alcohol. Or pay for beer and wine, assuming its in the same range and if anyone wants hard liquor, THEN they pay for that. So that being said, what would be a good way to let guests know to bring cash? Thanks!
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  • cmelliottcmelliott member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    You're not going to get an answer since technically a cash bar is bad etiquette and this is the etiquette forum so they're all going to tell you to not have a cash bar. However, I'm having a cash bar and I'm going to include it on my wedding website and I've made a facebook event for it and I posted it on there. But don't put it on the invite, just like you wouldn't put "kids only" on the invite. You can also spread it around word of mouth, I did that too.
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  • Birdie344Birdie344 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I don't see it as expecting my guests to pay for ANYTHING, they are not obligated to buy alcohol, I would though like to give them the option though. I did read the thread posted above. Thank you. I will take this all into consideration.
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    If your crowd isn't heavy drinkers, could you have a consumption bar instead of a cash bar? That would be cheaper than an open bar. Having just beer and wine hosted would be fine, too, but then hard liquor shouldn't be available at the bar at all. The thought is that you are hosting your guests - basically a wedding reception is a really fancy dinner party. You would never invite people to a dinner party, serve pasta and chicken, and then tell your guests that if they paid extra they could have lobster, right? Cash bars and partially hosted bars work on the same principle.
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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Birdie344 said:
    Ok well the other options would be to put a certain amount down, say $500-$1000 on the bar and after that money is spent THEN the guests would need to buy their alcohol. Or pay for beer and wine, assuming its in the same range and if anyone wants hard liquor, THEN they pay for that. So that being said, what would be a good way to let guests know to bring cash? Thanks!

    Birdie344 said:
    I don't see it as expecting my guests to pay for ANYTHING, they are not obligated to buy alcohol, I would though like to give them the option though. I did read the thread posted above. Thank you. I will take this all into consideration.
    But if I start out with hosted drinks, I will expect them all night, and suddenly being told I have to pay for a drink that I didn't have to pay for 30 min before and not having cash would be quite embarrassing for me.  

    Host what you can afford.  If that is only beer and wine, so be it.  If it is only pop and juice, so be it.  If it's full bar/top shelf, so be it.  Since your reception is a thank you to your guests, they should not have to pay for anything there.  If they helped you move in exchange for beer and pizza, would you charge them $5 for each beer they wanted, or by the slice??  Same idea.  There is nothing wrong with having a dry wedding, or limited alcohol at your wedding, so long as it is hosted.  My cousin just had her wedding, beer and wine only.  Everyone still had a blast.  

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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Either you host all of the alcohol for you guests or you have a dry wedding and you offer you guests water, juice, etc.  Do not have a cash bar at your wedding.  It is incredibly rude.  I know that one PP already referred you to this post, but I am seconding that as I am not sure if you read it or not:
    image
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Birdie344 said:
    I'm curious on what, if anything, I need to do regarding a cash bar. I'm going to be sending out my wedding invitations in a few months and just thought about this. We will have our ceremony then a cocktail hour, where there will be free wine and beer served but after that, during the reception, we will have a cash bar. I don't want my guests to end up not being able to drink because they didn't bring cash so is this something I should add in the invitation? Or maybe on the response card just add a little something on the bottom, like (cash bar only) just to give my guests a heads up? Or should I not even worry about it? Thanks for any useful advice!
    http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/995381/cash-bars-everything-you-need-to-know-in-one-place/p1

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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Birdie344 said:
    Ok well the other options would be to put a certain amount down, say $500-$1000 on the bar and after that money is spent THEN the guests would need to buy their alcohol. Or pay for beer and wine, assuming its in the same range and if anyone wants hard liquor, THEN they pay for that. So that being said, what would be a good way to let guests know to bring cash? Thanks!
    Neither option works.  Having any part of your reception cash bar is awful.  You are hosting your guests.  You wouldn't ask them for money for drinks out your house, right?  Well, same goes for a wedding.   

    This is why it's very important to work out your budget FIRST so you can book a venue you can afford with the open bar if it's that important to you.  And if you still can't afford it, save up for it! 
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  • fallbride99fallbride99
    First Comment
    It really is the worst etiquette. I wanted to do this and was quickly shut down. It's tacky and untasteful. We are doing an open bar for cocktail hour and then beer and wine the rest of the night. Good luck!
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    @fallbride99, why not just host beer and wine all night? It's much better etiquette than having liquor available for part of the night, and then you're hosting absolutely what you can afford.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Lizzieyounce said:
    Oy Vey.

    The rudeness!  It burns!




    Where is there any rudeness?
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  • Fran1985 Fran1985 member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    NYCMercedes said:
    Lizzieyounce said:
    Oy Vey.

    The rudeness!  It burns!




