Wedding Etiquette Forum

Vow Renewal

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Re: Vow Renewal

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-after-civil-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddfd7024-a93b-4a3d-985a-1300c2f2c79cPost:d2d75f10-4f0b-451e-a8bf-b2a2e551f39d">Re:Vow Renewal</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm choosing not to argue with someone who is not in my shoes, to whom no explanation is owed, and I would encourage the OP to do the same.
    Posted by Deneigelovescats[/QUOTE]

    Honestly, this says to me that you know what you're doing seems AW-ish and gift grabby, you know that you should be making adult decisions and sticking to them, but you just want to stick your fingers in your ears and go "la-la-la-la." Maggie presented a very clear and well thought out argument as to why do over weddings are a bad idea. If you truly believe in your point, you could present a similarly thoughtful and articulate argument as to why they're not. Your response is just childish.

    BTW - Maggie - I agree with everything you said.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-after-civil-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddfd7024-a93b-4a3d-985a-1300c2f2c79cPost:45f8e220-9ef0-4bff-aad8-92b6785e9ece">Re:Vow Renewal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Vow Renewal : Honestly, this says to me that you know what you're doing seems AW-ish and gift grabby, you know that you should be making adult decisions and sticking to them, but you just want to stick your fingers in your ears and go "la-la-la-la." Maggie presented a very clear and well thought out argument as to why do over weddings are a bad idea. If you truly believe in your point, you could present a similarly thoughtful and articulate argument as to why they're not. Your response is just childish. BTW - Maggie - I agree with everything you said.
    Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]


    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/7/e2d138bc-d36d-4a44-9769-536aab0e94ea.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"><img style="width:103px;height:48px;" src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/7/e2d138bc-d36d-4a44-9769-536aab0e94ea.medium.jpg" alt="" width="141" height="71" /></a>

    And thank you for writing exactly what I was thinking but just did not have the energy to type!

  • I meant no disrespect to anyone I simply meant that I didn't want to further debate because in my personal situation the matter is not up for debate. I shared my similar experience with the OP so she could get another point of view. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. Best of luck to everyone on here.
  • I know that it's hard to  not be able to have something you always dreamed of.  But I think it's better to embrace the fact that you are married and continue your life as a wife with a celebration of the marriage and not an adult version of a school play where you re-enact what you did before with costumes and a script.  I am not trying to be harsh, just honest.  And the fact is that, unless someone gets stricken with amnesia or a time machine is invented there is truly no way to start over again.  Time moves on.  The fact will remain that a wife is already married and the first experience can never be relived.  Once that is accepted then a true celebration can be had without the wedding industry pressure to have something like on the tv show four weddings.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewal-after-civil-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddfd7024-a93b-4a3d-985a-1300c2f2c79cPost:23199163-358d-4b99-bbf1-e875a246fa22">Re: Vow Renewal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal : PPD = pretty princess day. It is the term used when brides want to dress up and redo their wedding and call it a "vow renewal". Welcome to the club ;). When is your vow renewal?
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    <div>A bit away- May 9, 2015 (Our true anniversary is May 14th, on a week day) We are hosting our renewal festivities just before our fifth wedding anniversary. However, Joe and I started dating May 9, 2009- so it's still a significant date <3</div>
  • In Response to Re:Vow Renewal:
    I say enjoy your beautiful day! If anyone you invite feels it is inappropriate they don't have to attend. As far as the term PPD that is thrown around on these boards in such judgmental fashion, I ask what's wrong with being a princess for one day? You went to the courthouse due to a pregnancy and your husband being deployed. Perfectly acceptable reasons and I don't think that means you lose your opportunity to have the big day you've dreamed of. Reach out to some military brides who have held similar events, they would probably have far better insight and compassion. Just because everything works out for some women the first time around doesn't mean those of us who have engagements that fall during difficult times are forced to give up our dreams! I can share these opinions due to the fact that my fianc I are planning a small home ceremony due to my father being in home hospice after a courageous battle with brain cancer. Next spring we will have the "wedding" we always dreamed of, although the ceremony will be a vow renewal and all of our guests will be aware of that. I will wear a wedding dress we will have bridal parties and our families are so supportive of all of this, and encourage it! Bottom line: Your husband served our country, have the big day you deserve.
    Posted by Deneigelovescats
    I am sorry but I disagree whole heartedly with your post.

    As for reaching out to military brides, why don't you ask what they think about wedding do-overs over on the military bride board and let me know what they say.  They will most likely disagree that it is ok to have a do-over wedding because a couple decided to get married quickly due to deployment or for any other military reason.

    As an adult you have to make choices.  Sometimes those choices involve giving up certain things.  OP and her H decided to get married at the courthouse for some very good reasons.  However, by making this choice she also made the choice to have to whole shabang of a wedding.  That is life, you can't have your cake and eat it too.  If OP really wanted the whole shabang then they should have waited until they were able to have the wedding that they really wanted.  There are no special cases where getting married quickly at the courthous and then having the big "wedding" some years later is ok.

    As for your case, poster, I am so very sorry to hear about your Father.  I can't even imagine how hard that is to go through.  But you and your FI are making a choice to get married so that your Father will be there to see it.  No one is saying that you can't have a big party later to celebrate your marriage but to play "bride" for a day with all the bells and whistles when you are already married is ridiculous.  Have a big party, where a pretty dress just not a bridal gown, have some great food, great music, great booze.  Dance hte night away.  Dance with your H.  Have a fun cake.  Heck, higher a photographer to capture the memories.  But anything to do with a wedding (wedding party, spotlight dances, cake cutting, bouquet/garter toss, and a huge bridal gown) should be left out because this is not a wedding it is a vow renewal and treating it as a wedding, IMO, makes it seem that you regret your real wedding, you know the day you actually got married.  And that without this reenactment your marriage just isn't as great as it would have been with the big party 

    You make choices and you have to live with the results of those choices.

    I know that this is most likely late and will never be read, but I am an ex-military wife and I know a lot of military couples do a little JOP and when they can afford it later and accurately have the time (constant moving, deployments, etc.) the couple has a bigger wedding with the cake, dress, dance, etc.  So if the OP and her husband want to have a bigger wedding with all of the extra stuff fine.  It isn't up to one individual person to decide whether or not a couple can have a more special wedding.

    To the OP good luck girl with everything in life that you and your hubby will be faced with.  Also please thank your hubby for my fiance and I for keeping our country safe.

    Best wishes to you.
  • Excuse me but who is anyone to say you can't do a renewal. After how many years. If you want to do a spotlight dance or whatever. Go for it. You can do what ever you want. Ok so you have three years n a baby. Have someone be a DJ for you get your music together then when it's time dance with your dad. And then dance with the child n hubby. Make a new tradition. I am going to do the same my 3rd marriage Jp civil ceremony. You'd be surprised at what people will do to help n be a part of your day.
  • I don't care how many military couples "do a little JOP and when they can afford it later has a bigger wedding".  It's still nonsense, just like it is in every single other context.

    Married is married is married is married is married.

    You want to get married to get military or tax or insurance benefits?  Get married.  But anything you do from that point forward, regardless of what you call it, is a sham and lie.  

    And, frankly, I'm tired of these little girls [as opposed to grown women] whining about how they "had" to get married because they needed insurance or wanted military benefits. You don't get it both ways.  If you want the benefits that come with marriage, you must take on the responsibilities.  

    One of which is pulling up your big girl panties and acknowledging the fact that you are now a wife, not a bride.
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