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Invites are out, RSVPs are coming in & parents keep wanting to add more people...

orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Long story short:

Parents are paying for part of wedding, probably 40% to our 60%

-Had been asking parents for list of people to invite since 1/1
-Gave a deadline for invitees from parents for Mid June.
-Save The Dates went out in July (requires travel for many guests)
-Parents invited 4 more people, after deadline
-Invites went out 9/16 to max number that venue can handle (including the 4 extra-making us cut 4 others- we did not over invite)
-RSVPs have come back & so far all are "Yes".
-Heard over the phone last night (9/23) when on the phone from Dad yelling from other room "Tell her we'll let her know other people we'd like to invite!"...my immediate response to my mom was "we can't send any more out! we'd be over capacity!" my mom repeated it to my Dad.

Now I'm feeling A) like a JA for having that knee-jerk response B) like we should try to make this work...I mean, 100% of our invited guests aren't going to be able to come...right? Who has a 100% RSVP rate...? 

Should I over-invite(which would include reaching out to the previously cut 4) & is that "b" listing?
Should I stand firm because I gave them ample opportunity to invite folks?

What is your advice?



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Re: Invites are out, RSVPs are coming in & parents keep wanting to add more people...

  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Definitely DO NOT over invite.  Seriously, there are tons of horror stories on the boards of people scrambling because they had more people RSVP yes than their venue can hold.

    Don't B list.  Also rude.  You already sent out invitations, so any extra sending would be B listing.

    I would stand firm on this.  Explain to your parents the capacity issue and why B listing is rude.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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  • simplykaylasimplykayla member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Definitely don't over invite. Getting an 100% RSVP rate is very possible, and you don't want to be stuck in that awkward position of being over capacity on your guest list.

    At this point, invitations have gone out. So yes, adding people right now is not a good idea. It's not technically B-listing, as you aren't replacing new people with ones who have said "No", but it's still not something you should do. You gave your parents plenty of time to get in who they wanted to invite, and now it's too late.

    Stand firm. You gave them plenty of time, they gave you their list, invites went out, and that's all there is to it. Over inviting is always, always a bad idea. Especially if you literally cannot fit any more people in your venue. Just don't risk it.
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Stand firm with them and don't over invite. It would be a far worse situation if they all accepted than if you didn't invite people your parents didn't think to include on the initial list. Venues have fire codes that they have to adhere to and capacity is the absolute maximum. The 4 you had to cut are gone, don't think about them any more. :-) GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    All excellent advice. Thank you!
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Don't over invite.  Also, your parents had plenty of time to give you their guest list.  They can't just keep coming up with people to invite because you would become over capacity and people would feel like they were B listed because they were casually invited a few days before the wedding...
    image
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    You take advice like a champ. A+.
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    OP, did the 4 that got "cut" receive STDs?



    Anniversary
    image

    image
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  • orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Actually, no-we didn't send Save the Dates to everyone. To give us flexibility. But I have spoken with one of them about the wedding (she was planning her's too), and had gathered their addresses.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    At this point I'd tell your parents that the guest list needs to be considered closed.  Anyone you invite at this point would consider themselves b-listed and that's rude.  Not to mention that if you're at capacity, you can't fit them in.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    orwhatuwill said:
    Actually, no-we didn't send Save the Dates to everyone. To give us flexibility. But I have spoken with one of them about the wedding (she was planning her's too), and had gathered their addresses.
    Did you tell them that you wanted their address for your wedding?  In that case I think you need to invite them.  You essentially extended them a verbal STD.



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  • KickAssMOHKickAssMOH member
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    My dad did the same thing. I compromised when I could, but I stood my ground when it got to the point that you are at now. In parents' defense - sometimes they just don't GET the types of parameters that event planning sets in place. My dad just asked me to change his meal order last night (my orders/headcount was due yesterday morning) and I said "too late buddy". Regardless of what the last-minute "ask" is, you always end up with that little bit of guilt wishing you could've done what your parents asked for and just made them happy but sometimes you just can't.  
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Stand firm, if these people were that important to your parents, they would have included them in the initial list that they gave you. You actually have to stand firm, you can't risk having more people rsvp yes then your space can accomodate, you will run into issues with your venue.
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  • orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper

    scribe95 said: Definitely stand firm. Just a note though - if you called someone up and asked for address for a wedding invite then you should have invited them. that is pretty rude. I 100% agree, and felt sick about it since posting. Last night we decided to send their invites, because it felt like the right thing to do. We are now 4 over, and we will see what happens. Worst case, we're 4 over and work on a creative solution with our venue or break the contract/lose the deposit and find a new venue. Best case, some of the folks with plus ones decide to take each-other (there are some inklings that this may actually be in the works).     No more invites now, though.
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  • orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    4 over the capacity of the venue. I have a couple folks that I really just don't think will be able to make it (some folks from college that are across the  with new kids, etc.). We'll see what happens!
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2013

    4 over the capacity of the venue. I have a couple folks that I really just don't think will be able to make it (some folks from college that are across the  with new kids, etc.). We'll see what happens!

     

    STUCK IN THE BOX!  Anyway I would hope the venue could accomadate 4 more people, and I am glad that you did the right thing in inviting them.  Although you should always plan for 100% attendance...just saying.  Maybe you will get lucky enough that some people decline, otherwise you may have quite the headache in two weeks if you over your venue capacity!

    Edited for spelling/clarity

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