    Where is there any rudeness?
    Having a cash bar = rude, I think that's what she was referring too. 

    image
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  • allispainallispain member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    aurianna said:
    Switching from hosted alcohol to cash bar can cause problems for you:

    You'll have people who will get things from the bar for free and then later in the night they might go back and order not realizing it is no longer hosted. Best case they are caught off guard and have to dig for their wallet when they weren't expecting to; worst case they don't have cash / don't want to pay for a drink so they have to give it back. It can be a really embarrassing moment for your guests and as a good hostess you should want to avoid those.

    Also you're likely to have a rush on the bar close to the switch over. This might put a damper on your wedding schedule and also cause discomfort for your guests because there will be crowding at the bar and long lines.

    You could potentially also have guests who assumed the bar would be open all night who don't get any drinks at cocktail hour only to be disappointed to go to the bar after dinner and find out they missed the hour they were being properly hosted.


    It's really in everyone's best interest to be consistent. Either do hosted beer & wine throughout or do a dry wedding.

    I know you aren't forcing anyone to spend money, but the problem is that it really isn't fair to flash something nice in front of your guests at their thank you party that you aren't actually offering. It's somewhat of a tease. Also, in a way, you're inadvertently making it so that your richer guests with more expendable income will be able to potentially have a better time at your wedding than the others. You really should give all of your guests equal treatment which stops happening when certain features of your wedding cost money.

    I know you're trying to be a good host by giving the option to drink, but it's really not rude to not serve alcohol, however it is rude to expect guests to pay for it if you do serve it.
    I've never seen anyone use this argument before against a cash bar, but I love it and think it makes so much sense. @grumbledore can you edit your original post on your cash bar thread to add this to the list of reasons not to have a cash bar?
    image
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    @allispain - I'll try, I do think it's a good point.

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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @fran1985, Thank you
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  • Fran1985 Fran1985 member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Haha no worries, I know we are all expecting the "y'all are so ruuuuuuude! Its her day! She can do whatever she wants! Why should she have to get her guests drunk?? its her special daaaaaay. Im having a cash bar and all 300 of my guests have said it's totally find because they LOVE me." 

    image
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Birdie344 said:
    Ok well the other options would be to put a certain amount down, say $500-$1000 on the bar and after that money is spent THEN the guests would need to buy their alcohol. Or pay for beer and wine, assuming its in the same range and if anyone wants hard liquor, THEN they pay for that. So that being said, what would be a good way to let guests know to bring cash? Thanks!
    That isn't an option either.  Nothing should be available for purchase at your wedding.  Offer what you can afford, and then close the bar.  

    There is no acceptable way to tell guests to bring cash, because it is incredibly rude to charge guests for anything, ever.  
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Birdie344 said:
    Ok well the other options would be to put a certain amount down, say $500-$1000 on the bar and after that money is spent THEN the guests would need to buy their alcohol. Or pay for beer and wine, assuming its in the same range and if anyone wants hard liquor, THEN they pay for that. So that being said, what would be a good way to let guests know to bring cash? Thanks!
    That isn't an option either.  Nothing should be available for purchase at your wedding.  Offer what you can afford, and then close the bar.  

    There is no acceptable way to tell guests to bring cash, because it is incredibly rude to charge guests for anything, ever.  
    More like offer what you can afford or close the bar.

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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2013
    Birdie344 said:
    Ok well the other options would be to put a certain amount down, say $500-$1000 on the bar and after that money is spent THEN the guests would need to buy their alcohol. Or pay for beer and wine, assuming its in the same range and if anyone wants hard liquor, THEN they pay for that. So that being said, what would be a good way to let guests know to bring cash? Thanks!
    Birdie.....let's say you got a gift card to your local movie theatre.  Half way through the movie, the lights go up and you hear the following announcement.  "Will all patrons here on gift cards please shell out $20 if you wish to view the remainder of the movie".   Can you begin to see how this translates to the cash bar scenario?
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  • LizzieyounceLizzieyounce member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2013

    DSCN0078 [URL=http://s1247.photobucket.com/user/LizzieYounce123/media/Dip.jpg.html][IMG]http://i1247.photobucket.com/albums/gg634/LizzieYounce123/Dip.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
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  • LizzieyounceLizzieyounce member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    NYCMercedes said:
    Lizzieyounce said:
    Oy Vey.

    The rudeness!  It burns!




    Where is there any rudeness?
    Sorry, I wasn't clear enough.  I was talking about the OP.
    DSCN0078 [URL=http://s1247.photobucket.com/user/LizzieYounce123/media/Dip.jpg.html][IMG]http://i1247.photobucket.com/albums/gg634/LizzieYounce123/Dip.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Birdie,

    Cash bars to ANY extent are not an option.  Not serving alcohol at all IS an option.

    If you don't want to pay for all of it, then you need to not provide it.
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