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Break time!

AschiveAschive member
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in Not Engaged Yet
Hey ladies. I am hoping I am not overstepping my welcome by continuing to post, but I just wanted to say that this next week is when I am visiting home and taking a break from my relationship. It is going to be a week of no communication, and I will be at my parents house from this Saturday to next Sunday. I am nervous that it is only going to make things worse though. But at the same time I am excited to catch up with my family. 

Well some other news that I got is that my manager said that if I could switch my availability I could get ~40 hours/week, and a raise! I talked to my BF and he agreed that it would be a really good idea. Plus with this new schedule it gives us time apart during the day, but it will take away our weekends.... Oh well I am willing to sacrifice for full-time and a raise.

Any tips on making a break more successful/afterwards? Thanks for all of the good advice on my previous posts!
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Re: Break time!

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'll preface my advice by saying I've never taken a break during a relationship. Now with that said, during the break I think it will be important to figure out how you make yourself happy, what activities, goals, hobbies do you do that give you some fulfillment in life? And once you find those don't let them slip away after the break. I have a lot of friends who just become so absorbed in their relationship that they lose themselves in it. I would imagine that a break would allow you to figure out what's important outside of the relationship.


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  • CLoGreenEyesCLoGreenEyes member
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    I agree with @bethsmiles. Use your break to strike a good balance between time together and time alone. Both are good for you in moderation, both are bad for you in excess. Also use it to reflect on how meaningful your relationship is to you: how does it change your day to day life without seeing or talking to him? Do you miss him? What good things are there in your relationship that you value? All of this will motivate you do do the right things for each other when the break is over.
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  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
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    I agree with @bethsmiles, too. I spent a large part of my teens and 20's trying to get a relationship and keep it, but with very little thought for whether it was actually the RIGHT relationship. Once I grew up a little, and learned what made me happy and what I needed from a relationship, the focus was less on keeping the relationship going and more on building a healthy relationship.
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  • lennonkdclennonkdc member
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    Try not to think of relationships as a zero sum/ all or nothing thing not just during your break but after it as well. The break isn't a 'break up' its just time away to get perspective, which we all need from time to time. 

    The lesson of my late teens/early 20's was that no relationship should be your 'whole world', and I don't just mean a romantic relationship, but all relationships. One has to find the balance between time with their family, friends, romantic partner and themselves. Use this time away to observe where your balance points are. How much 'family time' do you need? When (if you do) do yo miss your BF and what do you miss? What don't you miss? 

    If none of this makes sense, its b/c I have taken a lot of DayQuil...sorry....



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  • phiraphira member
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    So I've taken a break, and I've had a couple of friends (literally--two friends who were dating) who did it as well. After my break, which was more of a sustained break-up, we broke up for good. My friends got back together for a month and then broke up for real.

    I'm not trying to scare you with this info. Just, I've done the break thing and know people who have.

    Yay for the raise + increase in hours, by the way! That's spectacular.

    I wanted to second something that @cu97tiger said. A lot of people (especially women) are taught to spend a lot of time finding a long-term relationship that'll result in marriage, and a lot of people (ESPECIALLY women) are taught to do whatever it'll take to make sure that relationship DOES result in marriage.

    Basically, we're not taught to evaluate our relationships very well, or how to figure out when a relationship is worth leaving. I've stayed in some unhappy relationships (not HORRIBLE ones, just ... frustrating, unhappy ones) because I've spent so much time an energy working on the relationship. I was told relationships were hard work, so I was willing to put in that hard work. The problem is that, while every relationship requires some work, BAD relationships require a lot of work, too.

    Honestly, the easiest way I could tell that I was unhappy in those past relationships was that I was stressed out a lot when we spent time together. If we were apart, and we weren't communicating with each other (e.g. if one of us was on a trip with no internet), I'd become less stressed.
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  • AschiveAschive member
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    Thanks for the suggestions! They are really good points that I did not think to pay attention to!
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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
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    So did you get on birth control yet?

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  • AschiveAschive member
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    No I have not. I haven't even really thought about it since I decided to go on a break. But I am going to while I have a week off.
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  • AschiveAschive member
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    Anyone from the WI/MN area and know how to get the government aid for birth control? I am just looking into it and I can't seem to find any information on how to get started.
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
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    I still maintain that you need to contact Planned Parenthood because they will have access to your local government resources.
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  • AschiveAschive member
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    Ok. I looked online and the closest one to me is 2 hours away so I am really not looking forward to having to go there if I need an appointment through them.
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
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    You could call them and ask about what local programs are available, though ...
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  • AschiveAschive member
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    Yeah I realized that after I pressed submit...
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  • lennonkdclennonkdc member
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    are you enrolled in a state school? You can get it information through the schools health services...



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  • Blackbird230Blackbird230 member
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    Any school/university usually has some sort of health center or somewhere you can get access to birth control at.

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